


Next to your Heartbeat (where I should be)

by jaded25



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A bit of Zouis, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blowjobs, Bottom!Harry, Cheating, F/M, Fingering, Fluff, It's not just a PWP, Jealousy, Lies, Love Triangles, M/M, Only a kiss or two, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Sneaking Around, Some shitty behaviour on everyone's part, Top!Harry, Unsafe Sex, a bit of angst, bottom!Louis, break-up, handjobs, top!Louis, zouis friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-02 04:10:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 130,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4045405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaded25/pseuds/jaded25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We were meant to be but a twist of fate made it so we had to walk away"</p>
<p>All it takes for them to fall in love is one night. All they have to do is wait one year to see each other again.</p>
<p>Yet, when Louis returns after his year abroad, the boy who's got his arms wrapped around Harry isn't him. It isn't a stranger either, which should make walking away all that easier. After all, friend's don't lust after their mate's boyfriends. </p>
<p>Technically, doing the right thing should be easy - but when has Louis ever been known to taking the easy way out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wait for me to come home

**Author's Note:**

> If your moral compass points straight North, this might not be something you want to read. 
> 
> For most of this story people will cheat and sneak around with others who are decidedly NOT their respective boyfriends. People will lie to their best friends and people will do stupid, immoral things (because they fell in love with the 'wrong' person). If that’s not your cup of tea, I can totally understand that, just please don’t come to me after you’ve read this and argue with me about shitty behaviour, double standards and twisted morals, please. You have been officially warned.
> 
> Please bear in mind that this is a work of FICTION!
> 
> Yes, breaking-up with the one you’re with when you find out you’re in love with someone else would be the logical, easy, and right thing to do. But  
> A) this is fictional so there’s no easy, quick fix  
> B) relationships like these do (unfortunately) exist. And sometimes, people make the wrong decisions even though they technically know what’s right simply because they don’t want to hurt the other person (which they will eventually anyway in the long run - but you catch my drift…)

The white porcelain is thumping ever so slightly with the heavy beat under his hands, providing a welcomed chill for his overheated skin.

Louis has tried to stay on the happy side of drunk, knowing damn well that if he gets plastered the 22 hours flight from London to Sydney will turn out to be an even greater hell than it already is. It’s just hard to convince the rest of his friends though, especially since this is his grand ‘going-away’ party and they all seem to have vowed to celebrate it in style. Niall keeps pushing drink after drink in his hands and Louis has a hard time saying no to those Irish puppy dog eyes Niall’s been giving him all night long.

He only managed to escape another round of toxic coloured shots with an excuse of desperately needing the bathroom. Now he’s been hiding in here for fifteen minutes already, hoping that Niall eventually gave up on the idea to force even more liquor down his throat. Usually Louis wouldn’t mind, would probably be dancing on the bar by now, but he didn’t spend an exorbitant amount of money for business class tickets only to spend the entire flight crouched over the toilets some thousands feet above the ground.

God, it sucks to be sensible.

Splashing some cold water in his face, Louis frowns at his reflection. His carefully styled quiff looks more like a sweaty, ruffled mess but there’s not much he can salvage; it’ll hopefully be too dark to notice and even if, most people don’t look much better than him.

He sighs and is about to go back outside when the door is sweepingly slammed into his face, sending Louis flying.

“Oops! Oh shit… I am so, so, so sorry! Fuck!”

He groans and sends a silent prayer up to heaven that the floor has been wiped recently.

“Oh God… can I… does it hurt? Are you bleeding?” Someone crouches in front of him, shaking him gently.

Louis opens his eyes, still cupping his nose. All he sees is green for a second before his vision comes back into focus; there’s a bloke hovering in front of him, some brightly coloured bandana holding the mess of brown curls back and a concerned frown etched across his face.

All this registers somewhere in the back of his mind, while he’s still staring into the brightest, greenest eyes he’s ever seen. Louis is a sucker for pretty eyes and those are stunningly beautiful.

“Hi,” is the best he can come up with though, which… yeah, very eloquent.

“Hey… are you okay?” the guy sits back a little. “I got you pretty hard there.”

“You certainly know how to make an entrance.” Louis finally lowers his hands, looking at his fingers and sighing in relief when there’s no trace of blood.

The other boy chuckles and reaches out tentatively, “May I?”

Louis doesn’t have a clue what he’s asking for but he nods anyway. Soft hands tilt his chin up towards the dim light, giving the other one a chance to inspect the damage. “No blood and I didn’t give you a black eye at least.”

“Not for a lack of trying,” Louis says with a smirk when Curly lets go of him.

“I am _really_ sorry about that,” the other boy emphasizes once again.

“It’s alright,” Louis waves him off and eventually the bloke gets up, extending a helping hand to Louis.

Although he seems to underestimate how light Louis is because he pulls him up with a lot more force than necessary, causing Louis to bump his nose on the next hard surface: the stranger’s chest.

“Oh… I… didn’t mean to… sorry,” the boy sounds deeply embarrassed.

“You seem to have a thing for knocking me off my feet,” Louis peeks up, swooning only a little when he realizes that the other one is almost a head taller than him. If he ever so slightly runs his hands across the stranger’s chest, leaning in a little bit to catch the scent of his cologne than that’s only his business.

“A boy can only try,” Curly giggles, staring down at Louis with a soft look in his eyes.

He has to take a small step back then, the close proximity making his head swim worse than any of the shots he drank that night, skin still tingling from touching and slightly intoxicated from the heady mix of the boy’s cologne and very own scent.

“I know this is a little… umh, unconventional but… I’d love to buy you a drink,” the stranger says and Louis should really say no. Meeting beautiful boys in club bathrooms is a recipe for disaster and he _is_ leaving the country in less than twelve hours.

He should say no. What comes out of his mouth is a “I’d really like that, yes.”

Curly gives him a bright, gorgeous smile before he points towards one of the stalls. “I just need to…,” this time Louis catches the soft tint of pink on his cheeks.

“Take your time.”

“You’ll wait, right?”

Louis laughs and points towards the sinks, “Right there.”

“Good,” the boy shoots him another glance over his shoulder before he locks the door and Louis turns frantically towards the mirror. His nose is a little red from coming into contact with a door, his hair still a mess and there’s a stain of undefinable origin on his white shirt.

Shit, if Louis had known he would meet the most beautiful boy to ever walk this planet tonight he’d worn his best ‘fuck-me’ jeans and a low cut top to show off his collarbones and tattoos. Now he has to work with some saggy blue jeans he didn’t wear for over two years and some ratty shirt because all his other stuff is packed up already. 

He’s still trying to fix his unruly hair when the door opens again and the guy stumbles out, looking relieved when he sees Louis didn’t in fact run but is still standing there. “You’re still here.”

“I was promised a drink, you know.”

“That you were,” the boy agrees, making it sound like Louis could ask for a lot more than just a drink and easily get it. He waits patiently while the green-eyed stranger washes his hands, trying to check him out without being too obvious. Long legs, slender hips and a narrow waist but broad shoulders and nicely defined arms – Louis didn’t know creatures like this still existed or roamed the earth being single – which he guesses the boy is since _he_ asked _him_ out for a drink.

They both reach for the door at the same time.

“I don’t trust you with doors, Curly,” Louis explains when he shoves him to the side gently, holding said door open for the other boy, “After you.”

The other boy laughs but goes without protest, reaching for Louis’ hand as soon as they step out into the crowd again.

Louis hopes he can’t feel him jump when long, slender fingers wrap around his wrist but fuck, that touch was almost electric.

He’s glad that he’s trailing slightly behind the guy, his broad shoulders smoothing their way through the crowd, while Louis takes a couple of seconds to compose himself. It’s not like he’s never been with pretty boys before or has never been chatted up in a club but something is different about that guy, he just can’t put his finger on it yet.

“So what’s your poison?” The guy has to lean in close in order to be heard over the thumping music.

“Gin Tonic”

“A classic,” he sees the guy smile and then hang half way over the bar, shouting his orders towards a startled barkeeper. Anyhow, it works and their drinks arrive within seconds.

Trying to have a conversation in a club isn’t easy; trying to have a conversation in a packed club close to the speakers is almost impossible. They try anyway, resulting in Curly basically pressed to Louis chest, lips ever so slightly touching Louis’ neck and ear. He doesn’t know whether it’s accidental or with intent but it leaves him on edge in the best possible way, keeping all his senses on high alert and solely focused on the guy in front of him.

“I don’t mean to be forward but… want to go somewhere else?” The guy looks at their empty drinks. “I’d really like to talk to you without having to shout in your ear. I mean, I already knocked you out, pushed you around and basically whipped my dick out in front of you, so as far as first impressions go this one was probably the worst I ever left but… maybe I can try and salvage it a bit? And not only appease you with alcohol?”

Louis has to smile at that, putting their empty glasses on the bar and reaching for the guy’s hand, “Let’s go.”

He doesn’t say goodbye to Niall, who he hasn’t seen for ages now that he cares to look for him for a split second, nor does he stop to send Zayn a text or inform Liam of his early departure. He’ll see them at the airport tomorrow anyway.

Curly takes the lead once again, making his way determinedly through the crowd and Louis has to tug at his wrist a little harder once they’re outside to get his attention.

“Listen, I need to clear something up…”

“Okay…?”

“I won’t go home with you.”

His green eyes widen suddenly and the blush is back. “I… oh… I didn’t mean ‘going somewhere else’ like that… like… oh God… I wouldn’t mind but umh… I actually… like… I just wanted to talk to you properly?”

Louis can’t help but laugh at his cute rambling. “I didn’t mean to imply you had a one track mind.”

“It could have been easily misunderstood,” Curly admits. “But my intentions were pure for once. Although… just out of curiosity – why can’t you go home with me?” His eyes widen comically. “Wait, there’s not an angry boyfriend – or girlfriend – you just left in that club and who’s now on the warpath to kill me?”

“No. If it’d be a boyfriend in my case, but no. I’m single,” Louis runs his hand through his hair. “It’s just… shitty timing. I’m actually scheduled to leave tomorrow morning.”

Curly doesn’t seem too fazed by that. “Oh? Cool… where are you going? I mean, if you want we could meet up when you’re back?”

“Sydney. I’m leaving for Sydney tomorrow and I’ll be gone for a year, studying abroad for two semesters. Don’t think you’d want to wait that long just for a date…” Louis says and for the first time he really doesn’t want to leave.

“Sydney… that’s… wow.”

“Yeah. Wow.” It doesn’t come out half as enthusiastic as it should.

The other guy stubs his shoe against the pavement, chewing his lip and Louis thinks that’s it. He basically  told the bloke there was no sex tonight, not even a chance for a blowjob and on top of that, even if they’d continue to get on as well as they did during the last hour, there’d be no chance for a proper first date for another twelve months. Not even the most hopeless romantic waits that long.

Then Curly looks up with a sincere smile and bright eyes. “But we still have tonight, yeah?”

*

They roam the streets together, strolling through the residential areas where everyone is fast asleep before they make their way to London’s city center where the lights become brighter and they start to encounter people instead of straying cats.

Louis buys them some tea to warm their cold fingers with, snorting it rather unsexy through his nose when Curly makes him laugh hard enough. He retaliates by buying the most horrid cupcakes from a 24/7 bakery, so dry that the first bite gets stuck in Curly’s throat and Louis is five seconds away from offering mouth to mouth when the other boy spits it out with a wheeze.

Curly shows Louis all his favorite spots and both boys are surprised once they realize that they both frequent the same bar but have so far never bumped into each other. It becomes a little clearer as to why when Curly explains that he mostly goes there for the open mic nights which Louis had so far avoided with a passion because he hates nothing more than wanna-be singers who can’t hit a note even if their life depended on it. His company only stops complaining when Louis says he’d make an exception for him and promises to come to hear him sing.

He’s not half as opposed to the idea as he tries to make the other boy believe, his mind already running wild with imagining how that deep and gravelly voice would sound singing some ballad. The shiver which runs down his back has nothing to do with the freezing temperatures of the London winter and when Curly grabs his hand and leads Louis through parts of the city he’s never been to, he follows without a second thought.

*

They end up on some rooftop, Louis is pretty sure that there’s some breaking and entering involved but so far, no police cruisers have shown up.

Lying side by side on the cold concrete, they watch as black turns into grey and eventually into a dusty blue and it’s only then that Louis realizes they’ve still to let go of each other’s hands. He doesn’t make a move.

“So one year?” The other boy breaks the silence, turning his head slightly to look at Louis.

“One year,” he confirms.

“That sucks.”

“Yes,” he can totally agree with that, glad that the other boy feels the same.

Louis tried not to think about what the morning would hold, tried to simply enjoy the other boy’s company and for the most part it worked. Now though, the sky is turning blue and the stars are starting to fade. The city is waking up around them and quicker than he’d like, Louis will have to go, will have to leave. It’s a good memory, great even, but he doesn’t want it to be _just_ a memory. Louis wants this to be so much more, the start of something great maybe.

“When are you coming back?”

“January next year. On the 10th.”

“That bar… 17Black?” Curly waits for Louis’ nod. “Meet me at the bar on the 11th January. 8pm.”

“That’s insane. You don’t even know what’ll happen in a year, if you’re still in London, if you still remember me, if you still want to see me in a years’ time… this is crazy! I can’t ask you to wait a whole year!”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering,” the boy says, totally unfazed by Louis little outburst.

“But…” Curly rolls onto his side, half hovering over Louis, obscuring his view of the dawn. Louis can honestly say he likes the new sight better, those green eyes being much more fascinating than any sunrise.

“I want to see you again. Don’t care if it’s in a week, a month or a year. This night…,” he looks down at Louis with a question in his eyes and Louis slowly nods.

“Yes. Me too. Best night ever.”

“So in a year… you and I. 17 Black. 8pm. Don’t make me wait. Don’t forget it.”

This is crazy. Insane. It’ll never work, things like that don’t happen. Louis isn’t Hugh Grant, this isn’t some movie. Life doesn’t work like that, _Louis’_ life doesn’t work like that.

“Promise,” he says and Curly’s smile is far brighter than the distant sunrise, blinding Louis.

“I am going to kiss you now,” the boy informs him.

“I’d like that.”

The guy inches closer and Louis naturally reaches out, finally running his hands through the silky curls and pulls him closer, closer, closer until cool lips are touching his.

Curly’s lips are soft and plump, a gentle, teasing drag across Louis’. He kisses like he has all the time in the world, like morning isn’t upon them, like Louis doesn’t have just minutes left. He kisses with careful intent, like he wants to command Louis’ taste and the feel of his lips to memory. He kisses Louis with a sigh on his lips and a moan on his tongue when Louis finally gives in and lets him deepen the kiss.

He kisses like this is only the beginning and not the end.

Louis has never been kissed like that in his entire life and he knows he never will be again.

When the boy pulls back and smiles at him, Louis is so, so gone.

They don’t say another word, just silently look at each other until Louis gets up with a heavy heart, reaching for Curly’s hand for the last time.

*

“11th January, 8pm,” the boy says when they’ve climbed down from their ivory tower, back to the real world. There are cars honking, people pushing past them but Louis is still standing frozen in place, fingers laced with a boy he met some mere hours ago and who he can’t imagine living without for even another minute.

“Ask for-", Louis reaches out quickly and places his finger over those plush, pink lips. “No. No names. I will find you, Curly.”

“Curly?” The boy grins. “Is that what you kept calling me? I like it.”

“Very fitting, mmh?” Louis reaches out and pulls one of those corkscrew curls.

“Now I feel bad for calling you ‘short stuff with a great ass’ in my head.”

“You didn’t!” Louis laughs. “Although it is a great ass.”

“That is very true…,” suddenly the boy turns shy again, lowering his gaze to the pavement. “I called you ‘love’. In my head.”

“Love,” Louis repeats. “I like that a lot.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

He’s about to lean in once more but the ringing of his mobile startles them and when he checks the display, he sees Zayn’s name flashing across it.

“You need to go?” Curly guesses.

“Yes, already running a bit late to be honest.” The thing is, he really, really, _really_ doesn’t want to go, can’t quite imagine to ever let go of Curly’s hand. “Alright… I should…”

“Wait!” the boy quickly reaches inside his jacket, inside his shirt and struggles to get something out of it.

When he’s finally managed to pull it over his head, Louis sees that it’s a slim, silver necklace with a small paper airplane as pendant.

“Please?” the boy looks at him and Louis doesn’t usually wear necklaces, doesn’t really wear any kind of jewelry but he nods and the boy places the necklace over his head, smoothing it against his chest. Even though he’s wearing a jacket, Louis could swear he can feel the boy’s body heat radiating of the silver chain. “So you have something to remember me by.”

“I wouldn’t forget you,” he squeezes the hand a little tighter. “So what are you going to remember me by?” The boy grins and quickly unwraps Louis’ dark green silk scarf from his neck, pressing it to his face.

“This,” he smiles cheekily. “I’m taking this and I’m not giving it back.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

They both take a deep breath, letting go of each other at the same time. Louis immediately feels lost.

“11th January,” Curly says and takes a step back.

“8pm,” Louis says.

“17Black,” another step.

“The boy with the guitar.”

“Promise you’ll remember me.”

“Always. Don’t forget me,” Louis says and the boy shakes his head wildly, pressing the scarf to his heart.

“Never,” then he whirls around and ducks into the crowd, gone as fast and sudden as he came.

Louis is left alone on the sidewalk, hand curled tight around a necklace.

 

Louis has met a couple of pretty boys, has been chatted up in clubs and bars before.

Never has he spent a night like this with anyone. Never will he ever again.

Louis has met a couple of pretty boys before.

Never has any of them managed to run away with his heart.

Louis doesn’t want it back.

 

*

 

_1 year later_

Australia is – _was_ – great.

After a little rocky start due to being a bit homesick and missing his friends a lot, Louis decided to make the best of it. After all, the idea for a year abroad didn’t come by chance: Louis mum had gone through a messy, hostile divorce and while she technically still lived in Doncaster with Louis’ five sisters and brother, he had spent almost every other weekend driving up there from London to help her out with his siblings. Combined with the pressure of exams and coursework, it had been a couple of stressful, hard months.

He’d been rather relieved when his mum found a new job with a rather lavish salary, allowing her to send his two oldest sisters to boarding school and also enabling her to afford a nanny for his younger siblings while she was out for work.

In the end, everything worked out somehow but it did take a toll on him and when he mentioned the year abroad to his mum she told him to do it, no questions asked. Louis had been a little hesitant but she assured him that they were out of the woods now, and that he really should start focusing on himself and his studies again. So if he had the chance to study at the University of Sydney for a year he should “bloody well take it and enjoy it” as his mum put it.

It wasn’t really a question after that; there was no boyfriend holding him back and he knew that no matter how far or long he’d be gone – Zayn, Liam and Niall, his three best friends since toddler days – would still be there.

So Louis decided to take a chance and in the end it was probably a good choice. No one knew anything about his background, past or family, he could basically reinvent himself, do as he pleased. Thus he jumped right in, made new friends, travelled across the country during his breaks and perfected his surfing.

He and Liam had taken up the sport during a trip to Portugal with their parents when they’d been barely thirteen and it had stuck. After that, Louis made sure to at least go to the beach once a year and catch some waves – whether it was in England, Spain, Portugal or any other country with a coastline.

Living close enough to Bondi and Manly Beach to catch a wave every morning and evening (and sometimes even in between when Louis didn’t feel like attending any lectures) and with Byron Bay and the Gold Coast close enough to spend the odd long weekend or break there, it took him barely half a year to become good enough to attend some minor rookie competitions for fun.

It took another couple of weeks for some label to approach him, inviting him around for a trial shoot.

Louis had a right laugh when they told him with sad faces that he was unfortunately too short and curvy for fashion shows and the runway but they’d really like to work with him for some surf adverts. Modelling had never been his dream and after the first couple of photo shoots Louis was quite certain it’d never become his passion either but he got free clothes out of it and the pay was rather generous.

Zayn turned purple from laughing so hard when Louis told him about his new sideline job, so he nearly choked when Louis waved his first paycheque at the camera during one of their Skype sessions. He decided then and there that as of now, Louis would have to buy him drinks until the end of his life.

So Australia was great; Louis earned a shit load of money by doing what he loved, he got to travel the country, he aced his courses and meet a ton of new people – so no matter how frequently and persistently his friends would ask, Louis could never tell them what they’d been waiting to hear: No, he hadn’t met someone, no he hadn’t fallen in love.

It wasn’t for a lack of offers, he’d been on numerous dates throughout his time in Australia, had met a couple of boys he could have seen himself fall in love with. Somehow it just never happened. Not because Louis knew his time in Sydney was limited but somewhere in the back of his mind, the image of brown curls, green eyes and soft, pink lips still lingered.

A silver necklace with a paper airplane pendant he never took off being a silent reminder that Louis for once didn’t forget any of his stuff but still managed to leave his heart in England.

It was a foolish, insane and crazy thing – to even believe that after a year the green eyed boy would still think of him like Louis did. To hope that Curly would really show up at that bar, to wish that there’d be still this ridiculous attraction, this magnetic pull between them.

Australia had been great but now Louis was ready for something foolish, insane and crazy.

 *

Pushing his trolley through the last sliding doors, Louis is momentarily blinded by the florescent lights before his eyes adjust and he scans the crowd.

And of course there’s a slender, dark haired bloke leaning against a pillar, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips and looking bored as hell.

It doesn’t fool Louis, especially when a smile tugs at the corners of those lips and the boy pushes himself off of the pillar, trying for casual but he’s walking a tad too fast for it.

Louis abandons his luggage and hugs Zayn hard.

Fuck, he missed this so much. Zayn smells of smoke, of his favorite Armani perfume and the cold London rain. Zayn smells like home.

“You absolute tit! You are such a vain bastard, Lou!” Zayn pulls back reluctantly and eyes his outfit. “You do know that it’s January aka winter. And not the Australian winter with temperatures around the 20°C but with something close to 0°C!”

“So?” Louis grins and Zayn shakes his head before he whacks him over the head with a black jumper he brought along.

“Come on, cover up, Mr. Supermodel,” he pulls at the flimsy shirt Louis is wearing and shakes his head at his black cargo shorts. “You’ll freeze to death and I won’t come to your rescue, you dumbtart. Now stop showing off your spray tan and get dressed so we can leave. I parked the car under a stopping restriction sign and I don’t feel like getting towed.”

“Spray tan?” Louis struggles into the jumper, grinning again when he notices it’s one of Zayn’s favorites. Aww, bad boy missed him. “I have you known that nothing about this gorgeous, toned body is fake!”

Zayn groans but takes Louis backpack without being forced at gun point and yes, Zayn definitely missed him a fuckton as well.

They make their way through Heathrow, Zayn lighting up as soon as the cold air hits them. He shoots Louis a curious glance when he digs through his pockets, taking out his own cigarettes.

“I thought you turned into some kind of pro surfer gone model, mate?”

“Who told you that bullshit?” Louis doesn’t even ask, he just sneaks his hand in Zayn’s jeans and takes his lighter. “I’m a piss-poor student who just happens to look amazing.”

“I’ll let it go for today, since you’re probably jetlagged and a little confused – different country, different city, different people and all. But if I catch you admiring yourself in the mirror for longer than ten seconds in the near future I will shave your head in your sleep, got me?”

“What? Can’t deal with another vain bastard, can you? Title is already taken by Mr. Malik, huh?”

“I’ll show you a vain bastard,” Zayn reaches out and Louis isn’t quick enough. He nearly burns a hole into his best mate’s leather jacket when he’s caught in a headlock, Zayn ruffling his too long hair.

“I didn’t miss you and your loud mouth at all.”

“Love you, too” Louis tells Zayn’s hip, still being held in a chokehold. “I’m glad to be back.”

“Glad you’re back, too,” Zayn mumbles quite enough to be ignored when he lets go of Louis, flinging his backpack into the car. _Louis’ car,_ how he damn well notices.

“Stole my car as well, Zaynie? Will I come home to an empty flat because you pilfered all my furniture and clothes as well?” Something crosses Zayn’s face, a look Louis can’t quite place, gone too fast to recognize it.

“What do you take me for? I sold all your shit, Tomlinson, treated myself to a Spa-day.” He helps Louis load the car, bags and two boards he bought and brought back a tight squeeze but somehow it fits into his Audi.

Louis doesn’t argue, lets Zayn take the wheel and just rests his feet on the dashboard, turning up the heating because, damn it is really cold. He’s glad Zayn brought the jumper for him.

They drive mostly in silence, sky having already turned a darker shade of blue though it’s only around 5pm, but winter in London is always a mixture of the darker shades of blue, fizzling out into grey.

Zayn grows a little restless the closer they come to Louis’ flat, shooting him nervous glances but lips pressed in a tight line. He’s been away for a year but he can still tell when something is wrong, the tense line of Zayn’s jaw a dead giveaway. Before he can ask though, Zayn has stopped the car, parking in Louis usual spot.

“Come on,” he says, not waiting for Louis to agree but quickly grabbing a bag and board and starting towards the apartment complex.

Liam’s family is big in real estate, and it’s thanks to Li’s dad that Louis doesn’t have to pay much for his three-bedroom flat, allowing him to keep it during his year abroad. House hunting would have been a bitch, especially in Camden, and Louis doubts he’d have found another flat so close to Liam’s and Zayn’s place as well as to Niall’s. It’s perfect, he doesn’t have to walk more than fifteen minutes to reach either of his mates, bars, restaurants and clubs as well as the London Metropolitan University.

Three flights of stairs later, Louis has managed to drag the last of his bags up and leans against the door.

_Home_. Finally.

He expected it to smell a lot… less lived in. A lot dustier and… more abandoned?

It’s only then that he notices the strange pair of boots in his small entrance hall, a jacket that doesn’t belong to him. He drags his bag along the corridor, passing the living room to notice a lot more books in the shelves, DVD’s he’s sure he never owned.

The door to the master bedroom is ajar and when Louis pushes it open, he first notices that one side of his Kingsize bed is unmade, looks slept in. He doesn’t know where Zayn went to but he walks further into the ensuit, steps faltering when he sees shower gel and shampoo he never owned but damn well knows. Louis turns around and his last clue is the second toothbrush in a cup.

Louis never had a second toothbrush for anyone.

“Sorry.” Zayn leans against the doorframe. “I can get out of your hair if you want.”

“Zayn…,” Louis looks around again, taking everything in and swallows hard. “How long… are you… Liam?” His thoughts are a jumbled mess.

“Almost half a year now,” Zayn sighs.

“Half a… fucking hell. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Zayn shrugs and now Louis recognizes the look on his face: defeat, hurt, anger, and heartbreak. He’s seen it before but never on Zayn and it hits him harder than expected. “You would have come straight home. If I told you, you would have taken the next flight to be there and… I couldn’t let that happen. You needed the time out, boo.”

Zayn is right though, if he had told Louis, he wouldn’t have hesitated. Bros before everything and Zayn might as well be related to him by blood, they’re that close.

“Still, you should have told me. We skyped or called each other almost every week and I never noticed, never suspected… fuck, I am _so_ sorry.”

“So am I.” Zayn’s voice is a little rough around the edges. “And I didn’t want you to notice, so… don’t blame yourself, okay?”

“You want to tell me what happened?”

“You just got home,” Zayn shakes his head and steps aside, letting Louis pass to his bed. He folds his leg under him and pats the sheets.

“Spill. You kept me in the dark long enough.”

Sighing, Zayn shoots a longing glance towards the window and Louis wouldn’t be surprised if he found an ashtray on his windowsill. Now that he knows, traces of Zayn are everywhere. There’s a discarded shirt hanging over the armchair Louis keeps in his bedroom for no other reason than to throw clothes on. His toothbrush and other stuff is mixed with Louis’ in the bathroom and he wouldn’t be surprised to find Zayn’s favorite blend of instant coffee in his kitchen, even though Louis doesn’t drink any coffee.

Six months… _shit_. Liam and Zayn had been together for… well, basically ever.

Louis had never been ashamed of who he is, has never been afraid, but sitting his mum and step-dad down to tell them that their only son (back before Ernie had been born) was gay was not easy. It took Mark a while to get used to the idea while his mum was nothing but super supportive. Niall, Zayn and Liam knew anyway, Louis had told them the very second he dared to admit it to himself. They all took it in a stride.

He always thought it was a big deal, even though most people at their school probably suspected it at least, but it was nothing compared to the commotion Zayn and Liam caused when they walked into school in 5th form, holding hands and proudly kissing each other goodbye right in front of everyone. Louis would still attest to hearing Niall’s chin hit the floor with a loud clonk.

Neither he nor Niall were aware that either Zayn or Liam were even into guys, Zayn had dated Perrie for almost a year before they broke up and Liam had some kind of on-and-off thing with Sophia and neither of them had shown any sign that they felt more towards each other than friendship.

Which… well, apparently they did. Enough to make it through school, enough to survive a gap year, enough to move in together. Enough for Liam to get down on one knee and ask Zayn to marry him during their holiday in Spain last year, after having been together for over seven years. Enough for Zayn to say ‘yes’ immediately.

Louis and Niall (as best men respectively) had already started planning the wedding, they had big plans for the stag night.  Heck, Louis bought a tux already because… they were Liam&Zayn. Nothing ever came between Liam and Zayn.

No high school gossip, no hot Brazilian boys during gap year, not even their parents managed to put a wedge between them and Zayn’s dad tried rather hard for a while.

Owning one of the most prestigious galleries in London, he didn’t only support Zayn in his quest to become a famous artist but he also had Zayn’s future pretty much planned out once his only son started to show interest and talent in Art – coming out and showing up with a fiancé threw a bit of wrench in Mr. Malik Sr. plan’s. It took a while to get Zayn’s father there, couple of fights and even three months of not talking to his family but in the end, Zayn did it. He wouldn’t back down for anyone or anything when it came to Liam and eventually, his family didn’t only respect but also supported that. Now his father invites Liam to every vernissage, not even flinching anymore when he introduces them as “Zayn, and his lovely fiancé Liam” with pride and a lot of fond in his voice.

All this… gone?

“What happened?” Louis asks once again.

“We had an argument,” Zayn shrugs his shoulders and Louis groans.

“Too bad. Go and apologize.”

“It’s not quite that easy.” Zayn sinks down, wrapping his arms around his knees. He’s still wearing his engagement ring at least.

“Isn’t it? Or are you making it harder than it really is?”

“It really isn’t. We didn’t just argue about something silly but… more about life. What we wanted.”

“That’s ridiculous, Zee. You and Liam always wanted the same… finish uni, get married, work for a couple of years, look for a bigger flat or house and adopt some kids and a dog.”

“I’m glad _you_ still remember it because Liam seems to have conveniently forgotten all about it,” Zayn hisses and it’s the first sign of anger he’s shown all evening.

“I’m sure he hasn’t,” Louis tries to sooth him but Zayn only laughs. It sounds hollow and bitter.

“Maybe he hasn’t. Maybe his priorities just shifted and he neglected to inform me about it.”

“You always were and always will be his #1 priority.”

“Fucking hell, Louis, did you join a zen-course over in Oz? Found your inner chakra or something?” Zayn snaps at him. “Liam’s #1 priority is Liam. Then there’s nothing for quite a while and somewhere in the back… around #6 or #7 that’s where you’ll find me.” Louis wants to argue but he keeps quiet. He suspects that Zayn knows it isn’t true but that he doesn’t need anyone to reason with him but a friend he can rant to.

“He started this internship at this architect’s office when you left, remember? And like, I know he’s good… he’s top of his class for crying out loud and I told him so often how great he’s doing… but looks like it all meant nothing until he was told the exact same by his supervisors. They were like… super thrilled to have him, took him out every other day to introduce him to God knows who and you know I don’t mind… he can go out, he can meet new people – I don’t keep him chained to the bed for crying out loud, okay?”

Louis just nods.

“So after three months I kind of asked whether there was a night where he’d be back before midnight maybe… or a weekend where we could go out together, do something instead of him falling asleep the very second he came home only to run off to the office the next morning.”

Zayn is the most easy going, chilled guy Louis knows. It must have been really bad for him to actually say something.

“So after… four months – no time at all right?! – he takes me out after one of my art shows. Mind you, he didn’t turn up to any of the ones before that so I didn’t expect much… just maybe for him to ask how _I_ was doing… how my courses were going, how my new project came along. How the show went, you know? He didn’t. Not a word.” Zayn narrows his eyes and with his raven hair, tattoos and clad all in black he looks… dark. Dark and hurt and so, so angry. “Liam launched into a monologue about how great everything went for _him_ , who _he_ met last night, who _he_ met before and who _he_ was going to meet. How great _his_ project was going and… that they offered him a job after uni. Which… you know, sounds amazing,” Zayn holds up one finger even so Louis didn’t even interrupt. “Little catch: Job’s in New York. Which… minor detail for Mister Payne. We’ll just pack everything up and leave. Bugger our flat, bugger our friends, bugger my art and bugger our plans – because, _of course Zayn would love to move, he would love to live in New York and he would love to start all from scratch_.  But guess what? Zayn doesn’t,” he growls. “Beside the fact that I love London and that there’s nothing for me in New York… what about all the plans we made? Like, we wanted kids at some point! Or… I wanted kids. Liam apparently decided he wasn’t so sure anymore. Sucks that he neglected to tell me about it.”

“What?” Louis asks a little stunned. “But Liam loves kids!”

“Well, Liam loves work more and he wants to make it big,” Zayn balls his fists. “He doesn’t have time for such a high maintenance fiancé, who complains about everyone and everything. Who doesn’t support him. Who demands too much,” Zayn gets up and starts pacing the floor. “He said I never supported him, always begrudged him his success, only ever complained.”

Louis has never – _never_ – seen Zayn so… churning. He’s always been calm, collected and cool. Never letting emotions get the better of him, Louis has never heard Zayn raise his voice. He has never seen him cry. Has never seen him so desperately angry. It seems like it’s all too much, too many emotions coming at Zayn at once and he doesn’t know how to handle it, can’t deal with this overload any longer.

“He took me for granted,” his voice is flat, pained look in his hazel eyes. “He took me for granted and didn’t even try anymore. It’s like… I was just there. Like a piece of furniture. Something you’d pass every day without paying much attention to,” his eyes start to swim and Louis is about to get up when Zayn walks over to the window.

“We never fought like this, Lou. It was bad. Really bad and I… left. I still had your keys and everything so I left and came here to clear my head and calm down,” Zayn doesn’t turn around, just keeps looking out of the window though Louis doubts he’s seeing anything. “I came home around noon the next day. Liam was already up, sitting in the kitchen. He looked like hell and I thought… maybe he’d missed me just as much…,” Zayn swallows hard and Louis sees the line of his shoulders tense, like he’s preparing himself for a blow which is yet to come.

“He went out. After our fight, he went out with some of his colleagues. We had a fight and he went out to party and get drunk,” there’s so much venom in his voice. “He went out… ,“ Zayn’s voice breaks “He went out, got drunk, took someone home and fucked him in our bed. Now what does _that_ tell you?”

Louis didn’t make the conscious decision to move but he’s there when Zayn crumbles, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close. Zayn doesn’t make a sound, burrows his teeth in Louis arm but he doesn’t make a sound. His shoulders tremble silently and he doesn’t let Louis turn him around but rests all his weight against Louis chest.

Louis doesn’t know how long they stay like that. Blue has turned to black and rain drops are running down his window by the time Zayn shudders through a breath and gently frees himself. Eyes red and unnaturally bright from crying, he looks exhausted.

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

“You don’t even need to ask, stupid”

*

 

“So today’s the day?” Zayn prances around him. “D-Day. As in ‘D’ for destiny. Will he show up? Will Louis Tomlinson find his Cinderella? Will true love conquer all?”

“Will Zayn Malik live to see the day?” Louis throws an orange at him. When has he ever eaten fruit for breakfast?! He really needs to have a word with Zayn about the shopping. “I liked you better when you were asleep.” And he will forever regret the day he decided to tell Zayn about the green-eyed boy and their foolish, hopelessly romantic agreement.

“I liked you better when you were still a little twink and not…,” Zayn gestures to his naked chest and low riding, washed out sweats.

“Yes please?” Louis cocks an eyebrow.

“Is there something in the water over there?! You hate sport so how the hell did you manage to get those abs?!” Zayn pokes his six-pack with his spoon, dribbling milk all over Louis stomach.

“Oi, watch it!” he swats Zayn’s hand away. “It’s called surfing, mate. I did it excessively for a year, I was bound to muscle up a bit. Don’t worry, they’ll be gone in no time so…”

“Mmh, if you keep eating that shit…,” Zayn taps his spoon against the bowl with Louis cornflakes. “Way too much sugar!” He reaches for the counter and flings a banana at Louis. “Here. Got some kiwis as well, could make you some yoghurt with fruit and honey.”

“That sounds like a facial and not like breakfast.”

“Mind out of the gutter, Tommo,” Zayn rolls the orange across the table. “Seems this ass is finally good for something, gotta keep it in shape.”

“Hate to burst that bubble, but I doubt I’ll be doing many shoots over here. I guess tattoos work for surf magazines and clothes but not so much for mainstream fashion,” he shrugs. It doesn’t bother him really, he’s got a nice, big financial cushion from his work in Australia to last him for quite some time if he doesn’t suddenly decided to buy the Porsche he had his eyes on for a while…

“Speaking of, I have yet to see the picture proof. Where’s your book and all those pictures from the various shootings?”

“How do you know about books?”

“Excuse me, Niall has been dating a model for over two years now, I do listen sometimes!” Zayn shakes his head.

Louis is glad he’s woken up to Zayn being his chilled self again. He’d never tell him but seeing Zayn so utterly devastated was scary. His best friend had never been prone to extreme emotions – opposed to Louis, who loved fiercely and hurt deeply when it was over but who learned to protect himself better over the course of the years. He had never seen Zayn cry, the worst sign of distress he showed was punching a wall in 6.2 because someone scratched his vintage car or the sappy, lovesick looks he kept shooting Liam when he thought no one was looking. It was as sweet as it was disgusting really.

But yeah, Zayn had never been one to break down, never been one to let anything hurt him so deeply. There’s a first for everything it seems and if Louis had to bet, he’d say this was the first – and possibly only time – Zayn would allow himself to show this kind of weakness.

It’s a testimony to how strong their friendship is that he waited for Louis to hold him through it because Louis is sure that Zayn hadn’t allowed himself to cry before and from what he knows about his best friend he’ll never allow it to happen again either.

“So where’re we going today?”

“17Black.”

“Haha,” Louis looks up, gulping when he sees Zayn is serious. “You told Liam and Niall, didn’t you? I am going to murder you and burn your remains, Malik!”

“Hold up!” Zayn laughs. “I didn’t tell them. Unlike some, I can keep my mouth shut if asked to. Niall…,” there it is again, that look which Louis has come to associate with Liam. Zayn clears his throat.

“Niall…?” Louis probes gently. Then he suddenly realizes the implications of this evening. Fuck, it was totally normal for him to invite his three best mates for a ‘welcome-back’ drink but that was before he knew what Liam did. Even though it’s been six months since he and Zayn broke up… Louis doesn’t even know if they’re still talking, if they still hang out, if Zayn is okay with Louis talking to Liam… his confusion must have been clear on his face because Zayn sighs.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you… now you feel like you have to choose sides.”

“Niall and I got that covered, Liam gets Niall and you get me in case of a divorce,” Louis says distracted and Zayn huffs out a chuckle.

“Shared custody?”

“Something like that, yeah. But… is this okay? I mean… tonight? Are you okay with meeting them or would you rather stay at home? Should _we_ rather stay at home? I can see Niall another day and give Liam a call or…”

“Calm down,” Zayn leans against the counter, crossing his ankles. There’s a new tattoo on his left wrist Louis hasn’t yet had the chance to ask him about. But then again Louis has a couple of new ones as well, and while he caught Zayn checking them out curiously, he too has yet to ask about the story behind each of them. “It’s okay-ish. We’ve moved on.”

Louis levels Zayn with a ‘bullshit’-look.

“Well, Liam’s moved on,” he amends. “He’s… the guy he slept with? They kept it casual for quite a while but… umh… like two months ago… they became… exclusive?”

“Liam has a new boyfriend?” Louis knows that Liam can be an insensitive, thick twat. He just didn’t know to what so far unknown levels of stupidity his friend could take things.

“Yes?” Zayn tries for nonchalant and if Louis hadn’t known him for so long it’d have been hard to detect the slight tremor in his voice.

“And you’re totally cool with it?” He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms behind his head, quickly glancing at the black ink, ‘Far Away’, on his triceps.

“If you kiss it I will end you,” Zayn tells him.

“Will _you_ kiss it _for_ me?”

“Scratch the _if_ , I will just end you,” Zayn deadpans.

“Before you do, mind telling me the truth? There’s _no way_ you’re fine with Liam having a new plaything.”

“I’m not exactly thrilled.”

Louis keeps looking at him.

“Fine, I am not okay!” Zayn throws his hands up. “But Niall basically fell in love with the guy at first sight and it’s kind of hard to hate him because he’s just so bloody nice. Like, if he hadn’t slept with my boyfriend I could actually see us becoming good friends, you know?”

“Boyfriend,” Louis grins.

“What?”

“You still call Liam your boyfriend.” Zayn opens his mouth to say something but closes it again when he can’t think of anything fitting.

“Just thought I’d point it out,” Louis says smugly and Zayn empties the rest of his coffee into the sink.

“God, I already miss the peaceful days when I didn’t have to see your ugly mug every day and listen to the self-righteous chatter of yours,” he saunters out of the kitchen to probably take a shower long enough to rob Louis of all his savings and turn his bathroom into a Turkish bath.

“Love you,” he calls after him but only gets the middle finger salute as answer.

*

“Nervous?” Zayn nudges him when Louis fiddles with his jacket for the umpteenth time during the walk from the tube to the bar. They’re running a little late due to the fact that neither of them is yet used to living with another bloke who takes just as much time to get ready as them.

“No… it’s…,” Louis sighs. “He’s not going to be there.”

Zayn looks like he’s about to take the piss but something in Louis expression stops him. Instead, he softly says, “You don’t know that yet. And you’ll never find out if we keep standing in front of the door.” Which is kind of true but it still takes some conscious effort to push it open and walk inside.

17Black isn’t something fancy or hip, it’s dark wood and dim lights. The later it gets the more smoke will be in the air and people who came looking for extravagant and exotic cocktails will be thoroughly disappointed. It’s a place for student bands and cheap drinks, one of Louis’ favorite spots in all of London.

When the door falls shut behind them, Louis doesn’t dare to look around for a couple of seconds. He just feels Zayn brush against him, hand resting reassuringly on his hip. Then Louis looks up slowly and scans the crowd.

It’s a Wednesday so naturally there aren’t that many people out and about, lights not yet turned down as low as usual.

Lou is behind the bar, pouring a pint and when she recognizes Louis she smiles brightly and motions towards a table a little further away.

Automatically Louis follows her gaze and – his breath catches.

There’s a mob of curly brown hair held back by a dark green scarf, pale skin and gorgeous smile and these beautiful green eyes again.

Louis feels a little faint.

One year, one fucking year and he thought he had every detail about the boy memorized but seeing him again… Jesus, he’s way more beautiful in real life than his mind could ever make up. He licks his lips, could swear he still feels the soft and addictive press of those plush pink lips, can still taste him on his tongue.

His hand reaches up out of impulse, wrapping around the pendant hidden underneath his shirt.

Fuck. He’s really here. He came. He didn’t forget.

About to make a move, he suddenly sees another person sliding onto the bench, putting down some glasses in front of the boy.

Everything slows down and in a rather cruel turn of fate Louis gets to watch Curly smile brightly at the other boy, angling his head so that Louis can catch every small detail from the strong line of his jaw to the soft shadow his lashes throw before – he kisses the other boy.

Louis fell in love within hours on some cold rooftop while the winter sun rose over London. 

He spent almost 365 days in Australia imagining how their reunion could go. Not any version ended with watching Curly kiss someone else.

Never having been the biggest believer in fate and destiny, Louis was prepared to make an exception this time because things like that _just didn’t happen_ to people like him. Louis wasn’t someone who would fall head over heels for a stranger, wasn’t someone who trusted that quickly, who opened up to just anyone in the blink of an eye. But something felt so damn right that night, somehow he was falling and didn’t even realize he had tripped before it had been too late.

But he knew that the other boy had been right beside him that night, had felt exactly the same. So Louis gave in and trusted things to somehow work out.

One year, twelve months, 52 weeks, 365 days he spent hoping, wishing, dreaming.

It took about 3.65 seconds to shatter all of it.

He must have made some kind of noise because Zayn tightens his grip. “Fucking cute aren’t they?”

“Huh?” The words hardly register with Louis.

“Liam and… how did you call him? His new plaything.”

“Liam…?” Only then does Louis realize he actually recognizes the guy who pressed his lips against Curly’s. Liam’s hair is quite a bit shorter again, in some kind of buzz cut but it’s definitely Liam.

Liam kissing Curly. Liam kissing the boy Louis has been pining for for almost a year. Liam kissing the boy with whom he cheated on Zayn.

Louis feels sick all of a sudden, dizzy and a bit unsteady on his feet.

Of course this is the very second Niall spots them.

“Louis! Fucking hell mate!” He hollers, loud enough for everyone to turn their heads and look at them. Including Liam and Curly. Out of the corner of his eye Louis notices the wide-eyed stare Liam gives Zayn before he manages to school his features into a neutral expression but his major focus rests on Curly.

Curly who looks up slowly, with a small smile on his lips which falters rather quickly when his eyes land on Louis. He gulps and Louis draws some perverted satisfaction from the utter and complete shock on his face.

Serves him fucking right.

Zayn gently nudges him and Louis bites his tongue, aiming for a polite expression at least, before he slowly walks over and gets an armful of Niall.

“Christ, look at you man!” He holds Louis at arm’s length. “Hair’s longer… looks kinda like ‘out-of-bed’ sex hair. I like it. And stubble… damn, didn’t even know you could grow some. Very rugged, mate. Oh, and I like that tan… now show me those muscles Zayn has been gushing about!” Before Louis can protest or react, Niall has peeled him out of his jacket and rucked his shirt up to his chest.

“Damn boy, what did they feed you?! Is there something wrong with the water in Australia… and… is that a new tattoo on your hip!?”

“Niall, babe!” Barbara, Niall’s girlfriend, catches his hand before he can take Louis trousers down. “I know you’re _very happy_ to see him, God knows you kept talking about it long enough, and I know you two are very, very close but maybe wait until later to undress him, please?”

“Thank you,” Louis pulls his shirt back down and quickly reaches out for Babs. “Good to see you again, girl. You look stunning.”

“Right back at ya,” she winks. “Heard I’m getting a bit of competition here?”

“Please, all he had to do was smolder at the camera while sitting on a surfboard. He might not be the most talented but I can attest that spreading his legs while grabbing some hard piece of wood is within his capabilities,” Zayn grins and slings an arm around Louis’ shoulders.

“I’m honored by your trust, babe,” he glares at Zayn who just licks his nose. It’s _so_ nice to be back.

“So no underwear shoots in the near future?” Liam gets up and Zayn lets go immediately, taking quite an obvious step to the side. Liam only falters for a split second.

“I see what I can do. You’re welcome to stop by any time for a live-show though,” Louis quickly hugs him and tries to treat him the same as Niall and Barbara but it’s hard when he knows what Liam did to Zayn and also… an armful of Niall was a good distraction from the bloke who’s still sitting on the bench with his hands folded in his lap, looking unsure and confused.

But now that Louis has said his ‘hello’s to all his friends, there’s no excuse left.

“And that’s…?”

“Oh right,” Liam scratches his neck, looking guilty. “This… umh… is my boyfriend. Harry.”

“Harry,” Louis echoes and he knows how hollow it sounds. It’s an oddly fitting name for Curly.

“I… umh, yes. It’s nice to meet you?” the _again_ swings in the air.

“Likewise.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harry – Louis. Louis – Harry. Everyone is happy to meet everyone.” Niall shoves him towards the table and Louis can just take a step to the other side before he has to sit down next to Harry. Zayn slides in beside him quickly, shuffling a bit closer than he usually would and Louis sees Liam’s eyes narrow.

He’s suddenly very tired. And confused and upset. If this is all a bad dream, he’d like to wake up now please.

But Niall is placing a drink in front of him and when he looks up, he can see the blonde’s lips moving and he should really start to listen.

“… want to know everything, okay? How as uni? How were your courses? You lived in student housing, right? Did you get on with your roommates? What were the parties like? Oh and is it true that there are kangaroos everywhere?”

“Niall – breathe!” Louis grabs his shoulder and shakes him gently. “Breathe, okay?”

“I am just really excited to see you again!” Niall all but shouts at him and Barbara winces.

“Indoor voice,” she reprimands him softly.

“Sorry,” he places a quick kiss on her cheek and Louis takes a second to glance over at Liam and Harry.

Liam has his arm resting around Harry’s shoulders, toying with his curls absentmindedly. It looks casual, like it’s something natural for them and Louis has to remind himself that Harry is Liam’s now. Of course he’s familiar with Liam touching him.

He drags his eyes away from Liam’s hand but meets Harry’s eyes, which is worse actually.

Louis remembers every single second from the night, every word, every look, every touch. And looking at Harry, he now knows that Harry does too. It’s unsettling, causing his stomach to drop and he bites down hard on his lip, replacing one kind of pain with another. But at least he knows the throbbing in his bottom lip will fade unlike the one in his chest.

“First of all,” it takes a bit of effort to drag his eyes away from Harry but he can’t keep staring at him. It’ll drive him mad, he needs some time and quiet to come up with a plan of action, a plan of how to treat Harry, how to behave around him. “There aren’t kangaroos everywhere. That’s an urban myth, sorry Niall. They have loads of parks and zoos where you can feed and pet them though.”

“You petted a kangaroo?” Niall rests his chin on his hands and looks at Louis like he told him he tamed a dragon. “That is so cool! Are they really fluffy? Did you peek into its pouch?”

“You’re actually not allowed to touch them there, they might react not all that friendly and mate, they do have some claws. Didn’t fancy getting my back scratched by that…”

“At least not by that kind of animal, right?” Liam winks at him and Louis manages an embarrassed cough and curt nod. He really doesn’t want to talk about that topic with Harry around. Especially not when he can still feel Harry’s intent gaze burning a hole through him.

“And before you ask, I didn’t bring you back a real life koala. Sorry Ni, hope you still love me.”

“You didn’t?” Niall pouts. “Oh Tommo, all I asked for was a koala!”

“Yeah well, customs somehow thought it wasn’t appropriate – got you something else though.”

“Oh really? Yahy, presents!” Niall claps his hands excitedly. “Did you already get yours, Zayn?”

“Waking up next to me,” Louis winks and slings an arm around Zayn’s neck, trying to ruffle his hair.

After so many years he should really know that nobody gets to touch Zayn’s hair and that even the attempt will be punished in the most painful way possible.

“I think you broke a rib!” Louis huffs after Zayn has nearly impaled him with his skinny elbow.

“Thought it’s all muscle?” his friend leans back and smirks. “Come on, I barely got you. You’ve taken worse tumbles in the waves, thought you like it rough?” He wriggles his eyebrows and Liam’s drink goes down the wrong way. He shoots Zayn an angry stare which is returned with a bored shrug and Louis is so going to corner Zayn and make him talk about all this pent up sexual frustration between Liam and him.

“Yeah Lou, who did you ‘take a tumble with’ or should I say ‘which animal got to scratch your back’?”

Louis shakes his head with a sad expression. “We really need to work on the innuendos. This was a piss poor attempt, Ni.”

“Still didn’t answer the question,” Babs grins. “You know, I’ve been waiting for some blond surfer hunk to stroll in any second and declare his endless love for you and that he can’t live without you!”

“Afraid ‘s not going to happen.”

“You thoroughly disappoint me, Louis,” she tells him.

“Yeah, what’s with this new found virtue?! We’re here for over half an hour now and I haven’t yet heard anything about the fine Australian surfer boys,” Liam pipes up as well and Louis _really_ doesn’t want to talk about it.

Not with Harry here, especially not when he’s embarrassed and angry with himself for actually declining each and every advance any boy made on him during his time in Down Under. There might have been the odd hand- or blowjob, a couple of drunken snogs and while Louis did go out for drinks he always kept it causal. It earned him a bit of a reputation since he flat out refused to date but he didn’t mind, foolishly believed there would be something – _someone_ – waiting for him when he got back.

Now, he realizes they never really talked about it, never talked about being exclusive or how they expected the other to behave during that year and… Louis wants to laugh actually, because - how could they? They barely knew each other, it was just one goddamn night!

One night where Louis clearly mistook some insane chemistry for something deeper and more permanent. No one falls in love in one night – except him apparently… It was a stupid idea, a silly promise and something he should have never believed in so strongly.

Louis would like to bang his head against the table. He could laugh at his own stupidity.

Zayn seems to pick up on something, because instead of teasing him as well, he mutters, “Come on boys, you make him sound like some temptress who has the boys dropping left and right,” he looks over at Harry with a smile, “they’re making him sound worse than he is, Louis is actually quite nice.”

“Thank you. And it’s only been a year, you know? People can stay single for that long without dying,” it comes out harsher than planned and he really didn’t intend to look at Harry when he said it.

But it hits home with the way the other boy flinches and quickly lowers his gaze, entwining his fingers.

“Zayn to the rescue,” Liam mutters under his breath and Zayn’s eyes narrow.

“We know, Zayn, we’re only joking,” Babs quickly reaches out to grab Louis hands, clearly having noticed the sudden tension all around. “But those blue eyes are hard to resist for even the best boys and most well-behaved girls…,” she winks at Louis. “They can be lethal, let me tell you.”

“Babe!” Niall exclaims loudly and Louis can’t help but laugh at his shocked expression. It breaks the tension, Barbara just shrugging with an innocent grin before she makes sure to throw Louis an exaggerated wink and kiss.

The evening gets better after the little hiccup but there’s still underlying tension in the air and Louis isn’t sure whether it’s him or Zayn and Liam.

For any outsider it’d seem as if they all got on fantastic, laughing, drinking and joking but every now and then either Liam or Zayn will comment on something just a tad too harshly, remark something just a little too snappishly. There’ll be the odd story or interjection which hits just a little too close to home for either Zayn or Liam, causing them to suddenly grow quiet and draw back hurt and Louis and Niall will grapple for something to say to get the conversation going again.

And besides this weird game Zayn and Liam are playing there’s still Harry.

Louis understands what Zayn meant when he said it was hard to hate the guy because… Harry is just lovely.

He’s sweet and caring, funny and considerate. He has the worst jokes but most adorable puns. Niall’s mad laugh, Zayn’s quiet sarcasm and Louis quickly delivered puns laced with irony seem to intimidate him at first and it’s not that surprising after all; he’s the new kid and although he met Zayn, Niall and Babs before he’s probably never seen them act like that. The five of them are a force to be reckoned with, and Louis isn’t surprised that Harry is a little shy and hesitant at first.

But as the evening drags on and once he’s had a couple of drinks he becomes a little more lively, starts teasing Niall and telling little stories together with Liam.

It’s… a bit sickening how well attuned Harry already is with his friends. There’s inside jokes he’s sharing with Niall, asking Barbara about an exam she had a couple of days ago and he’s even remembered an upcoming show Zayn has in a smaller gallery in a couple of weeks.

Louis can see that Zayn is trying to be neutrally distant but it’s hard even for him. Harry is a charming little bugger, smiling so sweetly and openly at Zayn that eventually he can’t help but return it with a small smile of his own.

Watching them, Louis wonders if Harry knows about Zayn and Liam, about _what_ he broke up. But then again, he can’t place any blame on Harry really, can he? When Liam chatted him up he neither knew who Liam was, he didn’t know he technically had someone at home, nor did he know anything about Zayn’s and Liam’s relationship.

So Louis can’t even begrudge him this, and he really wants to find _something_ he can hold against Harry so he doesn’t have to feel as stupid as he does. If Harry was generally a bad person it’d be so much easier to just dislike him and not fall even more in love with him.

Louis’ eyes become drawn to Harry more often as the night goes on, he starts listening in on the mumbled conversations he has with Liam, keeps trying to startle one of those untamed, roaring laughs out of Harry and it’s threatening to become one of his favorite sounds.

Louis doesn’t understand what’s happening to him, doesn’t get how he can so seamlessly tie on where he and Harry had to leave it one year ago, doesn’t get how he can still be so fascinated by the other guy.

He knows that Harry is with Liam. It’s crystal clear with the way Liam has his arm wrapped around Harry or how Harry will brush over his hand before he gets up to use the bathroom. Harry has a boyfriend, he is _taken_.

Theoretically Louis knows it and has realized the implications aka off-limits, _do not touch_.

And it should be enough to throw him off, to cross Harry off of his list forever.

The problem is, it isn’t.

When they say their goodbyes way past midnight Louis is a little drunk from too many drinks but also from being close to _Harry_ … Harry with his bright smile and loud, unabashed laugh, with his ridiculous curls that keep falling into his eyes… and God, those damn _green, green_ eyes.

Louis wants to look and touch and… just wants so much that it leaves him edgy and restless.

He knows he shouldn’t, doesn’t have any right to want any of it but… he can’t help it.

So when they say their goodbye’s and Harry wraps his huge, warm paw around Louis’ dainty hand he feels that surge of electricity again, making his heart stutter and his breath catch. He looks up and meets Harry’s eyes and if Harry would have just looked away, would have acted like nothing happened… but Harry’s eyes widen and his mouth falls open and he squeezes Louis’s hand harder.

Louis is in so much trouble.

Never in his life has he ever lusted after anyone’s boyfriend before but right now, he doesn’t care that Harry is with Liam. He just _wants_ him. He is so fucked.

 

Zayn doesn’t ask about the mysterious boy Louis was supposed to meet this evening, seems to have conveniently forgotten about it, too caught up and struggling with meeting and talking to Liam for a whole evening to spare Louis and his mystery bloke a thought.

Louis is quite glad he did, he doesn’t really know how to answer any of those questions.


	2. Easy baby, maybe I'm a liar but for tonight I wanna fall in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying the start of OTRA as much as I am!

Niall and Louis had joked about the possibility of Liam and Zayn breaking up more than once throughout the years but now that it’s happened, Louis realizes that neither he nor Niall ever believed it could ever _really_ come to this.

Zayn without Liam is such a foreign concept and it takes weeks for Louis to get used to it, to seeing Zayn in _his_ kitchen in the morning and having him fall asleep on the sofa late at night. Of course Zayn had been over at Louis’ often, had slept over numerous times but now he’s a constant presence. He’s there when Louis leaves for uni and is there when he gets back. They discuss cleaning and the washing, go shopping together and it’s nice and easy, Zayn isn’t fussy or anything and they agree on most things quickly, don’t really step on each other’s toes (except when it comes to the almost lethal fights they have about who gets to shower first). Living with Zayn is great and Louis generally enjoys it but he’d enjoy it much more if he and Liam were to get their shit together.

The break-up doesn’t put a strain on their friendship per se only that it does put a strain on their friendship.

Before, it was common, almost a daily occurrence for them to meet up and hang out at Louis’ or more often at Zayn’s and Liam’s place. They’d meet for lunch and go out for pints in the evening and going clubbing on weekends was a fixed date. Sure, there was the odd day or weekend where one of them would bail, like when Niall would take Barbara out on a date or when Zayn and Liam had planned a romantic getaway.

It was always easy, natural like breathing but now… surely Niall and Babs still come over, they still go out for drinks but it’s just not the same anymore, something is off. It manifests in the awkward pauses in conversation, in the way Zayn can’t be alone with Liam anymore. There’s some underlying tension whenever they’re together now, and Louis feels like watching a storm loom, already hearing the faint sound of thunder without quite knowing when the first lightning will strike.

Niall tries his best to calm the waves but it’s not only Zayn and Liam who are at odds with each other but also Louis and Liam.

Zayn has told him often enough that he doesn’t need to – shouldn’t really – choose sides but it’s hard when he witnessed firsthand how hurt Zayn still is, how hard he took the break-up. He’s still wearing the bloody engagement ring for crying out loud. He still can’t hold a proper conversation with Liam or look him in the eyes.

Louis knows he should at least give Liam a chance to explain, hear his version of the story and talk it through with him. But besides the fact that one of his best friends hurt his ‘ _brother’,_ the small but important fact remains that Liam is with the boy Louis wants more than anything.

So he avoids Liam as well, dodges his calls and ignores his texts asking to meet up for lunch or coffee. He feels remotely guilty but it’s better that way. They’ve been out a couple of times since Louis came back, always as a group and always going somewhere public so Louis has enough distractions all around but he still feels drawn to Harry, fighting the urge to get closer, to touch.

It’s an ongoing battle with himself every time he sees Harry. No matter how hard Louis tries, how long and often he told himself ‘no’ before they’d go out, eventually he’d lose. There’d always come the point when he just couldn’t resist any longer, when he just had to hear that roaring laugh of Harry’s and be the reason for it. When he just had to look – and every time Harry would just meet his eyes with that small private smile he seemed to have reserved solely for Louis.

So Louis tries to stay away, to avoid Harry which by extent means avoiding Liam.

*

It’s far from ideal but it works until Niall has had enough and Louis and Zayn are woken by someone banging on their front door on a Saturday.

“Make it stop!” Zayn rolls over and takes Louis’s duvet with him, cocooning himself in before his arm flies out and quickly snags Louis pillow as well.

Louis is too sleepy to react and just falls back onto the mattress with an oompfh. A couple of seconds ago he was warm and cozy, snuggled up in his bed and now Zayn robbed him of his duvet and pillow - some kind of friend he is. If that’s what he gets for letting Zayn sleep in his bed, he really needs to start picking his friends better.

The knocking doesn’t let up and Zayn kicks him. “Go!” he barks through ten layers of goose-down before he bundles himself up even further.

“I hate you. I hate you so much!” Louis grumbles but swings his legs out of bed.

His hair is a wild mess and he fumbles for his glasses, too lazy to do a pit stop in the bathroom to put in his contacts. If things go according to plan, whoever is at the door will leave within the next five minutes anyway.

Briefly wondering whether it wouldn’t be appropriate to put some sweats over his dark blue briefs, Louis just shrugs it off.

“Yes?” he yanks the door open with a frown and comes face to face with Niall.  Beaming at him at barely 11am on a Saturday.

“Go away,” Louis just tells him but Niall laughs.

“Sorry mate, can’t,” he steps aside and Louis bothers to open his eyes a little further, gasping when he sees Barbara, Liam and Harry in the corridor. Barbara and Liam just grin but Harry… Jesus, Harry looks at him like he wants him for breakfast with some cream on top. Louis never felt more naked than that very second, Harry’s eyes raking over him and he slowly licks his lips. Louis needs to get back inside and put some clothes on before he’s sporting a boner just from the way Liam’s boyfriend keeps looking at him.

“You and Zayn stood us up last night so we decided it was time for brunch and an afternoon of FIFA,” Niall holds up the game.

“We don’t have food,” Louis tries and Liam lifts two shopping bags.

“We know. Harry went shopping this morning.”

“I don’t cook,” and he knows for a fact that Niall and Liam don’t really like to cook either. They’ve never done a bloody brunch anyway so what the fuck?

“I cook. I like it,” Harry pipes up and _of course_ he does. Probably bakes as well, clad in a little pink apron, sprinkled in flour and nothing else.

“Fantastic,” Louis deadpans.

“Oi Lou, what’s with all…,” Zayn comes up behind him and if Louis was in a better mood he’d certainly laugh at the expression on Liam’s face.

Zayn is wearing nothing much either, sporting some impressive bed hair and stubble, tattoos vivid on his milky skin. He looks like the epitome of ‘well fucked’.

Liam looks like he swallowed something particularly disgusting and barbed.

“Just got up?” He croaks and Zayn hooks his chin over Louis shoulder, arm wrapping around his naked waist. Louis loves Zayn dearly but this is testing the limits of their friendship – he can literally see Liam go through all the ways he could kill Louis in a slow and painful way.

“What do you want, me and Lou were fast asleep,” Zayn’s voice is still rough around the edges.

Niall looks back and forth between them, eventually coming to the conclusion that Louis and Zayn together is just ridiculous and he snorts a laugh. “We brought food.” He pushes past them and Zayn growls.

“I know,” Louis pats his shoulder consolingly. “Go shower, cupcake.”

“I don’t want to shower,” Zayn grumbles but stalks off towards the bathroom. “I don’t want food, I don’t want to see people. I want to sleep!”

“Quite a morning person,” Harry clears his throat.

“You should try and wake him up before 10am,” he looks at the bags in Harry’s hand and sighs. “Come on, I show you the kitchen.”

Since Niall woke them up, he thinks that leaving him to his own devices for a while is only fair plus the rest knows their way around the flat.

“Wow.” Harry stops in the doorway to take it all in. “That’s quite the kitchen you have here.”

“Really?” Louis goes straight for the kettle. “I wouldn’t know, mate. I don’t really cook.”

“Like never?”

“Nope, and believe me it’s better this way. I have many talents but cooking is definitely not one of them.”

“Maybe you just need someone to teach you.” Harry places the bags on the counter and Louis decides to ignore the last comment, turning his back towards him to hide the faint blush and fumble with a tea bag.

Though he jumps when a warm hand is suddenly placed on his lower back.

“Sorry,” Harry mutters sheepishly. “Just need to get to the fridge.”

“I… umh… sure,” Louis stutters, feeling goose bumps all across his skin.

“You’re still so tan…,” Harry has yet to take his hand away, has yet to step back. Instead he inches a little closer, slowly tracing his hand from Louis back to his hip.

This is the closest Harry has ever been, usually Louis takes great care to make sure they aren’t even alone but apparently his brain is not up to speed yet, otherwise Louis would have never let it come  this far.

He wants to bolt but at the same time he’s frozen in place, desperate for another second alone with Harry. Having harbored the faint hope that somehow the pull towards Harry had fizzled out during the last weeks, Louis is thoroughly disappointed because even such a small, seemingly innocent touch has him flying. He wishes there was a way to command feelings to memory so he could revisit it again and again, the way his skin prickles where Harry touches, the warmth radiating from him.

“I… don’t…,” Louis own voice sounds foreign to him. He tries to step away but Harry holds onto him tighter and Louis is so, so helpless when it comes to this boy.

“Louis,” his name rolls over Harry’s tongue like honey, syrupy sweet. It’s too much. Too close. Too late.

“Can you…,” Louis takes a quick step, almost wincing at the loss of contact.

“Please.” Harry’s eyes are wide and light green in the pale morning sun and Louis wants to sit down and catalogue every shade they can ever take. “I didn’t know… it wasn’t-“

“We’re not talking about this,” Louis cuts in.

“But-“

“No, Harry,” he shakes his head with emphasis, the movement enough to make the chain around his neck slide forward. It must have turned during Louis sleep, the chain long enough to allow it to rotate so that he’ll sometimes wake up with the pendant dangling down his back.

The silver paper airplane slides slowly across his shoulder, swinging back and forth on his chest almost teasingly. Harry’s eyes are fixed on it, pink lips slightly parted and Louis wants to kiss him so bad it physically hurts.

Instead, he takes another step back and clasps his hand over the pendant.

“You’re still wearing it.”

“I went with my outfit last night.” Louis shuffles back, Harry following.

“You kept it?” The surprised and astound tone is too much.

“Of course I fucking kept it!” Louis snaps. “I am a bloody idiot for even believing this whole thing would miraculously work out but I still kept it!”

“Can we please _, please_ talk, Lou?” Harry reaches out once again and that’s how Zayn finds them: Louis crowded into the corner of the kitchen with Harry’s hand hanging in the air between them

“Umh… shower’s free,” Zayn looks back and forth between them. “I can show Harry where we keep things, if you want?”

“Yes that’d be… Thank you.” Louis tries to push past Harry without touching but doesn’t succeed. If Harry sticks his hand out discreetly to brush along Louis exposed skin and if Louis ever so briefly leans into the touch while he walks past than it’s just really their business, even though they’re playing with fire.

*

He comes back freshly showered and dressed to a delicious smell drifting through the flat. The rest has gotten comfortable around Louis’ barely used dining table, and Niall even brought the two folding chairs inside.

There’s a ton of food on the table, Harry must have cooked up a storm and everything smells freaking delicious.

“Wow.”

“Finally,” Niall groans around a mouth full of pancake. “Sit and eat, it’s starting to get cold! You took ages!”

“I… yeah.” Louis quickly sinks down onto his chair, biting his lip when he meets Harry’s gaze directly opposite of him. He would have been a lot quicker if it hadn’t taken ages for his heartbeat to return to normal and for his boner to go down (Louis refused to wrap his hand around his dick to speed matters along too afraid what – _who_ – he’d think of).

“Bacon & eggs? Or pancakes?” Harry points across the table and Louis huffs out a laugh.

“Did you cook all this?”

“It’s nothing special… if I had a little more time…”

“He’s being modest, Harry is a great cook,” Liam leans in and places a kiss to Harry’s cheek. Louis and Harry flinch simultaneously.

“I… well…,” he shoves a plate with pancakes at Louis, clearly flustered and trying to switch the topic. “Sorry about the bacon Zayn, I’ll get some turkey next time…”

“No worries, mate. Those waffles were delicious.”

“You had waffles?” Louis leans in to inspect the food on display.

“Niall ate them all,” Barbara rubs over her boyfriend’s tummy.

“Sorry not sorry.”

“I can go and make some more…,” Harry is already halfway out of his chair before Louis manages to grab his wrist and tugs him back down. Neither Liam nor Zayn would have gone as easily as Harry but it’s almost as if any willpower leaves him the very second Louis clasps his fingers around his wrist. He’s virtually pliant, and Louis really didn’t need to know that Harry would react like this to a little rough touch.  

Harry sits back down slightly flushed. He’ll be Louis death one of these days especially when he has to watch him circle his hand around his wrist, pressing down as if  to keep the ghost of Louis’ touch linger for a little longer.

Zayn kicks his foot under the table and shoots him a questioning glance. Louis just shakes his head and busies himself with loading his plate, diving into the food and keeping his head down. He’s glad he’s got an excuse not to participate in the conversation, so instead he can keep shooting Harry hidden glances from under his too long fringe.

Once even Niall has to admit defeat in face of all the food Harry has cooked, they move over to the living room and Louis volunteers to clean up. It earns him a couple of confused glances but he quickly tosses the game towards the flat screen, Niall leaping after it like a terrier and that settles the issue.

He’s just finished loading the dishwasher when the sound of strange voices and waves suddenly registers with him.

“What the hell?” Louis leans against the doorframe, rolling his eyes once he sees what Niall dug up: It’s a compilation of some of his surf contests.

“Looking good there, Tommo,” Barbara shoots him a cheeky smile and even Liam nods impressed.

“Mate, you’re really good.”

“Yeah well… one year and not much to do,” Louis combs through his hair. “Spent almost every day out there, it was inevitable, really.”

He watches himself run out of the water, board under his arm and bright smile on his face. His hair had taken on a dark blond color, bleached from the saltwater and sun.

And then the damn camera zooms in and he can hear Harry gasping quietly when it catches the necklace dangling around his neck.

He shoots out of the seat and almost trips in his haste to get past the rest, Louis already reaching out to steady him but Harry quickly maneuvers past him towards the guest bathroom.

“Umh?”

“He’s a little weird sometimes” Liam says with a fond smile, which doesn’t do much to convince Louis.

“Shouldn’t someone…?”

“Nah, come here. Sit the hell down, okay?” Liam kicks Niall’s feet off the sofa so Louis can sit and after another glance towards the bathroom, Louis just does as he’s told.

He wouldn’t know how to help Harry anyway.

 

**∞**

Harry is screwed.

No, he is beyond screwed.

He is so beyond screwed that he keeps pacing in a tiny guest bathroom, pulling at his hair and muttering to himself.

His boyfriend is out there, his boyfriend who is nice and kind and sweet and gentle.

And all Harry wants to really do is fling himself at a blue-eyed boy who is definitely, 110% not his boyfriend.

Honestly, _what are the goddamn chances_?

There’re 8.3 million people living in London and Harry never believed in destiny and soul mates until that fateful night one year ago.

He didn’t even want to go out back then, his friends had been nagging him for ages until he gave in and decided he was just going to grab a quick drink and leave. Harry had actually been on his way to just quickly pee and leave when he had literally slammed into Louis and well… _everything_ had changed.

Love at first sight had so far been a foreign concept to him but right then and there it was the only explanation. He was a goner the very second he looked into those cerulean blue eyes, saw that cheeky smile.

Harry can still remember every word they had spoken that night, has even wandered the streets him and Louis walked down just to remember the nameless boy he met in a dingy bathroom. He spent the odd night on the rooftop staring at the stars and wondering what the other boy was doing, if he liked it over there in Down Under, if he ever thought about Harry like Harry thought about him.

He didn’t have much to go by, only snippets of information (six siblings, mum recently divorced, Rovers supporter and Yorkshire lad) but he treasured them nonetheless, holding every piece and memory close to his heart.

It was crazy, the whole night had been insane, but Harry was always one who dared to take a chance and thinking back to that night he’s sure that he didn’t imagine the way Louis looked at him; he had felt exactly the same.

He should have just bloody listened to himself instead of letting other people into his head, sowing doubts and fears.

For example Niall, who Harry had met at during an open-mic night at 17Black, weeks before he bumped into Liam and learned that Niall and Liam knew each other. Harry can still remember telling Niall about that night, they were both plastered and he had really just met him but Niall was there and friendly and Harry really needed to talk to someone because he just wanted to tell someone, get a second opinion and also because he missed that boy so terribly, even though they barely spent eight hours with each other, and talking about him somehow felt like being at least a little bit closer to him again.  

Niall had listened to everything Harry told him only to then ask him whether he was crazy once he finished his tale. Or had knocked his head since he must have believed to be starring in some daily soap opera?

He flat out told Harry that he thought he was insane for believing for even a second that they could just meet up after a year and be all happy and in love. Because things happened, people changed. What if the guy met someone else while he was studying abroad? What if it was just some kind of in the moment thing for him and he forgot all about Harry already while Harry was still holding out for him? Did they agree to be exclusive even so they barely knew each other?

It all sounded so… drastically realistic, the way Niall put it. And Harry knew it was crazy, the whole idea was crazy but so far he had firmly believed that they stood a real chance. So far Harry hadn’t allowed himself to consider all the ‘what-if’s, which Niall so clearly pointed out.

That night, he opened Pandora’s box, because once those thoughts were voiced and out, Harry couldn’t stop thinking, couldn’t stop worrying. And he had nothing, no name or number he could call to maybe talk about it, to get some peace of mind.

It didn’t help that when he told Gemma, his older sister, about the boy with the sky blue eyes and gorgeous smile she reacted almost like Niall. Not quite as crass maybe but Gemma too, questioned the likelihood of them ever meeting again.

She called it a bit of a fairy tale, a chance meeting and falling in love at first sight, roaming the streets together at night and watching the sunrise atop a skyscraper. Gemma said it sounded too good to be true, Louis sounded too good to be true. She didn’t doubt that there was some kind of connection, some kind of immediate strong attraction but she questioned whether a couple of hours were enough to leave that kind of lasting impression to get them through a whole year.

After all, Harry knew near to nothing about the other boy and vice versa. So Gemma gently pointed out that maybe, just maybe, Harry should keep his options open. Shouldn’t decline each and every attempt of anyone who asked him out on dates, should just keep living his life and enjoy it. Who knew what he might miss out on just because he kept waiting for someone who might never show up again.

“God, I shouldn’t have listened!” Harry pulls at his curls, accidentally taking out his bandana.

He should have never let other people get in his head, should have just trusted his gut instinct, sucked it up and stopped doubting.

If he had just listened to himself for once, he wouldn’t even be in this mess now.

Liam and him met at some club, on a night when Harry just need a distraction from a crappy week. He had a small argument with his mum, nothing major but it left him feeling upset and when he had called Gemma to complain, his sister had brushed him off because she was in a hurry. The essay he had spent ages on came back with a “C” which wasn’t the end of the world but given that Harry had sacrificed his sleep for the damn thing he was a little pissed off. And to top it all off, someone had nicked his milk from the fridge when he came back to the dorms. All in all, it had been quite a shite week.

So going out for a couple of drinks and a bit of dancing sounded like quite the plan to take his mind off of things. That’s how he met Liam, a lonely bloke at the bar who offered to buy him a drink. One drink turned into two, turned into three, turned into more. Talking turned into dancing, turned into grinding and when Harry found himself in a cab, on his way to Liam’s flat, he didn’t object.

Apparently misery does love company, because he could tell Liam was bothered by something. He refused to talk about it though, just asked Harry to keep it light and simple, something to distract him and well, Harry needed exactly the same that night.

The sex was okay given they were both drunk and when morning came, they even managed some kind of conversation over breakfast, ending with Liam asking for his number.

This had been his first way out, it would have been a simple thing to just politely decline and tell Liam that it was nice but a one-off. Harry didn’t, instead he handed his number over and when Liam called a couple of days later they went out for drinks. It became a casual thing after that, meeting for drinks, dinner or movies.

Of course Harry had seen the traces of another boy in Liam’s flat, he was neither blind nor stupid but Liam didn’t really mention it, only said it was a messy break-up but they were trying to be civil and working on being friends – whatever that meant.

It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that he was out with Liam that they bumped into Niall purely by chance and well… it all had gotten a lot messier and more tightknit since then. They started hanging out as a group which somehow put more pressure on Liam and Harry to define what they were actually doing, especially after Niall started referring to Liam and Harry as “ _them_ ”, as if they were an item.  

The very night Harry had met Zayn for the first time, only knowing it was Liam’s ex because Niall had told him beforehand, was the night that Liam asked him to be exclusive.

Which was also the night for Harry’s second way out. Liam was a great guy, good looking, nice and well-behaved. He was sweet and kind, treated Harry well and always called when he said he would. On paper, Liam was the perfect choice. Only that something was missing, like the spark didn’t quite catch. He liked Liam but he didn’t make his heart race, he didn’t lie awake at night thinking about the shape and taste of Liam’s lips.

Maybe Harry had been spoiled, caught up in a dream but kissing Liam didn’t quite come close to the kiss he had shared with Louis. That damn boy he still couldn’t get out of his head…

But Liam was here, he was more real than Louis at that time and… Harry still heard Gemma’s voice, telling him not to waste his chances just because he was too set on a fancy dream that might never come true.

So he said yes, agreed to be Liam’s boyfriend even though his heart wasn’t quite in it. But Harry thought that over time, he could surely come to love Liam.

“Bloody idiot,” Harry tells his image in the mirror. “Who does that?! Who goes out with someone just because it’s the sensible choice and you might come to love him?” he asks his reflection. “That’s horrible, Styles!”

Perhaps it could have all worked out. Perhaps Harry would have really come to love Liam and they could have been happy.

If it weren’t for the fact the Liam wasn’t over Zayn, which was apparent in the way he talked about him, acted when Zayn was around and how they treated each other.

If it weren’t for the fact that Harry was still hung up on some boy he had met a year ago but fell quick and hard for.

If it weren’t for the fact that the boy Harry had fallen in love with actually turned up on the exact day one year later, just like they had promised each other. Still wearing Harry’s necklace, still knocking Harry off his feet with his smile and beauty, still mesmerizing him with his laugh and blue, blue, blue eyes.

Fate must have had a right laugh with them, bringing them together only to tear them apart again, reuniting them only to dangle Louis in front of Harry face, so close but so out of reach at the same time.

“I’m such a mess,” Harry groans, sitting back on his haunches and burying his head in his hands. “I want my boyfriend’s best friend”.

*

“Harry?” Barbara’s voice gets him out of his funk. He’s been cowering on the floor for ages, no wonder someone eventually came looking for him. “Are you alright?”

“I’m… umh… fine,” Harry quickly gets up and wipes his hands on his jeans before he opens the door. “Sorry.”

“No worries, just wondering whether you passed out in there,” she smiles sheepishly. “And I really need the toilet. Louis bedroom and master bathroom are off limits ever since NYE two years ago when Niall had a bit too much drink… but anyways,” she hops from one foot to the other. “May I?”

“Oh sure!” Harry lets her pass, standing a little awkwardly in the corridor before he sighs and walks back towards the rest.

Niall is sprawled in one of the armchairs, while Zayn has taken residence on Louis’ two-seater. Harry hesitates for a second when he sees that the other free seat is right between Louis and Liam on the big sofa and well, it would look weird if he went over to Zayn instead of Liam but being pressed close to Louis for an unknown amount of time…

Teeth-gnashingly he walks over and sinks down between the two boys. Liam doesn’t look up, too caught up in a game of FIFA with Niall but Louis jumps ever so slightly.

Harry doesn’t know where to look, what to do with his hands and totally forgetting that this is not his home, he reaches out and shifts through the stuff piled under the coffee table, pulling out an inconspicuous black book, flicking it open at a random page.

He immediately wishes he didn’t and damns his curiosity.

It’s Louis book from all his photo shoots and since wearing a shirt seems to be frowned up over there in Australia, Louis is half naked in almost all of them. There are some pictures of him on his surfboard, some of him just sitting on it and staring at the sunset, other of him coming out of the water, board under his arm and skin tanned and glistening wet.

Harry swallows hard.

Liam is taller than Louis, stockier and more muscular. Harry knows that he is quite fond of his work out (boxing being his favorite) and rather dedicated to his fitness and health regime as all the protein shakes and bars he keeps stocked prove.

Louis is… almost dainty, petite really. His arms are well defined from surfing but if Harry had passed him in the streets he would have never suspected these kind of back muscles and abs to be hidden under Louis’ shirt. Somehow he’s still slender and lean while at the same time sporting some curves some girls would kill to have.

“Oh, are these from Australia?” Harry hadn’t realized that Liam finished his game, too caught up at staring at Louis’ pics before the book is lifted from his hands. 

“Nothing special.” Louis is quick to brush it off. “It’s not like I want to make a career out of it, I wouldn’t be tall enough or slim enough to walk for Burberry anyway.”

“You don’t?” Harry pipes up, mouth faster than his brain can catch up. “Because like… if you wanted to… I mean you’re pretty enough and I guess… umh you could if you wanted to. Make a career out of it,” he finishes, blushing an even deeper shade of pink when he sees that five pairs of eyes are focused on him.

“That’s very sweet of you Harry, but I hope you know how hard it’ll now be for Louis and his inflated ego to fit through the same door,” Niall tells him with a mocking frown.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind signing a picture for you though,” Zayn grins.

“Oh come off it,” Louis grumbles but Harry notices there’s a slight blush to his cheeks. “It was nice while it lasted, brought me free clothes and trips to some beautiful beaches. Also, the pay was rather nice as well but I don’t fancy sitting in make-up and hair for hours on end while doing a shoot in some dingy warehouse. It worked out so well in Australia because I did what I love – surfing – and they just happened to take some pics of me. Don’t think it’d have worked the other way around, you know? Me doing some shit just so they could get a good photo.”

“Damn and I was so looking forward to doing an underwear shoot with the first male model who wouldn’t ogle my ass or tits,” Babs deadpans and Louis grins.

“Just because they’d be too busy ogling my butt, babe.”

“More to ogle anyways,” Zayn mutters and Harry chuckles.

“How would you know, Zee?” Niall chucks a cushion over to the dark haired boy.

“Mate, I’m living with this one!” Zayn catches the cushion easily and wriggles his eyebrows.

“So Louis is really an exhibitionist?”

“A gentleman never tells.” For the most part it’s just friendly banter but Harry feels Liam tense next to him.

He still doesn’t know the full story, Niall had only given him a basic rundown of current events and Liam isn’t much more forthcoming either. And Harry is not brave enough to ask Zayn yet. The older boy was understandably cold towards him in the beginning but he’s warmed up since and Harry doesn’t want to risk it by touching some sensitive topic – which it still clearly is, more for Zayn than for Liam, or maybe Liam is just better at hiding it.

Harry supposes he could ask Louis but then again he doesn’t seem to be Harry’s biggest fan either at the moment, which… Harry does get on the one hand but then again he doesn’t.

For months Harry had kept his high hopes, had tried to believe that it’d miraculously work out with Louis even after a whole year in which they hadn’t seen each other, didn’t really know much about each other. Only when Harry had started to kind of accept that maybe the whole thing was a little delusional and tried to move on did Louis barge into his life again. He gets why it must have been a shock for Louis – hell, it was a shock for Harry too, even more so when he found out that Louis was best friends with the guy he’d been dating and his friends Harry had kept hanging out with during the last months. So he gets why Louis must have felt like he walked into a brick wall that night. And he still wore the goddamn necklace Harry had given him, might have even kept it on for the whole year he spent abroad which would kind of mean…  that Louis didn’t forget about Harry, that he thought about him just as much as Harry did and maybe, possibly even, fell as hard as Harry that night. Which would explain why Louis had been kind of… distant with Harry. Sure, he was nice enough, talked to him when directly spoken to for example but _only_ when directly spoken to. Louis never tried to strike up a conversation with Harry on his own, it almost seemed like he tried to avoid being near Harry full stop.

And it’s not like Louis really acknowledged what happened between them, although Harry tried to talk about it. He had caught the older boy glancing his way numerous times, but never did he make any move to talk to Harry, it almost seemed like Louis tried his hardest at times to forget they ever met before. Like all he now saw in Harry was his best mate’s boyfriend… which was probably for the best but really not the way Harry wants things to go.

He wants Louis to remember that night, wants Louis to remember him and how they felt, how that kiss tasted. He needs to know that Louis felt the same, that Harry wasn’t – _isn’t_ – alone in all this.

Harry is so confused, still – again – has so many questions whether they’re with regards to Zayn and Liam or to Louis. He just doesn’t know when, how or even who to ask. Hasn’t quite figured out the questions himself really. The only thing Harry knows for sure is that he better start figuring them out soon – should really start figuring out some of his feelings and random thoughts – before he confronts the guys and causes even more drama.

*

“So you’re ditching us?” Harry huffs and Liam has at least the decency to look a little guilty.

“It’s like… really important for me to attend these lectures and I totally forgot about the speech this evening?” Liam says contritely. “Sorry H., but it’s not like your sister will miss me that much anyways. I don’t have the feeling we… clicked really. And it’s supposed to be you and her, sibling bonding time and all, right?”

“She wanted to meet _you_ ,” Harry says, even though Liam is right; they had dinner with his sister last night and spent some time together this morning but every conversation between Gemma and Liam had been kind of awkward and strained. “And what am I supposed to do with her?”

“It’s London, I’m sure you’ll figure out something.” Liam grabs his coffee and turns towards him. “Show her the sights and stuff.”

“She lives in Sheffield not on the moon, she’s been here before,” Harry grumbles.

“Oh I don’t know, Harry!” Liam sounds a little frustrated as well. “Why don’t you… hang on!” He rushes past Harry, leaves him standing there to pay for his coffee without another explanation. He does, pay for Liam that is, but he keeps cursing under his breath.

Gemma hasn’t been to London that often and Harry really wanted to show her a good time now that he moved here and was supposed to know ‘the city like the back of his hand’ but so far… everything they did was kind of lame.

“I found just the solution to your problem!” Liam announces cheerily when he waltzes back in, shoving a surprised looking Louis at Harry.

“Oi, Liam let go!” Louis wriggles out of his grip, looking like Liam just plucked him off of the streets which he probably really did, given that Louis is simply dressed in black skinnies and low cut vest, showing off all his tattoos, burgundy colored beanie covering his hair and backpack slung over his shoulder. “What’s with the ambush?! I just got out of my lectures for the day.”

“Perfect!” Liam gestures to Harry whose presence Louis finally acknowledges with a muttered “hi” and small wave. “You know London.”

“I live here, so I better,” Louis deadpans.

“No, I mean you _know_ it. Like all these cool little places no one’s yet heard off, all this alternative shit and stuff.”

“’Shit and stuff’? I’m glad you’re studying architecture mate, your vocabulary astounds me.”

“Fucker. You’ll get on perfectly with Harry’s sister. I’m sure Gemima is going to love you.”

“Oh, _Gemma_ is visiting?!” Louis asks before he can think better off it and Liam luckily only seems confused for a second as to why Louis would know how Harry’s sister is called – which might be another factor of why Gemma and Liam doesn’t seem to get on: He keeps calling her Gemima.

“Umh, yes she is visiting. Arrived yesterday and staying until tomorrow afternoon.” Harry told Louis about Gemma exactly once – one year ago. He told Liam about Gemma at least a dozen times, the last time being the very day they picked her up from the train station. “I kinda promised her the ‘London experience’ only that I am a little lost and clueless.”

“Right,” Louis scratches the back of his neck. “And I am supposed to do what exactly?”

“Oh come on Tommo, you’re like a stray cat. You know all the back allies in our hood.”

“Did you just say ‘hood’?! Mate, we’re living in Camden!”

“Whatever. I know that you know some lovely spots and attractions neither I nor Harry will have heard off… so can you please help? Maybe play the tourist guide for one afternoon?”

Louis only pales a little and Harry only splutters a tiny bit at the prospect of spending a whole afternoon with Louis alone. Well, with Louis and Gemma. And maybe… it isn’t such a bad idea after all. He built Louis up to this perfect bloke who could do no wrong and if Harry got to spend a day with him… like properly spend a day with him without the other boys then perhaps this goddamn attraction and pull towards the other boy would fade. After all, it could just be an idea he fancied, could just be the fact that Louis was that mesmerizing creature because he played off the other boys so well. A day with him might help to drag him of the pedestal Harry built.

“I… umh…”

“Maybe you could just give me a couple of hints?” Harry asks shyly.

“Yeah, I guess…”

“Perfect,” Liam claps a hand around Louis shoulder and quickly pecks Harry’s lips. “Have fun, guys.  Talk to you later!” and with that, he’s off.

“I… sorry. I didn’t mean for him to ambush you like that or… like I can understand if you don’t want to or have other stuff to do so…”

“It’s alright,” Louis says to Harry’s surprise. “Got nothing planned anyway so…,” he turns to look out of the coffee shop’s window. “Gemma’s still into that alternative stuff?”

“You mean ‘hipster shit’?”

Louis eyes crinkle when he smiles. “Hipster shit,” he muses, having said the exact same thing when Harry told him about his sister’s (and his) preferences when it came to music, clothing and art.

“Yeah, she’s still into that.”

“There’re some galleries, a flea market where they sell antiquities and other freaky stuff… some bars and pubs with your kind of music, you know? Bandana and band tee wearing flower children.”

“Sounds good,” Harry can’t help the shy grin. Seems like Louis isn’t going to abandon him and his stomach does a happy little somersault.   

“So where is the famous big sister?” Louis looks around like he expects her to pop up behind the counter any second.

“Supposed to meet me here five minutes ago,” Harry frowns. “Can I buy you a tea for your troubles?”

“Don’t think a tea will do but it’s a start,” Louis grins and Harry only preens a little that he can still rattle off Louis' order by heart.

By the time they both got their drinks, Gemma has finally made her way to the coffee shop.

“Hey I am so sorry, pumpkin I got – you are _not_ Liam!” She stops dead in her tracks and Harry blushes when he sees how blatantly Gemma is checking Louis out.

“What gave it away? My good looks or obvious charm?” He winks at her and Gemma actually blushes.

“I like him. We can keep him,” she tells Harry.

“Heard that Harold? Don’t have to take me back to the shelter just yet.”

“Oh God, I should have known you too would get on like a house on fire,” Harry shakes his head but can’t stop the grin from spreading. “Louis is our very own tour guide for the rest of the day, Gem.”

“Now _that_ sounds promising. Guide away, Louis!” She tells him and Harry will need to find a quiet second where he can grab his sister and tell her that Louis is actually kind of gay and very probably not into girls.

Louis leads them through streets Harry didn’t even know existed and he probably never would have, hadn’t it been for the other boy. They look through some cute galleries, located mostly in the backstreets and when Harry wonders aloud how Louis knows these places, he points out that Zayn is actually studying art and that from time to time Louis does listen and wander the world with his eyes open.

Gemma is positively dancing with glee when they come to the flea market in the afternoon and after a while Louis and Harry just hang back to chat, letting Harry’s sister run wild.

They end up in some bar Harry has never heard off and is unlikely to ever remember the way to but Gemma is beaming, grinning even wider when some uni band takes the stage and starts playing.

“How do you know these places?” Harry wonders aloud and Louis smiles.

“The guy on the drums… his name is Ashton. He’s in some of my Marketing classes and we hung out a couple of times, he invited me to a gig and yeah… he’s really into the whole music scene around uni so if I want to know anything about a band or concert, I usually send him a text and voila.”

“And here I thought you just came up with that idea on your own,” Gemma winks at him and Harry really needs to sit her down and tell her to stop flirting with Lou. He’s starting to feel uncomfortable on his behalf.

“Does it save my reputation as incognito hipster if I say I knew about this gig for about two weeks, just didn’t really plan on going?”

Gemma makes an assessing gesture. “Kind of. What about all the galleries and the flea market. That was rather… artsy and not quite mainstream. Are you into that stuff?”

“My mate Zayn,” Louis looks over to Harry but he shakes his head. Gemma has yet to meet the rest like Niall, Babs and Zayn. “Zayn’s dad is quite a big name around here. He owns some of the most prestigious galleries; is always travelling and looking for new artists and stuff and Zayn and I have been best mates since diaper days so… eventually I couldn’t avoid being dragged to some shows and exhibitions. I’ve probably been to every museum in London, and I doubt there was an exhibition I didn’t get roped in to see, even though I couldn’t name any artists to save my life, mind you.

But umh, as I said, Zayn is studying art and he’s like really, really talented. His paintings are great and he’s already had some smaller shows as well, so naturally he’s quite into the whole scene. Wouldn’t know half the places if he hadn’t forced me to come along at some point.” Louis smiles at the memory and Harry is only irrationally jealous for a couple of seconds. “It’s not quite my scene but interesting enough to tag along every once in a while. What about you?”

“Me? Well, I’m afraid roaming alternative flea markets and bohemian galleries is just a past time for me. Got a degree in Business Studies and now I’m trying to decide if I actually want to start working or rather do a Master’s Degree, you know? I’m not really the artsy type, like I love looking at that stuff but I can’t draw to save my life for example,” Gemma giggles. “Harry on the other hand is really talented when it comes to music and art”

“He is?” Louis sounds surprised and Harry blushes, shooting Gemma a glare. He didn’t tell Louis about it with good reason.

“I am really not. It’s just a hobby.”

“Here,” Gemma slides her phone across the table and Louis leans in before Harry can snatch it away. “Those are some photos he took during his last visit in Cheshire,” she flicks through the album, showing Louis rather boring shots of leafless tress in the autumn sun or fields covered in mist during dawn while the sun had not quite risen. Some are in color, others just in black and white and while Harry likes them, it’s definitely not his best work.

“It’s nothing!” He reaches out to take the phone but Louis snatches it away quickly.

“You took those?” He asks after having flicked through the photos again, giving Harry time to work up to a proper blush.

“Umh, yes. It’s really just a silly hobby and…”

“They are good. Really good. I bet Zayn would love to see those, you should talk to him and show him…” Louis pats down his pockets. “In fact… do you have his number? We could send him some now and…”

“Wait!” Harry interjects, finally being able to wrestle the phone out of Louis’ hands. “Wait, hold your horses. It’s…,” he looks over to his sister, willing her to get it and Gemma sighs but gets up, muttering something about the bar, new drinks and the drummer before she leaves Harry and Louis.

“So?” Louis probes. “Even if it’s just a hobby, I’m sure Zayn wouldn’t mind taking a look, could maybe point you towards some people and-“

“I don’t think Zayn would do that,” Harry blurts. “I don’t think he likes me very much.”

Louis frowns “What makes you think that?”

“Umh, because I’m with Liam,” Harry says in a ‘duh’ tone, wishing the very second he hadn’t because Louis visibly draws back and shuts down. They’ve been getting on so well all afternoon, hesitantly at first sure, but after a while Louis seemed to relax, letting himself go a little. He started joking around with Gemma, even brought back a bit of the teasing with Harry and it was just so… easy, nice and perfect that for a second Harry forgot all about Liam, Zayn and all the other shit.

“Right.”

“And I don’t really know what happened between them or what their history is and—“

“Hold up,” Louis pinches the bridge of his nose, looking over his shoulder to check whether Gemma is still busy (she is, having caught Ashton’s attention and from the way she flicks her hair it looks like she’ll be busy for a while). “Are you trying to tell me that you don’t know anything about Zayn and Liam?”

Harry lowers his gaze to his fingers. “Not much. Like, obviously I figure that there was another bloke when I first walked into Liam’s flat but he only said that it was a bit of a messy break-up and they were trying to be civil now. I didn’t even know it was Zayn until Niall told me literally five minutes before I was supposed to meet the guy for the first time so… no. I don’t really have clue what’s going on because no one tells me shit.”

“I don’t think I should be the one to…”

“Who should I ask? Liam? He ignores the questions usually. Niall? Zayn?”

“Yeah, don’t ask Zayn,” Louis mutters. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” Harry shrugs. “I feel like I’m caught in the middle of this big, tragic romantic drama only that I have no idea who’s Romeo and who’s Juliet yet.”

“You are kind of caught in a drama, mate, sorry to break the news,” Louis sighs, clearly debating whether he should tell Harry the whole story or not but in the end, he shrugs and says, “See… Liam and Zayn got together when they were fifteen. Liam was the typical popular jock, Zayn the dark mysterious outsider. Match made in heaven, really. Disney couldn’t have gotten it more right if they tried only that you’d neither catch Zayn or Liam in a dress – ever. And don’t try calling one of them princess, they don’t take too well to it…,” Louis rubs his shoulder absentmindedly, as if he’s gotten more than one friendly punch during his teenage years for doing exactly that. “Both their families are extremely wealthy and they could have been the poster-gay couple for high society only that they both really don’t give a shit about money and glam, which makes them even more sickeningly perfect,” he grumbles.

“So they were together for almost nine years?”

“Pretty much. Of course they had their petty fights and a bit of drama but it was largely a pretty smooth cruise for both of them. Finished school together, took a gap year together, went to University together, got a flat together…,” Louis drawls. “Niall and I always joked that we wanted to be adopted.”

“Oh, so you and Niall also go way back?”

“He was left on our doorstep in 4th form, I think. We took him in even though we should have said no because he eats you out of house and home but he had those big, blue eyes and garbled some bullshit no one understood – it was kind of cute.”

“Mmh,” Harry entwines his fingers and doesn’t meet Louis’ eyes. Great, so they all knew each other since the Stone Age and now Harry barged into that tightknit fabric, probably acting like a bull in a chine shop.

“Hey… Niall really likes you, okay? He thinks you’re great. And Zayn… even Zayn likes you.”

“Yeah right he does.”

“Surprisingly yes. Must be because of those curls and doe eyes,” Louis teases and Harry finally looks up. “He said so himself when he told me about Liam’s new boyfriend.”

“He did?”

“Mmh, said it was hard to hate you because you were just so bloody nice.”

Harry guffaws, “Now that sounds lovely.”

“Better than expected.” Louis kicks him underneath the table. “Come on, you were the guy…”

“I was who?”

Louis bites his lip and he looks like he starts regretting ever having that conversation. “You were the guy Liam cheated on Zayn with.”

Harry chokes on his drink. “I was _what_?” He asks, coughing and struggling for air.

“Liam didn’t tell you?” Louis muses and answers himself in the next second. “Of course he didn’t, fucking _wanker_ ,” he raises his voice slightly towards the end of the sentence, hitting the table with his flat hand, which causes people nearby shoot them curious glances. “Zayn and Liam had an argument that night and it was… pretty bad. Zayn left and slept at my place while Liam went out, got drunk…,” Louis doesn’t say any more but Harry gets the picture.

“I really didn’t know,” he hangs his head, a couple of puzzle pieces falling into place thanks to the new piece of information. “I thought… he made it sound like the break-up was weeks ago and not… yet to happen…”

“It’s alright. I suspected he didn’t tell you,” Louis mutters. “He only confessed to Zayn when Zayn came back the next day to talk about it, to sort it out and well… let’s just say cheating was the final nail in the coffin.”

“I…,” Harry tries to wrap his head around all this. He knew that Liam and Zayn had been close, it still being obvious in the way they treated and talked to each other. But Harry didn’t know he kind of broke a decade long relationship up, although so many things made a lot more sense now. He just wishes he knew about all of this sooner, that Liam instead of Louis had the guts to sit him down and explain all this to him because… well, isn’t that Liam’s job?

“They were engaged, you know?” Louis says quietly and Harry knocks his drink over. “Liam asked him… two years ago during a trip to Spain. Zayn’s still wearing the ring, by the way.” It’s quite amazing how casually Louis manages to deliver those blows. He gets up when he sees that Harry doesn’t make a move to wipe the mess on the table clean, leaving him to sit and stare dumbly at the small puddle of beer.

 _Engaged_. Wow. It’s not like Harry wanted a detailed account of all of Liam’s past relationship but surely you’d mention something like an engagement to your new boyfriend? Especially when you and you’re ex-fiancé still hang out with the same circle of friends? Maybe before you’d introduce your new boyfriend to the guy?

Harry thought it was just a nasty break up and Liam didn’t fancy being reminded by Harry asking all those questions but it’s nothing like that… this is big. Big enough for Harry to know he would have thought twice about getting involved with Liam after that kind of information because… well, just coming out of an almost ten year relationship is bad enough but breaking off an engagement…

It was clear to Harry that Liam was still a bit hung up on Zayn, something he thought would fade with time but now… now he wonders if Liam is even remotely over Zayn, if he actually tried to get over the other boy or if being with Harry is just some fucked-up coping mechanism, something to keep him busy so he doesn’t have to come to grips with his feelings for Zayn and their break-up.

“Breathe,” Louis coaxes softly and Harry startles out of his trance, watching the older boy wipe the table clean before he brings the cloth back to the bar and puts a shot in front of Harry. “You look like you need it.” Harry doesn’t wait for Louis to chink his glass, he downs the liquor right away, coughing.

“So I’m the rebound?” He mutters darkly. It’s not… totally unexpected if he’s brutally honest with himself. Liam and him never… there was always something just a little bit off but so far Harry always thought it was him holding back, still chasing a dream and being hung up on some guy he fell for a year ago. Now, it looks like Liam was never all in either. He wonders whether that makes it better or worse.

“I really don’t know, sorry. Liam…,” for a second it seems like it physically pains Louis to speak. “Liam seems to genuinely like you otherwise he wouldn’t have introduced you to Niall, Zayn and I.”

“Oh.”

Louis nods but doesn’t say anything for a while, letting Harry mull over the words and new information.

“If you want to call the night quits and talk to Liam, I’d understand.”

“No.” Harry shakes his head. Talking to Liam is actually the last thing he wants right now. “Doubt he’ll tell me the truth.”

“He might not know the truth. The thing between him and Zayn… it’s complicated. I think they need to sit down and talk it through but… can’t force them.”

“Look, I really appreciate you telling me the truth…,” Harry looks at Louis. “I really do, and this will sound really ungrateful but…”

“Can we stop talking about Liam and Zayn and shit?” Louis guesses.

“Please.”

“Fine by me. What do you want to talk about, Harold?” He looks around, fringe falling into his eyes. “How about the fact that your sister is so getting it on with the drummer tonight?”

This time, Louis laughs when Harry chokes on his drink.

*

“Oi” Gemma grabs his chin and forces him to look at her. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me, babe? You look a little worse for wear.” Harry shakes his head wildly, the movement nearly unsettling him and he trips on even ground. Maybe the last cocktail was a bit too much. But they were so pretty and tasty… he grins dopily.

“Gonna stay with Louuuuu,” Harry drawls and Gemma raises a perfectly trimmed eyebrow. She looks like she is about to say something but then just shakes her head. “Alright, have fun pumpkin.”

“I will,” Harry drawls slowly, already waving Gemma off and walking back towards the bar where he parked Louis.

Only that Louis is gone, his and Harry’s drink’s empty. “Huh,” he looks around, almost missing the slightly smaller body in the crowd but then Louis twists and the crowd parts and for a couple of seconds Harry has an unhindered view of him: His fringe is sticking to his skin, slightly sweaty besides the blasting A/C, the rest of his hair looking a little disheveled but in a ‘run-your-hands-through-it-and-mess-it-up-even-more’ kind of way. The white vest he’s wearing glows under the black light, a stark contrast to Louis still tanned skin. He sways his hips to the beat and Harry shouldn’t be surprised by the level of body control Louis has (he’s standing on tiny wooden blanks in the middle of the ocean for fun after all) but seeing it for the first time still leaves him a little breathless. Might be down to his slightly intoxicated state but Louis just looks sinful on the dance floor.

Harry rudely shoves his way through the crowd, Louis sees him coming and before they come face to face, the smaller boy turns around and Harry takes the chance to plaster himself to Louis’ back.

“Gemma’s gone back?” Louis leans back a little, head almost resting on Harry’s shoulder.

“Yeah, she took a cab.”

“That’s not very gentleman-like, Harry. Shouldn’t you make sure the fair lady gets home safe and sound?”

“Who said I wasn’t doing exactly that?” He grins down at Louis, seeing that his gaze is a little unfocused as well and okay, maybe they should have cut down on the booze after the first bar but then again it’s not his fault that Louis seemed to know every other barkeeper between here and Yorkshire, scoring free drinks for them left and right.

“Cheeky,” Louis gives up trying to support his own weight and slumps his head against Harry’s chest. “Do you want to go home so Gem isn’t all by herself?”

“She’ll be fine and… I’d quite like to stay a little longer, if that’s alright?”

Louis doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, seems to consider the options and implications. Harry did that as well, also it was a rather short internal debate consisting of “Going home vs. LOUIS” – not really surprising which one won.

“Okay,” he finally says softly, almost inaudible over the thumping beat.

It doesn’t take long or perhaps it takes forever, everything a blur of music, lights and motions, until dancing turns into something else. Louis is again – still? – pressed to Harry’s chest, hips swaying to a beat Harry doesn’t recognize but doesn’t care about as long as it doesn’t stop, as long as Louis doesn’t stop moving. He pulls him closer until there isn’t an inch of space between them left, and grinds against Louis ass.

The older boy’s movement falters for a second, Harry can feel him tense in his tight hold. Louis has been teasing him for hours, with those intense looks, his bright, private smile and last but not least with his sultry moves, so close but still just a tad out of Harry’s reach and there’s only so much he can take.

It’s not like he didn’t know where things seemed to be headed when he told Gemma to leave without him. Spending a day with Louis didn’t help to demolish the pedestal Harry put Louis up on, if any, Harry wants to grab Louis and bend him over said pedestal because he doesn’t know how much longer he can take this… fucking chemistry between them. In the beginning he could try and tell himself that he was simply physically attracted to Louis (because who wouldn’t be?) and that it’d eventually fade but the more time he spent with him today, the more he became attracted to _the person_ Louis is.

There’s a line here which they definitely shouldn’t cross but have been tethering along for far too long already and Harry feels like he’s about to go crazy if he doesn’t do something about it. So he grinds against Louis with clear intent and waits.

Then Louis rotates his hips ever so slightly and Harry gasps.

His hands slide from Louis hips down to his thighs, pressing his firm butt closer to Harry’s crotch.

“Bad idea.” Harry had been so focused on the feel of Louis pushing back against his dick that he didn’t see Louis turn his head until hot breath hits the damp skin of his neck. It makes a shiver run down his back.

“I feel like this is the first good idea I’ve had since a year,” Harry whispers back, eyes flitting between Louis’ eyes and his lips.

“Li…,” Louis begins and Harry can’t have him say the name, not now. So he bites down on the juncture of Louis neck to his shoulder and - the other outright moans. Harry died and has gone straight to heaven. Hands still attached to Louis thighs, he starts to follow the movement of the other boy’s hips with his body slowly at first, building up the friction until Louis is positively grinding against Harry.

Fucking addictive, that’s what this is, going straight to his head, throwing lust and want into the heady mix of alcohol and Louis. He nuzzles Louis’ shirt to the side so he can slide his lips along the hot skin of his shoulder, stopping only to leave little lovebites he can smooth over with his tongue. Working his way up, he contemplates leaving a bigger mark on Louis neck for everyone to see, just nibbling at the skin when Louis suddenly shudders and bites his lips.

“Fuck Harry, not there…,” he reaches up blindly, tangling his fist in Harry’s hair to pull his head away and Harry fights back, instead sinking his teeth into the skin ever so gently and Louis moans. He can feel the sound resonating in his whole body, could swear he feels Louis vibrate underneath his fingertips.

“Sweet spot?” Harry guesses with a devilish grin Louis unfortunately can’t see. He expects a witty comeback, maybe even for Louis to wriggle free of his hold but what he doesn’t expect is for Louis to turn in his hold and pull his head down roughly by his hair.

“You are a fucking tease, Harry Styles.”

“Better teach me a lesson then,” he replies with what he hopes is a seductive smile but it all comes out a little breathless and incredibly turned on, just like Harry is actually feeling.

“You’re drunk. You’ll regret it in the morning.”

“I’m drunk on you.”

Louis tries hard but he can’t help the twitch of his mouth, amused besides the heavy, tension filled atmosphere between them.

“I just want you,” Harry tells him unabashed and he sees Louis gasp, momentarily knocked off kilter by Harry’s honesty. He catches himself rather quick though, never having let go of Harry’s curls he angles his head ever so slightly, looking at the younger boy again before he closes the distance.

Kissing Louis the second time is better and worse. Worse because he’s jittery and nervous, having had a year only to imagine and relive that first kiss as many times as possible and Harry thought he might have imagined the electric jolt that ran through him when his lips touched Louis all those months ago.

It’s better because the damn electric jolt is still there, unearthing Harry and making him keen against the other boy’s mouth, but now he knows that this feeling is a once in a lifetime experience, that he has to cherish every second, every taste he gets of Louis.

Louis takes his bottom lips between his sharp little canines, repaying Harry by gently biting him and making him gasp before he licks into his mouth almost lazily, like they’re the only two people in the world and not surrounded by a mass of sweaty, dancing bodies.

He lets Louis take the lead, walking them back without breaking the kiss. They bump into less people than expected but maybe Harry just doesn’t notice anything besides the body pressed closed to him, the hands combing through his hair. His back collides with the wall and Harry hardly notices because Louis wedges his leg between Harry’s as an invitation which Harry takes all too willingly, grinding down.

He deepens the kiss almost feverishly, high on the fact that it’s Louis, that he’s here and not leaving, that this night doesn’t have a deadline. He kisses Louis until there’s no trace left of rum or coke or any of the other drinks he’s had that night left, until it’s only _Louis_.

Harry keeps kissing Louis like it’s the last thing he gets to do in this life, almost growling when Louis softly but firmly pushes him back. It’s only then that Harry realizes that the bright lights are not down to the imaginary fireworks going off in his head but the crass neon lights of the club.

“What the…?” He pulls back, groaning when Louis steps back and he loses the friction on his dick. A couple of minutes longer and Harry’d been ready come in his pants.

“Curfew,” Louis sighs. His hair is a wild mess, shirt rucked up and crinkled and he looks flushed from head to toe, skinny jeans definitely a little too tight for comfort in certain areas. Harry preens because he did this.

“I hate London. I hate curfews… what time is it anyways?”

“3am,” Louis grins and reaches out, gently peeling Harry off the wall. “Let’s get out of here.”

He waits while Louis retrieves his backpack from behind the bar, letting the first throng of people pass before they make their way outside.

“So…,” Harry stubs his trainer at the dirt on the pavement. “Do you want to… umh… like… we could… go to mine?”

Louis worries his lips between his teeth, looking at him for a couple of seconds. “No.” At that, Harry looks up, stricken.

“It’s… I really want to, okay? I really, really do. I…,” Louis runs a hand through his sweaty fringe. “I just can’t. Not when…,” he motions towards Harry and for a second he doesn’t get it then…

“Liam?”

“Yes,” Louis nods sadly. “This already went too far and…”

“I’ll talk to him.”

“What?”

“I’ll talk to him.” Harry shrugs. “It’s only fair, isn’t it? I… well, I cheated I guess. And… I wish I could say I regret it and feel guilty but…,” he looks Louis dead in the eye “I can’t.”

“Okay.” There’s a small, careful smile playing on Louis lips and Harry can’t help it, he leans in and quickly pecks his lips.

“So maybe I can get your number this time?”

“I guess, yes.” Louis holds out his phone to Harry, waiting until he rung himself from Louis’ phone.

“I text you tomorrow… after,” Harry stutters. “And… we could like… go for tea? Get to know each other?”

“I’d really like that,” Louis smiles at him and Harry swears his heart stops for a second at that smile.

“Good.”

“Good.”

They stare each other until they both giggle.

“Umh… well, my dorm is a ten minutes’ walk so…” Harry points behind him.

“I’m in that direction.” Louis nods his head to his right. “So speak to you tomorrow? Or today I guess.”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Cool.” Louis grins when he sees Harry argue with himself, putting the younger boy out of his misery when he steps forward and inches his chin up so that Harry looks at him. “I had a really good day and even better night, Styles. Make sure you get home safe.”

“Will do,” Harry mutters and Louis kisses him gently. It’s slow and deliberate and so good that Harry is sure he will feel the ghost of this kiss for hours after Louis has left.

“Goodnight,” Louis tells him with a wink and quickly pirouettes on his heel, walking off. Harry stands there a bit dumbfound until Louis turns while walking, blowing him a kiss.

Maybe Harry made a mess of things, well, he surely made a mess when he kissed Louis tonight but he’s determined to sort it all out. He let Louis slip through his hands once, it’s not going to happen twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, leaving lovely comments and kudos! 
> 
> If you want to come and say hi on Twitter (@remix_of_me) 
> 
> I'll be in Brussels next weekend (yeahy) but I'll try and prepare the next chapter so I can either upload it on Sunday or latest on Monday once I'm back.


	3. Don't fuck with my love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry I know this is late. My best and only excuse is Brussels - I'm still on cloud no.9 after seeing the guys up close and getting to hear No Control and 18 live. That show will forever be a highlight and unique experience and I will stop now because I can keep rambling about it for hours and hours...

Five hours of sleep is not that much after touring half of London by foot during the day (well maybe not London, but at least Camden) and a night of drinking, dancing and snogging and it’s probably only the memory of Louis lips which makes Harry get up at 9am. He’s tired, a bit hung over but smiling like an idiot.

Gemma is still fast asleep and he doesn’t think she’ll stir before noon. Ed (his roomie and who’s bed Gemma is currently occupying) vacated the premises the day that Gemma arrived to spend his nights at his girlfriend’s which isn’t that much of a sacrifice and Harry doesn’t expect him back before tonight or maybe even as late as tomorrow so no one should trouble his sister’s beauty sleep.

Leaving a note with the promise to be back soon and with breakfast, Harry makes his way over to Liam’s around 10am, hoping that his soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend will be up.

It doesn’t take more than three knocks before the door is yanked open and he comes face to face with a red-eyed and absolutely destroyed looking Liam.

“Harry,” his voice is rough and hoarse and Harry is clueless as to what’s going on.

“Hi… umh, is this an inconvenient time?”

“No, no… I… was going to call you anyways, just thought I’d let you sleep, you know? Didn’t know how late it got last night so… yeah. How did it go by the way? Did Jenna… did your sister enjoy it? Where did you go actually? I mean, I thought Louis was your best shot so I hope it…”

“Liam!” Harry interrupts him, not only confused but also worried because Liam looks like shit and he is rambling as well. Liam never rambles. “Listen about last night…,” Harry follows Liam through the flat but stops dead in his tracks when he catches a glimpse of the living room.

It’s utter chaos.

Not that Liam is a neat freak or anything – well, he kind of is but so is Harry, but… it looks like a tornado went through the room. Books are lying across the floor, pictures are smashed on the ground, even the coffee table is turned over.

“Liam?”

“I… shit, this is kind of hard to explain, I mean… there’s a lot I didn’t tell you, Harry.” He follows Liam’s gaze and amidst all the chaos lies a broken picture frame, showing a smiling Zayn.

So that’s what this is all about.

“You mean about Zayn? That you’ve been together for like ever? That you were engaged?” Harry doesn’t mean to sound so flippant but he can’t quite help it. He’s known Liam for almost five months now and in all this time he never had the guts to bring up the topic of Zayn even though Harry kept asking about him. It had to be Louis of all people to tell him the truth.

Liam’s eyes widen and he looks like a deer caught in the headlights. “Who…?”

“Louis told me last night since you conveniently failed to hear all my questions or chose to ignore them. What… I mean what do you think I would have done, Li? Caused a scene? Snapped at Zayn? Told you I didn’t want to see you again?”

“I… I don’t know, okay? I don’t know why I kept it from you… it’s just… it’s really… it’s still raw,” his voice drops at the end of the sentence. “He gave back the ring yesterday.”

“What?”

“Zayn… he left an envelope with the ring last night.” Liam digs through his pockets, producing a small silver band. “Didn’t knock or anything, just chucked it in the mail like… like it means nothing. I guess he’s over it.” Liam shrugs and tries to fake nonchalance but he looks shaken to the core.

Harry wonders what he thought this would be, what they – Harry & Liam – would be… whether he thought he could use him to make Zayn jealous and publicly apologize and declare his undying love or something.

“So I am the rebound, the guy to make Zayn jealous?” He mutters and Liam turns around so quick, he nearly loses his footing on the polished hardwood floor.

“No. Gosh, never! You…” Liam rests his hands on his shoulders, eyes swimming with unshed tears. “You are the best thing in all of this, Harry. You are… God, I couldn’t do it without you, you know? Don’t ever think you’re just a rebound or that I kept it from you because… because I thought there was a chance of me and Zayn getting back together. It was never like this, I swear!”

“Liam, I…,” Harry tries to step out of his grip.

“Please Harry. I know I’ve been a dick for keeping all of this from you but….,” He wipes his eyes. “I swear I’ll be honest from now on. I… I need you, okay? You are the best thing that’s happened to me and I don’t know what I’d do without you…”

There’s a shiver running down Harry’s spine but it’s ice-cold and he feels the dread settle into his stomach. Liam looks ready to break, looking at Harry like he’s the only thing to keep him sane and here Harry is, came prepared to break this heartbroken boy even further.

“I’m so sorry, H. I know I didn’t let you in and I kept so much from you but…,” Liam sniffles. “That’s over now. I think we could be good together – I _know_ we could be. I… you’ve been so great, you are this little ray of sunshine and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

Harry feels tongue tied, rooted in place. He woke up so fucking happy and now… everything seems to go to shit, like the universe is conspiring against him and Louis.

First fucking Australia, and now Liam.

He could do it, Harry muses. He could just tell Liam that he’s breaking up with him, that he snogged Louis last night and rather liked a go with Liam’s best mate than with him but… wouldn’t that make Harry the biggest fucking asshole on the planet? Kicking Liam when he’s already down?

“I really like you, Harry. I really, really do and I… I am so glad you’re with me. You’re the only good thing left in my life.”

Sucker punch. Knock out.

Liam looks at him like he’s his lifeline and even so the words are on Harry’s tongue he can’t voice them. He can’t be the one to deliver the deadly blow.

“You’ll get through this,” Harry hears himself say, opening his arms for Liam. “Promise.”

“You won’t leave, will you?” Liam whispers against his shirt and it’s probably unfair to put so much pressure on Harry, to put him on the spot like that but then again Liam thinks he just lost the world and…

“I’ll be here.”

Harry feels like shit.

He kissed another boy last night, cheated on his boyfriend. If it was just anyone, Harry might have been able to forget it, to move on but it’s not. It’s Louis, the guy he’ll be seeing almost every other day without being able to touch him.

Louis, who he promised to wait for and broke that promise by getting with Liam. And now he’s breaking his promise once again because… fuck, he can’t break up with Liam. Not now, not when Liam is already beaten down, not when he looks close to breaking.  

It’s not really fair to Liam either, Harry is well aware of it: Staying in a relationship even though he has a crush (or more) on someone else, already kissed that someone and came here with the intent to dump Liam.

The right thing would be to break it off, to come clean about him and Louis and how they met, how Harry fell in love with a boy he hardly knew but now he has the chance to get to know him and how he wants that more than anything.

Only that the right thing would possibly kill Liam right now and… Harry is probably a wimp. A spineless creature, who likes to lead people on and play with their emotions, get their hopes up only to disappoint them the very next minute.

The truth is that Harry hates – _absolutely detests_ – hurting people. His sister calls it the Florence Nightingale complex, the urge to always please and make people like him, to trip over his own feet in his haste to help and putting everyone else’s wishes and needs first.

The right thing to do would be to come clean. Instead, Harry hugs Liam harder and tells him _they’ll_ get through this.

*

He comes back to his dorm just after 1pm after he helped Liam clean the flat while the other boy supplied bits and pieces about his and Zayn’s relationship. Perhaps it should make Harry happy that Liam is finally opening up and wants to work on ‘them’ but all Harry feels is disappointment with himself, that he couldn’t stand up and tell Liam the truth, dread and hurt because he knows Louis won’t be happy and he has to tell him the truth.

“About time…,” Gemma is sitting on his bed, flicking through a magazine. “I was about to starve,” she looks at Harry and frowns. “You look a little worse for wear, baby brother. And where’s the breakfast, don’t tell me you forgot?”

“I forgot,” Harry repeats in a monotonous voice before he shakes himself out of it. Not his sister’s fault that he’s such a pathetic wimp. “So how did you enjoy your weekend? What did you think of Liam?”

“Umh… the weekend was pretty amazing to be honest. Yesterday was… so cool. I loved the galleries and the flea market was so… wow,” Gemma gushes. “The bars we went to were pretty cool as well, though I hate to tell you but you need to work on your level of alcohol tolerance if you want to keep hanging with the big boys. You looked wasted after the second one and Louis was barely tipsy.”

“Yeah Louis is great,” Harry mutters under his breath. “So Liam? He’s pretty nice, isn’t he?”

A weird expression crosses Gemma’s face and she twists her hands in her lap. “Right… I guess he is. Nice, I mean.”

“Gem…,” Harry rolls his eyes and sits down on Ed’s bed. “Tell me, okay? I wanted you to meet him and now I want your honest opinion.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Fine…,” she brings her index finger to her mouth and chews on the nail for a second. “Liam is pretty and nice and well educated and you two have as much chemistry as two potted plants.”

“What?” Harry gasps.

“Sorry. You wanted my honest opinion. And my honest opinion is that there is zero, nada, niente sexual tension or attraction or whatever between you two. Don’t get me wrong, he’s sweet and very attentive but… aren’t you bored out of your mind, Harry? You two have nothing in common, or at least very little… and like what do you guys talk about?”

“Hey!” Okay, he asked for it but she doesn’t have to be so brutally honesty, surely?

“No seriously, H. He’s the perfect guy but… I just don’t feel the spark between you two, sorry.” She gives him a taxing look, clearly struggling with herself.

“Just say it.” Can’t be much worse anyway.

“You and Louis on the other hand…” It can get worse. Harry feels like slamming his head against the wall. “I mean… it’s none of my business and given you have a boyfriend but umh… I felt like I was interfering sometimes.”

“Really? Because I thought I would have to pull you aside and tell you he’s gay with the way you were ogling him.”

“He’s pretty hot,” Gemma shrugs with a grin. “But given that you two kept shooting each other barely concealed glances all day long which eventually turned into eye-sex…”

“Oh God, Gemma!”

“It’s true, though! You totally had the hots for him and he wasn’t really against it! You wouldn’t have notice if the fucking room had burst into flames at some point, Harry!”

“He’s a friend!”

“Sure.” Gemma rolls her eyes. “So how was the rest of your night with your totally platonic pal-dude-bro?”

Harry bites his tongue before he can say something mean back. Instead, he picks at a loose thread in Ed’s bed sheet. “Remember the guy I told you about? The one I met about a year ago?”

“Oh Harry.” Gemma rolls her eyes. “That mysterious boy who buggered off to Australia and was never heard of again?”

“That one, yes.”

“Hard to forget since you were head over heels for a ghost for more than six months. But what’s he got to do with all of this? You’re not making much sense, H.”

“Louis,” he mutters.

“Huh?”

“The guy who buggered off to Australia? That’s Louis. _The_ Louis you met last night. The same Louis who is best friend’s with Liam, my boyfriend. The same Louis who we went out with last night and the same goddamn Louis I kissed last night!” His voice cracks at the end of the sentence.

“What?”

“The mysterious guy is Louis, okay?” Harry tries to laugh but it comes out as a sob and he feels like crying all of a sudden. “It’s Louis. He came back and… fuck, Gemma. He went to the bar just like we promised, he’s still wearing my fucking necklace and… like I tried to be good, okay? I tried to stay clear of him and treat him as a friend but I can’t because he’s so… _everything_ , okay? I can’t stay away and it’s not fair to Liam and I’m making a mess of things… I…I… we kissed last night and it was… it was so good and today I went to talk to Liam and-“

“Stop, breathe!” His sister grabs his shoulders, sinking to the floor in front of him to shake him gently. “Jeeze, Harry. One thing after another okay?” Gemma waits until his breathing has returned to normal before she slides back onto the bed next to him, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. “So ‘your’ Louis – is the one who’s best buddies with Liam and Neil?”

“Niall,” he corrects her.

She waves it off. “He’s the same guy you met over a year ago?”

“Yes. Only I didn’t know his name, of course. And when I met Niall and Liam I didn’t have a clue that they knew each other. Like, of course they’d talk about their mate who went to study abroad for a year, probably even mentioned his name and at some point that he studied in Australia but I mean… what are the chances, right?”

“Right.”

“So on the 11th January Liam took me to 17Black.”

“The bar where you sometimes sing?”

“That one, yes. And Louis and I had agreed to meet there when he was back from Australia, so… kinda fit, you know. And I half expected him not to show, thought you and Niall were right when you said it was just a crazy idea, wishful thinking and that I should keep my options open…”

“Oh Harry, is that why…?”

“Why I started dating Liam? Yeah,” he shrugs, looking so beaten down that Gemma can’t help but cuddle him closer.

“I made a mess, Gem.” Harry doesn’t realize he’s crying until Gemma gently wipes a tear from his cheek. “It was such a shock, seeing Louis again. And then realizing he knew Liam and the rest of the guys. They fucking grew up together… like, really, really close friends and shit and I was sitting there, unable to speak and just stared at him, wishing this was some sick joke.”

“What did he do?”

“He looked like he’d been hit by a truck so he covered it up more quickly and probably better than I did. Didn’t say anything or let on that we met before so… I played along.”

“But you still felt the same?” Gemma softly coaxes.

“Yeah… like obviously I thought it was just the benefit of coming face to face with a really hot guy. Well, a really hot guy I’d been wanking over for quite a while so…”

“Ugh, no need for that, Harry,” she bops his side.

“I was a bit of a coward. I thought the feeling would just go away with time, like a stupid crush fades once you get to know the person or see them more often and realize they’re not so great after all, you know?”

“But it didn’t?”

“Not really. Got worse. Turns out Louis isn’t just pretty hot but also pretty cool.” Harry hangs his head.

“Did you act on it?”

“Not really… well, I was kind of stricken at first and when he didn’t want to talk about it… eventually I just tried to make him laugh and like, get him to talk to me when we met up with the guys… touched him more than necessary…”

“You flirted with him.” It’s not a question, still Harry answers.

“A bit,” Harry admits. “Couldn’t help it.”

“Did Liam notice?”

“No. Liam…,” Harry sighs. “I told you about Zayn, didn’t I?” Gemma looks confused for a second so Harry pulls out his phone to thumb through his photos and give a face to the name. And then he dives into the tale of Zayn and Liam, of how weird it was to meet Zayn for the first time and that no one really told him what went on until Louis had the guts to spill the truth last night. Which then leads to a detailed retelling of what happened with Louis only to end in a play-by-play of what Liam said to Harry this morning.

“Let me see if I got this right,” Gemma pinches her nose. “You want Louis. Louis wants you. But you can’t because you’re afraid that Liam would throw himself in front of the bus if you left him too?”

“Basically.”

“Oh boy, if I ever want to write a novel, can I use your life as reference?”

“I’m glad you can find something funny about this whole mess.” Harry sniffles and wipes his nose on his sleeve. “What do I do?”

“I don’t think there’s much you can do, to be honest. Tell Louis and hope he’s okay with being friends for a while.”

“You think I’m a dumbass.”

“I think… you’re trying to please everyone once again instead of doing what you want to do,” Gemma says carefully.

“But… I’m a horrible person. I should have never gone out with Liam!”

“Well in your defense: you didn’t know if you’d ever see Louis again, the whole thing _did_ sound a bit crazy. And given that you had no idea about Louis being friends with Liam and the rest… I don’t think you reacted badly. It’s understandable that you were a little stricken and didn’t know how to act.

As for the rest… I saw you with Liam and I saw you with Louis and… I guess I get why it’s so hard to stay away from him. He’s quite captivating and the way he looked at you… gosh, I wish I had a boy looking at me like this,” she says while ruffling Harry’s curls. “So yeah, I get why you fancy him and I get why you slipped. I’m not saying you did a great job or anything just… I understand.”

“Thanks,” he mutters against his sister’s jumper. “I still feel like a dick, though.”

“I wish there was something I could tell you to make you feel better… It wasn’t fair of Liam to put all of this on you, like you’re the only thing left between him and the bridge… but umh, I’m afraid you’ll need to man up and tell Louis the truth.”

“I don’t want to see him,” Harry wails. “He looked… so happy last night. I already disappointed him once and now I’m just going to do it again. He’ll think I’m just playing with him, Gem.”

Gemma pulls him closer and presses a kiss to his curls. “You can only try to explain. And hope he’ll understand.”

*

Harry wipes his tears eventually and tries to pull himself together a bit, sending Louis a text and asking him to meet him in some corner café. Gemma offered to take a later train, to wait for Harry to finish talking to Louis and probably provide a shoulder for her little brother to cry on.

Sitting in said café, Harry feels a bit guilty and childish, knowing his sister will be back quite late but he’s relieved that he’ll have someone to talk to after this. Somehow he doesn’t see how this whole conversation is supposed to go well… and there’s no one else to blame but him.

Harry’s been sitting in front of the same cup of tea for about twenty minutes, watching it go from steaming hot to lukewarm without taking a sip. His throat feels too tight and he’s fidgeting, planning his words carefully just to scrap them the next second.

“Sorry, I’m late…” Harry jumps about a foot high when suddenly a cup is placed beside him and Louis sinks down onto the seat. He didn’t see nor hear him come in, didn’t even realize how much time went by, too caught up in his head. “Zayn that bloody bugger left this morning and I have no clue where he went… doesn’t answer his phone… didn’t leave a note…,” Louis huffs and Harry dares to glance over.

He looks effortlessly beautiful, thin white t-shirt and black skinnies rolled up around his slim ankles. Harry would like to spend a whole day in bed with Lou, just tracing his fingers over every inch of skin and feel out every little bump, every tiny scar. He’d like to take a million pictures of Louis, capture how the morning sun makes his eyes look pale blue, almost grey, how the midday sun makes his skin glow in a rich, honey gold, the way the afternoon sun deepens the shadows, breathes life into his tattoos. Only that Harry is pretty sure he’ll never get that chance once he confessed how much he fucked everything up.

“Hey, are you okay? Sorry, I keep rambling and hardly let you get a word in. Harry?” Louis reaches out, warm hand clamping around Harry’s shoulder and he can’t help it, he tears up and a little sob escapes him.

“Haz? Did I say something…?” Louis looks at him with concern and confusion and Harry can’t blame him. Last night they parted in high spirits, lips still tingling from their kisses and today Harry must look like his world was about to end.

He’s had a million and one speeches prepared, went over the words again and again but all he can blurt now is “I am so sorry but I can’t leave Liam.”

Louis, who just brought his tea up to take a sip, freezes mid-motion. His blue eyes snap up, focusing on Harry’s face and Harry feels so helpless he could cry. There’s no hint of emotion in Louis eyes for a whole minute, he doesn’t move, Harry thinks he doesn’t even see him breathe.

Louis lowers the cup carefully as if it takes all his attention before he looks back at Harry – or at some spot just above his left shoulder and Harry wants to scream. Louis can’t even look him in the eyes anymore.

“Right,” is all he says.

“It’s not… I… went over there,” Harry stumbles over his words. “I really did. I went over to his place to talk to him…  to tell him about… last night… about… you and I…”

Something flashes in Louis eyes, too quick for Harry to pin point it. “There’s no _you and I_ , Harry.”

“Lou… please,” Harry mumbles but Louis turns in his seat, eyes fixed on the street.

He doesn’t say anything for so long that Harry begins to wonder whether Louis wants him to just get up and leave, to not speak to him again when the older boy takes a deep breath. He still doesn’t turn, still keeps his gaze fixed on the people passing in front of the huge window they’re sitting at.

“It’s okay,” his voice is too monotonous and Harry hates it. “I get it and it’s okay. I am sorry I put you in that kind of… position. I came on too strong, I should have just… you’re with Liam. I get that and I… will respect it from now on.”

Harry wants to scream, wants to yell at Louis that he’s got it all wrong. He doesn’t make a sound, feels choked on too many words and emotions.

“You’re a decent guy,” Louis continues, oblivious to Harry’s inner turmoil. “Liam is lucky.”

“Louis,” Harry wants to reach out and take his hand, but he’s shaking, his voice is shaking and Louis glances over to him ever so quickly.

“It was a bit foolish to believe…,” Louis bites his lips and Harry wants him to continue, wants to hear what was foolish because he thinks it’s the same foolish idea Harry’s had. The same foolish, insane, crazy feeling he’s had for over a year. But Louis just shakes his head. “You’re a sweet guy, Harry. I wish… I hope Liam realizes how lucky he is and I hope… you’ll be happy together.” He pushes his chair back and stands up.

Harry can’t do anything but to watch when Louis shoots him a little crooked smile, reaching out as if to brush his curls to the side but he stops mid-air. Dropping his hand, he looks at Harry as if he’s trying to command his face to memory and Harry feels tears well up. This is all going horribly wrong.

“Take care, Curly,” Louis whispers before he turns around and Harry watches him go, can’t tear his gaze away when Louis walks out of the door, can’t look away until he’s been swallowed by the crowd. But he can’t get his feet to move either, frozen in place.

He only realizes he’s crying when a tear hits his hand.

There’s no guarantee that the whole conversation would have gone different if Harry actually managed to get some words in, he still doesn’t quite know how to explain everything that happened in the last couple of hours. How to make Louis understand that he wants _him_ , wants to be _with_ him but that he just can’t leave Liam now, that it’d feel like kicking someone who’s already on the ground. Harry doesn’t even know if Louis would understand; would even want to listen to it. Wouldn’t think Harry was a total fuck up, a guy that got off on playing with people’s feelings and emotions, someone who got a kick out of leading people on.

He’d very much like another chance to try and set at least some things right. Harry doesn’t want Louis to think it was one-sided because it definitely wasn’t, doesn’t want to other boy to think he came on too strong when Harry was the one who initiated it.

Basically he just really doesn’t want Louis to hate him. He’s not quite sure how he’s ever supposed to sort the mess out he’s got himself in, knows damn well that it’s not fair at all to ask Louis to wait for it but… nothing’s fair at the moment.

Harry has never felt so… guilty, confused, helpless and upset. Everything is just so fundamentally wrong and he doesn’t know how to make it right again.

No matter what he does, it just gets worse.

 

∞

 

Louis has never been a violent person even though the blood dripping from his knuckles into the sink would like to suggest otherwise.

It bloody hurts but it’s easier to deal with the physical pain at the moment.

“What happened to you?” He doesn’t need to turn, could already tell it’s Zayn by the smell of acryl.

“Wall,” Louis mutters. “Where did you bugger off to?”

“Studio.” Zayn sidles up next to him, watching the red swirl down the drain. “And you punched a wall because?”

“I felt like it.” Louis clenches his teeth when the water hits a particular deep and nasty cut.

“You felt like punching a wall?” Zayn echoes.

“Yes, Zayn. I felt like punching a wall.”

“Why?”

“Better than a person,” Louis mutters under his breath.

Zayn gives him a long, sideways look. “Do you…?”

“No” Louis really doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t even know what to think – and worse what to feel – at the moment, and he really doesn’t fancy explaining the whole story to Zayn, not before he isn’t able to make sense of all those thoughts whirling through his head. “What time did you leave this morning? I didn’t hear you go.”

“5am.”

Louis eyebrows basically meet his hairline. Usually anyone is lucky to see Zayn up and walking before 10am, talking comes around 11am. For him to get up at that time…

He closes the tab and Zayn hands him a clean towel. “Couldn’t sleep, had some things to take care of…. Here, let me….” The dark haired guy reaches for the antiseptics and bandage, making Louis hiss when the lotion bites into his raw flesh. Zayn wraps his hand almost tenderly, both totally focused on the mundane task for a couple of minutes.

Only when Zayn sticks the last piece of tape on the gauze does he almost casually say, “I stopped by at Liam’s… gave back the engagement ring.”

It’s a bit funny… Zayn always wore a lot of rings but once Liam proposed he kind of dropped those, only wearing Liam’s ring, and it took him – and Louis – months to stop staring at it. Now, Louis realizes, he didn’t even notice the ring was missing until Zayn pointed it out, something so important having become such a commonplace over time.

He drops his gaze to Zayn’s hand on his, seeing it bare of any jewelry. Louis thinks it looks wrong.

“Did you speak to him?”

“No, just left it in an envelope in the mailbox. I figured… he doesn’t really care.” Zayn shrugs, mouth pressed into a hard line. “He’s moved on, is in love with Harry.”

The causal mention of the name makes Louis flinch and Zayn looks at him questioningly. “So… umh, you don’t know if he’s seen it yet?” He asks, trying to stir his mate back to the original topic.

“Believe me he did. Liam checks the mail every morning around 9 – he goes for a run before and checks the mailbox once he’s back,” Zayn pats Louis hand. “He’s neither called nor bothered to even send a text so… guess that tells you just how important it was to him.”

“Maybe he’s waiting for you to approach him. You know, kinda hoping you’d make the first move?” Zayn looks at Louis, eyes tried and a sad twist to his pale lips. “Maybe. But you have no idea of how tired I am of always having to make the first move. It’d be nice if someone fought for me for a change.”

He leaves Louis in the kitchen, squeezing his shoulder on the way out to go and undoubtedly burry himself in some huge tome for the rest of the day.

Louis makes sure that he’s well and truly occupied before he shoots Niall a quick text. “ _Zayn just told me, have you heard from Liam? How is he?_ ”

Niall doesn’t take long to reply: “ _Devastated. Wouldn’t admit it but he’s been crying, trashed the flat a little._ ”

“ _He trashed their flat?_ ”                            

“ _Yep, went a bit mental, said Harry found him in the middle of the mess so he had to come clean about him and Zayn, their past, break-up etc._ ”

Louis doesn’t really know how to answer that, but luckily he doesn’t have to. “ _He feels a bit guilty and shitty cause apparently he kinda sprung all that on Harry, asking him to not leave…_ ”

“ _He begged?_ ”

“ _Mate, I don’t really know what happened. He wouldn’t really say, just bits and pieces but yeah, I guess he was afraid of Harry leaving him once he heard the whole story. It’s kinda a lot._ ”

Again, Niall is faster than Louis, his phone announcing a new, incoming text. “ _How’s Zee? Have you spoken to Liam_?”

“ _Z is in denial. Pretending not to be upset, distant, closed off – you name it. Haven’t heard from Li._ ”

And Louis doesn’t actually want to talk to Liam. Because of what he did to Zayn but also… because of what he did to Louis without knowing.

If it hadn’t been for Liam’s breakdown… God, if it hadn’t been for bloody Zayn deciding to get up at 5am and giving the ring back today of all bloody days… Louis clenches his fist, feeling the scab break again. It hurts. Just like his head and his heart and everything else.

He doesn’t know if he should be more angry at Harry for being such a goddamn coward, for fucking with him and keeping his hopes up only to shatter them the next second or with Liam, for being a needy bastard who’s still in love with Zayn but too blind to admit it and clinging to Harry instead of setting him free. He’s even mad at Zayn for his awful timing, for being too proud to make the first move, instead choosing this day of all days to deliver the blow.

Maybe he should just pack his bags and leave them all to their devices… ever since he came back it’s been a mess and no matter what he does, he just gets tangled up more and more.

*

As far as awful timing goes, somebody must be on a roll.

Louis would laugh if he had it in him to find it the least funny, because the universe must have decided to conspire against him.

There’s hardly a day during the next week, which goes by without Louis having to see Liam and Harry. Always together, always holding hands or kissing and if he ever meets destiny he’ll be sure to give her a well-deserved kick.

The couple of times he doesn’t manage to escape fast enough and is forced to have a conversation with them, Harry keeps staring at the ground, shoulders hunched and acting as if Louis set his puppy on fire while Liam beams at him, making sure to use “ _we_ ” an awful lot to plainly torture Louis.

By Friday afternoon and yet another strained conversation with the oh-so-happy couple Louis is contemplating murder. He just isn’t sure which one to kill first; Liam for being so obviously cheery fake that it hurts to look at his smile or Harry, who hadn’t once dared to look at Louis, acting as if all this was his fault.

Which… no. It’s not his goddamn fault. He didn’t do anything wrong, he kept his fucking promise, he never once waivered in twelve months and being about 17.000km away. He stayed true to a foolish idea, trusted his heart and not his head and it landed him in a great mess.

If Harry was a horrible person, just an attractive face and nice little body everything would be a lot easier but no, the bloke has to be sweet and gentle and goofy and… Louis feels like chewing the carpet. He’s so ridiculously attracted to the guy it’s insane.

It doesn’t help that Harry looks absolutely heartbroken and guilty – on those rare occasions during the last week in which he dared to look Louis in the eyes – that Louis doesn’t know whether to strangle him with his bare hands or suffocate him with kisses. He’s angry with Harry because he brought the whole mess upon himself and it isn’t fair to look so upset about it because he made the choice. _Harry_ chose to stay with _Liam_ and if anyone has any right to be all heartbroken and upset about it, it’s Louis.

And he is but he also still feels that pang of arousal every time he spots Harry’s tall figure among the crowd, the irrational want and the guilt which kicks in a second after because Harry is not his to want. Louis shouldn’t desire someone else’s boyfriend, shouldn’t even imagine kissing those plumb lips again especially because Harry is not just taken, but he’s with one of Louis best mates and… who does things like that?! What kind of horrible person does wanting Harry make him?

So all he wants to do when he comes home late on Friday afternoon is be miserable and alone, preferably wrapped in his blanket with a bottle of Vodka and a Game of Thrones marathon on telly. Unlocking the door to his flat, he expects to find Zayn in his usual spot, spread-eagled on the couch, either drooling on his favorite cushion or sleepily blinking at whatever’s on TV, instead his roommate whizzes past him in an air of expensive cologne and tiny, silky black boxers.

“Umh,” is all Louis can say when he steps into the living room. He’s pretty sure there’s some furniture under the heaps of clothes strewn across, he’s just not sure how he’s supposed to wade through the designer labels on his floor.

Zayn greets him with a hip check and a “you’re late” before he elegantly jumps over some Armani shirts and lands in the middle of what looks like an explosion of Fifth Avenue.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Don’t tell me you forgot.”

Louis once forgot to put his shoes on, being in a hurry and late for uni, so the chances of him forgetting whatever Zayn’s hinting at are rather high.

An eye roll and some hammy sighs later, Zayn turns towards him. “Barbara’s party?”

Louis still draws a blank and it must show on his face. “I swear to God, Tomlinson… Barbara, Niall’s girlfriend? You know Niall? The blonde, Irish bloke we hang out with?”

“Aren’t you quite a funny cracker. Could listen to you all day, unfortunately I have something else to do.”

“If that something else doesn’t involve getting in the shower, get it out of your head.”

“I liked you better when you were depressed and moping.”

“And I liked you better when you were asleep and not talking,” Zayn counters. “Now get a move on. Barbara invited us for drinks to celebrate her new modeling job. Rings a bell?”

Now that Zayn is mentioning it… “And why are you so excited to go out all of a sudden? I barely managed to force you to walk to Tesco’s with me the other day and you only came because you ran out of coffee!”

“I decided it’s time to move on…,” Zayn informs him with an air of confidence Louis doesn’t buy for one second. “And you know Babs… she’s invited a couple of her colleagues…”

That on the other hand gets Louis attention. Barbara has a lot of pretty friends… comes with the territory, Louis supposes and while she usually doesn’t hang out with her model buddies that much, it’s always a feast for the eyes when they show up.

And it might be about time to get a certain green-eyed bloke out of his head.

“Tell me more,” Louis leans against the doorframe and Zayn smirks.

“Spoke to her earlier… she said Greg would be there… and Aiden…”

“Aiden’s got a boyfriend.”

“Ah – not anymore. Unfortunately they broke up… sad story. Heard he’s proper heartbroken, looking for something to distract him, maybe someone to help him get over said ex?”

“What makes you think I’d be interested?”

Zayn chuckles. “Please mate. You might not want to tell me what’s wrong but you’re as tense as a bowstring. You smoke more, you drink more, and you’re proper brooding whenever you’re home. Whatever got to you, it got you good and I think you might be in desperate need for a distraction. And I still remember you drooling all over Aiden’s shirt the last time you met him.”

“Sorry, didn’t realize I’ve been such shitty company,” Louis chooses to ignore the rest.

“It’s fine,” his best mate shrugs easily. “It’s not like I’ve been much better company, I guess. But I figured I – or we – can’t keep going on like this…?”

“Probably not.”

“So are you going to tell me what crawled up your ass?”

“No. It’s nothing you can help me with and there’s nothing I can do about the… situation. I just need to get a grip and get over it.”

Zayn doesn’t say anything for a while, just studies him with this unnerving ‘I-see-right-through-your-bullshit’ look but fortunately he lets it go. “If you say so, Tommo.”

“Yes. But thanks for offering, Zee.” He nudges a pair of Doc Martens. “So what about this party?”

“Go shower, I’ll sort your outfit,” is all his best mate tells him with a devilish grin.

A couple of hours and ten outfit changes later, Zayn is finally satisfied, having somehow gotten Louis to wear his tightest jeggings and a sheer black shirt, neckline scooping so low that it’s showing off his collarbones and quite a bit of his chest piece, necklace swinging teasingly across his torso.

Being a man on a mission, Zayn even went all out and stuffed Louis into his holy leather jacket, something for which Louis usually has to beg three weeks and bribe Zayn with all sorts of goodies and promises. It’s a bit scary and Louis is not entirely sure what their mission is but he’s a bit afraid to ask too many questions when Zayn has that mad gleam in his eyes.

So he just pads along, turning up the collar of his borrowed jacket because although it’s supposed to be spring, it’s still London and he always feels like winter lingers longer in those streets than it does in other places. But perhaps the chill has also something to do with seeing Harry, being around him for a whole night, having to watch him and Liam being all coupley.

“You’re doing it again,” Zayn says through a cloud of smoke.

“What?” Louis fumbles for his lighter, hunching his shoulders to shield the flame from the wind.

“Brooding.” Zayn reaches out and taps the front of his jacket. “By the way… meant to ask for a while but always forgot… you never wore necklaces before.”

“That’s not really a question,” Louis inhales deeply.

“I don’t like all these things you’re keeping from me, Lou. I can see that something is bugging you.”

“I’ll tell you – eventually. I just… need to make sense of some things first,” he nudges Zayn and points across the street to the bar where Babs is having her party. They can’t see much, the purple light streaming through the huge windows doesn’t really help to distinguish people from shadows.

“Ready?”

 _No_ would be the honest answer. Suddenly Louis doesn’t feel like sitting through another endless evening where all he can do is watch but never touch, look but never admire. But Zayn seems to need this, seems to have something to prove to himself and maybe Liam and who is Louis to stand in his best friend’s way.

“Sure, let’s go,” he agrees easily, following Zayn across the street and into the bar.

It takes a couple of seconds for his eyes to adjust, to being able to recognize the people inside.

“Lou, Zee!” Niall hollers at them from across the room, and Zayn gently pushes Louis towards the rest.

“Finally,” Barbara hugs them and gestures towards the rest. “Fashionably late as always.”

“Sorry,” Louis tries to look around discreetly. “Liam and Harry not here yet?”

“They are getting drinks,” Niall motions towards the bar. “You were the last to arrive.”

“It’s all his fault,” Louis points to Zayn, well, to the spot where Zayn was standing about five seconds ago.

“Already abandoned you,” he whirls around quickly and nearly loses his footing, coming face to face with a smirking Aiden. “Hey Lou, long time no see,” and he’s not very subtle in the way he’s checking Louis out either.

“Indeed. “He clears his throat and feels a bit scrutinized. “How are you?” 

“Good… I’m sure you heard that things have been a bit… well, let’s say not so great for a while but everything is looking quite good at the moment,” he winks at Louis and he’s glad the lights are so low, otherwise Aiden would surely see him blush. “Heard you spent a year in Down Under?”

“I did, just came back in January.”

“Liked it?”

“Sun, beaches, ocean and surfing all day – what’s not to like?”

“Mmh, heard about it…,” Aiden flicks his jacket playfully. “Babs told me about the shoots you did.”

“Yeah well, that was more a pleasant side effect of the whole surf thing.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, I’m pretty sure you looked good all wet.”

“A guy can try,” Louis shrugs, feeling taken by surprise at Aiden’s obvious flirting.

He’d spent weeks trying to get Aiden’s number before he went to Australia, had driven Barbara insane with his whining about meeting that gorgeous blonde again she brought along to one of their club nights. It’d only stopped when Barbara told him with great regret that Aiden had a boyfriend, so teeth-gnashingly Louis admitted defeat and backed off.

And now that he’s got said gorgeous blonde throwing himself at him, Louis can’t really get over the fact that he’d much prefer a brunette to throw himself at Louis.

“Fancy getting something to drink?” Aiden jolts him out of his daydreams and Louis nods.

They make their way through the crowd, Aiden’s hand finding the small of his back, sneaking under the jacket and Louis is glad that he’s walking in front of him so Aiden can’t see him flinch. He doesn’t let go of Louis once they’ve reached the bar, standing a little too close to come off as casual and Louis doesn’t know how to move away without offending Aiden.

So instead, he orders them some shots and cocktails, knocking his back and barely waiting for Aiden to clink his glass against his.

“Thirsty?”

Instead of answering, Louis just takes a large gulp of his drink, Aiden’s fingers drumming with the subtle beat along his side. A bit more than twelve months ago Louis would have been thrilled to have this gorgeous bloke all over him but now… now he realizes it just won’t do. He could flirt back, could take Aiden home and sleep with him but come tomorrow, Louis would still be wanting Harry and not the guy in his bed so what’s the point?

This was a bad idea and he wishes he had an out of some sort, a plausible excuse to get away from Aiden.

 _Come with me, Lou_ , he said. _It’ll be fun_ , he said. _I won’t leave your side the whole night_ , he promised. And where the fuck is bloody Zayn Malik now, just when you need him?

“Lou… hey.”

He looks up out of reflex though he recognized the voice already, feeling like he needs another drink the very second his gaze rests on Liam and Harry approaching them.

“Hi Li.” He waves with as much enthusiasm he can muster, signaling to the bartender that he’d like another round of shots.

“Didn’t see you earlier,” Liam quickly leans in to hug him.

“Yeah…been a bit late…,” Louis shrugs and points towards Aiden. “We were just getting drinks. You remember Aiden, don’t you?”

“I do indeed, nice to see you again,” Liam looks back and forth between Aiden and Louis and winks at the latter. “This is Harry,” he gently pushes Harry forward and Louis can no longer avoid looking at him properly.

For a second, Louis is unable to say anything because as if things weren’t hard enough already, Harry chose to wear the scarf he nicked of Louis as a bloody bandana tonight. Not for the first time Louis wonders what goes through Harry’s head, what he thinks he’ll achieve with things like that.

“Harry?” Aiden reaches around him to shake hands, using the movement to plaster himself to Louis back.

“Yeah, he’s my boyfriend,” Liam explains and Louis bites his lip hard.

“Oh… I thought… Zayn?” Aiden stutters.

“Umh, we broke up a while ago.”

“Oh really?! That’s a shame well not a shame but…,” Louis tunes out of the conversation, too caught up in the way Harry is staring at him – well, more precisely at the hand Aiden has wrapped around his waist and the way his fingers trace idle patterns across Louis shirt.

He clears his throat and waits until Harry looks at him to raise his eyebrow challengingly. This is something new, a side Louis wasn’t sure Harry had, let alone would ever show around him. It’s just a brief flash of emotion in Harry’s eyes but he needs to make sure it was there, that he didn’t get it wrong. So he leans back towards Aiden, angles his head up slightly and never breaking eye contact with Harry, Louis mutters, “Shall we grab another drink and head back to the rest?” to Aiden.

Harry bites his lips and narrows his eyes when he sees Louis lips almost brush Aiden’s ear and it’s a cheap victory, something that shouldn’t make Louis feel warm all over. But he can’t help it, he had to watch Liam cuddle, touch and kiss Harry for the last couple of months, had to fight down the hot burn of jealousy more often than he can count and while it’s a cheap victory, Louis still gets off on it.

The right thing would be to walk away and not to fan the fire but… God, that look in Harry’s eyes alone makes Louis half hard.

He comes across as such a soft giant that the possessive gleam in his eyes catches Louis by surprise and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t find it incredibly hot. Especially when Harry looks at him like that, like he wants to yank Louis out of Aiden’s hold and devour him publicly. It’s at least a little compensation, a bit of payback for all those weeks when Louis felt ready to climb the walls whenever Liam laid a hand on Harry.

If Louis were a better person maybe he could walk away.

But apparently he isn’t and a couple drinks later it all doesn’t seem like such a bad idea either. Aiden has peeled him out of the jacket and Harry looked like he was close to having a stroke when Aiden’s fingertips traced the seam of Louis flimsy shirt, playing with the silver chain around his neck.

And no matter how miserable he’ll feel the next day – right now it’s all worth it for the way Harry just can’t keep his eyes off of Louis, can’t stop biting his lips and subconsciously clenching his fists like he’d prefer to have the fabric of Louis shirt between his fingers instead of thin air.

Liam is still around, but he either doesn’t care that Louis and Harry have basically started undressing each other with their eyes at some point or he doesn’t notice which… Louis won’t complain about but Liam always had been awfully observant when it came to any male in close proximity of Zayn…

And… where actually is Zayn?

Louis wriggles out of Aiden’s grasp and makes a mental note to somehow find the time tonight to tell Aiden that the chances of them going home together are slim to nonexistent, when a loud crash sounds through the room.

The lights are all woozy but Louis can still make out the deep blush of the waitress who just dropped her tray full of empty glasses. And Zayn, leaning in to whisper something in her ear that makes her blush even deeper.

“Umh… what’s he doing?” Barbara sounds a little confused which is understandable because while the waitress is quite pretty it’s still a ‘she’ and… it’s been quite a while since Zayn has shown any signs of interest in boobs.

“I got it!” Louis announces and walks over to Zayn on slightly unsteady feet, vowing to stop drinking everything Aiden puts in front of him because well… it’s not going to happen.

“Zayn!” He wraps his arm around him and pulls him back, giving the waitress a chance to breathe and also to scurry away. “What are you doing, babe?”

“Louie!” Zayn throws both arms around him and presses a sloppy kiss to his cheek. “You left me!” He pouts and wow… it’s been… Louis can’t actually remember when he’d last seen Zayn that drunk.

“I didn’t leave you, you abandoned me the minute we walked in,” he sneaks his arm around Zayn’s skinny waist, trying to stir him back to the table, where Babs, Niall, Liam, Harry and Aiden are waiting.

“Why would I do that?” Zayn looks like he might cry. “I would never – _never_ – leave you, babe! I love you!”

“Love you too, bro,” Louis mutters and they very nearly avoid a collision with some lounge chairs.

“I promised I’d stay with you all night,” Zayn winks at him and Louis tries hard to keep a straight face. Zayn never mastered the art to wink; he always looks like a gigantic, blinking owl, especially when he’s had something to drink. “Wouldn’t leave you alone,” he lowers his voice, well tries to, but it still carries. “Not when you’re looking like that,” he stage whispers and paws along Louis sides.

“Was that a Westlife reference? No more booze for you!” Niall chuckles but starts humming ‘When you’re looking like that’ and Louis could use a bit of help instead of being serenaded off key.

“Looking like what?” Louis asks confused, slightly unsettled by the look that his best friend shoots him.

“Looking all… stunning and hot.” Zayn is the embodiment of lazy, even if the freaking room was on fire, Zayn would still casually stroll through the flames because he just doesn’t do fast movements. Which is why Louis is caught just a little off guard when Zayn spins around quickly and latches onto Louis neck.

He even squeaks embarrassingly high when his best mate, who has never shown any kind of interest in him sexually, suddenly palms his crotch and purrs against his skin.

Louis is too shocked to react, standing there with one arm loosely wrapped around Zayn and frozen in place, giving Niall a wide-eyed stare. Niall, damn his soul, just stares back equally shocked.

Liam on the other hand… Liam looks murderous.

“What the fuck?!”

“Zayn?!” Louis would like to know the same.

“Umh… okay guys, I guess you really need to sort this out… between the two… three…or four of you… and… yes,” Aiden nods, trying to give Louis some sort of encouraging smile before he flees the scene. Well, that all went downhill quickly.

“What are you doing?!” Louis whisper-yells but instead of an answer, Zayn just squeezes him harder and he can’t help but visibly react to the touch.

“So that’s how it is now?” Suddenly Zayn is pulled away from him and Louis comes face to face with a really angry looking Liam. “I thought you two were ‘best mates’. Totally platonic. No sexual attraction whatsoever?”

“Please Liam.” When this is over, Louis will sit Zayn down and ask him to teach him this look: pitifully condescendingly, like Liam is the last person on the planet to figure out that the sky is blue. “You said yourself Lou was rather attractive and…,” he raises his left hand, waving his bare finger in Liam’s face. “I am single. S.I.N.G.L.E. Means I get to fuck who I want, when I want and where I want and you can’t do shit about it.”

Louis would like to amend that Liam looks damn well like he has a lot to say about who Zayn gets to fuck and that it doesn’t look pleasant at all but he hardly manages to drawn in a breath before Zayn’s lips are pressed to his, licking the words right out of his mouth. He’s so startled that he kisses back against better judgment, half-heartedly but still.

Zayn doesn’t seem to appreciate his half-assed attempt because he doubles his effort, wrapping his hands in Louis hair and turning his head for a better angle and actually moaning when their tongues brush.

He’s just got time to figure out that Zayn tastes of some fancy drink mixed with smoke before the next thing he tastes is blood.

His brain takes a couple of seconds to catch up on everything and when he looks up, he sees Zayn at Liam’s throat, yelling at each other. It’s then that he realizes he’s on the floor, his jaw throbbing painfully and that blood is trickling from his lip.

“Lou? Lou, babe are you okay?” Barbara is kneeling beside him on the ground while Niall is trying rather unsuccessfully to separate Liam and Zayn. Usually Louis would rate Zayn’s chances of landing a successful punch as rather slim, but the slender boy is furious, he’s never seen Zayn so angry. Liam might be into boxing (his jaw can attest to the progress he’s made) but Zayn is beyond mad.

“He hit me,” Louis is still perplexed. “Liam fucking hit me.”

“Well you kind of kissed his ex…”

“I can’t believe it.” It’s almost as if Barbara hadn’t spoken, he still can’t get over the fact that one of his best mates punched him in the face. What the fuck?!

“Love, you’re bleeding,” Babs wipes his lip and holds up her finger for Louis to inspect and that pulls him back to the here and now. He struggles to his feet, ignoring Barbara’s concerned look and Niall who’s trying to maneuver Zayn and Liam outside, and pushes through the crowd that’s gathered around them to get to the bathrooms.

Liam managed to split his lip and judging by the ache in his jaw when he presses his fingers to it, he’ll have a lovely bruise the next day. Fucking fantastic.

Louis leans his head against the cold glass of the mirror, closing his eyes for a couple of seconds to try and stop the oncoming headache.

He doesn’t hear the door nor does he realizes he isn’t alone any longer until a warm hand lands on his shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

“Go away Harry,” he tells the mirror, refusing to open his eyes.

“Let me have a look… Liam got you pretty bad and…,” Harry tries to gently turn him around and Louis snaps.

“For fuck’s sake, just take your hands off me!”

“Okay!” Harry takes a step back, clearly shocked by the outburst. “Okay, sorry. I just wanted to…”

“You always _just want to_. You never think, Harry, you always just act and then…,” Louis grinds his teeth and winces. Gosh, he is going to punch Liam in the balls so hard that he still hears the choir sing the next day.

“I know and… I am so sorry… I just… I don’t know how…,” Harry stutters and finally Louis turns around.

Harry is taller than him but he stands there all pigeon-toed, wringing his hands and looking genuinely close to tears. “I am so sorry Lou… I… God, I made such a mess of things… I swear I didn’t mean to… well, I meant  to break it off with Liam but…”

“It’s…,” Louis holds up his hand, feeling tired all of a sudden. “Whatever Harry. Whatever you or I meant to do… it doesn’t matter. We’re… we’re going round in damn circles and I…,” Louis shakes his head, wonders if he can finally say it out loud, tell Harry every thought that’s crossed his mind ever since he came back from Australia. “I _hate_ the fact that you’re with Liam. I wish I could be the bigger person and just accept it but it drives me crazy every time he gets to touch you and I don’t. It’s… it’s not fucking fair because…,” because _I loved you first_ he wants to say but the words get stuck in his throat.

“It should have been me, okay? In my crazy, idealistic, stupid mind, it should be _me_ who gets to take you home, kiss you, take you out on dates, and hold your hand but… You’re taken and… nothing, literally nothing, could be worse right now, okay? I hate every second I have to see you with him and yet I look forward to it like I’m some sort of masochist because I know it’s the only time I’ll ever get to see you and… it’s sick and twisted and… I feel like an asshole because I want you, okay? I want you and you’re with Liam and even so he’s one of my best and oldest friends I’d still…,” Louis bites his lips, tasting blood once again and balls his fists. “What kind of person does that make me? I hardly recognize myself and…,” he throws his head back in utter frustration. “… I don’t do stuff like that, I don’t go after blokes in relationships, I don’t kiss boys who are taken and yet… fuck, Harry.”

When he looks at the younger boy, Harry’s got tears in his eyes. “I get it. I get all of it, believe me,” Harry’s voice quivers. “I messed it all up and you’ll never know how sorry I am. You’ll never understand just how much I regret every decision I made but… I can’t take them back. It’s… all wrong and no matter what I do or don’t do it just seems to get worse and worse and I don’t know how…”

“Maybe… it’s just not meant to be, Haz. Maybe it was all a foolish idea.” Louis feels defeated by fate, tricked by destiny and shat on by the universe. “Things like that… they don’t happen.”

“Don’t say that” Harry pleads and Louis tries for a small smile. “It was…”

“Perfect? Yes. But it was only one night, babe.” Louis pushes off the sink and fumbles with the silver chain, carefully peeling the pendant out of his shirt. He walks over to Harry, waiting until he bowed his head and gently slides the necklace over his curls, righting it on his chest.

Louis doesn’t dare to look Harry in the eyes, rather places his hand over the paper plane, still warm from his body.

“I think it’s best if we… don’t see each other,” he wants to tag on ‘for a while’ but Louis isn’t sure if that’s an option. Not with the way things went down tonight.

Harry doesn’t say anything, and Louis only looks up when a single tear lands on his hand.

“Sorry.” It’s one word, but it holds so much meaning.

“It’s okay.” Louis smiles but he feels like crying too which is ridiculous given that Harry and him… they’ve never been together. There was never a real chance for them and still it feels like the end of the world tonight.

“Do you want…,” Harry makes a move to take the scarf out of his hair but Louis stops his hands.

“No, keep it. Looks better on you anyway and…” _I want you to have something you can remember me by_. He doesn’t say it but Harry still gets it.

Making a move to leave, Louis is pulled back in, chest colliding with Harry and then the younger boy kisses him. It’s not like Louis didn’t expect something like that to happen, but even though he had a couple of seconds to mentally prepare for it, the very second their lips connect it’s like Louis brain short circuits and it’s lights out all around. The only thing he still can see being Harry.

Opposed to the other times they kissed, there’s a new underlying urgency. Desperation mixed with the taste of tears and when Louis brings his hand up to cup Harry’s cheek, he can feel the wetness on his soft skin. For never having been together this feels an awful lot like a break-up.

He slowly tries to end the kiss but Harry chases his lips and then they’re right back where they started, Louis hand tangled in his curls while Harry roams his back and pulls him closer, always closer like he can’t bear the thought of not breathing the same air as Louis.

With the sheer power of will, Louis finally manages to pull away. “Take care, Curly. He better treat you like fucking royalty.”

“If not are you going to come and save me? White horse and all?” Harry smiles through his tears and Louis wants to answer him, promise him that if Liam ever treats him with anything less than the best he has to give, Louis will indeed come and sweep Harry off his feet but the door is yanked open and Niall barges in.

“Lou –“ he stops, looking confused, back and forth between them and Louis sends a thank you up to heavens that Niall didn’t get here five minutes earlier. Still, it must look weird enough; messed up hair, wrinkled clothes and both teary eyed. But if anything, Niall is a pro at ignoring things he doesn’t understand. “You need to get Zayn home. He’s… well, wasted.”

“Is he still trying to claw Liam’s eyes out? Because I am not fucking coming near him.”

“No… umh… Liam went home so… maybe you should call him or I don’t know, go after him, H.?”

“I… yeah… I,” Harry stutters, eyes darting back to Louis and he knows they’ll never get anywhere if one of them doesn’t move away. Harry clearly won’t, looks like he’d rather run back into Louis arms so… he pushes past Niall and once he’s out of the bathroom he can breathe more freely.

 

He finds Zayn outside, sitting on the curb, smoking.

“If I take you home, do you promise not to jump me?”

“You are hot but not irresistible,” Zayn informs him.

“Don’t you know just how to treat’em. Get up, Malik. I’m taking you to bed.”

“I’m topping,” Zayn throws his arm over Louis’ shoulders and glances at his backside. “With a bum like this, there’s no chance in hell you’re _not_ bottoming.”

“Charming _and_ subtle, I like that. Keep wooing me like that and I definitely won’t offer your drunken ass to the first trucker that comes our way,” he holds on tighter to Zayn, slowly stirring them back towards their flat.


	4. If you feel you're falling, won't you let me know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really like Liam.   
> He's adorable and a great person and I do not think that he would ever behave that way in real life.
> 
> Having said that... I needed a 'bad guy' for this story and well... flipped a coin. Liam won. 
> 
> Sorry.

It’s raining which isn’t all that surprising given that Louis is living in England and even though spring is supposed to turn into summer eventually, rain is not an uncommon occurrence. It’s rather fitting for his current mood as well.

Sitting crossed leg on their kitchen island, staring out of the window without seeing much, he’s cradled a cup of tea. He doesn’t quite know what time it is, got woken up by his aching jaw and figured there was no point of trying to go back to sleep.

Zayn had still been sprawled out next to him, almost lifeless if it wasn’t for his deep snores announcing that he was in fact still breathing and besides him feeling like shit, Louis stopped to take a video, making sure to send it to Niall before he saved it in his blackmail folder.

“Morning.” Zayn stumbles into the kitchen, paler than usual but at least half way dressed. His hair is messed up but he still looks artfully disheveled.

Instead of an answer, Louis just cocks his head in acknowledgement.

“Lovely bruise on your jaw. What happened there?” Zayn closes the fridge and leans against the door, bottle of orange juice pressed to his forehead.

“Seriously?”

“I feel like dying. Actually I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, resurrected only to be killed again… I think something crawled into my mouth and died there…,” he sticks out his tongue and tries to catch a glimpse of it and either Zayn is still drunk or the paint fumes are finally taking their toll. “So what happened to your face, mate?”

“You are only still alive because I have known you for a very long time. And I’d be afraid to tell your mum that I actually killed you even though I have valid reason,” Louis takes a sip of his tea.

“Did I hit you?”

At that, Louis snorts a laugh. “Please, you couldn’t hit me if you tried… no. That was Liam.”

“Liam,” Zayn echoes.

“Mmh, Liam. Liam who went mental on my ass after you, my dearest friend, decided to fumble and snog me in front of all our friends last night.”

Zayn just stares at him and Louis is a little worried that he just had a stroke with the way his brain must be working overtime to remember everything that happened, when Zayn suddenly rushes forward and very unceremoniously throws up in the sink.

“Sexy,” Louis comments from his vantage point.

“Shut up,” his mate reaches for their kitchen towel to wipe his mouth. “I… fuck. I did, didn’t I? God, what on earth did I drink?”

“What _didn’t_ you drink… never seen you quite so wasted, Z. So if that was the grand plan… get drunk and snog someone else to make your ex flip his shit – congratulations. Mission accomplished. I’d just like to get a heads warning next time because… well, I don’t quite fancy getting punched by Liam ever again. He’s got a mean right hook.”

“I am so sorry! I never… I didn’t really have a plan but I guess… I went a bit… crazy? Saw him and Harry snog in a corner and decided to hit the bar and… don’t remember much after. Only bits and pieces. Did I screw your chances of getting with Aiden? I remember seeing you with him.”

“He was certainly… impressed? Shocked? Scarred for life?” Louis shrugs. “Told us we should first sort our foursome out but he still winked at me so I guess not all is lost… if I fancied going there.”

“Which you don’t,” Zayn sounds only a little surprised.

“Which I don’t,” Louis confirms. “Still… do I need to worry?”

Zayn cocks his head and Louis points between them. “Was that finally the eruption of all your pent up feelings for me? I know I’m pretty great but I’m sure we could have worked something out if you only told me I was the one true love of your life.”

“I might be sick again if you keep talking.” But at least there’s a faint smile playing around Zayn’s lips. “On a _very_ platonic level I can admit that you are attractive.”

Louis flutters his eyelashes.

“But I’m afraid I know you too well to ever wanting to get with you. Remember when you shoved your feet in my face after footie practice in 4th form? That was the end of any romantic feelings I might have ever had for you.”

“You’re breaking my heart. Using me for your dirty revenge plans, letting me take the punch and now you tell me I don’t even get a blowjob for my troubles?”

“If you insist,” Zayn rolls his eyes in good humor and fiddles with the drawstrings of his trackies. Louis throws a towel at him.

“Fuck off, as if I could wrap my jaw around anything at the moment…”

“Yeah,” Zayn ruffles his hair and looks rather sheepish. “I’m quite sorry about that. I didn’t really think. Seemed like a good idea at the time but I never meant for Liam to freak out like that… and _hit you_. I can’t believe he did that!”

“To be fair, you went absolutely ballistic after he did.” Louis entangles his feet and hops off the counter and gently punches Zayn’s shoulder. “But if you ever pull something like that again _I_ will knock you out.”

“I give you a heads warning,” Zayn trips him up on his way out, cackling when Louis shoots him a death glare.

Taking residence on the sofa, Louis doesn’t intend to move one inch today. He knows there are a couple of unanswered calls from Niall on his phone, possibly even a message from Liam but he really doesn’t feel like talking about last night with either of them at the moment.

He didn’t really manage to comprehend everything that happened but the more he thinks about it now, the angrier he gets at Liam.

First of all because technically Liam has no right to act like he still has a claim over Zayn. He was the one who cheated, he was the one who paraded a new boyfriend around when Zayn had barely just moved out. He never made any move to talk it through with Zayn, didn’t even react when he gave back the engagement ring. So he really doesn’t have any ground to stand on when it comes to who Zayn dates or decides to sleep with.

Secondly because it’s him. Louis had never given Liam any reason to doubt that his feelings for Zayn were anything but platonic and neither had Zayn. Heck, they grew up together, Liam really should know better. And even if he didn’t, he needn’t have punched Louis straight in the face, not even giving him a chance to get a word in.

Thirdly, even if Louis and Zayn decided to fuck like rabbits – Liam has a goddamn boyfriend and no fucking claim over either Zayn or Louis. Zayn at least had acted like an adult for the most parts, as far as Louis knows he never tried to punch Harry even so he probably had better reasons than Liam.

And you just don’t go hitting your best mates. Not like that, not if you have been friends for decades… at least you let them explain instead of sending them to the ground and turning your back on them. And as far as Louis can see he doesn’t even have a text or missed call from Liam, trying to apologize.

*

It’s radio silence.

Neither Louis nor Zayn have spoken to Liam or Harry, both having ducked Niall’s calls and texts. Louis is feeling quite guilty about it, the whole mess isn’t even Niall’s fault but knowing him, he probably blames himself for it. It’s quite unfair on their Irish friend, Niall doesn’t even know half of everything that happened but then again so don’t Liam or Zayn.

Louis can only imagine what’d happen if he confessed to snogging Harry not only once or twice but three times, well aware that he had a boyfriend but still willing to take the chances. Not telling them makes it thus harder for Louis to explain his odd behavior, he thought not seeing Harry would help but it’s quite the contrary.

He had hope he could wear himself off of Harry, that some distance would do the trick, that by not seeing the curly haired cherub he’d come to his senses and get over his obsession but he still feels miserable and guilty over the whole ‘affair’ only that on top of it he now misses Harry.

It’s not that they’d seen each other regularly but he still got to see him, knew it was only a matter of days until he’d bump into him at some pub or club night. Louis still got to see his smile, still got to hear his laugh… he groans and rolls over, nearly falling off the sofa.

“You are a sad excuse for a human being. How long have you been wearing that shirt?”

“Fuck off,” Louis tells the cushion. Zayn is not allowed to judge, half of this mess is his fault anyway.

“Come on mate, have you actually moved from this sofa during the last two weeks?”

“I went to uni,” he mumbles.

“Except that, I mean.”

“No,” Louis rolls onto his back and glares at Zayn. “And you haven’t either, so you really don’t need to take the high ground here!”

“It’s a bit too early to go into hibernation, you know?”

“Ugh, what’s gotten into you?” Louis climbs into a sitting position and takes a good look at his friend. “Oh no, who caught you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie, Malik, you got that guilty look about you. Just like last week when you stole the last cookie and watched me looking for it for hours before you confessed your crimes. So…?”

Zayn huffs. “Fine. Niall got me. Really laid into me about not calling back and ignoring him. Gave me a proper guilt trip and I promised…,” now he looks at Louis pleadingly. “I promised we’d meet him for drinks tonight.”

“We?”

“As in you and I.”

Louis levels Zayn with a look that would turn lesser humans into ashes. Zayn merely shrugs.

“When?”

“Well, if you move your ass now and get into the shower we have a 0.5% chance of being on time.”

“Why would you promise such things?”

“For one, because he is our friend. At least last time I checked. Wasn’t Niall’s fault that Liam and I acted like tits that night, if anything we kind of crashed Babs party… I mean, the least we could do is talk to him… don’t you think? Or are we pissed off at Niall as well? Because I don’t remember what he did wrong.”

“So we’re a ‘ _we_ ’ now?” Louis asks with a smirk which earns him an eye roll.

“You know what I mean, Tomlinson. Now go shower. You stink.”

Louis huffs but he has to silently admit that Zayn is right. Niall didn’t do anything wrong, they should really be apologizing and making the first step and not Nialler.

“Liam isn’t going to be there, is he?”

“No,” is all Zayn offers and Louis doesn’t fancy questioning it further. He’s still pissed off with Liam, although it’s quite sad as well. They had been friends for a long time but somehow it’s been going downhill for a while now and neither of them had the guts to address it. Perhaps it’s better that way, Louis isn’t sure what he’d confessed and some things are better left unsaid, especially with regards to Harry. Still, it sucks because it feels like their friendship has taken a permanent chip.

So Louis showers and gets dressed, managing to be only 30 minutes late. He hadn’t asked Zayn where they were going to meet Niall, but now that he’s in front of the bar, perhaps he should have.

“17Black?” Louis glances at the sign next to the door and whines. “On a bloody Open-Mic night? Are you serious?”

“Oh come on, stop complaining!” Zayn drags him through the doors, barely giving Louis a second to gain his footing before he pulls him towards a table in front of the stage, where he’s spotted Niall.

“Finally!” Niall punches his arm.

“Ouch!”

“Yes you deserved that, can’t believe you dodged my calls, Tommo! I felt like a cheap one-night stand!”

“I’m sorry, okay? Just… didn’t really fancy talking about it,” Louis winces and rubs his arm.

“You won’t be able to avoid that conversation forever, though,” Niall warns. “Mind getting me a beer as well, Zee?”

Zayn blinks at the not so subtle dismissing but after a second dutifully gets up and scurries towards the bar.

“Liam is really cut up about what happened,” Niall tells him the second Zayn is out of earshot.

“That’s too bad.”

“Louis…come on. I don’t know what’s going on between you three – because neither of you deem it necessary to tell me anything – but you need to sort it out. How is this supposed to go on? Are you going to avoid me and Liam forever?”

“I…,” Louis ruffles his hair. “No, and I am really sorry about crashing Bab’s party like that…”

Niall waves him off. “She loved it, said it’s the best party in ages. So much action and drama, tears and even blood.”

Louis guffaws, “Glad we provided some form of entertainment”

“So have you spoken to Liam?” Niall tries to gently stir him back towards the original topic.

“No. And before you ask: he neither tried calling nor did he send a text asking to talk to me or even apologize.”

“God, I thought we left all this drama behind when we got out of school. This is worse than 6th form, mate.”

“You’re telling me,” Louis plays with the beermats. “What’s Liam said then?”

“That he’s deeply sorry… that he overreacted… that he didn’t know you were fucking Zayn.”

If Louis had a drink he would have choked on it. “What?”

“To be fair I didn’t know either but I guess… good for you, Tommo. Zayn’s proper fit and well… you make a cute couple.”

“Hold up!”

“No, seriously! You could have told me and all, I wouldn’t have gone babbling to Liam – not that he has any ground to stand on, him and Zayn are broken up, you are single and –“

“I am not screwing Zayn!”

“And he’ll be forever heartbroken about the rejection,” Zayn sets the drinks down.

“Oh,” Niall points between them. “So you are not…?” he brings his clenched fists together. “Banging?”

“We are not banging.”

“He didn’t even give me a blowjob,” Zayn pouts and Niall makes gagging noise.

“I really didn’t need to know that.”

“To be fair you asked,” Louis leans back and crosses his arms behind his head.

“A simple ‘no’ would have done,” Niall grumbles.

“Take it you talked to Liam?” Zayn eyes his drink like it’s the most interesting thing he’s seen since the first Marvel comic.

“Well… he called me a couple of days after the party and… what was I supposed to do? Ignore him?”

“No, of course not,” Zayn says quickly.

“It’s… we’re not asking you to choose sides or anything…,” Louis amends.

“There are sides to choose? Wow, I didn’t know it got that bad.” Niall looks slightly shocked and maybe Louis should think before he talks.

“It’s…,” Zayn runs a hand through his raven hair. “Complicated. I’m really pissed off because he acted all possessive when he has no right. He hit Lou and that’s just… there isn’t an excuse for that. Even if we were… banging… he still doesn’t have the right to be all upset about it and attack Louis.”

“I know. That’s what I told him. Don’t get me wrong lads, I’ve been pretty pissed at him as well. We’ve been friends for ages, you don’t just go punching your mates in the face. I guess he kind of sees that now and… well, you know Liam. He acts rash and doesn’t realize how much damage he caused until later on.” Niall peels the label of his bottle. “I know things have been strained and I know it’s not easy… I just… It’d suck so much if our friendship didn’t survive this, you know? You guys are like my brothers and… right now it feels like talking to Liam automatically means I can’t talk to you and vice versa and…  that sucks.”

“I’m really sorry, Ni.” Zayn shakes his head. “I didn’t mean for it to become this… messy. I shouldn’t have kissed Louis. It was a silly, drunken idea and it did more harm than good. Should have acted like an adult but I really wanted to get a rise out of Liam.”

“It’s not like I don’t understand, Zee. Believe me I do, and I also know it’s Liam who’s to blame for a majority of this whole… whatever it is,” Niall waves his hands. “I’d just rather have you sort it out than avoid each other. There’s only so many evenings I can spend with Babs at home watching America’s Next Top Model before I want to fling myself out of the window or start a diet.”

Louis chuckles and reaches over to ruffle Niall’s hair. “I’m sorry, Nialler. You know you’re always welcome at ours and… we’ll talk to Liam, right?” He looks over to Zayn, who sighs but nods.

“Yeah, we will… just give it a little more time, okay?”

“Of course, I just… wanted to make sure we were still friends.”

“Aw, NiNi!” Louis lungs across the table and presses a wet kiss to his cheek. “Of course!”

“Get off, you tosser!” Niall pushes him away but is laughing. “God you are the worst, I didn’t miss you at all!”

“Now you know what I have to put up with daily!”

“Oi, I have you know I am the perfect roommate!”

“Really? You never remember to put the dirty dishes away so I constantly stumble across your empty cereal bowls spread across the flat…”

Louis would love to listen to Zayn’s list of things he was apparently incapable of doing but a movement on stage got his attention.

“Lou… oh, for God’s sake!” Zayn jumps up, brushing the spilled beer off of his jeans.

“That’s Harry!” Louis replies rather dumbly, glass still tilted at a dangerous angle.

“Yeah well… and that’s a reason to drop your beer?” Zayn gently rights the object in question with his index finger, making sure Louis has a good grip on it.  

Louis ignores him, focused instead on the gangly kid on stage, cradling his guitar like a lifeline. “What’s he doing up there?”

“This is a stage, and you might have seen the sign outside for Open Mic night… so Harry here is preparing to sing us a song,” Niall explains very slowly and like he was talking to someone who wasn't able to comprehend sentences with more than five words. Louis probably gave off that impression, with his jaw on the floor and wide-eyed stare.

“I… why… you didn’t tell me Harry would be here!” He finally turns to Zayn, who just looks at him like he’s gone crazy and of course, neither Niall nor Zayn would be able to understand why Louis was freaking out because… he groans. Because Harry is his dirty secret. His dirty, little secret he wanted to stay clear off and now he’s there, a couple of meters away looking all gorgeous and radiant.

Cheeks slightly pink, eyes huge and so, so green, fiddling nervously with the strings.

“Is that a problem? Liam is busy tonight and Harry was feeling a bit nervous so I said I’d join him here?”

“Umh…,” is all Louis manages to get out before Harry’s slow drawl interrupts him.

“Hiii… so… welcome. My name is Harry. Harry Styles and well… I would like to play you a couple of songs so… umh… here we go, I guess.”

If Louis ever gets the chance he is going to sit Harry down and work with him on some introduction which could also be used outside the kindergarten. Still, he’s hopelessly endeared and something must show on his face because Zayn nudges him questioningly.

“Psst, you need to listen to him, he’s really good,” Niall hushes them before Zayn can actually articulate a question.

“What else does that kid do? He’s quite a good photographer and now songwriter and singer?” Louis grumbles, earning himself a stern glance from Niall.

He gestures sowing his lips and turns towards the stage.

Some ginger haired guy Louis doesn’t recognize counts Harry in and the first few chords sound a little strained until he closes his eyes. It gets better and Louis grudgingly admits that Harry knows how to handle his instrument… that’s until he starts to sing.

He knew that Harry had a deep, rich voice but somehow Louis never wasted much thought on how he’d sound while singing. Quite amazing would be the answer.

Goosebumps appear on his arms and he quickly crosses them, not wanting Niall or Zayn to see how affected he is, though he needn’t have worried. Niall is staring open-mouthed at Harry and even Zayn is captivated.

Harry’s got a voice like honey, pure and clear but rough around the edges. He can hit the high notes as easily as he can croon into the microphone, sounds that resonate somewhere deep in Louis stomach. All of his songs seem innocent and sweet at first but there’s something sultry in the way Harry wraps his lips around the mic, twists his body towards the stand and it goes straight to Louis crotch.

He watches quite helplessly as Harry sings, eventually opening his eyes to figure out the reaction of the crowd.

If Louis wasn’t in love before, now he is.

All too soon it’s over, Harry announcing he’s only got time for one more song and of course that’s when he has to look over to Niall and spots Louis and Zayn. He falters only momentarily, though, eyes going wide and stumbling over his words for a second.

“I… well… I didn’t really plan on playing this song tonight but…,” he grins and then he winks. At Louis. Bastard. “That song suddenly seems really fitting so… I started writing it over a year ago but only finished it recently and well… I hope you enjoy it.”

Louis looks over to Niall who just shrugs and there wouldn’t be time for an answer anyway because Harry is strumming the chords and…

“ **You don’t understand, you don’t understand… what you do to me when you hold his hand. We were meant to be but a twist of fate… made it so we had to walk away** …” 

Fuck.

If there was any doubt left that that song wasn’t about ‘them’, Harry cleared those up.

“ **I don’t care what people say when we’re together… you know I want to be the one to hold you when you sleep. I just want it to be you and I forever… I know you wanna leave so come on baby, be with me so happily** ”

Louis sits there frozen long after the song is over and Harry has mumbled his goodbye’s, leaving the stage with roaring applause.

“I’m just quickly going to see if he needs any help packing up, okay?” Niall is already out of his seat before Louis even managed to comprehend the words.

“You know…,” Zayn says after a while. “I always wondered but never got around to asking: What happened to that bloke?”

“Huh?”

“The one you met before you buggered off to Australia? The one you promised to meet right here after you got back. I know we went to the bar that night and I remember you being all jittery but then Liam and Harry were there and… I kind of forgot to ask you about him.”

“Don’t you think you’d have noticed if the mysterious boy had made an appearance? I chewed your ear off for almost a year and you think I’d keep something major like that to myself if it’d really happened?”

“I don’t know, would you?”

Zayn is far too observant for his own good and not for the first time Louis wonders how much Zayn really knows about Harry and him. Or at least how much he suspects…

“Look I… can you tell Niall I'm really sorry but I’m not feeling so great and…” He fumbles for some notes, all under Zayn’s amused gaze. “… And I will call him? We should hang out. Niall, you and I, yeah? Soon… when I.. when I feel better…”

“Whatever you say, Lou,” there’s a little smile playing at the corners of Zayn’s mouth.

He knows that he’s confirming more than he’ll ever manage to deny in the future, knows that Zayn has an even better idea now but he can’t stay and idly chat with Harry after… everything. Not when there isn’t a Liam as reminder, Zayn and Niall are a flimsy barrier at best, nothing that would hinder him to drag Harry into the toilets and do what he’s been dreaming about for over two weeks now…

So before Niall actually barges into a lot more than he’s ever supposed to see, Louis does the only seemingly reasonable thing: He trips over a chair and nearly faceplants in his haste to leave the bar.

*

3:41am

Louis keeps fiddling with his phone, unable to sleep even so Zayn came home ages okay, now softly snoring next to him once again. He didn’t ask about his night or Harry, pretended to be asleep to avoid more questions he didn’t have the answers to.

“Fuck you, Harry Styles.” He’s been staring at the four words for the past hour. Now he presses send.

It doesn’t take long for his screen to light up and Louis wonders if Harry’s as bad as him, lying awake and staring at his phone, willing it to light up with a text or call that never came. Louis isn’t sure whether he’s supposed to be relieved or pissed off that Harry managed to respect his wish, didn’t try to contact Louis at all in the past weeks, which… well, it’s all out of the window now. Louis just broke his own promise.

_“Fuck you right back, Louis Tomlinson.”_

He snorts a laugh, rolling over to hide under his duvet so the light of his phone won’t wake Zayn.

“That’s not very nice.”

_“It’s not very nice to run out after I played you a song.”_

Of course Louis knew the song was about him, still it’s different to have it confirmed by Harry himself.

“What was I supposed to do? Kiss you and drag you into the stalls to show you just how much I enjoyed it?”

_“There’s an idea!”_

“Harry… Don’t. Please.”

_“Why not? Did any of it help?”_

“Did what help?”

_“Not seeing each other? Not talking? This radio silence. Are you over it?”_ What Harry means is ‘are you over me, did you manage to move on’.

“No. Nothing helps. But nothing has been solved, either.” Perhaps it was a mistake to text Harry. They’re still in the same place, caught up in their roles, stuck with the decisions they made.

_“So what now?”_

“I don’t know. I shouldn’t have texted you.”

_“I shouldn’t have answered you. Still I did. And I am glad you texted me. I missed you.”_

Louis chews his lips, thumb hovering over the keypad. “I missed you too.” It’s easier to admit it to the anonymity of his keypad, knowing that he’s talking to Harry but not actually having to look into his eyes.

_“Can I see you?”_ Harry texts back immediately and Louis can almost see the nervous twitch to his mouth, how he probably chews on his thumb, cheeks dusted pink because he’s caught by surprise by his own forwardness.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

_“No.”_ Louis doesn’t think so either.

“I could… we could text. Would that be okay?”

_“Anything would be better than not hearing from you at all. So yes. Please. Let’s do that.”_

“Does Liam use your phone?” He realizes the very minute he sends the question that all this became a lot more deceiving.

_“Why? Do you want to send me nudes?”_

“Don’t push your luck, Styles.” But he’s grinning. For the first time in days, there’s a grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

“ _No, he never checks it, doesn’t really care what I do, who I text or call…”_

“Idiot.”

“ _Well… all the better now, isn’t it?”_

“You sure? I don’t want to… I don’t know, this is definitely crossing a line and I don’t want to push you.”

_“I am so glad you texted me, Lou. I want you any way I can get you, okay?  This is so much better than nothing at all and I’m really okay with it. I don’t care anymore. I tried to be all good and faithful but I don’t think Liam cares all that much.”_

“What do you mean?” Immediately his temper flares up. Liam better be treating Harry good.

“ _He’s just… really upset about the whole thing with you and Zayn - who you are not sleeping with, right?”_

“Me sleeping with Zayn? No. I am not. Does Liam treat you okay?”

“ _Yes. He’s nice and all but it’s not… I think he might be still hung up on Zayn.”_

No shit…

“I’m sorry, Haz.”

_“Don’t be. I made the decision, it’s the mess I created. I just… I’m really glad we’re talking again.”_

“So am I. Think you can sleep?”

_“Now – yes. Before – no.”_

“Good. Get some sleep, Curly.”

“ _You too, love. x”_ Louis will never admit to the leap his heart does at that simple four lettered word.

“I’ll try. Really loved the song btw.”

_“Thank you :) Glad you did”_

“Sleep well, babe. x”

_“You too. x”_

*

Nothing really changes. But then again everything does.

They still haven’t talked to Liam, which means Zayn and Louis are still avoiding him and by extension Harry. Niall had eventually given up to try and subtly push them towards each other, now, he seems content with splitting his time between the four of them.

It’s far from ideal, far from how it used to be but it’s all they can manage somehow.

Louis gets to see Harry from a distance almost each day when they’re in uni. It’s torture to watch him from afar, see him with Liam, see them kiss and holding hands. There’s a white hot knot in his stomach which just doesn’t go away, hurt and jealousy flaring up at the most random instances, like when he sees Liam nuzzle into Harry’s hair, when Zayn mentions his name in passing or when Niall tells them about encountering a little disheveled looking Harry and Liam last weekend, wondering aloud what he interrupted when he stopped by unannounced.

So there’s this knot in his stomach and pain in his heart which won’t ever go away, and it’s not healthy but Louis still keeps count: Of every touch, every look and every kiss Harry shares with Liam. Lying in bed at night, he’ll go over those things again and again, until he’s worked himself up so far that he’s ready to throw up. Louis knows it won’t change anything, doesn’t help him or Harry coping in the slightest but he just doesn’t seem to be able to stop.

It’s during those nights, when the green-eyed monster called ‘jealousy’ guides Louis thoughts that he’ll just send a three word text to Harry.

“ _You kissed him_.”

Louis knows it’s not fair on Harry, that there is nothing much he can do and bless Harry’s soul, most of the time he will text back something soothing, something to douse the flames.

But there are times when Harry doesn’t text back or just replies with a simple “Well, what do you want me to do? He’s still my boyfriend,” and it hurts. Louis knows he’s being unfair, knows that there isn’t much Harry can do about the situation, that the other boy is just trying to do what’s right. Unfortunately doing one thing right seems to automatically mean doing another thing wrong.

Harry promised to be there for Liam, and from what Louis hears about them – Niall is an endless source of information if pressed right for them – Liam is relying heavily on Harry.

Never having been the clingy type, Liam seems to have done a 180°. And not in the good kind of “I love to spend every waking second with you” – kind of clingy but more in the “if you leave me now I’ll slit my wrists” – kind of way. Niall doesn’t know the whole story, only has bits and pieces to go by as well, but apparently something big had gone tits up in the firm Liam interned in. Since he had been part of the team working on said project, he gets partially blamed as well, and Niall said Liam seemed a bit panicky about saving his reputation and averting further damage. The whole mess corresponded perfectly with his professor telling him that his so far perfect grades were slipping down to “B” and “C”’s, sending the former teacher’s pet’s into a new panic-fuelled frenzy.

So Liam seems to be tethering along the edge of a nervous breakdown if Niall is to be believed and Louis can’t help the little, smug voice in his head, cooing that this is nothing less than Liam deserves after all he cocked up. Only that the smug is replaced by guilt rather quickly because how can he feel that way about one of his (former) best friends?!

Louis is jealous, angry, upset and miserable, he doesn’t know how to deal with the situation, knows that Harry doesn’t know either and that they’re both just stumbling along.

There’s nothing logic, nothing reasonable about the way he’s feeling. He’s spiraling and he doesn’t know how to stop it, can’t stop it.

Of course they could do the right thing: Louis could tell Harry that they should break off all contact and Harry could tell Louis that he’s with Liam and Louis should stop texting him and looking at him from across the room like he wanted to do all sorts of illegal things to him.  

It’d be the right, the good thing to do.

Louis has frowned upon people who snuck around their partner’s back, had judged girls and boys alike if they went after a taken bloke or girl.

Pride goes before a fall, they say.

Now that Louis is in the same situation, he realizes how hard it is to do the right thing. Every time he thinks he’s finally worked up the resolution to tell Harry they need to stop this, he’ll catch a glimpse of the other bloke across the lawn, sees Harry smile or hears his laugh and his resolution melts faster than a snowman in July. It doesn’t help that he knows Harry is going through the same thing, if all, it only adds to the anxiety. Louis is worried that Liam, Zayn or Niall will eventually catch on, is worried about not hearing from Harry and is worried about Harry finally deciding he’s had enough and end all and any form of contact.

Maybe it’d be better if they were simply physically attracted to each other. Maybe they could get each other out of their systems with a snog, a blowjob or a quick fuck.

Only that Louis knows it isn’t that easy. Whatever binds him to Harry runs deeper than just some superficial crush. A crush wouldn’t have survived a year abroad; it would have fizzled out after a while. Some superficial attraction would have never made Louis lose his mind, it would have never caused Louis to go behind all his friends back. If it was just something simple, he wouldn’t have had any problem with flirting and taking Aiden home that night but it isn’t. It isn’t simple, it isn’t superficial and it’s not going away.

It’s like Harry has been permanently imprinted on his heart during that one night over a year ago, like destiny struck and decided that those two should be forever bound to each other.

Any resistance seems futile and so all Louis can do is hide and stumble over his lies as best as he can, deflect and ignore any questions which hit too close for comfort. It’s far from ideal, far from what he wants – far from what Harry wants – but it’s all they have now.

So he’s jealous and miserable, living with the certainty that eventually, one of them will snap and this whole construct of lies will come crashing down on them.

But even with a gun pointed to his head, Louis couldn’t walk away from Harry.

*

It’s just one of those days again; waking up with a moody and broody Zayn who mutters something about a fucked up painting he needs to try and salvage before he grabs the last granola bar and heads out, leaving Louis with an empty fridge and a carton of milk which has gone off about a week ago.

Lectures are tedious and boring, Louis listening with half an ear while he’s staring out of the window. Once again reminded that this is England and not Australia, storm clouds are gathering on the horizon and he can see that the wind’s picked up, judging by the way the trees are ruffled and starting to slightly bend.

Dressed in some cargo shorts and a tee, Louis didn’t even take a jacket because well – it’s supposed to be freaking summer. Now it looks like all he’ll get for putting his faith on the weather is an open air shower.

He’s rounding the corner, wanting to quickly pop into the bathroom before he’ll sprint back to the flat when the first wave of thunder rolls across the sky.

“Fucking fantastic,” Louis mutters, pushing the door open.

The scene in front of him is nothing too scandalous; he’s seen (and done) worse in public bathrooms in his time. It’s just a bit of snogging against a wall but Louis still freezes on the spot. He’d like to make a sound, to make himself known to the two but he can’t, feeling choked and about to faint. He’s pretty sure he stopped breathing.

Liam has both hands resting against the wall, bracketing Harry in. Harry’s hands are leisurely wrapped around Liam’s neck, not really holding on and if Louis was Liam, he’d make sure to kiss Harry like there was no tomorrow every single day. He’d make sure to sweep the younger boy off of his feet with each drag of his lips, so he’d still remember the touch and taste of Louis’ tongue hours after they kissed.

But Louis isn’t Liam and he doesn’t get to kiss Harry anymore.

It’s only when Harry looks up and sees Louis that he shies back from Liam, squeaking “Lou?” and of course Liam turns around at that, too.

Louis has time to notice that Harry’s eyes are not blown, his lips not shiny and kissed raw and it helps to calm the monster inside him, even if only a bit.

“I… Hello Louis,” Liam clears his throat and that gets Louis attention.

He doesn’t say anything, just stares at Liam for a couple of seconds, tempted to reply but then he opens his mouth to speak and suddenly he feels the ache in his jaw again.

Instead of saying anything, he just turns around and slams the door.

It’s the first time Louis had to see this up close, usually he only witnessed a quick peck to the lips or seen Liam wrapped around Harry from afar. Technically he knows that besides everything going on between him and Harry, Harry is still with Liam, which involves kisses and cuddles and other stuff Louis resolutely doesn’t think or ask about.

He tries to wipe his mind, concentrating on walking and breathing, not even noticing that it started pouring down. He goes straight home to drop his bag and grab his car keys before he sets off again.

*

Tom is behind the counter when he walks in, lifting his head when he hears the bell jingle.

“Hey, mate. Haven’t seen you in a while.” Tom looks over to his dripping form. “Got caught in the rain?”

Louis shrugs but bumps his fist with Tom. “Yeah, sorry. About dripping all over your floor as well as not stopping by sooner. Some personal stuff, a lack of inspiration…” he shrugs, “… you got some time now?”

“Yeah sure, don’t have anything scheduled for a while. You know what you want?” He leads Louis to the back of the shop, a way he’s walk more often than he can remember, the smell of disinfectants getting stronger. They pass Jake’s door, slightly ajar and Louis catches a glimpse of a girl lying on the stretcher, Jake working on some elaborate back piece.

Tom holds the door for him and hands him a coke. “So, inspiration hit?”

“Yep… I actually have two in mind.”

“Alright, hit me.” Tom takes a seat and rolls over to Louis, waiting while he angles his right arm and points to his wrist. “A rope… with a sailor knot… like those infinity symbols, you know what I mean…?”

“Yes, I think I do,” Tom nods, getting up again to flip through on of his sketch books. “Shall we focus on that first or…?”

“Sure, the other one is quite a bit smaller anyways.”

“Cool… well, I’ve sketched a couple of those before…” Tom flicks through the pages and shows Louis some drafts, both sticking their heads together to discuss the design until Louis is satisfied with the amends Tom’s made, waiting for him to get the first one ready.

“You okay?” Tom asks from his desk, putting the finishing touch on Louis’ new tattoo. “You seem a bit stressed?”

Louis huffs out a laugh. He’s still buzzing, seeing Harry and Liam so close together got him good but he managed to pushes those feelings away, busying himself with this. If he focuses on the task at hand, doesn’t let his mind wander it’s almost as if the scene he witnessed never happened, like it’s something from a movie, which doesn’t concern him in the slightest.

“Got a lot on my mind,” he deflects, hoping that the finality in his tone will put an end to the questions.

Tom just hums noncommittally and Louis is glad that he doesn’t push further, Tom has never been one to enquire about his personal life anyways, always happy to chat should Louis volunteer any information but he never pushed for it.

Because of that but also because Tom is just fucking gifted with a tattoo gun are the reasons Louis always came back here whenever he felt like some new ink.

Tom gets his arm ready and prepares his stuff, waiting for Louis to quickly nod before he switches the gun on and pierces Louis skin. The pain is always a bit sudden at first, even so Louis has done this often enough, he still never manages to quite prepare himself for that first sharp, little pain. It gets better quickly though, turning into a dull throbbing and he angels his head back and closes his eyes.

He doesn’t mind the pain, likes it even to a certain extent, something he was never able to explain to Niall, who doesn’t have any tattoos but Zayn immediately got what he meant. Maybe he should have called him, asked him if he fancied coming along but then again Louis likes the quiet, only the buzzing of the gun and his labored breathing. He’ll take Zayn next time, he decides.

Barely one and a half hours after Louis walked into the studio, he’s back outside again. His two new tattoos wrapped carefully and with some of Tom’s sketches he promised to show to Zayn.

It probably won’t take long for both to come back, Louis has seldom managed to only get one tattoo, new ink being too addictive so him and Zayn usually ended up with at least two, sometimes even five new pieces in the span of a couple of days.

*

This is why Niall finds Louis and Zayn in the Art Department a couple of days later, Louis shirt rucked up and pants undone while Zayn is scribbling, wiping and muttering behind his easel.

“What in the name of love are you two doing now?” He peeks over Louis shoulder, seeing Zayn trace Louis’ hipbone with a pencil before he focuses back on his sketch pad. “Am I interrupting some nude live drawing session?!”

“Is he naked?” Zayn growls, not taking his eyes off of the paper.

“No?”

“Well, then it’s obviously not a nude drawing.”

“Looks like Lou could get there with a quick tug.” Niall eyes the way Louis is pulling his pants and briefs to the side, shaking his head. “Right… what did I come here for again?”

“Oh so you didn’t come to admire a dick?” Louis jokes.

“Looking one in the face right now, nothing to admire,” Niall grumbles and whacks Louis over the head for good measure. Then he seems to remember why he actually climbed all those stairs. “We need to talk.”

“Niall’s breaking up with us,” Zayn mutters.

“It was fun while it lasted,” Louis sighs and Niall huffs.

“Could you stop this for a minute?” He points towards Zayn still focused on the sketch pad and Louis watching Zayn doodle.

“Oh that serious…?” Zayn glances at his drawing critically before he puts the pencil behind his ear. “You may pull your pants back up, mate.”

Louis nods and fiddles with his clothes, Niall waiting impatiently and okay, usually Niall just blabs out whatever is bothering him. This really seems serious.

“Okay.”

“Right,” he pulls a chair over and sits across from Zayn and Louis. “I have had enough.”

“Okay,” Louis repeats rather dumbly. “Enough of…?”

“This!” Niall makes an all-encompassing gesture and Louis is a little at loss.

“’m afraid you need to elaborate, mate,” Zayn angles his knee and rests his chin on it.

“You. Liam and Harry. This whole not talking situation. I’ve had it up to here!” Niall points towards his blond quiff. “I thought we – you – were going to sort it out?! Maybe I’m blind but I don’t really see how anything’s been sorted out!”

“Well…,” Louis starts but Niall throws him a death glare Louis didn’t even know the Irish bloke was capable of.

“Save it! I don’t believe your bullshit anyways, you had enough time.”

“But Liam…” Zayn starts only to be interrupted by Niall again.

“I feel like being caught in the sandpit wars!” Niall hollers. “Yes, Liam fucked up, he screwed you over. I get that, it hurt and you are pissed off, Zayn, I do. But you got your revenge, didn’t you? Gave back the engagement ring and snogged Lou in front of him, so that should pacify the little devil on your shoulder for a while, yeah? And Lou…” Niall whips around and glares at him. “I have no idea what’s going on with you at the moment because you’re acting weirder than usual but quite frankly I don’t care anymore.”

“That’s not very nice,” Zayn whispers and Louis nods enthusiastically.

“Yeah, look Niall – we’re sorry okay? But Liam… like he never tried to approach us either and he hit…”

“He hit you. Boohoo. Cry me a fucking river!” Niall shakes his head and rubs his eyes. “This is going to stop right now! You are going to stop hiding from each other and you are going to talk. If you don’t want to talk about what happened, fine. Don’t care. But you are going to sit at the same table and have a couple of pints and you are going to be fucking civil about it, got me?!”

“Did Liam get the same bollocking?” Louis knows he sounds like a scolded five year old (he feels like one, too) but he can’t help it.

“Yes. I had a little chat with him and Harry as well.”

“Niall, with all due respect but… umh…” Zayn stutters when Niall turns around and looks ready to rip his head off. “… Do you think this is a good idea…?”

“No. But I don’t have a better one. Because you dickheads are more stubborn than old mules, and not talking didn’t solve anything either. Can hardly get worse, can it?”

“We could try and kill each other,” Louis offers but Niall just shrugs.

“Would solve the problem as well. So… I expect you two showered and dressed tomorrow evening at our usual pub,” he turns to leave but when he doesn’t get a reply, Niall pirouettes around and glares at them until Louis and Zayn mutter “Yes, sir” in unison. Only then does the bleached blond demon leave them alone.

“What was that?” Zayn asks a bit dumbstruck, glancing after Niall.

“I have no idea. Did you know Niall could get angry?”

“No.” Zayn shakes his head, still staring at the door through which Niall disappeared. “I mean, I saw him wielding some billiard cue like a weapon… remember when we went to that pub and someone insulted Sherby?”

“Derby,” Louis corrects with a smile. “And yes, I remember. That was scary.”

“Not as scary as that,” he turns to Louis. “We were just given a royally bollocking by a little Irish leprechaun.”

“You fancy repeating that in front of Niall?”

“Hell no, I’m not crazy.”

“So what do we do?” Louis sinks on a chair and looks at Zayn. His mate just shrugs.

“I guess we shower and turn up as asked. Don’t fancy Niall breaking our door and dragging us there by the hair.”

“As if he got to touch your hair…,” Louis mumbles but nods unhappy. “Think it’ll go well?”

“No,” Zayn answers honestly. “But then again we can’t avoid them forever. And I feel bad for Harry. It’s not really his fault is it? We just dragged him into this great big mess…”

“Yeah,” Louis lowers his gaze and ruffles his hair.

“One of these days you are going to tell me what it is with you and Harry…”

“I… nothing. There’s nothing…”

Zayn doesn’t say anything, just looks at him for a little longer before he shrugs. “If you say so. Let’s pack up and get out of here. I’m starving…”

 

**∞**

 

Harry is standing in front of the cupboards, trying to remember where the heck Liam keeps his plates. It’s past 9pm and Liam said he’d be home at 7pm the latest.

Not that it really surprises Harry, ever since his professor told him his grade was slipping from an A to a B Liam has been holed up in the library day and night. But Liam had asked him, begged him really for a quiet night in, has even shyly suggested Harry could cook for them and even though Harry doesn’t particularly fancy any romantic dinners with Liam at the moment, he let himself be talked into it because well, Liam’s been really down lately.

It wasn’t even something elaborate, just some roast beef and some potatoes with rosemary but he still left university early instead of going over to the Music Department like he’d originally planned, to do some shopping and have everything ready by 7pm.

The time Liam swore he’d be home.

Two hours later and Harry doesn’t even have a missed call on his phone, let alone text message.

The ringing of his phone startles him out of his trance, awfully loud in the quiet, otherwise empty flat. He already knows it isn’t Liam, since this is clearly Aretha blasting from his pocket, “sisters doin’ it for themselves” announcing that Gemma is calling.

“Hey!”

“Hello you to you, pumpkin. Don’t sound too excited, I might think you’re actually happy to hear from me.”

“Sorry.” Harry ruffles his curls. “Long day and all.”

“Ah. Trouble in paradise?”

“Don’t know which paradise you’re talking about, I’m still on the primrose path that leads straight to hell.”

“Oh. That bad?”

Harry sighs. Gemma’s been in ace during the last couple of weeks, providing a steady shoulder to cry and whine on but he doesn’t want to worry her more than he already has. He’s old enough, dammit, he should be able to bear the consequences of his actions. “No, nothing out of the ordinary.”

“How are things with Liam, then?”

“Okay. He’s really… well, you know I told you Zayn gave back the engagement ring?”

Gemma hums in response.

“And also about that party? The one where Zayn kissed Louis in front of Liam and…”

“All hell broke loose? Yep, definitely remember that one, that’s actually one of my favorite stories so far. I’m so using it for the telenovela I'm writing.”

“Haha,” Harry deadpans.

“Are Louis and Zayn actually dancing the horizontal tango?”

“Well, Louis said no…”

“But?” Gemma sighs. “Look H., this would all be easier if I didn’t have to worm all the information out of you!”

“What do you want me to say? Louis said he wasn’t hooking up with Zayn but those two are always together, they live together, they sleep in the same fricking bed for all I know and they are… well, they are both bloody attractive. Louis is cuddly and Zayn can be downright handsy when he’s had something to drink and it’s not like I'm there all the time or like Louis texts me everything they do or didn’t do. I haven’t been out with them in ages and I have no clue what those two get up to when they go out, so all I can really do is take Louis’ word for it and hope for the best!”

“More than ten words strung in a sentence, I’m impressed. That wasn’t so hard, was it? So you believe Louis but then again you don’t believe him.”

“It’s not like we’re… anything, really. I have no sort of claim over him, I can’t tell him what to do, who to see. I have no ground to stand on since I'm the one with the boyfriend,” Harry huffs and realizes he’s got the kitchen towel in a death grip.

“But I thought… you and Louis talked about it?”

“Yes. No.” This is all so frustrating, everything’s up in the air. They’re some weird on-off thing, neither of them knowing what the rules are, where the boundaries are laying. “You know we broke off all contact after the party?”

“Yes, but I thought you’re texting now?”

“We are – we _were_.” Harry chews on his thumb, throwing the kitchen towel across the room. “He walked in on Liam and me kissing. At uni, in one of the bathrooms and… he hasn’t me texted me ever since.” Harry sounds a lot more miserable than he intended to, but the lack of contact with Louis – how ever brief or sporadic it might be – is getting to him.

“Have you texted him?”

“No,” Harry draws the word out. “He’s mad at me.”

“And you know that without asking him?”

“Yes, I do. You should have seen that look in his eyes. Like I sucker-punched him out of the blue. You know how he sometimes gets, and it’s not like I can’t understand him but… it’s also not like I can change anything right now! He doesn’t have a clue…”

“He doesn’t have a clue?” Gemma probes gently. “What is it?”

“He doesn’t have a clue how bad it is with Liam at the moment.”

“With… are you okay?” his sister asks immediately and Harry has to smile.

“Yes, I'm fine, Gem. He’s not being mean to me or anything… he’s just… You know, I think he only realized what happened when he saw Zayn kiss someone else at that party. It’s like he skipped all the hurt and anger and just ignored it and now it’s come back tenfold and hit him unprepared and… he’s not really dealing with it well. He tries to hide it from me… which, yes I get it but it doesn’t really help because he keeps trying to distract himself with work and me and uni instead of just sitting down and allowing himself to feel. So it comes at him unprepared at the most random moments and it’s… I feel sorry for him. Liam is trying to put on a brave face, he tries to act like everything is alright but I can see how broken he is.”

“You’re feeling accountable for him,” as always Gemma just knows. “You think you have to be there for him since he’s lost almost all of his other friends.”

“I… yes. Kind of. I mean, Niall still comes around sometimes but… I messed so many things up, I want to do something right at least. And leaving Liam now would just be… it’d be awful.”

“Mmh,” Gemma hums and they’re both quiet for a while until his sister says, “Remember Steve? The guy I dated during my last year in uni?”

“I think I do… you were going out with him for quite a while, weren’t you?”

“One and a half years even though it was really over after eight months.”

“What?” Harry stutters.

“Mmhm, yes. We just didn’t fit, he was nice and all but… it just didn’t really work out between us.”

“But… you brought him home to mum and… didn’t he spend Christmas with us as well?”

“He did,” Gemma sighs. “Look, he was nice and sweet and we got on just fine. I guess we would have been better off as friends than as ‘lovers’ but somehow we got that mixed up. I figured it out before him and when I finally picked up enough courage to tell him, he showed up and told me his parents were getting divorced. And… you and I have been through it and we know that it isn’t fun but for Steve it was the end of the world. He was heartbroken, cried for days and couldn’t get out of bed and well… you don’t break up with someone when something like that just happened, right?”

Harry nods though Gemma can’t see it.

“And I thought he’d get over it. It wasn’t a hostile divorce or anything, his parents sorted their affairs out quietly and I thought maybe we could start talking about us but then his dad announced he was moving away and we were back to square one. He was crying day and night and I was there offering new tissues. And it just didn’t get better, you know? He refused to talk to his parents, even so it would have probably helped a lot but he just… he hid from the world and nursed his broken heart instead of… I don’t know… talking to the people that mattered? There was only so much support I could offer, and it wasn’t really _me_ he needed, he needed to talk to his mum and his dad. But he didn’t so I dragged this relationship on and on because, well… I felt like if I left him now, he’d jump off the next bridge. He was leaning so heavily on me, relying on me to… just do things, take his mind off stuff… and I felt so guilty. He was there, telling me how much he needed me while I was looking for a way out.”

“How did you find it?”

“By realizing it wouldn’t get better. I did everything I could for him, I was there and I tried to help but I wasn’t the one who could help him. And I wasn’t happy. So I sat him down and told him how I felt and I told him he had to talk to his parents if he ever wanted to move on…”

“How did that go?”

“Not so well. He yelled at me, said I was leaving him just like everyone, running when the going got tough.”

“Bastard.”

“I guess form his point of view… It might have looked like it. But eventually he called his mum, he talked to his father and as far I know he moved down to where his dad lives, is engaged and well… happy.”

“I get the moral of the story. So you think I need to tell Liam it’s not working?”

“I think you need to tell him that he needs to talk to Zayn. That it won’t ever get better if he doesn’t get some answers because he must have tons of questions. Just like Zayn, it’s not fair on either of them, they’re both standing in each other’s way of moving on.”

“And what if he doesn’t want to?”

“Then you tried your best but you are not responsible for Liam’s happiness, Harry. He needs to do this alone. If he can’t be happy on his own, he’ll never be happy with you or anyone else for that matter.”

“I’d be letting him down…”

“Oh no. No, you wouldn’t. You did all you could but… Harry, he’s not happy. You are not happy and it’s… is it even a relationship you’re having?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re more of his shoulder to cry on, his distraction than his boyfriend, you’re _convenient_. And from what I gather, you don’t even want to be his boyfriend anymore… or has that changed?”

“I… no… Louis…,” Harry mutters helplessly.

“You are there for him now. You’re trying to help him, you’re doing the best you can. But there is only so much _you_ can do. And if Liam doesn’t want to get better… if he doesn’t want help then well, I’m sorry Harry, but you can’t stick around forever. He needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet and you deserve to be happy, H. I’m not saying you need to leave him right now, but you need to tell him that it can’t go on like this… maybe he’ll get the hint alone, maybe he’ll decide to talk to Zayn or Zayn decides to finally talk to Liam… whatever it is, those two need to sort themselves out before either of them can think of being with someone else. It’s not fair and it’s definitely not fair on you.

Liam isn’t – has _never_ – given you 100%... which fine, you didn’t either but… what I’m saying… this isn’t how a relationship’s supposed to be, no? And you tried, but maybe you need to give yourself an ultimatum. There has to be a point at which you say enough is enough.”

“You want me to walk away?”

“I want you to be happy,” Gemma says urgently. “And at the moment, you are miserable. Liam is miserable. Zayn is miserable and Louis is miserable. It’s… very honorable what you tried to do… staying with the guy who asked you out first even so you fancy another one. Honorable and incredibly stupid.”

“I don’t see how any of my actions were honorable…,” Harry mutters. “I feel like a cheater.”

“Because you’re thinking about Louis?”

“Yeah but like… we text and we kissed…”

“And I’m sure Liam _never_ thinks about Zayn,” Gemma sighs when Harry falls silent because well… he never looked at it from that angle. “That’s what I mean Harry. You tried. You and Liam didn’t work out. You fell in love with someone else. Happens. Might not be ideal or perfect or how you planned it but… it happened.”

“But… aren’t I a horrible person for wanting someone else? And… for kissing someone else?”

Gemma takes a deep breath. “I think… this is going to sound horrible but I’m just going to say it anyway: If Liam had been head over heels for you… if you had a trusting and loving relationship than… yes. If you were being unfaithful out of a spur of the moment, because you saw a fit guy and just went for him it’d be horrible. But you and Louis have history and even so it sounds like a fairytale…,” Gemma chuckles quite fondly. “Perhaps because _it is a fairytale_ , because you loved Louis first… it means… more? You obviously couldn’t forget him even though you didn’t see each other for a year and… no matter how crazy it is… it means something Harry. And it means something for him and it means something for you – obviously enough that neither of you can just walk away and you’re both willing to risk so much, even so you know it might be… not morally correct.

So I’m going to be a horrible person and say you tried with Liam. But maybe it’s time that you stopped trying with Liam and started being happy with Louis?!”

“Okay,” Harry breathes. It’s nice to know that at least his sister understands him and doesn’t judge him.

“Okay?” Gemma echoes.

“Yes, I am going to talk to Liam and… give him another four weeks or so to get his act together.”

“Good, Harry. That’s good.” It doesn’t feel like something monumental has changed but there’s a small weight lifted of his chest when he hangs up the phone.

The plan isn’t perfect and Harry will still have to own up and explain his involvement with Louis eventually but even that’s better than this sneaking around. Gemma is right, besides him not being happy, he can clearly see that Liam isn’t happy either and… they really need to change this.

There’s only so long Harry can drag this on for and he’s about to reach his limit.

When Harry leaves the flat at 10pm, a plate with food in the fridge and a note on the counter for Liam, his boyfriend has neither called nor texted.

 

**∞**

 

As requested by higher authority, the next evening finds Louis and Zayn sitting at their usual table in their usual bar, bend over yet another sketch.

“Hi…”

They look up in unison and Louis tries not to swallow his own tongue when he sees Liam and Harry trailing close behind Niall.

“Hey,” Zayn mutters and reaches for Louis hand under the table. The touch startles him and he must have visibly reacted because Liam’s eyes narrow when he slides onto the bench opposite them.

No one says a word and the silence stretches until Harry points towards the sketch book. “What’s… umh, what’s that?”

_Nothing_ , Louis wants to say but Zayn is quicker, seemingly glad for a conversation opener. “Just a sketch, Louis wants another tattoo.”

“Another? How many have you gotten recently?” Niall asks while Harry reaches for the sketch pad tentatively, Zayn sliding it over with a small smile.

“Two.” Louis lifts his wrist to show off the rope tattoo.

“That’s… wow. Really beautiful,” Harry gushes and Louis can’t quite look him in the eyes, afraid to give too much away. They haven’t texted ever since he walked in on Harry and Liam in that bathroom and the week without contact has worn Louis thin. He feels transparent, as if they’d only need to take one good look at him to figure out what’s been going on.

“Thanks,” he mutters.

“What’s the other one? And where?”

Zayn clasps a hand around Louis arm, trying to push the shirtsleeve up, but Louis stops him in a sudden rush of panic. “It’s just some mindless doodle, like the pac man or the stick figure I got, you know?” He gently pries Zayn’s hand off his arm, feeling more than seeing the confused look his best mate shoots him.

“And this?” Harry points towards the sketch book, determined to apparently make his night a living hell by talking directly to Louis.

“Is that the… umh, what you were working on when I caught you?” Niall clears his throat but there’s an amused twinkle in his eyes.

“Caught you?” Liam suddenly cuts in, voice cold. “Doing what?”

“None of…,” Zayn starts but cuts himself off. He takes a deep breath and looks over at Harry, who just blinks wide-eyed. “It’s a sketch, as I said, for Louis new tattoo. He wanted… why don’t you explain what you wanted anyway?” Zayn nudges Louis.

“Oh… yeah sure… so… it’s… like a fern leaf. Zayn drew it to resemble a bit of a silver fern, you know? The ones you find in New Zealand? Of course I’ve been there only once for two weeks or so, but it’s a nice little reminder of the time there… of Australia and New Zealand, the beaches and surf spots…”

“It’s really beautiful, the details and shading are great!” Harry gushes and Zayn looks quite pleased. “Where do you want it?” Before Louis can react, Zayn flips the page and Harry chokes on thin air.

It’s a drawing of Louis hip and pelvis, the tattoo perfectly aligned with his muscles and bone structure. Starting down very low, the leaf drapes across Louis hip bone and if Zayn and Tom are right, the shift of muscle in his lower stomach will serve to animate the ink even further than the perfect shading already does.

“Is that…?” Liam croaks and Zayn smirks so big, Louis is afraid he’ll swallow his ears.

“Modelled after the living object? Of course. Niall was there to catch the last bit of the action.”

“You mean to catch Louis with his briefs down?” Niall jokes.

It’s harmless enough, nothing they haven’t made fun of before but now the joke falls painfully short. Harry’s head snaps up so fast Louis is afraid he gave himself whiplash. Liam on the other hand just shakes his head, mouth in a tight line.

“It’s…” Someone pinches him hard under the table but before he can complain Zayn is pressing his index finger into his thigh and starts running it up and down. “What…?” he whispers but instead of answering, Zayn only presses down harder and now Louis realizes he’s drawing figures onto his skin. S… O... Z.

Soz what?

“It’s not like I’d let anyone else do that job,” Zayn throws in ever so nonchalantly and now Louis realizes what “soz” stands for: Sorry for getting you involved once again, sorry for fucking with you again and probably also sorry for risking Liam punching you once again.

“What job?” Liam asks icily and Zayn grins.

“You know…,” he leans down and ever so gently clamps his teeth around Louis shoulder. It’s ever so tenderly and intimate, a lover’s bite.

Harry makes a strangled sort of noise and Louis the mistake to look at him, seeing his eyes wide and fists clenched.

Niall just looks back and forth between them, brows furrowed before he clears his throat loudly and breaking the spell. “Right. Ace. Glad to see Zayn found love, Liam found love and everyone’s happy. I toast to that!” He raises his glass and takes a large gulp, not waiting for the others. “Since we’re all so loved up and happy for one another…” he growls and looks at Liam who’s still got a murderous twinkle in his eyes. “… I have a surprise. And I expect you to be as happy and thrilled as I am!”

“Sounds more like an order,” Louis mutters and tries to gently but firmly shove Zayn off. They are _so_ going to have a word about this, as far as Louis remembers he was promised Zayn wouldn’t use him like that again after his muppet of an ex-boyfriend nearly broke his jaw the last time.

Niall glares at him before he continues to stare the rest down, making sure he’s got all eyes on him and their undivided attention. “Barbara has scored a job with Agent Provocateur-”

“Congratulations,” Louis tries enthusiastically but is shot down immediately.

“Didn’t allow you to speak, did I?”

If he’d feel particularly hara-kiri he’d answer with “no daddy” but Louis is quite fond of his sad existence.

“Anyway, Babs scored a major job and they are shooting in Bali. Lovely location, great beaches, fantastic hotels,” Niall pauses and Louis about to applaud but Zayn shakes his head ever so slightly so he keeps his mouth shut. “They’re quite generous, she’s allowed to take someone with her and since we haven’t been on a proper vacation for God knows how long, we decided to turn this three days trip into a two weeks beach vacation.”

“Sounds great,” Harry says carefully and Niall nods.

“And even better than a beach vacation with my babe is a beach vacation with my babe and my best mates,” now Niall beams at them.

“What?” asks Zayn, causing Niall to huff.

“I checked vacancies. They have enough rooms.” He slides a brochure over and Louis grabs it, eyes quickly flicking over it, while Zayn leans in to catch a glimpse too.

“Niall… I’m really happy for you and Babs but… that’s a freaking five star hotel.”

“And?” Niall’s got that look again which makes Louis sink back into his chair. “Don’t even try. You’ve got a shit load of money from your modeling jobs in Australia, you…,” he points at Zayn. “… have enough cash in the bank for at least five of those vacations per year from recent sales of your paintings and you Liam, have a trust fund, mommy and daddy and God knows what else. The least you can do after… well, everything is treat your boy to some nice holidays.”

“I… what? No. I… really… no!” Harry squeaks and Louis feels a little sorry for him. Niall’s already decided and neither hell nor high water will make him drop that plan now.

“It’s a lovely hotel with direct beach access, four restaurants and five bars. Located near some of the top surf spots…” at that Louis peeks up. “… and it’d be a proper mate’s holiday. I think we all deserve that, don’t you?”

“It all sounds lovely, Niall, and I am really happy for you but I don’t really fancy a vacation with… Zayn. Or Louis for that matter,” Liam says.

“Really? And why would that be?” Zayn leans back casually, slinging his arm around Louis’ shoulder.

“I don’t need to answer that.” Liam makes a move to get up but Niall reaches out quickly and yanks him down on the bench again.

“Wrong. You will. Talk about it that is. And you will make amends. I don’t care how, okay. You will sit here until this is solved!” He points towards Liam and Zayn. “We’ll be over at the bar,” he grabs Louis and Harry and pulls them away, Zayn staring after them open mouthed until Niall turns back and gestures between Liam and him. “ _Talk_. I’ve got all night and no plans tomorrow, just so you know.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Louis looks over his shoulder once they’ve reached the bar, seeing Zayn and Liam glare at each other but not talking.

“No. You got a better one?” Niall snaps and Louis sighs. “Thought so,” he seems wanting to say more but then digs through his pocket and pulls out his mobile. “Babs is calling. Get me a pint, will you?” he pats Louis shoulder and leaves him standing there with Harry.

Harry, who shuffles on his feet, wringing his hands and looking like the poster picture of ‘uncomfortable’.

Louis sighs, but turns to Lou, ordering Niall’s pint and some double shots for him and Harry.

“Here,” he slides the liquor over. “Looks like you need it.”

It’s only then, when directly spoken to, that the younger boy looks up. “You didn’t text me,” Harry says instead of taking the drink.

“No. You didn’t either.” Louis waits futilely for Harry to drink, eventually just knocking his drink back alone before he asks Lou for a refill. If they’re having this conversation, he needs more liquid courage.

“I thought you were upset,” Harry shrugs. “Mad. Because of… because you saw us.”

“Want me to lie and say I was happy about it?” Louis shoots back and Harry recoils, shaking his head.

“No,” he whispers almost.

“Good. And yes, I was mad. I am mad all the time. And miserable. But that’s not going to change any time soon, is it?”

Harry looks absolutely torn and Louis knows it isn’t fair. “I… you don’t get it, Lou. Liam is… he’s so… broken.”

“Seems pretty put together,” he turns to look at him and Zayn, seeing that they are finally engaged in some heated discussion.

Harry shakes his head. “He’s really… things aren’t going great for him at the moment. He needs my support.”

“I’m sure that’s what he’s getting…,” Louis mutters. “Morally and orally.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Nothing is fair, is it?” Louis replies offhandedly.

“So what are you saying?” Harry inquires, finally taking his goddamn drink.

“I don’t know Harry, what can I really say? It’s not like I have any claim, like anything is happening between us, is there?”

“You want something to happen?” Harry takes a step closer.

“Don’t,” Louis growls. “Don’t test me, okay?”

Harry seems to consider that, chewing his lip before he gives a curd nod. But he doesn’t step back. They don’t say anything for a while, both staring into their respective drinks, minds whirling.

Until Harry asks out of the blue, “So now you and Zayn are fucking after all?” and Louis almost spits his drink back out.

“Haven’t we talked about this?”

“Thought so too, but apparently I need to ask for a status update with you two every three weeks,” Harry replies, tracing the rim of his glass.

“Would it make a difference?”

“What?”

“If Zayn and I were getting it on?” Louis glances up at Harry, seeing the green eyes darken. This possessive streak is something Louis would love to explore in depth, because it makes his skin tingle and his heart race but he knows he can’t ask Harry to stop pulling only to start pushing him.

“I would definitely have a problem with that,” Harry all but growls.

“Are you for real? You are sleeping with Liam-“

“I am _not_ sleeping with Liam!” Harry interrupts, hand coming up to muss up the curls. Louis wants to reach out and do it for him. “I’m telling you this, because I know it’s killing you: Liam and I haven’t had sex in months. Not even a blowjob, okay. Furthest it goes is some snogging and a messy handjob _weeks_ ago.”

“He gets to kiss you.”

Harry closes his eyes briefly before he reaches out and runs his hand along Louis hip. “And Zayn gets to touch you.”

“I’m jealous,” Louis admits and Harry nods.

“I know. Me too.”

“This is so fucked up.” Louis reaches for his glass and this time Harry mimics his action, wincing when the liquid burns down his throat.

“I’m giving Liam another month to get his act together,” Harry suddenly says.

“What?”

“I’m giving him another month. I’ll be there for another four weeks or so, but… I can’t do this any longer. I know he’s upset and broken and he needs someone…” Harry looks back towards their table. “But I’m not the one he needs and he’s not the one I want.”

“Aren’t you afraid of what’ll happen? When they find out about us?”

Harry smiles at the mention of ‘us’ but shakes his head. “I doubt it can get messier and much worse than now.”

“Well, that much is true,” Louis allows. “Has Liam told you about him and Zayn?”

“Mmh, in bits and pieces. I think… he’s only realizing it now. What happened, you know? I guess he used me and work to numb  those feelings but eventually it just doesn’t work anymore… so now he’s going through all those emotions he should have gone through right away… the hurt, grief, anger,” Harry shrugs. “I’m more of a friend at the moment than his boyfriend anyway. The shield or barrier that stops him from begging Zayn for forgiveness because he can hide behind our ‘relationship’.”

“That doesn’t sound great,” Louis clenches his fist subconsciously, the thought of anyone making Harry unhappy or using him causing his blood to run cold.

“Got myself into this mess, didn’t I? Those are only the consequences I’m suffering,” he sighs. “It’s okay, Lou,” gently he runs his hand along Louis arm, rubbing it over his knuckles until Louis eases his grip.

They both turn around when there’s a loud crash, just seeing Liam storm off towards the bathroom while Zayn saunters over to them.

Louis just raises his eyebrows and Zayn shrugs.

“He really needs to learn how to control his temper. What are you drinking?” Zayn peeks into Louis glass, emptying it before he can tell him.

“Did you… umh… talk?”

“You mean yell at each other? Definitely. Did we solve anything? Definitely not. Do I care? Nope.” Zayn leans against Louis. “Think Niall will be satisfied with the effort?”

“He’s serious about that holiday, isn’t he?” Harry asks and both boys nod in unison. “I really don’t want Liam to pay…”

“He can afford it, believe me,” Zayn cuts in and Louis hates to admit it, would rather pay for a single room for Harry, but Zayn is right. Liam can definitely afford it.

“Compensation,” he nudges Harry until the younger boy smiles.

They all turn heads when someone claps loudly and see Niall walking back inside. The blond does a mental headcount and frowns.

“Where’s the oversized puppy?”

“Loo,” offers Zayn.

“Huh,” Niall frowns. “Did you talk?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Did you solve anything?”

“No, sir.”

“And what do you suggest we do now?”

“I have no idea what _we should_ do, but I can tell you what _I’m going to do_ now: Have a smoke.” Zayn digs his cigarettes out and tilts his head towards Louis. “Coming?”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“Suit yourself.” Zayn pecks his cheek and saunters off.

“I told Babs she should reserve a double and two singles for you guys… do I need to change that reservation?” Niall narrows his eyes and it takes Louis a second to understand what he’s hinting at.

“I… no. Fine. Totally fine,” he’s quick to assure. “So we’re really doing this?”

“Yes. We really are,” Niall sighs. “Can you at least try to be civil, Lou? Please? I know Zayn is a stubborn fuck and Liam is… well. I don’t know what crawled up his ass and died,” he looks at Harry. “Sorry”

“No objection, very accurate statement,” Harry sighs.

“Those two are bad enough but if you get involved…,” Niall looks at Louis pleadingly. “If you start butting heads with Liam for real, Tommo… you can take him down.”

“I think he took me down, don’t you?” Louis touches his jaw but Niall shakes his head.

“Not physically. You know you’re better with words, you can hit where it really hurts and… you and Zayn together on warpath… mate, that’s a deadly combination. I know you are pissed off because of what Liam did to Zayn and… I got a feeling that there’s something else going on with you and Li but please… try to take a step back and calm the princess out there down.”

Louis lowers his gaze and worries his lip between his teeth. He can feel Harry’s gaze on him, heavier than Niall’s, Harry’s hand still hanging in the air between them as if he still toys with the thought of touching Louis and he can feel himself shifting forward ever so slightly, leaning towards the touch.

Two weeks with Harry in Bali. Sounds like heaven but will probably be hell for Louis.

Then again he might need to stop being so selfish and actually do something for Niall for a change. God knows he had to bear the brunt, being caught in the middle between Zayn and Louis and Liam on the other side. Perhaps it’ll do them good, confide spaces might force Zayn and Liam to have their long overdue talk and… Louis could use some holidays. If worse comes to worst he’s just going to paddle out into the ocean and drown himself.

“Fine. I’ll try to talk Zayn down.”

“Thank you,” Niall pulls him into a quick hug.

“Sure, Ni. Sorry for being a pain in the ass.”

“Aren’t you always,” Niall grins and it might be one of his nicest trades that Niall can accept an apology and immediately forgive and forget.

“Harry!” They all look up, seeing Liam approach in long strides. “Come on, let’s go. Don’t fancy hanging out here any longer.”

“Liam…” Niall starts but the other guy shakes his head.

“No. Stupid idea, Niall. Sweet but stupid. I have nothing to say to –“

“You know this is bullshit!” All three boys turn and look at Harry. The younger boy blushes but broadens his stance and Louis feels himself straighten, ready to jump in and protect Harry. “Everyone knows you have _so much_ to say to Zayn.”

“Harry,” Liam warns and Louis takes a step forward.

“You might want to listen to your boyfriend.”

“And you might want to mind your own business, Tomlinson. Don’t you have people to see, things to do? Like my ex for example? You looked rather cozy, practically gagging for it.”

“Green doesn’t suit you, Payne.” Louis glares back and Niall groans. Right, he promised not to rip Liam’s head off. “Look, whatever it is between Zayn and I… Harry is right. You and Zayn need to talk. Actually _talk_. You’re both still hung up on each other and the least you can do after all this time is give each other a chance to speak your mind, clear the air and move on.”

“That’s rich coming from you, the one fucking Zayn.”

“Would it be better coming from me? The one you cheated on your fiancé with?” Harry bites out and Liam flinches back. “Because I happen to think that Louis is right. It can’t go on like this, it isn’t fair on me or Lou or Niall. We all get involved in your… quarrel.”

“I have nothing to say to Zayn – or Louis,” Liam growls and Harry shrugs.

“Fine, if that’s how you want to play it, go on. I’ve had enough, I am not going to stay home any longer when Niall calls and wants to go out because maybe Lou and Zayn will show up. I’m not going to avoid those two any longer because you have some unfinished business with your ex-boyfriend. And I am going on holiday with them, whether you’re coming or not!” Harry might be pushing his luck here.

“He’s very welcome to share the suit they’ve offered Babs.” Niall shrugs and Louis can’t help but fuel the fire by saying, “Oh, I wouldn’t mind taking Harry for the night either. So I’d still struggle with handling him, you know.”

If looks could kill, Louis would be dead but then again if looks could undress, he’d be naked and dead. He can feel Harry’s intense gaze on him and with Liam already glaring at him, he dares to reach out and ruffle Harry’s curls like he’s been dying to do all night. Hearing Harry’s quiet gasp and seeing Niall’s smirk, Louis gets reckless and throws an arm over Harry’s shoulders. The younger boy practically melts into him and Louis hopes, _prays_ , that they are not being too obvious. “So what do you say, Payno? Sharing is caring?”

“Fuck you, Louis.”

“Afraid your boy will succumb to Louis charm?” Zayn has silently approached them, grin on his face. Now he cocks his hips and tilts his head, eyeing Louis and Harry up and down. “This could be fun.”

Harry, clearly getting what Zayn’s hinting at, is blushing from head to toe and Louis can just bite down on his possessive growl because no matter how much he loves Zayn – Harry is not for sharing, even if all this talk is fictional.  

“Get over yourself, Li. They’re just messing you about. We used to be friends, remember?”

“That was quite a while ago, Niall, before Tomlinson started picking up my sloppy seconds.” Louis is really tempted to try his luck and punch Liam. The ride in the ambulance would almost be worth it.

“I guess I have to say thank you, Liam. Never knew Zayn was that flexible,” Louis spits and Harry tenses in his hold, Louis digging his thumb into the muscles of his neck. Harry must know this is all for show, because if he doesn’t, then the next bit will be hard to swallow. But Louis doesn’t see any other way any longer, and if that’s how he has to play to get Liam and Zayn to both agree to this idea, then well… he’s not above playing dirty if he has to.

Exchanging a look with Zayn and hoping that more than ten years of friendship mean they got the silent communication down to an art, Louis lets go of Harry and sidles up next to Zayn. Naturally, his mate’s hand slides down his side, teasingly lifting his shirt before Zayn traces his thumb along Louis waistband. It’s a small gesture, hard to catch, but Liam is looking at them like a hawk.

“We’re definitely in, Nialler. Looking forward to the holidays,” Louis practically coos.

“Yeah, should be ace and…” Zayn quickly glances at Liam before he dips his fingers into Louis’ waistband. “… if Liam is still too hung up on everything and can’t get over it then…”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Zayn. You weren’t that great.”

“That’s why you can’t bear to be near me, huh?”

“I don’t give a shit about you or who you’re with.”

“Really,” Louis snarls and Liam gives him a dirty look before he turns and glares at Niall.

“Harry and I are in. Can you send me the details via email?”

Niall, wide-eyed and gob smacked, just nods.

“Ace.” Liam looks at Harry. “I’m going home.”

“I am sleeping at my dorm.” Harry’s eyes are still fixed on Zayn’s hand on Louis and it seems to take some effort to avert them. “I call you tomorrow,” he adds a little softer and now Louis has to bite his tongue.

Liam takes a deep breath and nods before he quickly pecks Harry on the lips and bumps fists with Niall. He shoulders past Louis and Zayn and leaves the bar with his head held high.

The very second the door falls shut, Louis entangles himself from Zayn. “Soz!?”

“You said you wanted a heads warning!”

“Tracing ‘soz’ into my thigh is not a heads warning!”

“Well… what should I have done? Send you an email? Draw you a sketch? Announce it in the news?”

“I thought we talked about his, Zee!” Louis wails and Zayn… the bastard laughs.

“Now it’s happened,” they hear Niall mutter. “They’ve gone crazy. Totally kooky.”

Zayn, still giggling, is turning towards a worried looking Niall. “Well, it worked, didn’t it? He agreed to come. You got what you wanted, Nialler.”

“Hurrah,” Niall mutters cautiously. “Should really be careful what I wish for, shouldn’t I?”

 

 


	5. Baby, bring the lemon and the bottle of gin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 days early but I'm sure no one minds ;)
> 
>  
> 
> #LoveWins

He texted Harry that very night, trying to explain everything. Although Louis isn’t really sure what _everything_ is, since Zayn stubbornly refuses to discuss his ulterior motives.

Either he’s using Louis to get back at Liam, rubbing his new ‘love affair’ in Liam’s face simply for sweet revenge or he’s actually trying to win Liam back by driving him crazy with jealousy. Louis isn’t quite sure which outcome he’d prefer, is only sure that he’s probably the number one on Liam’s current hit list. Not a very pleasant thought.

It’s not that he didn’t try to ask Zayn, but his best friend told him very sweetly but firmly that since Louis refused to discuss whatever is going on between him and Harry, Zayn wouldn’t discuss whatever was going on between him and Liam. Which… kind of left them at a tie.

Perhaps all his problems could miraculously solve themselves, Louis muses, chucking another shirt on the “have to come” pile. If Zayn and Liam would fall back in love and back into bed with each other, Harry would have a great reason to break up with Liam. Nobody would bat an eyelash if Louis were to take Harry out after say, two or three weeks under the pretense of a lad’s night. And if one night were to turn into two or three and if they maybe started dating and fell madly in love, got married, adopted 2.5 children and a Labrador then well, that’s just how things go, no?

Something hits his head and snaps Louis out of his daydream. Zayn is leaning in the doorway, the jeans he threw at Louis on the floor in front of him. “Earth to Tomlinson. I thought you were pre-packing?”

“I am.”

“And why are you staring off into the distance with a slightly crazy grin?”

“Do you think a Labrador or Golden Retriever would go better with my adopted 2.5 children?”

Zayn blinks a couple of times. “Okay. No more weed for you after midnight,” with that he leaves Louis in his pre-packing mess.

“Hey, you didn’t answer the dog question!” he yells after Zayn.

“No Power to Drugs!” is what he gets as answer.

*

Three weeks after that lovely get-together, Louis and Zayn are sauntering through Heathrow, having just dropped Louis’ board off at the bulky luggage counter.

“I’m pretty sure they have surfboards in Bali as well,” Zayn mutters while Louis ignores him. They had that discussion for the past three days, Zayn didn’t understand why Louis insisted on dragging his board all the way to Bali and Louis did eventually give up trying to explain it to Zayn.

“There’s Babs!” Louis points to Check-In, seeing Niall hefting a huge suitcase on the baggage conveyor belt, while the woman at the counter shoots him a sympathetic smile. “That suitcase might actually be bigger than yours, Zaynie.”

“Shut up, mine might be bigger but yours is definitely heavier,” Zayn counters and punches Louis in the shoulder.

“Aw Louis, I like the pants. Loved that you dressed up for the occasion,” Barbara skips over to them once she sees Louis and Zayn, reaching for the waistband of his sweats and flicks it, causing Louis to howl in pain. “Oh God! I’m sorry! What did I do?”

“New tattoo!” Louis bits his knuckles and blinks away the tears. “It’s okay,” he wheezes, punching Zayn right back when he hears him giggling beside him.

“I am so sorry!” Barbara digs through her purse and offers Louis a tissue for the tears running down his cheeks. “Niall, why didn’t you tell me?”

“What? What did I do now?” Niall wipes some sweat off his forehead and shoots his friends confused glances.

“Louis has a new tattoo.”

“Cool. Where?” Louis points towards his pants and Niall frowns. “On your prick?”

“No, it’s…” he starts but stops when he sees a familiar figure weave their way through the crowd. He hasn’t seen Harry in three weeks, they only managed to text back and forth and he’s pretty sure Harry is still wary about the whole Zayn situation, doesn’t really understand what’s going on. Louis doesn’t really understand what’s going on either but that seems to be the case for about six months now so he isn’t going to complain about a couple of weeks more or less.

“Hi,” Harry drawls, accompanied by a little wave.

“Hey babe.” Barbara quickly hugs him, while Louis cocks his head, trying to play over how breathless he suddenly feels. Harry must be on a mission to bring him to his early grave with the way he dresses.

“I like the outfit, Styles. Rich farmer on a road trip?” he points to… well, Louis guesses it’s supposed to be a hat, a straw hat to be precise, and on anyone else it’d look ridiculous (who’s he kidding, it still does) but somehow Harry makes it look a little less ridiculous. “And I like the motto you got going.”

“The motto?” Harry frowns, confused and Louis flicks hem of his shirt, unbuttoned far enough to give anyone a generous view of the two swallows adorning his collarbones as well as some other, bigger tattoo on his stomach.

“Tits out, it’s summer.” Louis grins and Harry blushes.

“Mind out of the gutter, Tomlinson,” he teases back, quietly. “See you dressed up for the occasion.”

“It’s an eighteen hours flight and I got a new tattoo a couple of days ago, okay!” Louis bickers back and Harry, totally ignoring anyone else, immediately asks, “you have a new tattoo? Cool, can I see?” while someone squeaks embarrassingly high next to Louis.

“ _Eighteen_ hours?!”

They all turn to see Zayn’s ashen face.

“Yes Zayn. Geography is not your major but… Bali. Indonesia. Close to Australia. Other side of the world.”

“You said _eight_ hours!” he accuses.

“Kind of eight hours till Hong Kong,” Barbara says and Zayn whirls around, blinking like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Hong Kong? What are we doing in Hong Kong?”

“Layover?” Harry says carefully.

“No one said anything about layover, Hong Kong and… a _fucking eighteen_ _hours flight_!”

“Well, we can ask if you can step out after eight hours,” Niall suggest and Zayn turns to him with a mad look.

“I am not getting in a plane for eighteen hours! I… I can’t smoke in planes… that…”

“Got the nicotine gum, the patches and the sleeping pills,” Louis pats his backpack. “You’ll be fine.”

“Eighteen fucking hours.” Zayn digs through his pockets.

“Zayn?”

“I’ll be outside. Smoking. Someone come get me when this damn trap is supposed to take off!” with that he stalks off.

“We might have to stop at the pharmacy and get him the stronger sleeping pills, maybe some cough medicine to make sure he’s really knocked out,” Louis suggests and Niall snorts a laugh.

“So where’s Liam? He didn’t chicken out last minute, did he?”

“Umh no, he’s…” Harry points behind him, to the queue for check in. “Said he was going to get the tickets and drop off the luggage.”

“Still pissed?”

“Yep, he’s in an excellent mood,” Harry huffs and Niall pats his back consolingly.

“I’m sorry, Harry. I told Niall…” Babs starts but Harry waves her off.

“It’s really okay, Babs. It’s… he’d still be in a bad mood even if we were to stay here, you know? It’s got nothing to do with this trip but well…” He looks towards the exit where Zayn disappeared and Barbara’s face falls.

“Oh Harry!” she hugs him and Harry only squeaks a little bit in surprise. “You know Liam loves you! He’s just…”

“Not over Zayn?” Harry suggests quietly and Louis feels his heart sink. The way Harry looks and acts… well, he always knew Harry must have felt _something_ for Liam to start dating him. Besides what happened between Harry and Louis, something must have drawn Harry to Liam in the first place and when Louis sees him now, shoulders slightly hunched and a sad smile on his lips he wonders whether Harry might not be better off with Liam. Whether he shouldn’t just grab Zayn and start fresh somewhere else, give Harry and Liam time and space to sort themselves out because they could be good together, Louis thinks, if he’s really being objective.

“I’m just…” Louis points towards the exit and lifts his lighter, not wanting to hear about Liam and Harry any longer. “I meet you at the gate in a bit, alright?”

He waits for Niall’s nod and quickly walks off, not wanting to be drawn back into the conversation.

In passing, he sees Liam in the queue for check-in and before he would have stopped to say hello, now he dugs so Liam doesn’t see him.

So much has changed within half a year and while Louis appreciates Niall’s effort, he’s not sure whether they’ll ever be able to patch up the cracks.

Maybe it’d been a long time coming, if Louis is honest, him and Liam had a hard time becoming friends in the first place anyway; Liam thinking Louis was a careless, selfish troublemaker while Louis took Liam for a goody two shoes with a  stick up his arse. Zayn had been the one in the middle, balancing out two extremes until they all learned to somehow live together. With Zayn taken out of the equation, the whole construct seems to crumble.

Not for the first time Louis wonders whether him and Liam would have ever grown so close hadn’t it been for Niall and Zayn. It’s quite a depressing thought.

Pulling his flimsy jumper tighter around his shoulder, Louis cradles his hands and lights his cigarette, inhaling deeply. Unlike Zayn, Louis will be just fine with not smoking for eighteen hours but it’s a nice excuse to just up and leave when people bring up things he doesn’t want to talk about.

He busies himself with kicking some pebbles back and forth until one of them hits a very familiar, worn brown boot.

“There you are,” Harry drawls in his slow, deep voice and Louis wraps his jumper tighter around him when a shiver runs down his back.

“Here I am,” he agrees, Harry inching a little closer to him.

“You know those things aren’t healthy, right?” The younger boy points to his cigarette, scrunching his nose when the wind turns and the smoke is blown in his face.

“Yep.”

They stand in silence, both starting straight ahead at the line of cars and buses coming and going, passengers being dropped off and picked up. Harry seems all calm and collected while Louis is fidgeting with nervous energy unsure whether he wants to get closer or run away. He kind of wants to speak to Harry but then again he’s not sure what’ll come out if he dares to open his mouth.

It’s nothing out of the unusual really, he’s used to feeling stretched at the seams whenever Harry is around, like his skin is suddenly too tight for all his emotions.

So instead of using those precious minutes when both of them are alone and out of earshot of the rest for talking, Louis digs through his pockets and lights the next one.

“Lou,” Harry chides softly and maybe it’s the tone, not only like Harry cares but like he has _a right_ to care that makes Louis snap.

“So is this how it’s going to be?” He doesn’t look at Harry, keeps his gaze on his hands, seeing the smoke curling up between his fingers.

“What do you mean?”

“Us. You and Liam. This whole… mess. You tell me you’re going to leave him. Just not now, because he’s so vulnerable and has such a hard time. But soon. And then Babs asks you about him and you look all heartbroken and upset at the fact that Liam might be still hung up on Zayn.”

“It’s… complicated.”

“No shit. Don’t you think I know Harry? I’ve been there since day one.” Now he turns to look at him and Louis wishes he didn’t. Harry has taken his hat off, hair wild and free and he looks paler than usual in the afternoon light, his eyes impossibly bright and green.

“I wanted you, okay? When we met, all I could think about was you, Lou. I never… I know it must seem like I forgot about you but I didn’t. I couldn’t.”

Louis didn’t really expect to have this conversation at the departures area in Heathrow but he’ll take what he can get. Might be better to know where he stands before he embarks on an exotic beach vacation with his maybe-maybe-not affair and his boyfriend.

“Still you choose Liam.”

“I didn’t choose Liam over you, for fuck’s sake,” Harry snaps and it’s the first time that Louis’ seen something like anger in his eyes which… good. Anger is something he understands, something he can work with. “I didn’t know your name, I didn’t know whether you felt the same and I… I guess I tried to move on.”

“Seemed to have worked just fine.”

“You think?” Harry snorts a laugh. “I still think about you every fucking day. I can’t sleep unless you text me. I dug every other embrace or kiss Liam wants to give me because it feels… wrong. And you think I’m doing fine…” Harry angles his head back and looks up to the sky.

“What am I supposed to think? We never talked about…  this,” Louis gestures between Harry and him.

“And that’s my fault? You made sure we were never alone in the beginning. Each and every attempt of mine to talk to you, you stalled or ran away!” Okay, so maybe Harry has a point.

“I was angry!”

“Oh, and you think I was fine with everything?” Harry doesn’t give him a chance to get a word in, just barrels right on. “I wasn’t, okay? I _wasn’t_ fine and I _am_ not fine. I’m well aware that I created this whole mess myself. That it’d been easier to just right away tell Liam I knew you and that… that I wanted to be with you instead of him. I didn’t and that’s on me. It was a coward move and I am sorry but I was… overwhelmed, shocked, confused, scared – you name it. When you walked into that bar…” Harry shakes his head and takes a couple of steps. “It was… a lot to deal with. And then the moment passed, I didn’t know how you felt and if it was still the same between us and… I dragged it on, this thing with Liam… which I shouldn’t have done but I can’t change it. There have been so many wrong decisions on my part which I would take back in the blink of an eye but I can’t, okay?”

“Like?”

“Like not telling Liam right away. Like letting myself be talked into staying with him even though… even though I kissed you the night before.”

“Why did you?” Louis takes a last drag and flicks the cigarette away, walking up to Harry. “Why are you still with him? You keep telling me you want me, that you’re jealous and you hate Zayn touching me but… you’re still with him?”

“Because he’s got no one else,” Harry mumbles and finally dares to look Louis in the eyes.

“Are you in love with him?” Louis moves closer, until he’s only inches from Harry.

“No. I am not in love with Liam. I guess… after all this mess I’m just trying to do one thing right and that’s being there for him when he needs someone.”

“And how long are you planning on doing this? I thought you were going to break up with him?”

“I was. Still planning on it.”

“When?”

“After this?” Harry shrugs and Louis heart plummets. Maybe Harry is just trying to be nice and isn’t in love with Liam. Maybe he really wants to be with Louis but… it’s got to be his decision. Louis can’t break up with Liam for Harry and if Harry never finds the courage to do that… they’ll be caught in this mess forever and ever.

“Right.” Louis takes a step back and immediately Harry grows wary.  “Send me a text when you actually do, alright?”

“Lou?”

“Look Harry, I like you. I really, really do. But this… is going nowhere. My two best mates are fighting, I am not talking to one of my oldest friends and instead of focusing on that, my mind is constantly occupied by thoughts of you. Where you are, who you’re with, if you’re kissing him, if you’re going to text, whether you change your mind, when you’re going to leave him, _if_ you’re going to leave him… I am driving myself crazy. And…” Louis gives a dry laugh. “It’s not like I don’t get why you’re doing what you’re doing. I understand perfectly well how guilty you feel and I see how messed up everything is but… perhaps I’m just willing to risk more than you.”

“I feel like we had this conversation before,” Harry mutters, eyes downcast.

“I feel like this is the only conversation we’re having these days,” Louis says sadly. “You’re right here, Harry. Right in front of me, yet so far away and… I don’t know what else to do.”

“You think I do?”

“No, probably not,” Louis shrugs. “But the ball’s in your court. I’m here. I told you how I feel. You’re the one that’s still… undecided? I don’t know. Just… I need something more than this, I guess. There’s only so long I can live on broken promises.”

“So…?”

“So I’m going to make sure Zayn is fine. That Niall is okay. I am going to look after my friends and enjoy this trip.”

Harry looks at him for a long time before he nods.

And it hurts. It hurts that he’ll always give in so easily, that he never puts up a fight. That every time they come to this point Harry will just accept Louis decision and not even challenge it.

“I see you at the gate,” Louis offers as a way of dismissing Harry, seeing the other boy haunch his shoulders and slowly walk away for the umpteenth time. It hurts no less than the first time.

 

**∞**

 

Walking back inside through the sliding doors, a shadow sidles up next to him and it’s only when Harry catches a whiff of smoke and expensive cologne that he realizes it’s Zayn.

“That didn’t look like a happy chat,” the other boy starts conversationally.

“Mmphf,” is all Harry really has to offer.

“This really isn’t my business…,” Zayn starts and Harry can kind of agree with that. He hopes the older boy will just get the hint when he keeps walking instead of stopping to talk to him. “… but you need to step up your game.”

At that, Harry stops dead in his tracks. “What are you on about?”

“It’s probably awfully presumptuous of me but… I couldn’t help and notice that little awkward chat you had with Lou out there. Just like I couldn’t help and notice all the other little awkward chats you had with Louis…”

“It’s very sweet that you’re looking out for your boyfriend,” Harry presses through clenched teeth. “But I really need to go and…” he just really needs to go and find a quiet corner to cry in.

“Fine, I’ll be quick then.” Zayn quickly gets in front of him, forcing Harry to actually look up and at him. “I don’t know what you’re playing at, Styles. And I am not sure I like it. Louis’ been acting proper strange for quite a while now, and I can tell something is bothering him.”

“What makes you think it has anything to do with me?” Harry feels his palms start to sweat.

Zayn doesn’t say anything, just looks at him before he extends a slender finger and fishes Harry’s necklace out of his half way unbuttoned shirt.

The paper plane pendant swings back and forth across his chest.

“Lovely new necklace you have there. Someone gave it back to you recently?”

Clamping his hand around the traitorous item, he stares at Zayn, trying to come up with some kind of explanation.

“You need to step up your game if you want him.” Zayn brushes some nonexistent fluff off his shirt before he turns around and saunters off, leaving Harry in a crowded departure hall, questioning whether he dreamt all that.

But the sharp edges of the silver pendant are still cutting into his palm and he slowly releases it with a wince.

*

Harry doesn’t hide in a corner to cry after his talk with Louis, instead he makes his way over to the gate, meeting Liam, Niall and Babs there.

Liam shoots him a questioning look which he simply ignores, instead digging through his satchel until he finds his book. He doesn’t want to think about Louis or Zayn or Liam for that matter. If he starts now, he’ll probably have a nervous breakdown and this really isn’t the time or place.

So Harry rather reads the same sentences five times over before he manages to understand a single word, moving slowly down the page. It still takes ages until they’re flight is finally called, people shooting out of their seats the very second the nice lady in the unflattering British Airways uniform grabs the mic. It’s almost like they didn’t have reserved seats…

Louis and Zayn round the bend the very second their aisle gets called, sliding in behind Barbara and Niall, who shoots them a questioning look.

Zayn just shakes his head while Louis face is hidden behind a snapback, and no matter how hard Harry tries, he can’t see his eyes. He gives up when he’s asked for his ticket and passport, Liam leading him along the gangway with a firm grip on his arm. Wanting to turn right into Economy automatically, Liam once again stirs him to the left, leading him towards Business.

“Umh…?” Harry is pretty sure he booked an Eco ticket.

“As if I’d let you fly Economy for eighteen hours,” Liam rolls his eyes and points towards their seats. “Window or Aisle?”

“Aisle please,” Harry mutters confused, unsure whether he should start telling Liam off now for spending money on him or wait until they’ve reached the hotel. Someone clears their throat behind them and he quickly steps aside, Louis falling into the row next to his. Zayn follows, throwing his bag onto the seat in front of Louis while Babs and Niall walk through to the front.

Louis seems to wait whether or not someone is coming to claim the seat beside him but when no one comes and stewardesses start walking down the aisle to close the overhead lockers, he whacks his backpack onto the seat, digging through it before he throws something over the backrest, getting an “ouch, you fucking wanker” out of Zayn.

“So… they have a movie channel, a sports channel, a music channel…” Liam mutters and Harry tears his gaze away from Louis who stubbornly refuses to acknowledge his existence.

“Sounds… entertaining.” Harry looks over and reads through the list of movies they’re offering. “Oh look, they even have some French ones.”

“Really?” Liam looks over at him. “You are going to watch some weird French indie film when there’s Spiderman 2 or Marvel Avengers 2 on?”

“It is an eighteen hours flight you know,” Harry defends and Liam rolls his eyes in good humor.

“Whatever, Haz.” Liam reaches into his bag and hands Harry his headphones.

“Why do you… oh, I forgot them?”

“Mmh, left them right on the counter where you put them last night so you wouldn’t forget them.”

“Whoops.” He grins and is just happy to see that Liam obviously decided to stop sulking. It’s a nice change to those last couple of days, not that Harry had seen much of him but when he had seen Liam, he was usually really down.

They get their complimentary glass of champagne and have to sit through the safety instructions video while the plane rattles to the tarmac.

“… right, when it takes off it’s going to do a loop de loop in the air, Zayn.”

“Oh shut up, you tosser! That worked one time! One frigging time and I was like twelve back then!”

“Still hilarious.” Louis settles back in his seat, grinning and Harry looks at Liam questioningly.

“Uh, the first time Louis, Zayn and I got on a plane, Zayn told us he’s never been abroad before and… Louis, the little shit, told him that once the plane was taking off it was going to do a loop in the air…”

“Zayn was shitting himself,” Louis adds from across the aisle before he seems to remember that he isn’t really talking to either Liam or Harry at the moment and visibly draws back.

“He’s right,” Liam admits after a couple of seconds. “It was hilarious, Zayn had the armrest in a death grip for the whole flight until we told him the truth.”

“Poor Zayn, that’s a bit mean,” Harry grins and Liam nudges his shoulder.

“Have you been on a plane before?”

“Yes, thank you. I know they go up and go down, no funny business.”

“No funny business, hey? Shame.” Liam pokes him and Harry blushes, managing something caught between a laugh and an uncomfortable cough. A mopping Liam also meant a Liam that wasn’t really interested in more than a quick kiss, Harry suddenly realizes.

He reaches for his book again, giving Liam a (what he hopes) warm smile, and flicks back to where he left off at the gate.

Four hours and three whiskey cokes later (Harry is not counting how much Louis had to drink, he is not) Liam is fast asleep and Harry is bored. His bum hurts and there’s only so much Charles Bukowski one can take.

He gets up and goes for one of his many trips to the toilet, seeing Niall fast asleep on Barbara’s shoulder, contently drooling while she flicks through her magazine. She shoots him a smile and mouths ‘okay?’ to him, before she pats Niall’s hair.

Zayn is out cold as well, and Harry hopes they didn’t overdo it with their mix of sleeping pills, cough medicine and straight whiskey they offered him. He doesn’t really fancy carrying an unconscious Zayn through Hong Kong airport.

So that leaves Louis.

Louis, who is still awake, looking up when Harry comes stumbling back.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” the older boy clears his throat. “Okay?”

“Yes. No.” Harry shakes his head. “Don’t really know. What about you?”

“Been better,” Louis shrugs.

Harry nods and even so it probably wasn’t mean as invitation he slides into the seat next to Louis.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Don’t think I can run,” Louis nods. He’s taken off his snapback, hair bare of any product and it looks soft and ruffled and Harry wants nothing more than to sweep it out of the way and press a kiss to Louis forehead.

“If you understand, why…?” It takes a second for Louis to realize Harry is referring to their earlier conversation before he answers.

“Why am I being like this? Because I feel like this is one of those love triangles where the husband promises to leave his wife but never gets around to it. And… I’m not sure I like being the dirty mistress for much longer.”

Harry always knew that point might eventually come. It’s taken quite a while as well, if he’s honest, after all, they’re well into June. Kind of understandable that Louis is losing faith and patience, especially since Harry doesn’t really know _how_ to fight for him.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s just that he doesn’t know if it’s fair to Louis. To string him along once more, to keep his hopes up when he hasn’t even had the guts to deal with the more pressing issue, namely Liam.

He can’t have both, Harry is well aware of that and it isn’t like there’s much romance or whatever left between Harry and Liam. If that’s how Liam acted before Zayn flipped, Harry can totally understand why the other boy lost his cool.

He’s just never there. After being stood up for the third time, Harry didn’t even prepare dinner anymore, he just bought a frozen pizza since it didn’t hurt so much to see that go to waste. But he’s probably seen more of Niall and Ed than he’s seen of Liam in the past weeks. Which is okay to a certain extent, Harry gets that he is worried about his grades, that he wants to keep his score and also that there was quite a lot going on with that company he interned in, although Harry is pretty sure that issue has been solved now. But Liam loses focus a bit, goes from one extreme (namely spending all his time with Harry) to the other, i.e. spending none of his time with Harry. It’s okay, Harry is fine with it, it’s probably best that way because he is not sure how he’d deal with any physical advances of Liam but it must have sucked for Zayn.

“So what are you saying?”

Louis sighs and leans back, closing his eyes briefly. “I’m saying I’m exhausted. I'm not used to this… I’ve never had to lie to Zayn or the other guys before, never had to go behind their back and it’s… tiring. This thing… are we on? Are we off? Are we even having an affair?” Louis shrugs. “I'm not quite sure what it is we have, if it’s really anything at all.”

Hearing that hurts. Harry knows there’s not much he can give Louis, it’s not like he can hold his hand in public or kiss him but… “There’s something,” he mutters, almost stubbornly.

“But it’s not enough” the ‘ _to leave Liam, to choose him over me’_ swings silently in the air. Harry wants to protest, wants to tell Louis that he’s more than enough, everything he’s ever wanted more like but the older boy just talks over him. “Can we just… let’s try and just get through these two weeks, okay? Liam probably doesn’t want much to do with me and Zayn anyways but we should at least try and act civil and friendly, okay?”

“So you’re giving up?” Harry tries to keep the bitterness out of his voice because he knows that he’s the one who kept Louis waiting, delegating him to the sidelines again and again and even the most patient player will lose faith eventually.

“I don’t know…” he shrugs, eyes fixed on the seat in front of them. “I just don’t have that much fight left, Harry. We always come to this point where it’s either jump or stay and while I’m already taking a leap, you’re still standing on the edge,” now Louis turns to look at him. “I need you to either jump with me or take a step back.”

Harry nods slowly, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and Louis reaches up, gently freeing it only to run his thumb along it. Harry shudders out a breath and feels his eyes flutter. He’d like to suck Louis finger into his mouth, swirl his tongue around the digit and make the other boy gasp, seeing those blue eyes darken. Instead, he presses a gentle kiss to it and Louis smiles a little crookedly.

“You should get back to Liam.”

They stare at each other for a long second before Louis drops his gaze and Harry quietly gets up, head hanging low, and sits back down next to Liam.

For the rest of the flight, Louis keeps his gaze locked on the tiny screen, headphones on and watching a movie while Harry keeps watching Louis.

Luckily, they don’t have to carry Zayn through Hong Kong airport, even though he leans heavily against Louis, stumbling along and muttering sleepily, passing out again the very second they board the next plane to Bali.

Harry wraps himself up in the flimsy blanket they’ve gotten, trying to catch some sleep. It doesn’t come easy and is more of a light slumber with the way he wakes with a start every odd hour or so. His mind just won’t shut up and he can’t quite make sense of the mess of images, memories, scraps of talk and just random thoughts going through his head.

They arrive at Denpasar International Airport around 9pm local time, all shuffling their feet tiredly and dragging their luggage through the airport. Barbara was clever enough to request transport for them so once they spot a tall guy, holding a sign with her surname they all follow him like good little ducklings to the black minivan, even Louis is too exhausted to crack more than one or two lame jokes.

The drive to the south of the island takes about 20 minutes and once they reach their beach front hotel, Harry is more than ready to just fall face first into bed and never get up again.

“I really need a long, hot shower,” Niall yawns. “Did we lose Zayn already?”

Louis points over his shoulder towards the entrance where a figure walks up and down in a cloud of smoke.

The guy behind the reception desk clears his throat politely, trying to get their attention back. “So… I’ve got you all on the same floor…” he starts, only to be interrupted by Louis.

“Umh, is there a chance I could get a room with beach view on this floor?”

“The view from our second floor is quite beautiful, sir.”

“I don’t doubt that…” Louis narrows his eyes to the guy’s name tag. “Daniel – that’s not very Indonesian or Balinese, is it?”

The guy gives a startle laugh. “Umh, no. My real name is hard to pronounce for our European guests so…”

“What is it?” Harry interjects, earning himself an eye roll from Liam and a huff from Babs. Right, the rest probably just wants to get their keycard and go to bed.

“It’s Nengah.”

“Nengah,” both Harry and Louis repeat in unison, more or less successful.

“Not bad,” Nengah allows and Harry shoots Louis a grin.

“Amazing, Styles.” Louis rolls his eyes at him, but it’s still fondly so Harry just preens more.

“Alright, I’d have a Premium Room with private terrace and ocean view?”

Louis nods and Nengah’s hand fly over the keyboard. “The rest of you is fine with staying on the second floor? One suite, a double and…”

“Actually, I take the room next to him, if that’s alright?” Harry watches Zayn curl his arm around Louis, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“Sure… that shouldn’t be a problem… well, not exactly next to each other but three doors down?”

“Perfect,” Zayn nods and Harry’s stomach twists unpleasantly.

He can understand why Louis doesn’t want to room next to him and Liam, although it’s not like Harry plans on anything that would test the noise-insulating of the wall between their rooms.

It’s just an irrational, unfounded pang of jealousy he feels every time he sees Zayn or someone else touch Louis.

They get handed their keycards, Barbara and Niall waving a quick goodbye to them since Babs has to meet with her team the next morning at 9am. Liam taps his foot impatiently while Harry still stalls, no sure what he’s waiting for since he’s already got his key, his room is on a different floor than Louis and Zayn’s and Louis is clearly just waiting for Zayn  to get his room key.

“So umh… I see you at breakfast tomorrow?”

“Yeah, probably. Don’t wait up for us if you guys are early risers. Louis and I will find something, right?”

“Sure,” Louis agrees easily and before Harry can say anything else, Liam calls out to him.

“Better get going, he can get in a right strop if he doesn’t get what he wants especially when he’s already tired and cranky,” Zayn advises and Harry nods.

“Okay. Well… good night?”

“Night, Haz,” Louis mutters, already half turned towards the corridor leading to his and Zayn’s room.

“See you tomorrow,” and Harry could swear Zayn winks at him before he catches up with Louis and slides his hand over his bum appreciatively. Bastard.

*

 

Harry has to hand it to Niall, he really knows how to pick a vacation spot.

He wakes up to a cloudless blue sky, temperatures already well above the 20°C and thanks to the almost 75% humidity it feels a lot hotter when Harry and Liam step outside.

The grounds are beautiful and tranquil, like a secluded tropical jungle. All the staff they encounter smile brightly at them and while Harry knows it’s their job he still feels himself smile back naturally when greeted with a cheery “Good morning, Sir”.

Liam is quite set on taking the fastest and most direct way to breakfast, while Harry would rather go exploring but eventually he bows to Liam’s wish.

It’s only Niall who greets them once they enter the open restaurant, explaining that Babs is already with the team, getting ready for the first set and that Louis and Zayn are yet to be seen.

“Probably too lazy to get up,” Liam grumbles.

Niall cocks his head and skewering the last piece of bacon on his plate, says, “… or still tangled up in the sheets and too exhausted to get up.”

Harry chokes on his freshly squeezed orange juice and if looks could kill, Liam would have turned Niall into a lovely, little heap of ashes.

Before either Harry or Liam can say anything, he leans back and grins at them, “But I’m really glad that you don’t care about that Liam, that you are so over Zayn that it doesn’t bother you in the slightest who he’s with now and that you and Harry found true love,” he claps his hands. “So, what shall we do today?”

“It was your brilliant idea to bring us all here, don’t you have an agenda?”

“I like how happy you are to be here, Li. Your smile brightens my day, really.” Niall pushes his chair back and Harry has just enough time to grab his banana and orange before he gets pulled along.

“So since my babe is busy working and looking absolutely stunning, I thought we could hang out on the beach? Just get over the jetlag and used to the heat?”

“Can we take a look around as well?” Harry stops Niall and points towards a path leading further into the jungle. “It all looks so nice and… I’d like to take some photos?”

“Sure, H.” Niall beams, obviously pleased that at least Harry won’t be a party pooper and act like a miserable sod all the time. “Shall we grab our towels and meet back here? We can go exploring and then go to the beach?”

“Fantastic,” Liam grumbles, but Niall ignores him, waiting for Harry to actually nod.

Said and done, even though Liam decides he doesn’t have the nerve to go ‘exploring’ with Niall and Harry and heads straight to the beach.

“You think he hates it here?” Harry bends at an awkward angle, trying to get the best shot of the huge hibiscus flower. Somehow the shades always seem brighter, more vivid in tropical countries and Harry is enthralled by the explosion of color around him. There are trees and flowers he’s never heard of, beautiful and exotic and he could swear that even the grass feels different under his feet.

Niall trots along next to him patiently, waiting whenever Harry yelps in joy because he has yet found another flower he absolutely has to take a picture of.

“No, I don’t think he hates it here,” Niall answers with a bit of delay. “I just… I just think he needs to get over himself and stop acting like he’s the sole victim in all of this.”

“Mmh,” on that much, Harry can agree. “I know. I wish he would talk to Zayn. Like, properly talk instead of flinging insults his way and trying to act like he doesn’t care.”

“You don’t mind?” Niall hops onto a stone and Harry quickly snaps a couple of pictures of him before he turns around and tries to capture the tree in all his might.

“What? That Zayn and Liam clearly have some unfinished business or that Liam is still hung up on Zayn?”

“Umh… both?”

Harry sighs. “Look, I like Liam. He’s a great guy but… I’m not blind. And not as stupid or naïve as some may think so… I tried talking to him about it but he shuts me down quicker than I can spell my name and… there’s not much I can do, is there? I try to be there and be supportive but anything else has to come from him.”

Niall nods and joins Harry again, falling in step beside him. “Still, it must suck. Doubt you signed up for that much drama when you and Liam started dating.”

“It’s certainly more than I bargained for,” Harry admits with a chuckle. “I’m just… I’m trying to do the right thing for him, Niall. I promised I’d be there so…” he shrugs a little helplessly and Niall seems to want to say more but suddenly the jungle clears and they have an unhindered view of the beach.

“Wow.”

Harry just nods stupidly. If he thought the jungle was beautiful … well, he hadn’t seen the beach yet. His family has never been super rich so they didn’t take any trips that far abroad but he still remembers falling in love with the beach and ocean on one of their trips to Spain, thinking this must have been the most gorgeous shade of blue he’s ever seen.

This definitely tops it.

It’s such a bright, crystal blue – Harry didn’t even know colors like that existed.

There’s a swooshing sound followed by a mad cackle and suddenly someone sprints across the beach, kicking up small, almost white, dusty clouds of sand, before he jumps and goes down with and oopmf.

“Guess we found the missing ones,” Niall cocks his head and Harry follows his gaze, seeing Zayn stretched out on a sunbed.

Then Louis sits back up, brushing sand off his torso and Harry starts patting his pockets for his inhaler.

There is something to be said for a Louis Tomlinson clad only in white surfer shorts and Harry could probably sit down and write sonnets about the way the slight breeze ruffles his hair or how his blue eyes sparkle brighter than the damn sea… but his mind is painfully blank and he’s quite busy with breathing in and out.

“You okay?” Niall glances up at him and he nods.

“Fine,” it comes out as a strangled squeak because Louis just has to stand up that very second and brush some more sand off of him, toned chest on full display and for the first time Harry gets a good look at the black ink below his collarbones and adorning his hips.

Niall nudges him and Harry stumbles after him a second later, realizing he can’t keep standing there, rooted in place while staring at his supposedly purely platonic mate.

“Hello guys!” Niall chucks his stuff on the lounger next to Zayn.

“Hi Niall,” Louis jogs over and now Harry can see he’s carrying a Frisbee. He promptly tries to whack Zayn over the head with it, claiming that “this lazy fucker can’t even throw a damn Frisbee” before he looks at Niall with big, pleading eyes. “Will you play with me, Niallie, Nialler, Niall?”

“Why is he so active? What did you feed him?” Niall huffs.

“No idea. He tried some of those local fruits or whatever they had. Maybe the vitamin C is fucking with his system, you know he doesn’t usually come close to healthy food.”

“So you managed to grab breakfast?” Harry shuffles closer.

“Oh hey, morning Harry. Umh, we missed the one in the main restaurant but the beach bar…” Zayn points over his shoulder and Harry can make out a small bungalow with a huge terrace. “Serves breakfast until 11.30am. So we’re all fed and content. Well… most of us are,” he looks over to Louis who’s still bouncing on his toes. “I swear to God, Tomlinson, if you keep being an annoying, hyperactive shit for the rest of the day I will bury you in the sand and wait for the tide to drown you.”

“That’s not very nice, Zaynie poo.”

Zayn growls and looks over to Niall. “It was your idea. Entertain him.”

“Well, they do have a kids club here…” Harry mutters, flipping through the newsletter he picked up during breakfast.

“Brilliant idea. Can you drop him off?”

“I am right here, I can hear you,” Louis huffs.

“Perfect, does that mean you’ll go over to the kids club alone?” Niall sits down and grins up at him.

Consulting his leaflet, Harry says, “well there is aquarobics in a bit… and we could do some hot yoga later on… oh and they have a coconut leave weaving class,” he looks up and is met with incredulous stares all around. “Fine. There’s also beach volleyball at 4pm, that manly enough for you?”

Louis shakes his head and grabs the newsletter from his hands. “Let me see!”

Harry wants to protest but then again he’s glad that Louis is still treating him kind of the same as before. It’d be worse if he just avoided or ignored Harry and he never minded being the object of his relentless teasing.

So Harry just shrugs and puts his stuff on the sun lounger next to Louis’, spreading his towel before he struggles out of his denim cut offs.

“They also have something called Mini Soccer…” Louis voice drifts off and when Harry looks up again, the older boy is staring at him.

“Close that big mouth of yours or you’ll catch a fly,” Zayn mutters and kicks his friend’s shin.

“I…” Louis gulps. “What… how… are these legal?” he finally wheezes and Harry gives him a confused look.

“What?”

“These…” Louis waves the pamphlet towards his bright yellow swim shorts, eyes zeroed in on his crotch area. He can’t help the blush which is creeping up his neck because damn, if he knew all it would take for Louis to look at him like he wants to devour him were his tiny shorts he’d worn them every day for the last six months, minus degrees or not.

“Lovely color, Harry. They will look ace once you got a good tan going, don’t you think Lou?” Unfortunately Zayn is wearing his shades but Harry can still see the smirk playing along his lips.

Louis mutters something that sounds a lot like ‘hate you all’ before he declares, “I’m going for a swim.”

“Wait up, I’m coming with you!” Harry quickly throws his hat and sunglasses on his lounger and jogs after Louis.

He doesn’t quite catch him before Louis dives head first into the waves, only wades into the water until it reaches his hips. It’s quite pleasant, only a couple degrees colder than the air temperature.

Instead of searching for Louis who has yet to surface again, Harry takes a look around.

The beach stretches for miles and he’s glad when he can’t see any huge hotel complexes but from the couple of rooftops he can see peeking through the jungle, all the resorts along this stretch of beach are similar to the one they’re staying in.

He is just waving at Niall and Zayn when suddenly his feet lose contact with the ground and he sinks rather gracelessly.

Once he’s got enough saltwater in his eyes and nose, he comes back up coughing his lungs out to a smiling Louis.

“Do I need to get you some floaties?”

“Oh fuck off!” Harry tries to wipes his eyes and blindly hits out towards the direction Louis voice came from. “I like the ocean and I’m a decent swimmer if somebody doesn’t attack me like the white shark.”

“Couldn’t help, those yellow shorts are like a bright sign, screaming ‘eat me’.”

Harry wriggles his eyebrows the very second Louis realizes what he said.

“You wish,” he grumbles, a bit flustered and Harry giggles.

“Well, I also got them in pink if that’s more to your liking?!”

The last thing he hears before Louis dunks him again is his pained groan. What’s drinking two liters of salt water compared to flustering Louis Tomlinson, right?!

Louis tries his best to drown Harry but eventually they both make it back to the beach, finding Zayn half asleep and Niall slowly but steadily turning pink.

“I’m going to shower and then I will spray you with sun blocker, Niall,” Harry promises, causing Zayn to lazily blink at him when he hears his voice.

“Oh, you’re back. Nice,” he yawns. “While you’re rinsing that saltwater off of you, maybe collect your moody boyfriend as well?”

“Huh?”

Zayn points over his shoulder and Harry sees Liam sitting at the beach bar, nursing something that looks a lot like a beer.

“He’s been sitting there the whole time.”

“Oh,” Harry ruffles his wet curls, feeling guilt kick in. Liam’s been so annoying this morning that he was a bit glad when he refused to come with him and Niall, and he kind of forgot about him once they got to the beach and met Zayn and Louis. Now he wonders whether Liam saw Louis and him playing around in the waves and he can’t help but feel guilty. “I’ll see what I can do,” he replies slightly subdued.

In the end Liam only gives him two or three snarky comments for hanging out with Zayn and taking a swim with Louis, but it takes Harry the better part of an hour to convince Liam to give up his spot at the bar and to actually join them at the beach and in the sun.

He still makes a show of dragging his sunbed a couple of feet away from Louis, giving Harry an expecting glance and only when the gap between his lounger and Louis’ is sufficient for his boyfriend’s taste, does Harry get to lie down.

Niall  tries his very best to get a conversation going, which is hard because Liam will ignore everything Louis says so eventually, Niall and Louis just swap when Louis gets fed up with being ignored. Liam is a little more forthcoming after that, even engages in some friendly banter with Niall but whenever Louis or Zayn pipe up, he’ll shut down.

It’s annoying to say the least and if this is how Liam plans to behave for the rest of the two weeks, Harry will have a screaming fit about half way in.

Niall gets a text from Barbara just before lunch, telling them she’s got a bit of a break so he’s going to meet up with her quickly but promises to catch up with them during lunch.

Needless to say that once Niall is gone, they don’t even try to get a conversation going.

Liam is reading some book for uni, while Louis and Zayn mutter quietly from time to time and Harry is left to watch his toes wriggle, which is only entertaining for so long and once he sees the buffet has been set up at the beach restaurant, he’s the first one out of his seat.

Throwing a “I’m gonna grab a bite to eat” towards Liam and the rest, he stalks off.

Scratch having a screaming fit about half way in; if they all plan to behave like that Harry will board a flight back home in less than three days.

He spots Niall and Babs in the back and wonders whether he can really interrupt when Babs spots him and waves him over.

Her hair is curled in luscious waves and her make-up perfectly done.

“You look very pretty,” Harry says as way of greeting.

“Thank you, Harry,” she smiles. “But to be honest, it’s quite exhausting to look pretty all morning, I’m glad once we can wrap up this afternoon.”

“Take a seat, mate.” Niall kicks out a chair for him.

“So no shoot tonight?”

“No, we’ll stop once the sun starts to set today and then I’ll have the morning off tomorrow. We’ll do the sunset and evening shoot tomorrow,” she explains and glances at her phone. “Still got about ten minutes, so tell me – do you like it here?”

“Yes!” Harry doesn’t have to fake his enthusiasm. “It’s so beautiful here, thank you for thinking of us and inviting us along.”

“Ah, pleasure. I’m glad Niall has someone to keep him company,” she pokes Niall’s nose “And to remind him to reapply his sunscreen.”

“Did you run away from the rest?” Niall looks around.

“Kind of,” Harry sighs and Barbara’s face falls.

“Oh no, are they still being difficult?”

“The difficultest,” Harry groans.

“God, _boys_. I swear you’re worse drama queens than any girl could ever be. Liam and Zayn better get their act together or I’m going to poke them where it hurts with my 12inch stilettos.”

“I didn’t do anything!” they all look up to see Louis standing behind Niall’s chair.

“Sneaking up to eavesdrop?” Babs reaches out to ruffle Lou’s hair.

“Never,” he bats her hands away. “I was just hungry.”

“Then you guys go and get some food,” she pats Niall’s stomach. “I need to head back anyways. But I see you all later for dinner tonight?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Louis salutes and Niall gives her a quick kiss.

“Zayn and Liam?” Niall asks once she’s gone and Louis shrugs.

“Zayn went to the loo and Liam… don’t know.”

“Huh,” Niall seems to contemplate looking for Liam for a second but then his eyes fall on the buffet. “Oh well, they’re old enough. Let’s grab some food, shall we?”

Eventually Zayn and Liam join them, and Zayn eyes Harry’s selection of food with interest.

“There’s pasta and beef and some Asian noodles and you go for fish and fruits?”

“I don’t like to eat so heavy…” he glances over at Louis rolling up a big ball of spaghetti carbonara. How he managed to find that here in Bali is anyone’s guess. “… for lunch, especially when it’s rather hot outside. Puts me in a food coma for the rest of the afternoon.”

“mmh…” Zayn cocks his head and steals a bite of Harry’s plate.

“Umh, mind keeping your hands to yourself?” Liam narrows his eyes and Zayn rolls his.

“I don’t mind,” Harry quickly interjects and pushes his plate forward. “Want to try the fish with some mango…?” he pushes the fruit in question towards Zayn, who – after a glance at Liam – takes it.

“That’s nice…!” Zayn looks back to the buffet before he gets up and comes back with a plate of fruit and fish of his own.

They spent the afternoon recovering from lunch (Niall and Louis) and with Harry and Zayn standing in the breakers, watching the waves.

Liam has buried himself back in his books and Zayn took pity on Harry when he saw him glance at the ocean for the umpteenth time.

“Why don’t you go in?” Harry bends down and picks up a sea shell.

“Not so fond of water.”

“But you agreed to a beach vacation.”

Zayn chuckles. “Yeah well… I can swim, but it took me quite a while to learn it. Didn’t happen before I was about thirteen and Louis and Liam just wouldn’t stop pestering me about it. Still don’t like it that much and salt water…” he pulls a face. “It tastes yhiak when you swallow it and it’s itchy and sticky once it dries.”

“So that’s the subtle way of asking to spend tomorrow at the pool?”

Zayn pokes his toe in the sand and grins at Harry. “Well, I might have taken a look at the pool area on the way down to the beach and it is rather nice and sand free... by the way, Louis told me you’re into photography?”

“Oh.” Harry blushes. “He did?”

“Mmh, said it was a hobby?”

“Yeah… I took a couple of courses at uni but… not nearly as good as yours or your paintings.”

“Got your camera with you?”

“Umh, yes.”

“Maybe you fancy a stroll around at some point? I brought mine too and I know neither Lou nor Li have the patience or interest to wander around and look at flowers and trees for more than ten minutes.”

“Yes… I mean, sure. We can totally do that. I went exploring with Niall a bit today and took some pictures…”

They start discussing angles and zooms, camera types and different lenses, strolling along the beach until Niall tackles them both into the waves, followed by Louis who moans about feeling like giving birth to a food baby.

Liam stays on his sun lounger all afternoon, hardly sparing any of them a glance and only moving once the sun starts to set and they agree to head back to take a shower and then meet for dinner in a couple of hours.

He stalls and dawdles while getting ready, managing to test Harry’s patience to such an extent that he threatens to just leave without his boyfriend if Liam doesn’t get a move on. They’re both not in the best mood when they join the guys and Harry feels a little guilty for not really joining any conversation but he just doesn’t have the energy right now.

He tried to act as buffer all day, tried to make nice with Zayn and Louis, tried to please Niall so he’d have a good time and nice holiday while his girlfriend was working, tried to appease Liam and it’s exhausting. Now he gets what Louis meant by tiring; he’s been trying to play nice with everyone all day without giving too much away.

Harry can’t stare at Louis or drool over his toned chest and stomach all day even though he wants to, his fingers twitching with a so far unknown need to touch. He wants to see the other boy smile, wants to talk to him, wants to be near him – just wants his attention all the time. But he can’t, has to watch himself so the other boys don’t catch on on how star struck Harry really is.  Finding the fine line between being nice to Louis and being too nice to Louis is hard, especially when Liam narrows his eyes each and every time Harry so much as speaks to the boy.

Then there’s Zayn, who seems to drowse most of the day but Harry sees his mouth twitch every so often when Liam speaks or when Harry tries to start a conversation with Louis. Zayn, who’s far more observant than Harry had given him credit for and who seems to have Harry figured all out. Although he’s not sure how much Zayn knows and how much is a blind guess: Harry is pretty sure Louis hasn’t told Zayn the whole story and neither that they kissed nor talked about Harry leaving Liam for Louis. But the raven haired boy must have caught on to something, otherwise he wouldn’t have told Harry to step up his game and Harry can’t help but wonder whether he’s being that obvious.

It all makes interacting with Louis and Zayn rather hard and Harry feels beat down after only one day. Liam has been acting moody since they arrived, all cheeriness he displayed during the flights gone again. He doesn’t really talk to Harry but then again he doesn’t want Harry to talk to either Zayn or Louis, that much being obvious from the way he frowns, snorts or throws in a sarcastic comment whenever Harry’s managed to get some kind of conversation going and it’s… so frustrating.

The only one who hasn’t lost his good mood yet is Niall. While Harry shoves his food back and forth on his plate and just keeps his head down, Niall is undeterred. Chatting away with Babs about her shooting, addressing the rest every so often to include them in the conversation, Niall just talks over the general sulkiness or hitches in conversation. It’s as admirable as it is in vain because once they finished dinner, Liam announces that he’s off to bed, blaming jetlag and Harry just doesn’t want to argue any longer.

He’s tried. Exhausted from trying to follow rules he didn’t know existed until he broke them.

So he just waves good night to the rest, damn well seeing the downwards tilt to Louis mouth when Liam wraps his arm around his waist and suddenly he wants to scream.

What the fuck does Louis want him to do? Dump Liam right here and now? Tell all of their friends about their little… dirty secret or whatever he wants to call it?

How does he want Harry to fight for him? What the fuck should he do? He already told him that he liked him, that he would break up with Liam – just in his own time. So what more does Louis want?

Harry ignores Liam, just stomps out of the restaurant and ahead towards the elevators, pressing the button with a lot more force than necessary.

“You alright?” Liam sidles up next to him, hand running over his back and Harry steps away from the touch.

“Fine,” he grits through clenched teeth.

“You sure? You seem a bit tense?” Liam makes a move as if to massage his shoulders, but luckily the doors open and Harry gets in quickly.

“Just tired,” he inches into the corner, crossing his arms and hoping that Liam gets the ‘don’t touch’ message.

Apparently he does, because when he comes back from his shower a little later, Harry has already turned onto his side, back towards Liam and is pretending very hard to be fast asleep.

“Night, Haz.” Liam presses a kiss to his naked shoulder and Harry bites his lips, trying not to make a sound. Liam waits for a couple of seconds before he turns the light off and rolls onto his side. He doesn’t try to cuddle or snuggle up to Harry and Harry is very grateful for it.

How he’s supposed to get through two weeks of this, if every day will be like today, he doesn’t know.

*

Harry is nothing but an optimist, so he harbored some hope that after a good night’s sleep, Liam would wake up the next day and actually be happy to be in Bali. After all it is beautiful here; the hotel is superb, the food delicious, the grounds stunning and well… there’s a pretty fantastic beach out there, not to mention the bright blue skies and golden sun.

One of these things would have been enough to make Harry happy and declare this holiday as one of the best he’s ever been on – all things combined make him want to dance with glee and cuddle Niall every five seconds for being stubborn enough to force them all to come along.

So yes, Harry is an optimist at heart. But this vacation is testing him.

Day Two and Three pass in the same manner as Day One and he’s slowly losing hope that Liam will ever come around.

His boyfriend gets up at 7am, goes out for a run or to the gym before he meets Harry (and sometimes Niall and Barbara) for breakfast at 9am. After that it’s beach time, meaning Harry and Liam on one side, Niall in the middle and Louis and Zayn on the other with as little contact as possible. Conversation is frowned upon.

If Liam would at least pay some sort of attention to Harry and the rest it’d all be… well, still bad but no as disastrous as it currently is. Instead he’s buried in one of his books for university or on his iPad, looking at some plans the firm he interned in sent him.

And while Niall still has the luxury to either skip off to watch his girlfriend or go and do something – anything! – with the other two boys, Harry will get a stern glance every time he so much as makes a move towards the other two.

So he’s stuck in paradise which is slowly but steadily turning into his own personal hell.

Liam doesn’t notice or doesn’t care that Harry is simmering with fury, only shoots him weird glances when he once again dodges his kiss or wriggles his way out of a hug. Never does he ask what’s wrong and Harry is a bit tired of being the one to bring it up, to be the one who tries to make it all better for Liam.

He can’t imagine that Liam is happy like that, so close to his three best friends but he might as well be on another continent with the way he’s acting around them.

Zayn didn’t really try from the beginning, Louis has long given up, doesn’t even react to the few insults Liam will spit his way and Niall seems to be running out of patience too. They still talk when they’re ‘forced’ to sit at the same table during lunch or dinner, but the conversations are stilted, almost artificial with Liam going for fake cheeriness with Niall while ignoring Louis and Zayn’s existence completely.

Except for the odd occasion when Zayn will get a little too close to Louis, when those two start whispering all secretively, when touches become too intimate. Than Liam’s sole goal seems to be wiping the smile off of Louis and/or Zayn’s face.

Harry (even so he isn’t happy either with the way Louis and Zayn act around each other, the constant touching and flirting) can’t do much more than place a calming hand on Liam’s arm; he got involved on his second day and spent his evening arguing with Liam, who accused him of ‘fraternizing with the enemy’, which… well, Harry didn’t know they were at war. He must have missed that memo.

Now, he’s kind of sitting on the fence and it’s the worst place he’s ever been stuck at.

Talking to Zayn or Louis means an hour long discussion or argument with Liam, something Harry has enough of after the first time already because he’s still his own person and who he chooses to speak to should damn well be his own decision. Apparently it isn’t, because they’re right back at it the third night when Harry offered to get everyone some drinks and even went to such length as to walk to the hotel bar to get the weird concoction Louis wanted. So days Three and Four find Harry sulking on a beautiful beach, not talking to anyone, hoping in vain Liam will realize how childish and idiotic he’s acting.

Louis shoots him the occasional glance, seems to want to speak to Harry several times but never goes through with it. There’ll be the odd aborted motion, a hand which reaches out to touch but hangs suspended in the air, hips cocked out in order to brush against each other but then one will draw back before they can collide.

There’s only looks left, Harry will catch Louis staring when he adjusts his trunks or applies his sunscreen, feels his stare when he splashes around in the ocean or stands under the shower afterwards. A couple of times it looks like Louis has reached his limit, like he’ll jump up just to touch or kiss Harry but the moment passes and Louis will still be glued to his lounger or chair.

Harry is pretty much at loss at what to do or what to say so he just doesn’t do or say anything, brooding in his own little bubble, caught between two storm fronts and just waiting for the lightning to strike. He’s sure it’ll happen sooner rather than later, the only thing he isn’t sure of is which direction the blow will come from.

*

Day Five finds Harry wearing skinny jeans and proper shoes for the first time since they arrived here, and once he steps outside in to the humid night he remembers why he so far avoided squeezing into his jeans.

He’s gotten better at handling the heat but it still surprises him how warm and just… damp the air can be at 8pm. His pants stick to his skin and he’s glad he at least chose a white, thin shirt to go with is black pants and black fedora instead of the long sleeved dress shirt Liam suggested.

Apropos Liam… his boyfriend left him to his own devices about half an hour ago, saying he’d just go ahead to meet with Niall and Babs while Harry was still trying to put together an outfit, and now Harry can’t find either of them.

Following the noise and lights, he eventually finds the area closed off for the fare-well party for all the people who were involved in the photo shoot. Babs was sweet enough to put them all on the guest list but Harry never expected to see so many people here. Admittedly he only went down to watch Barbara’s shooting once, but he’s still surprised to see how large of a production it must have been.

He cranes his neck, trying to spot a familiar mop of hair but can’t find Niall or Liam. What he does see though is a familiar mop of black hair, arm casually wrapped around a smaller bloke, feeding him bits and pieces from the flying buffet.

About to step up to them, Harry’s steps falter. What’s he supposed to say or even do? Tell Zayn to remove his arm from Louis? It’s hardly his place.

Louis is free to do what – who – ever he wants and Harry can’t forbid him anything. Once again, he realizes he has no claim whatsoever over Louis.

So he just stops and stares, taking in the gorgeous set up of the party almost in passing, because he has no mind for fairy lights, torches or white tents swaying softly in the evening breeze. Usually he’d have his camera out to take pictures of the exotic flower arrangements but all he can focus on is Zayn and Louis.

He doesn’t quite understand the dynamics of those two; first he thought I was purely to get a rise out of Liam, Zayn’s revenge and a way of payback. But then Louis initiated it as well and he keeps playing along, sometimes even leaning into Zayn’s touch without the conscious decision to do so and… Harry bites his bottom lip. Objectively they would make a great couple.

And if Harry was a bigger, less selfish person he would be happy for them. He’d forbid himself to ever think of Louis is in _that_ way again, would take a huge step back and just let them be.

But Harry isn’t the bigger person. He’s selfish and mean and probably a very bad person but if he’s still got any say in the matter he’s not going to let Louis get away.

Considering how the last couple of days played out, no one can be mad at Harry if he breaks it off with Liam once they’re back home, not even Liam himself. They’re not even having a ‘relationship’, it’s more or less Harry sticking by his side, suffering through his moods and just being there for him, since Liam seems dead set on biting away all his former best friends and Harry just doesn’t want him to wake up one day with no one by his side.

He’s been trying to so hard to be good, to keep everyone but himself and Louis happy and it got him nowhere. Harry is quite done with trying to do the right thing, maybe it’s about time he’d started doing something for him instead.

He just stands there in the crowd, people passing by, laughing, chatting and generally having a good time, while Harry watches Louis from afar. It’s been a while since he had the chance to just admire the other boy like this, without having to be afraid to be caught every second.

It’s a bit unfair how tanned Louis already is, as if all it took for him to get back to his deep, rich Australian tan was one day in the sun. His hair seems lighter as well, more of a caramel than the different shades of darker browns he sported during the winter and spring. Throwing his head back while laughing at something Zayn said, Harry traces the long line of his throat with his eyes, wondering if he tastes any different, smells different – of sun and sand and ocean. He’d very much like to find out.

“Excuse me, Sir. Would you like another glass?”

Startled out of his trance by a waiter, he blinks stupidly at the glass in his hand. He didn’t remember taking it, let alone drinking it, but nods anyway.

His stomach gives a low rumble and Harry thinks that it’s probably not the best idea to knock back more champagne on an empty stomach.

When he looks back up, Zayn and Louis have vanished and with a sigh he decides to go and eat something, maybe even look around for Niall or Liam some more.

Two hours later, Harry got something to eat, more to drink and even found Niall. Liam is still missing but Harry decided that if Liam doesn’t care where he is, he might as well stop looking and enjoy his night with Niall and Babs, who has introduced them to some of her co-workers.

Suddenly the music is turned up a little, and some of the girls squeal in delight, almost dropping their glasses in the haste to get up on the dancefloor. Some try to drag Harry along but he politely declines, using the chance to inch closer to Niall.

“Okay?”

“Fine, champagne is making my head spin a bit.”

Niall cocks his head and holds up his cocktail. “Maybe you should try something else?”

“Don’t fancy mixing drinks, I’ll have a nasty hangover tomorrow.”

Niall nods in agreement and both let their gaze wander.

“That Zayn?” his friend nudges him and Harry follows his gaze. And yes, the person pushing people out of the way is Zayn and he’s dragging a very reluctant Louis with him.

“What…?” Harry starts but his question is answered the very next second, when Zayn spins around, wraps his arms around Louis neck and start humping him on the dancefloor – well, maybe it’s more of a sensual grind but still. Zayn’s crotch is way too close to Louis crotch.

“Umh,” playing with his drink, Niall shrugs. “They… seem to be enjoying themselves.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Harry presses through clenched teeth. “Do you… think they’re an item?”

“Zayn and Louis? I don’t know to be honest. First, I thought it was all some elaborated plan to get back at Liam. See, in the beginning, Liam was a bit… wary of Louis and Zayn’s friendship.”

“Why? I thought you were all really close?”

“Yeah but those two… they’re more like brothers. Louis tells Zayn stuff he’d never tell me or Liam and so does Zayn. They stick together like glue; always have and always will,” Niall huffs a laugh. “Zayn is probably to blame for half of Louis’ failed relationships.”

“What? Why?”

“Because he didn’t like the guys. Thought they weren’t treating Lou quite right, and if Zayn doesn’t like someone...”

“Louis broke up with them _because Zayn didn’t like them_?”

“Put like this, it sounds quite bad…,” Niall turns towards Harry. “Look, Zayn is a good judge of character. He isn’t as loud as Louis or as… friendly and trusting as I am. Zayn will sit and observe. And he sees a lot.” That much Harry was aware of. “And he’ll speak his mind if he sees something he doesn’t like. In most cases he’s right, and Louis values his opinion. Zayn is a big softie at heart, he only wants what’s best for us.”

“So he… got involved with your relationships, too?”

“Oh yes. He isn’t in your face about it or starts to bitch about small things, but he’ll say if he doesn’t like someone and every time he’s had a rather good explanation. Saved me some trouble with a lying, cheating ex of mine.”

“Oh?”

“Mmh… Zayn always said she acted dodgy and eventually I was so fed up with him being all suspicious that we followed her… - we were very Mission Impossible that night. Clad in black, jumping from shadow to shadow. Well I was… Zayn just walked normally and looked pretty. But anyway, it turned out she was seeing another guy on the side and I was actually thinking about inviting her back home to meet the family. Good job I didn’t, would have been a right waste of money and time.

After that I declared to give up on dating until Zayn brought a girl along. He’d met her during one of his photography classes where she modelled for them.”

“Babs?” Harry guesses.

“Mmh” Niall says with a dreamy expression. “Told me I had to be the perfect gentleman, wine and dine her, kiss her on the cheek and send her flowers the next day.”

“And did you?”

“I had a Malik breathing down my neck, of course I did as I was told,” Niall grins. “I owe him for that one, he really found the perfect girl.” Niall looks off to his left, where Barbara is chatting to a fellow model, but once she feels his gaze, she turns and blows him a quick kiss.

“You two are very cute.” There’s a longing in Harry’s voice and Niall quickly turns back to him.

“Oh H. I’m sure Liam…” Harry nods only that it isn’t Liam he’s longing for, but he can hardly tell Niall that. They both turn back towards the dancefloor, seeing Zayn latch onto Louis neck to undoubtedly suck a bruise in his golden skin. Harry clenches his fists.

He wonders whether he should interfere, to hell with all the questions he’d have to answer afterwards. But before he can make that decision, someone else gets the before him.

Louis and Zayn are yanked apart and both Niall and Harry blink a couple of times because… Liam? But it is Harry’s boyfriend who basically impales Louis with his index finger, and judging by his expression, telling Louis to stay the fuck away from Zayn.

“At least we found him,” mumbles Niall while Harry nods, focused on the scene those three are causing. People have stopped to stare at the trio and Liam seems to realize this as well, because he just grabs Zayn and drags him way.

Niall turns slowly towards Harry, “I… am… I…”

“Yeah, so am I.” Harry sighs. “Bar? Drink? I think I might be up for trying some of your poison after all.”

“Sure.”

 

Liam doesn’t make a reappearance. And neither does Zayn.

While sipping another one of those pretty colored cocktails, Harry tries to think about what that means. What it means for him.

He finds that he doesn’t care all that much.

Even for the blindest of people it was crystal clear that Liam wasn’t over Zayn, no matter how much he tried to make everyone believe it. If Harry had been deeply in love with Liam it surely would have been a blow, but this way… he can’t even be proper upset about it. Not with the way Liam has been acting around him in recent weeks, with his general lack of interest in anything Harry does.

He only finds that he hopes Zayn and Liam will sort it out once and for all so that everyone gets to at least enjoy the rest of their holidays. And if he has to swap rooms with Zayn for that then so be it.

“Haz, will you be okay if I take Niall dancing for one song?”

“Mmh?” he looks up, vision a bit blurry and shakes his head. “Oh sure, Babs. Take him for two songs, I’ll be fine!”

“You sure?” she cocks her head and frowns. “We can head back if you like…”

“Nah… I’m good. Yummi drinks!” he raises his glass and nearly drenches the person next to him. “Oops.”

“Yeah… no more cocktails for you,” she grins and kisses his cheek. “We’ll be back soon.”

“Enjoy!” he waves them off until he realizes that it might look a bit stupid. Then he leans against the bar to ask the barkeep what exactly the “Blood Moon” cocktail is and why they had to call it such a sad name. Why not rosy red Moon?

The barkeeper sees him, apparently recognizes him and turns on his heel. Harry pouts. His drink is half empty already and he had a very valid question.

Slumping a bit against the bar, he looks to his right and does a double take.

Louis is leaning against the bar, hips cocked out with a flirty grin on his face while he swirls his drink before he takes a small sip. He’s looking very classy, very hot and very busy chatting with a man leaning way too close for Harry’s liking.

What also isn’t to Harry’s liking is the way the bloke has to lean in to whisper something in Louis’ ear when  the music really isn’t that loud and the way he has to hold onto his hips while he does it. Can’t he stand straight or what?

It’s bad enough seeing Louis being all cozy with Zayn but this, this is too much. It’s an external threat, someone Harry doesn’t know and he doesn’t know how far the other guy is prepared to take things.

After those past days, being ignored or fighting with Liam, not being able to talk to Louis and now after seeing Louis grinding on Zayn, it’s a bit too much.

Stumbling through the crowd, Harry only realizes what he’s about to do five seconds before he crashes into Louis side and nearly knocks him off his feet.

“What the… Harry?”

“Hiii,” he tips his hat and grins. At Louis. He’s not going to acknowledge the existence of that other bloke.

“Hello,” Louis answers a little cautiously. “Umh… lovely of you to join us… I was just telling Rob here about you guys and our trip.”

_Rob. Pff_. Stupid name.

“Really? And what did you tell Bob about us?”

“It’s… Robert. Rob.”

“Aha,” Harry nods and still stares at Louis.

“Are you okay Harry?”

“Peachy. Hey, did you know they have a cocktail called “Blood Moon” here? That’s a bit creepy. Or sad.”

“Fascinating,” Louis deadpans and Harry barges right on.

“I know, right? I wonder why they named it like that… and what’s in there…”

“Something red?” Louis suggests and Rob clears his throat.

“As interesting as that sounds… umh, I thought you wanted to check out the pictures I took of all the different surf spots?”

“Right… Rob is a photographer. He worked with Babs and spent two weeks before the shoot travelling around, looking for nice views and good locations,” Louis explains and Rob nods.

“Got all the stuff up in my room, I can also show you a map where I marked all the spots,” the bloke has the audacity to reach out and run his finger along Louis side.

“I… yeah. Sure.” Louis looks over to Harry, “I see you tomorrow, okay?”

And what? No. Louis is not going with this… Bob. Rob. Whatever.

“You’re really going to let that cheap copy of Terry Richardson fuck you?”

Both men halt their steps and Harry wishes he had his camera. Their facial expressions are _delightful_.

“Excuse me?”

“What the fuck Harry?”

“I mean, sorry. But ‘come up to my room to check out my photos’? What a pick up line. Didn’t know shit like that actually worked. Did you already tell him he’s got beautiful eyes? A gorgeous smile? He could totally be a model?” Harry turns to Louis and pokes his chest, “I can’t believe you fall for that cheap crap!”

“Sorry but who are you again?” Rob asks.

“Harry,” he lifts his hat as way of greeting. “The one who’s telling you to suck it up and bugger of because Lou is far too good for you!”

“You…” he turns to look at Louis, who seems to be seething. “Fuck you Harry!”

“Rather me than him.” Harry cocks his head towards photography guy.

“Okay, I don’t know what is wrong with you, or what you two are playing at but I’m not being caught in the middle.” Rob shakes his head. “Have a nice night, Louis. It was lovely meeting you.” He ignores Harry when he stalks off, who can’t help but lilt a “bye-bye Bobby” after him.

“What the hell was that Harry?” Louis gets right in his face and if Harry wasn’t drunk he’d be very intimidated.

“I’m being a friend. A friend who’s not going to let you go home with that sleaze ball.”

“You’re not being a friend,” Louis hisses. “You’re being a jealous, little shit.”

“Sue me,” Harry shrugs and Louis lets go of his shirt.

“You have no right, Harry. No right at all.”

“I know that,” he lowers his voice and takes a step towards Louis, using his height to his advantage to dwarf him. “And I really don’t care. I am not going to let you go home with someone else. Seeing you and Zayn all over each other is bad enough but I’ll be damned…”

“You. Have. A. Boyfriend.” Louis presses through clenched teeth.

“But I want _you_.” It’s probably liquid courage speaking but for once Harry manages to put his feelings and needs in one sentence.

Louis eyes widen and he swallows. Harry’s never said it like that.

Shaking his head, Louis exhales and takes a step back.

“What are you doing?”

“Going to bed… I… just… need to be…”

“Louis.”

“Alone, Harry. Okay? I am going to bed _alone_. I swear. Jeeze. I just need some time to think and… yes.” Louis turns around to walk away, turns back and punches his shoulder.

“Ouch. What was that for?”

“For being a little shit. And thanks for not letting me go with that sleazy guy, you sweet, jealous shit.”

“Welcome,” Harry grins. Louis nods and makes his way through the crowd, Harry’s eyes fixed on him until he spots him on the path leading back to the hotel. Only when palm trees obscure his view, does Harry turn back to the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your sweet comments & kudos :)


	6. ...we'll be in the sheets 'till the late am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case some of you were wondering where the heck all those smut tags came from... ;) 
> 
> enjoy!

It was probably a good thing that Harry caught him last night before he could do something stupid. And going back with that guy would have been stupid, a kneejerk reaction and poor barter for the one he actually wants but can’t have.

It’s bad enough having to see Harry every day, but having to see Harry every day without being able to speak to him is torture. Having to see Harry and not being able to speak to him while seeing how shitty Liam treats his boyfriend is hell.

He doesn’t get Liam, thinks he doesn’t recognize the person anymore.

Liam was always level-headed, more serious and focused than Louis, Niall or Zayn but never to the point where he just wouldn’t laugh anymore. All Louis had seen him do is bury himself in his books for uni (how boring, they’re on holiday!), read on his iPad and frown.

He’ll frown when Louis speaks, he’ll frown when Zayn speaks, he’ll frown when anyone speaks. Niall being the exception, maybe. But heaven forbid Louis or Zayn try to talk to Harry, or worse, try to get a conversation going where all of them participate.

They used to be best friends at some point and Louis still doesn’t understand what happened or where they went so fundamentally wrong that they can’t even speak to each other anymore.

And he feels sorry for Harry, who is caught between the fronts. He can’t speak to Louis or Zayn without provoking an argument with Liam, but then again Liam isn’t speaking to Harry either, too busy all day with God knows what. Louis has damn well noticed that Harry grew quieter and quieter as the days went on but he can hardly reach out without making it worse for him, can he?

And he promised himself he wouldn’t, didn’t want to get into too deep once again. That’s what he told Harry and he meant it. He’s tired of this back and forth, broken promises and lying.

So this communication ban imposed by Liam actually helped Louis to keep his distance only that it all went to hell last night.

Louis sighs and grabs his backpack. Sunscreen, iPod, towels, sunglasses. He’s all good to go.

It’s barely past 5.30am when he walks through the corridors, but he had a hard time falling asleep anyway and decided he might as well get up and use the time for an early morning surf. He didn’t get round to it during the last four days, has of course checked out the spot at the hotel and talked to some of the guys from water sports about the best spots, but so far he didn’t take his board for a ride.

Passing through the restaurant, he shoves a croissant in his mouth and packs two more for later before he falls over a lonely Harry Styles, sitting on the steps and munching on a banana.

“Oops,” Harry’s eyes widen and Louis rolls onto his backside.

“Hi. And ouch.” He rubs his skinned knee. “If I get eaten by sharks, it’s all your fault.”

Harry swallows around a big lump of banana and turns bright red. “I am so sorry! I didn’t hear you or I would have moved. I… let me… I’m gonna…” Louis reaches out and grabs his ankle before Harry can sprint off.

“It’s only a grazed knee and I don’t think there are any sharks.”

“I think I got some plasters somewhere…” Only now does Louis realize Harry is in his denim cut offs, carrying his satchel and a towel.

“Harry…” he waits until the other boy looks at him. “It’s not even 6am. Why the heck aren’t you asleep?”

“Couldn’t,” he mumbles. “Head was spinning so eventually I got up and thought some yoga would help.”

“You got up at the arse crack of dawn to do some yoga with a hangover?”

Harry nods.

“Did it help?”

“No. Nearly made me sick,” he pouts and Louis sighs but can’t help but laugh.

“You are something else, you know that?” He gets up and holds his hand out to Harry. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“Well, I am going to the beach to surf and you should go back to bed.”

“Don’t want to go back to bed. Liam isn’t there anyway and if he was, he’d only be grumpy and moody.”

Louis halts at that. _Liam isn’t there_ … as in Liam hasn’t been there all night? He’s got half a mind to just leave Harry standing there and go check Zayn’s room.

“Are you still drunk, Hazza?” he asks instead and the younger boy grins.

“Maybe a tiny bit.”

“Mmh, maybe a tiny bit more,” he tries to look disapproving but the fond is taking over. Harry’s hair is a bit of a wild mess, the white shirt he threw on may very well be inside out and Louis just hopes he’s actually wearing his trunks under the shorts and didn’t forget them.

“Can we please go to the beach, Lou? I can’t sleep anyway and it’s sooo boring all alone in my room.”

“Fine. Have you got some water?”

Harry nods eagerly and digs through his satchel to show Louis the two bottles.

“Alright, come on then,” he leads them along a different path, only having to stop about five times so Harry can snap a picture of a tree or butterfly all the while he chats happily about the different kinds of flowers they’re passing. For all Louis knows, he’s speaking a different language but he doesn’t mind. Harry’s bubbly and looks a lot happier than in the past five days.

And Louis got him all alone.

They pass the booth where the guys from water sports reside, and Louis makes sure to get two sun beds well away from anyone else, shielded from curious eyes and of course in the shade. Last thing he needs is Harry suffering from a heat stroke and dehydration while he’s out in the water.

“You good?” he offered Harry one of his towels as pillow, watching as the younger boy snuggles into it, before he hands him one of his water bottles and his stolen croissants. “Eat. Drink. Don’t go swimming without me. Promise?”

“Yes, mommy.”

“You can call me daddy,” Louis says before he can stop himself and Harry giggles.

“Are you into that?”

“I refuse to answer. Now, lie down. Eat. Drink. Sleep.”

Harry sticks his tongue out and Louis shakes his head.

“Can I at least take some pictures of you while you’re out there?” Harry holds up his camera and Louis nods. Better he stays here than wanders off to God knows where and ends up in a ditch because he found a pretty flower he wanted to take a picture of.

“Fine, but no swimming.” It’s hard to keep the stern act up, Harry is looking way too cute. Louis is tempted to give up on his early morning surf and cuddle with him instead but… boundaries. He should at least try and keep some, heaven knows he’s quick enough to throw all caution to the wind once Harry smiles at him.

“As if I wanted to get my equipment wet.”

“Well… it seemed to be floating pretty well those past days,” Louis can’t help but say and now Harry blushes, trying to bat his hand away.

“Louis!”

He skips off cackling and feeling way better than he has any right to. He’s doing exactly what he promised he wouldn’t.

Grabbing his board, he stops to chat with one of the guys from water sports, asking about currents, the surf break, reefs and cliffs hidden by the water.

Only then does he paddle out, and it’s nice to go through the familiar motions again, feeling his muscles slowly loosen and warm up with the exercise.

He takes his time to watch the waves crash, to figure out where the current might drag him to if he goes tumbling into the water.

Louis can also spot Harry, yellow shorts a great indicator, seeing the younger boy wrapped up in what seems to be Louis other towel, probably fast asleep already.

He allows himself to just stare for a couple of minutes before he focuses back on the task at hand. Right, surfing.  He’s done it before, can’t be that hard to re-learn it after only half a year.

An hour later, he’s ready to give up and take up knitting, when he finally manages to stand and ride his first wave back to the shore.

So all hope isn’t lost then.

During the next hour, the burning of his muscles increase, thighs and back starting to protest with the sudden exercise after all these months of doing nothing and Louis feels himself running out of breath. Perhaps it’s time for a break.

He paddles back to the beach and sees Harry knee deep in the water, camera raised and the closer he gets, the louder the sound of the shutter gets. Jogging the last steps back, he grins at Harry until he finally lowers the camera.

“Break?”

“Mmh,” Louis hums. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” Harry lowers his gaze. “Sober. Sorry if I’ve annoyed you.”

“Hey no…” He nudges Harry’s shoulder. “You didn’t annoy me, okay? Now help me with the zipper of this wetsuit, will you?” Louis walks out of the water, carrying his board back to the beach and waits for Harry to put the camera down.

Then he slowly lowers the zipper and it might be accidental but he makes sure to rub along Louis exposed spine with his knuckle while peeling back the wetsuit.

“Thank you.”

Harry nods and sits down on the sun lounger, watching as Louis struggles out of the suit and offering his bottle of water to him. Only his eyes suddenly widen and he nearly drops the bottle.

“What…?” Louis has just enough time to entangle his right arm from the neoprene before Harry grabs it. His green eyes are glued to the small paper air plane Louis got tattooed a couple of weeks ago and… oh. Harry didn’t know he’d gotten that, hadn’t probably noticed it even though Louis spent the majority of his days here topless but then again they couldn’t do much more than exchange the occasional, secret glance.  

The other boy reaches into his shirt and nearly rips of his necklace before he manages to hold his pendant next to the tattoo.

“Is that…” his voice breaks and he stares at Louis with wide eyes.

“It’s…”

“Don’t lie to me,” Harry whispers quietly and Louis swallows hard.

“Got it after I gave back the necklace.”

“After you told me it just wasn’t meant to be?”

“I…” He wants to lie but something in Harry’s eyes makes it impossible. Maybe because he wants him to know, after all, he’s got it because of him. _For_ him. “Yes.”

Harry gives a curt nod and lets go of him, taking a couple of steps back before he yanks the shirt over his head. “I just… I need… I’m going for a swim.”

“Harry!” Louis calls after him but he stomps down to the water, falling face first into the waves and Louis watches as Harry paddles through them, determined strokes carrying him further and further away from Louis and the shore.

“Goddammit,” struggling out of his wetsuit, he hangs it hazardously over the back rest of his sun bed, hoping he didn’t get too much sand in, before he takes off after Harry.

Jogging along the beach, he cuts into the waves when he’s in the lead, diving and swimming until he’s in shouting distance.

“Are you going to stop running or do I have to come and dunk you?”

“Pff,” Harry flicks his wet hair and keeps on paddling.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Louis mutters before he takes a deep breath and submerges. Harry, confused by Louis sudden disappearance, has started to tread water and it’s easy to grab his leg and yank him below the surface.

Louis waits for Harry to stop spitting water before he levels him with a long look. “Coming back to the shore now so we can talk?”

Harry huffs but nods and Louis doesn’t turn around to check, just lets himself be carried back to the beach by the waves and current.

Once his feet touch the ground again, he wades into the shallow water and plops down.

The day looks promising, nothing but clear blue skies and sunshine and the beach is empty except for the two of them, people either still asleep at barely 8am or at breakfast.

A shadow fall across his face and Louis looks up to see a dripping Harry Styles standing in front of him. Since neither Liam nor anyone else is around, Louis allows himself to let his gaze travel along Harry’s long legs, briefly wondering what the “Never Gonna Dance Again” tattoo refers to, before he admires the way his wet, yellow shorts cling to his legs and hips, leaving little to the imagination. Laurel leafs are inked on his hips, smooth skin taut across a flat, slightly toned stomach where a big moth or butterfly rests. He angles his head back slightly to get a good look at the swallows below Harry’s collarbones before his gazes runs along his left arm, taking in the scattered tattoos there.

“You’re done looking at mine?”

Louis will never be done looking at Harry’s tattoos, wants to know each and every meaning behind them, the story to go with them only to look at them again and again with these new pieces of information in mind.

“Not quite.”

“Too bad.” Harry crosses his arms. “Because I really want to know about yours.”

“Which one?”

“Don’t play with me, Lou.”

At that, Louis head snaps up and he dares to look Harry in the eyes. “I have never played with you,” it comes out sharper than intended.

“Let’s not go over the same things again, yeah?”

“Why not, Harry? Because we’re stuck in a loop, always coming to this point. We messed up. You want to be good, do the right thing. I don’t want to keep waiting and watching from the sidelines. We say we tone it down, try to be friends. Then you’ll look at me like _that_ and I can’t keep my distance and we’re right back at the start.”

Harry swallows, eyes flicking between Louis’ face and his arm with the paper plane tattoo. He crouches down and Louis pulls his knees close to his chest, the surge of waves rocking him gently.

“I meant what I said last night,” Harry’s voice is lowered, like he’s telling Louis a secret and maybe he is. Everything’s a secret between them, has been form the very beginning.

“You said a lot of things last night.”

“I want _you_ ,” Harry repeats and it leaves Louis breathless for a second. He thought hearing it in the broad light of day would have taken some of the weight off it, but the statement still leaves him jittery, a hot shiver running down his back.

Harry just stares at him, green eyes locked on him and Louis is unable to look away. “And you’re right. We’re going in circles. But something _has_ changed.”

“And what?” Harry places his hands on Louis knees and the touch shouldn’t unsettle him that much but it does.

“I’m tired of being good. Tired of doing the right thing. It didn’t get me anywhere, I’m still right where I started. Nothing has changed, it’s neither helped Liam nor me and… _I just want you_.”

He searches Harry’s face then, tries to figure out if he’s really willing to take the fall together this time, to bear each and every of the consequences of their actions.

Very slowly Louis reaches out and tangles his hand in the silver chain around Harry’s neck before he pulls him in gently. He gives Harry enough time to turn away, to tell him to stop, but he never does. He comes willingly, hands cupping Louis face once he’s close enough and Louis gives one final tug and Harry’s lips land on his.

It’s a gentle kiss at first, lips just barely brushing as if they’re trying to re-learn the shape and feel of each other. Louis lowers his knees, spreads his legs a little so Harry can kneel closer to him. He tilts his head up slightly, changing the angle to get better access but also so he can tangle his hand in Harry’s wet hair, using the other to run across his broad back. He feels Harry shudder at his touch, inching closer and carefully nipping at Louis bottom lip.

He can’t help but smile into the kiss, so he quickly sucks in a breath through clenched teeth when he feels Harry’s tongue tracing along his bottom lip. He yields slowly, Harry steadily pushing further until Louis can taste the saltwater on Harry’s tongue.

Pulling back slowly, Louis feels a little hazy, light headed. Harry’s eyes are dark, a mossy green and he watches Louis carefully.

“What?”

“Waiting for you to tell me we have to stop,” even Harry’s voice sounds deeper.

“I’m sick and tired of telling you what to do,” Louis confesses.

“Good, I’m sick and tired of listening to you, telling me we have to stop when all I ever want to do is to keep going.” His eyes rest on the hickey on Louis neck, the faint bruise Zayn left there last night.

Harry comes closer again, pecking the corner of Louis mouth before he runs his soft lips along his jaw. Louis can’t help but tighten the hold he has on Harry, feels his whole body shivering. Harry’s hot breath tickles his slightly damp skin, and he never knew his entire body could become one erogenous zone but he’s incredibly turned on just from Harry’s breath ghosting over his skin.

He has to bury his teeth in his bottom lip to suppress a sound when Harry suddenly bites him, sucking on his neck way harder than Zayn and Louis shouldn’t find it as hot as he does that Harry basically claims him back, leaving his own, brighter mark over the one Zayn put on his skin last night.

However, he can help but outright moan when Harry traces his hand along his torso only to cup him through his wet shorts.

“Public beach,” is all he manages to huff out, and Harry, who had been busy leaving marks all over his collarbones, looks up with a truly devilish grin.

“Got to be very quiet then, won’t you? Stop fidgeting so much.”

Louis risks a look over his shoulder, glad that the only people he can see are a good couple of feet away, probably unable to tell what they are up to.

“Want me to stop?” the younger boy asks the very same moment he unties the drawstring of Louis shorts, slender, long fingers inching below the waistband. “But I’ll have you known; I was told I’m quite good with my hands.”

His shorts fall open, and Louis looks down, seeing his cock half submerged in the clear water before Harry wraps his hand around him. He’s unable to look away, fascinated by the way Harry’s almost lazily running his slender fingers up and down his dick, teasing him. Louis bucks his hips up, chasing the touch and friction and growls low in his throat.

“It’s not going to break if you grab it a little harder, Harold,” Louis hisses but Harry doesn’t say or do anything so he looks up, seeing Harry stare at him with a somewhat astound expression.

“Haz?”

“You’re so beautiful,” the younger boy whispers, almost reverently. “Fuck Lou, been dreaming about this forever, wanted to touch so bad. Spent so many nights…” he swallows hard and Louis knows just all too well what he means. Imagining it has been pretty good but actually feeling Harry’s touch, tasting him again… it doesn’t come even close. So he arches his back and pulls Harry in for a messy, hot kiss hoping to convey everything he’s feeling with it.

Somehow Harry must get the message, because he tightens his grip around Louis, flicking his wrist just right, thumbing over Louis’ slit and Louis sinks his teeth in Harry’s bottom lip, catching their respective moans between their open mouths.

“Like that, Haz. Just a little… Harder…” he forms the words against Harry’s lips, unsure whether or not he spoke them aloud but Harry is already so in tune with him, seems to instinctively know what he needs because he changes to long, fast strokes, reaching down with his other hand to trace his index finger over the head and Louis keens low in his throat.

“Keep going… don’t stop…” mumbling nonsense against Harry’s lips mixed with filthy endearments, Harry carries Louis closer and closer… there’s the familiar heat spreading out from the base of his spine… blood running hot in his veins… “So close… so fucking close…”

“Wish I could suck you off, bet you taste delicious,” Harry mutters like it’s the most natural thing to say and Louis chokes on spit and _want_ , muscles tensing before he comes hard on his stomach and all over Harry’s hand.

Harry holds him through it, loosely stroking his cock before Louis paws his hand away because he’s too sensitive to the touch. Resting his forehead against Harry’s, the other boy just lets him breath, waiting while Louis’ rabbiting heart calms down.

Sucking in two, three greedy breaths, Louis comes back to his sense to realize Harry’s still very much worked up and hard but when he reaches out to reciprocate, his hand is pushed to the side.

He looks down to see Harry furiously stroking himself inside his yellow shorts and this just won’t do. He wants to _see_ … wants to make Harry lose it like Louis had.

“Got you worked up?” He stretches, nibbling along Harry’s jaw. “Wanted to get your hands on me so desperately?”

“Yes,” he sounds breathless already and Louis wonders whether he can make Harry run out of air, to the point where even the thought of forming words is too much.

“Been waiting for this so long, Haz. Since that night on the roof… wanked myself sore to thoughts of you back in Australia… and when we met again… the nights I spent imagining you… that mouths of yours… those slender fingers…”

“Yeah… what about my mouth? Or fingers?” His voice is a deep rumble, hoarse already as if he can’t really get his tongue to cooperate in forming the words.

Louis has never been an expert on dirty talk, hasn’t really done it before but something about Harry like this, breathless, cheeks flushed and eyes wide, makes him want to take the younger boy apart with just his voice.

“Those pretty lips of yours…” Louis makes sure to trace his tongue along them, licking into Harry’s mouth while his fingers trace his torso, teasing his nipple. “… would look so good wrapped around my cock, don’t you  think? Nice and heavy on your tongue, could you take it all?”

Harry whines high and needy and Louis hopes no one is close. They might not be able to see what they are doing but the noises Harry makes are enough to give it away.

“And your hands… those long finger… damn Haz, bet it would feel so good to have you finger me open… bet you could hit that spot on the first try…”

“Fuck,” Harry barks, shoving Louis down on his back. He falls onto his elbows, confused for a second before he sees Harry shove down his short and… Louis just came but seeing Harry’s cock up close makes him think he could go for round two in about three minutes.

About to sit back up, he stops when he realizes Harry’s staring at him, bottom lip pulled between his teeth and his hand working himself over with fast, hard tugs.

So he just gets up on his elbows, stretches his back and looks Harry dead in the eyes. “So gorgeous, you look so hot… the things you do to me… I could spend a year in bed with you and still wouldn’t be satisfied…”

Harry moans, long and broken and comes all over Louis stomach and chest.

Louis waits for Harry’s gaze to focus again before he runs his finger through the mess on his chest and brings it to his lips, licking it off carefully and grinning around the taste.

Harry just stares at him like he’s the best thing on this planet and Louis can’t quite take this look of utter trust, adoration and desire so he reaches up and flicks them over quickly.

Harry yelps but his hands come up to circle Louis waist out of instinct and he grins up to him when Louis settles on his chest, both sticky with the mess they made.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” Louis brushes some of the stray, wet curls off of Harry’s face.

“Kiss me, please.”

Who is he to turn down Harry’s wish so he goes willingly, Harry’s musky and earthy taste still on his tongue.

They kiss slowly and long, some of the urgency finally gone, the need to claw each other’s clothes off subsided for the moment. It’s still there though; Louis can still feel it lingering in the back. He thought maybe they’d get it out of their systems, that one orgasm would diffuse all this tension between them but like an animal which tasted blood for the first time, Louis knows this is just the beginning.

Instead of quenching the thirst, he’s only sure that he’ll never want to taste something else. That nothing, _no one_ , who comes after Harry could ever come close to this… to this feeling. It’s there in the back of his mind, in the blood running through his veins, on the tip of his tongue.

Louis’ been in love before but never has he fallen so hard, so deep, so fast.

He bends down and places a kiss on Harry’s chest, where his heart is. He’s lost his to this boy over eighteen months ago without any hope of getting it back.

They’re not alright, nothing has been solved, quite the contrary but when Louis looks up, Harry is smiling at him, eyes alight with something close to love and for those precious few minutes, everything is exactly how it should be.

*

It’s past 10am when Louis and Harry make their way over to their usual spot on the beach. Staying together for that long has been risky, Harry wasn’t sure which route Liam took during his morning runs but then again if Louis is putting the pieces together correctly, Liam might have been too busy for his run today.

Still, they were a bit careless, exchanging kisses and touches in plain sight. Niall or Babs could have easily seen them had they taken the longer way to the beach but Louis found that he didn’t care all that much.

It had been too long since he had Harry all to himself and now that they took this step, took this leap together, Louis finds that he can’t get enough. He always wanted to be close to Harry, always wanted to touch him and see him smile but now he can’t get enough. It’s worse than before and Louis is unable to keep his distance for even a minute. How he’s supposed to get through the rest of the day – through the rest of the holiday – without permanently reaching out for Harry is anyone’s guess.

Especially because the younger boy is not better off, leaning into Louis touch with a soft whine, fingers roaming his chest and a smile that could rival the sun.

And it’s not just the physical side Louis can’t get enough of – having Harry all to himself also means he finally gets to talk to Harry, to have a proper conversation with him without having to second-guess his every word. Louis can finally ask all those random questions which popped into his head during the last couple of months (like what does Harry actually study, is he an Art major like Zayn or does he study Music Management like Niall – the answer is neither, Harry’s studying Business Management & Marketing but takes courses in Music and Photography because these are his favorite hobbies) and he can just sit here and listen to Harry talk in his slow, low drawl. Stare at his lips or his eyes without being afraid to be caught by either Liam or Niall. Louis can reach out and ruffle his hair or tickle him, doesn’t have to flinch back when Harry’s gaze suddenly turns a notch darker and he just grabs Louis arm to take a closer look at his paper plane tattoo again before he kisses him hard.

It’s liberating; finally being able to talk, joke and kiss without having to hold back.

Though they know they have to leave their perfect bubble eventually if they don’t want to risk too much.

Louis drops Harry’s hand before they round the last corner and Harry only frowns for a couple of seconds at the loss of contact.

“There you are…!” Niall spots them first and Louis is mildly surprised to see Zayn is up already, even sitting next to Liam. Interesting.

“Yep, there we are.” Louis puts his board to the side, jumping when a warm hand lands on his back.

“Knocked on your door this morning,” there’s no reproach in Zayn’s voice, just confusion as to why Louis was up before 9am.

“Sorry. Couldn’t sleep so decided to take the chance and go for an early morning surf. Didn’t want to wake you up so I didn’t knock or anything.”

“Couldn’t sleep, huh…?” Before Louis can take a step back, Zayn’s tracing the bruises on his collarbones and neck. “Did you take someone back to your room?” he’s lowered his voice so Liam and Niall won’t hear them but Harry, who’s still standing close by, quickly drops his gaze to his toes.

Louis feels his cheeks heat up. He didn’t mind Harry leaving his marks all over his body but he just didn’t think ahead on how to explain them to Zayn and the rest.

“Just some bloke…” he waves it off and Zayn cocks an eyebrow. “Don’t look at me like that. It was nothing serious, hardly got to third base.” It’s not any of Zayn’s business and Louis has to bite his lip, feeling the need to talk and explain even though that’d make it even less believable. “And anyway, you just left me hanging, never came back so what was I supposed to do? Be a loner all night?”

Immediately Zayn looks off to the side and Louis is so going to corner him and wrangle the truth from him later on. But it helps to get his best mate of off his back for at least now.

Louis nudges Harry and points to two free sun beds.

“I was looking for you earlier,” Liam sits up and looks critically back and forth between Louis and Harry. “Where have you been?”

“I.. umh…?”

“Found him on the steps of the restaurant,” Louis quickly interjects before Harry can trip over his words.

“What were you doing up so early?” Liam ignores Louis, eyes still focused on Harry.

“Yoga,” Harry mutters, shuffling over to the loungers.

“Yoga? And when Tomlinson came along you just decided to do what…?”

“ _I_ decided it would be rude to leave him _all by himself_ ,” Louis flings his towels over the backrest, glaring at Liam. “Especially since it seems that his boyfriend was… _otherwise occupied_.”

He sees Liam look down, muttering, “I just went for a run and to the gym.”

“ _Sure_.” Louis doesn’t believe it for one second. Seeing Liam and Zayn act all weird and avoiding his gaze is basically all the confirmation he needs to be sure that something definitely went down last night after Liam dragged Zayn away. But he’s not going to bring it up now, not in front of everyone and not when he can still taste Harry on his tongue, can still feel the ghost of his touch. “Is there a problem, Lili?”

Liam watches as Louis sinks down on his sun bed, closer to Harry’s than he dared to sit all those past days. “Everything’s just peachy,” Harry’s boyfriend growls and Louis nods before he gets his aviators out of his bag.

“That’s what I thought,” he crosses his arms behind his head, stretches his back and catches Harry’s eyes wandering along the waistband of his shorts, checking out the tattoos peeking out of it.

Only when Zayn clears his throat does Harry’s head snap up and he grins guiltily.

“So… good waves and all?” Babs tries and Louis nods.

“Perfect really. Especially since there wasn’t anyone out there with me… really missed it, although I’m knackered. Should have probably listened to Zayn and worked out a little more but oh well… still good fun.”

“Glad you enjoyed it, Lou, because I actually have a suggestion.” Babs reaches into her bag and brings out a map. “I was talking to some coworkers yesterday and they all said that Kuta was a nice spot for surfing… how about we head over there tomorrow? We could rent a SUV… you can take your board, Liam can grab one too and we can hang out on the beach over there…? There are a couple of bars around and they all said it was a nice place for a couple of drinks in the evening. Nothing too fancy but we wouldn’t have to come back the hotel… could just take a t-shirt to change into… grab a bite to eat outside of the resort?”

“Sounds nice, no?” Harry looks around and shrugs. “I mean it’s up to you but I wouldn’t mind exploring a bit…?”

“Why not,” Zayn nods. “What do you say, Lou?”

“I’m in. Heard quite a bit about the surf spots in or near Kuta so… yeah. Ace idea, Babs.”

“So shall I go and ask for a rental?” Niall is already reaching for his wallet but looks at Liam. It takes a while but eventually Liam nods and sighs.

“Better go and ask for a board then, don’t I? Fancy a stroll, babe?” He looks over to Harry and Louis quickly averts his eyes.

“I’ll come with you to the reception, Niall, if you don’t mind? Guess it’s better if they put both of us down as drivers, what do you think?”

“Appreciated,” Niall agrees and Louis throws on his shirt.

He quickly starts walking the second Liam reaches for Harry’s hand and doesn’t look back until they’re round the bend and he can’t see the beach any longer.

“Hey Lou…?” Niall bumps his shoulder while they’re walking.

“Mmh?”

“Thanks for being nice to Harry again.”

“Oh. I… well… it’s…” he stutters. “It’s not really a hardship.”

“I know but… well, the last couple of days have been rather strained and… I’m just glad you came around and started talking to the lad again. Could tell he felt really uncomfortable and left out and… I just want us all to have a good time, you know?”

Louis is tempted to break out in hysterical laughter for a second because if only Niall knew just how ‘around he came’ he probably wouldn’t thank him for talking to Harry again. “I… it’s not really Harry’s fault, is it? I just thought I’d cause more trouble by talking to him than by avoiding him. Liam doesn’t seem too keen on it.”

“Yeah well, Liam can go and suck my dick,” Niall huffs. “He’s been acting like a proper wanker those past days… and what was that last night?”

“Huh?”

“Him dragging Zayn off like that? I know he said something to you when… umh… when you two were… kind of dancing?”

Oh. Louis almost forgot about that. “He… just told me to stay the fuck away from Zayn and… that I’m the scum of the earth since friends don’t go for their friend’s exes.”

“He…? Wow.” Niall shakes his head. “He needs to make up his mind, doesn’t he?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like… does he want Zayn back? Then he can tell you to stay away. But he’s quite fast to tell everyone that he doesn’t care and is over Zayn so… he really doesn’t get to judge, you know?”

“So it’d be okay if… hypothetically speaking… I was to go after Liam’s ex?” Niall doesn’t need to know that it’s not really Zayn he has in mind and that the boy he’s thinking of (and who he definitely went after) is not even Liam’s ex yet.

“It’s not the nicest thing to do… technically the ex of your friend is taboo, right?” Niall frowns and Louis sighs. “But then again, Liam doesn’t have any moral high ground to stand on. Not with the way he treated Zayn or how he handled the break up…”

“But you still think Zayn and I shouldn’t…?”

Niall stops and turns to Louis. “What exactly are you and Zayn? Have to admit I’m lost when it comes to you two. Are you just two mates fooling around? Are you fucking? Do you fancy him? Does he fancy you? What is going on between you two?”

“Would you believe me if I said I’m not entirely sure?” Zayn has yet to let Louis in on that elaborate plan he’s following – if he’s even following some kind of plan – and he isn’t sure how much he’s allowed to tell Niall, isn’t even sure what to tell him since Louis himself isn’t quite sure what’s going on half of the time.

It’s not that Louis fancies Zayn and he is pretty sure that Zayn doesn’t fancy him. He just doesn’t know how far Zayn’s prepared to take it in order to make Liam jealous. And he’s not sure how far he’s willing to play along. Letting his best mate suck a mark into his skin was already toeing the line, Louis doesn’t just let anyone ‘claim’ him and Zayn knows that.

He doesn’t mind teaching Liam a lesson, a dose of his own medicine might be what he needs but there’s a line Louis is not prepared to cross. He only hopes Zayn won’t push it that far.

“Best to ask Zayn, Nialler” is what Louis eventually settles on. “It’s not really my place to comment on his feelings or whatever’s going on there. He didn’t tell me everything either, so…”

“Just… don’t take it too far, okay?” Niall waits for Louis nod before they start walking again.

They hire a big, nice family van with a roof rack for the boards and Niall can’t help but laugh at Louis expression because he expected some cool SUV. Only that a SUV would hardly sit all of them and they didn’t fancy renting two cars.

 

Spending the rest of the day on the beach as a group, Louis doesn’t get a chance to ask Zayn about his night. The other boy avoids all situations which could potentially leave them alone, even skipping ahead to take a shower once they agree to call it a day and meet back up for dinner.

Just when he’s rushed through his shower and struggled to get dressed as quickly as possible to have some time to corner Zayn in his room, there’s a knock on the door and when Louis opens it, there’s a sheepish looking Harry.

Dressed in a fleecy, off-white shirt with pale orange patterns he looks soft and cuddly, wet curls peeking out under a black fedora.

“Harry?”

“Hi – sorry. I should have called but umh…” he looks over Louis shoulder and Louis finally gets what he wants. He steps aside and lets Harry enter. “I told Liam I was heading down to get you and Zayn for dinner, so I don’t have long but…” he crowds into Louis space.

“But?” Louis asks but grins. He likes that Harry is finally taking the initiative, risking something as well.

“Couldn’t stop thinking about you… about this morning,” Harry confesses in a small voice, body inching closer to Louis’.

“Me neither,” Louis admits and Harry’s face lights up.

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” Louis reaches up and gently takes Harry’s hat off, throwing it onto his unmade bed.

“What…?” his question is answered when Louis tangles his hand in Harry’s hair. Those curls are every bit as soft and springy as they look and Louis can’t get enough of running his fingers through the silky strands, watching them bounce back into place when he gently pulls at them.

“Not much time,” Harry reminds him softly and Louis chuckles.

“Better make use of it, then.” He stands up on his toes and kisses Harry.

The younger boy sighs, sinking into the kiss without a second thought. He tastes of toothpaste and Harry and Louis pulls him closer, wants to taste all of him. Harry still smells of sun and beach – a clean, sweet smell mixed with his perfume and Louis would very much like to bottle it up and spray it on his pillow so he could bury his face in Harry’s scent every night if he doesn’t get to have the real thing next to him, yet.

They kiss slowly but with intent, fingers roaming each other’s bodies and Louis can feel Harry growing hard against his hip. He himself has no doubt that Harry can feel his erection pressing against his stomach but they both don’t dip further down than their waistbands, knowing that once they go this far, there’s no way they’ll make it out of the room in time for dinner.

“I think we need to go,” Harry whispers against his lips and Louis nods but steals one, two, three kisses before he lets Harry go.

“Go knock on Zayn’s door, I’ll meet you outside in a bit.”

Harry nods and checks his reflection in the mirror. His cheeks are ever so lightly tinted pink, his lips look red and a bit swollen from kissing and Louis just prays that Zayn is too blind to notice or that he thinks Liam did it.

“Okay?”

“I look a bit kissed,” Harry admits with a shameless grin while he adjusts his pants.

“Do you mind?”

“Not in the slightest,” he pecks Louis cheek. “See you in a bit.”

Louis waits until he hears Harry knock and Zayn opening the door, busies himself with fiddling with his hair until the other two knock on his door again.

Niall, Babs and Liam have already conquered a table when they walk into the restaurant and Harry quickly sinks into the seat opposite Louis.

It’s… testing. Half way through, Harry hooks his foot around Louis’ ankle and they continue to play footsie under the table, distracting them enough that Niall has to repeat some questions twice before Louis notices he’s being addressed.

And having to watch Harry eat is a challenge in itself. He can’t just eat like a normal person, no, his tongue darts out before each bite and Louis is sure he does it to torture him, mainly because Harry will moan and groan around particularly good bites, leaving Louis to claw the table.

He’s heard the same sounds this morning only in a very different setting.

There’s tension building and while it was bad before, now it’s magnified by 100. He spends a good portion of time with scheming and planning, trying to think of ways to get Harry to leave the table so he can ravish him in a dark corner or toilet for a couple of minutes but there’s just never the opportunity.

And since they agreed to leave early the next morning, they all decided to head off to bed right after dinner, so Louis doesn’t have a chance to lead Harry astray on the way to one of the five bars in the resort.

Liam has his hand firmly placed on his boyfriend’s back when they walk back towards the rooms and Louis has a very uncomfortable boner.

He waits for about an hour after they made it back but it’s clear that Harry couldn’t sneak out again so with a sigh, Louis takes care of the problem himself.

It’s not that he hasn’t wanked to thoughts of Harry before but now that he knows what the real thing feels like, his own fingers don’t really feel adequate anymore.

 

*

 

“Zayn, open up,” Louis knocks again and sighs. He knew this would happen.

It’s 8.30am, he’s already been to breakfast just like the rest except Zayn.

“Come on, man. Get the fuck out of bed. Everyone’s ready and waiting for you!”

No answer. Louis expected nothing less even though Zayn said he’d be fine with getting up early once. They’ve been living together for almost six months now and never has Louis seen Zayn up and walking before 10am.

But he knows Zayn so he came prepared. When his friend doesn’t open after another round of knocking, Louis just takes the spare keycard he got from reception and lets himself in.

As expected, Zayn is sprawled out in his bed, buried under the duvet and showing no signs of actually being alive.

So Louis takes out his phone, scrolls through his playlist and places the item next to Zayn’s head a second before Britney starts blaring “Toxic” from the speakers.

Zayn’s head snaps up and he makes a gurgling noise, legs entangled with the blanket and giving an overall pretty disoriented impression.

“Good morning, love. Rise and shine!” Louis yells over the music and Zayn’s brown eyes focus on him.

“I hate you. I fucking hate you so much, Tomlinson!” he grabs Louis phone and throws it in the general direction of Louis head.

“You can hate me all you want, but do it while you’re getting out of bed. And please tell me you’re wearing pants, don’t fancy seeing your junk that early. I just had breakfast.”

“The day you see my junk is the day you can feel blessed,” Zayn growls but swings his legs out of bed, dressed in dark blue boxers.

“Here,” Louis throws Zayn’s black surfer shorts at him. “Do you need anything else?”

“Nah, packed last night because I had a feeling my knobheaded best friend would try and wake me up.”

“Well you said you would be okay with getting up at 8am…”

“I lied. Big surprise there,” Zayn yawns and stretches his back. “I need to brush my teeth. Don’t touch my shit.”

“Five minutes!” Louis flops down on of the armchairs and continues his game of Candy Crush. Though something pokes him in the back and when Zayn re-emerges from the bathroom, Louis is grinning and swinging Liam’s shirt from his index finger.

“You found a t-shirt, I’m very impressed,” Zayn tries to play it off.

“Not just any shirt, Zaynie. Oh no… see this…” he waves the item in front of Zayn’s face. “… is a special shirt. A very special shirt belonging to the very special Mister Liam Payne.”

“Yeah right.” Zayn’s tone is a clear indication to drop it but if Louis had listened to his best friend every time he used that voice he’d be two lacerations, four broken windows, about a hundred detentions and a ride in a police cruiser short – things Louis clearly just  couldn’t miss out on.

So he prances around like he didn’t hear Zayn. “I’m wondering; what’s a very special shirt from a very special Mister Payne doing in your room? I thought you two don’t talk? Hate each other’s guts? Over, done and dusted?”

“It’s not Liam’s,” Zayn presses through clenched teeth.

“Really? Because it looks very much like the grey dress shirt he wore when he told me to fuck off two days ago. And mind you, I had a pretty good view of his shirt since he was right up in my face once again. Because of you!”

“Thought we had to leave?” Zayn asks weakly, his whole posture crumbling before he turns his back towards Louis.

And damn, Louis really has a hand for taking things too far. “The rest can wait five more minutes,” he puts the shirt back and walks over, carefully placing a hand on Zayn’s shoulder. “You okay?”

About to probably brush him off, his best friend stops to take a deep breath and then shakes his head. “No.”

“Want to tell me what happened?” By now, Louis completely stopped with his prancing, voice lowered to a whisper.

“Maybe not today, okay? I… I still don’t know what to make of a lot of things and… I need some answers first before I talk about it. Does that make sense?”

“Perfect sense,” Louis agrees. He’s been there, done that as well. He knows how hard it is to put these feelings, guesses, assumptions into words and while most things sounded ridiculous in his own head, he can’t imagine how crazy they must sound spoken out loud.

It’s not that he doesn’t trust Zayn and thinks his mate wouldn’t take him seriously or try to understand him, it’s just that he doesn’t understand some things himself, is largely flying blind and just going by a feeling and how hard – how impossible – is it to explain a feeling to someone else when he himself is still confused by it?

So Louis is pretty sure something happened with Liam that night of the fashion party but he’s also sure that whatever happened posed more questions for Zayn than it answered.

“Look, I’m not going to nag you or pester you to tell me what happened…” Louis gently turns Zayn around. “But if you want to talk about it… I’m here. Even it doesn’t make much sense in your own head… I’ll listen, okay?”

“I… thank you,” Zayn places his palm on Louis chest. “And I swear we’ll talk about it, I just… can’t right now.”

“Do I need to hit Liam for hurting you again?” he’s only half joking.

“No. At least I don’t think so,” Zayn furrows his eyebrows but keeps his gaze fixed on Louis chest. “’s just… everything’s a bit fucked up, you know?”

“Yeah.” Louis knows all too well. Something in his tone must give him away because Zayn suddenly looks at him and grabs his chin when Louis tries to turn away.

“We’ll talk about this. But it’s going to be a _conversation_ , okay? Meaning I tell you what’s wrong with Liam and I… and you will tell me what’s going on between you and…”

“Harry,” Louis mutters and Zayn nods as if he knew all along. Maybe he did. Zayn is observant like no other and Louis is far from subtle.

“Love you, you know?” Zayn eventually says and Louis gives a shaky laugh.

“Love you too. Now give me hug, and then let’s stop being sappy, alright?”

It’s the first proper smile Louis has seen on Zayn’s face and he steps into his arms without a second’s hesitation. “That’s nice,” Zayn admits quietly, face buried in the crook of Louis neck and he nods.

“Yes and the best thing is that both of your hands are accounted for,” Louis quips and feels more than he hears Zayn’s low rumble of a laugh.

“Ummh… sorry?” They both turn at the sound of the voice, seeing Harry standing in the doorway looking confused. “The door was ajar and…” he points behind himself and can’t quite look either of them in the eyes. “I didn’t mean to interrupt or eavesdrop, the rest just asked me to check and…” there’s a blush creeping up his neck.

“No worries, Harry. We’re done.” Zayn gently pinches Louis sides before he steps out of the embrace and grabs his rucksack. “Don’t be too long,” he mutters as he passes Louis and claps a hand around Harry’s shoulder on his way out, effectively pushing the younger boy into the room.

“You okay there?” Louis asks after Harry hasn’t said anything for a while and just keeps staring at the floor.

“Fine.”

“You sure?” Louis sighs and grabs his backpack. “You don’t seem fine to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” finally Harry looks up and Louis is taken aback by the fire in his green eyes. “It’s all peachy, innit? Everyone _loves_ everyone.”

And… _oh_. So Harry heard that part of their conversation. Louis can only imagine what those snippets sounded like, taking out of context.

“Hey…” he tries in his best soothing voice, but Harry remains stubborn, shaking his head.

“Let’s just go, okay? The rest is waiting.” He turns on his heel, not sparing Louis a second glance before he walks back out.

Louis sighs, thinking he’s much too old for those mind games and drama while he checks the room, making sure Zayn didn’t forget anything essential before he jogs after Harry.

Niall is grinning at him, windows rolled down and honks when Louis skips down the stairs. “Last call for passengers going to Kuta!”

“Alright, alright! It’s not like I was the one being late or anything!” He climbs into the car, quickly checking that the boards are properly tied to the roof, before he sinks into the seat next to Zayn. “This one here overslept, not me!”

“And yet you were the last one out of that door. Peculiar.” Zayn grins and Louis nudges his side.

“Okay, children. Behave. Everyone got everything they need? Towels, shorts, iPod? Set of spare clothes? Does someone need to do a wee-wee before we leave?” Niall looks back towards them.

“No, dad. We can go now,” Louis teases with a smile, quickly glancing back to where Liam and Harry sit but Harry’s already got his headphones on, staring out of the window and Louis sighs.

“Yeahy, road trip!” Niall hollers and revs the engine once before they set off.

It’s not a long drive, only about 40 minutes if they wouldn’t have gotten lost, but even a little detour doesn’t manage to break the high spirits Niall and Babs are in and it’s contagious. Louis feels himself relax more and more during the drive, unable to stay out of the friendly banter with Babs once she turns around and starts teasing him and Zayn.

No one is surprised when her attempts to include Liam in the conversation remain futile, and Harry is making a point by remaining turned towards the window, music blasting loud enough for even Louis to hear.

Fine, if he thinks it’s conductive to their situation being a in a huff about nothing Louis isn’t going to stop him.

It was just a friendly, little heart-to-heart with Zayn, nothing he has to feel bad about and if it was anyone else, Louis would have a right laugh about that sort of miscommunication. But it’s Harry and it just once again shows how fragile, how up in the air everything between them is. How one seemingly harmless thing can bring the whole construct crashing down and how powerless either of them are to stop it.

Louis could probably solve the whole problem if he had Harry alone for five minutes, could just talk to him openly and without having to watch his every move – but he just doesn’t have those five minutes, and isn’t that always the problem for them?

So they skirt around each other, conversations awkwardly stilted and movements aborted halfway through and Louis thought they were past this but obviously not.

It doesn’t help that he can feel subtle tension radiating off of Zayn, catches his best friend glance over at Liam every once in a while, a look on his face like he’s trying to solve a particularly hard puzzle.

Eventually Louis decides to take himself out of the equation, to give himself a break, by grabbing his board and heading into the water.

Babs comes with him and they spend an hour giggling and goofing around while Louis tries to teach her some basics about surfing. It’s safe to say that she looks very pretty with a board in her arm but has no talent whatsoever when it comes to the actual sport. Still, it’s good fun and a carefree laugh, especially once Niall plops down on the shore, shouting encouragements and advice at his girlfriend. Barbara takes it all with a grin until she stalks out of the water and tells Niall very sweetly that he’s welcome to try himself or shut up before she shows him where she thinks he can stick that piece of wood.

To everyone’s surprise, Niall keeps his gob closed after that.

They grab a bite to eat in one of the many beach huts lining the shore, Louis for once making sure he doesn’t choose something too heavy since he plans on hitting the waves after lunch again.

Zayn seemed to have been contend with bathing in the sun and reading a book while Louis spent the morning with Babs, though now he’s a little more tactile and Louis doesn’t need to ask to know that Zayn doesn’t want to be left alone with Liam and Harry again.

It’s not like they talked but Louis knows from experience how weird it is to be purposefully ignored, how uneasy the building tension can make one feel.

It puts Zayn in one of his rare moods, where he is more docile and a little needy, brushing and touching Louis more than usual to make sure he stays around, asking for some silent kind of reassurance that his best friend is still there, that he’s not left alone again.

Louis hasn’t seen Zayn like this in a long time, so caught up in his own head that he worries his mate will chew a hole through his bottom lip with the way he keeps worrying it between his teeth.

He digs through his backpack, coming up with crumpled pieces of paper and a pen, handing them to Zayn. “Write them down,” he murmurs. “Those thoughts and questions bugging you. Write them down so you can let them go. It clears your head and helps to spell out the problem – literally. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

Zayn stares at him for a long second before he grabs the offered items. “Thank you.” It comes out quiet and Louis can’t help but clap his hand around his friend’s arm. “Tell me if you want to take a walk or anything okay?” What he means is ‘tell me if you need a break, if it becomes too much being close to him’.

Nodding, Zayn focuses on the blank piece of paper and Louis gets up, leaving him to it.

He can feel Harry’s gaze burn a hole through his back, can see him tense every time Zayn reaches out to talk to or touch Louis but it’s not like he can do anything about it.

Finally, Liam grabs his board and heads into the water, meaning the main reason for Zayn’s unease and tension is gone and once Louis makes sure he’s fine and still busy, he too, heads into the ocean to catch a couple of waves.

Watching his former mate’s more or less successful attempts at standing a wave, Louis could easily tell him where he goes wrong, what the fluke in his stance is which brings him tumbling down wave after wave but he somehow knows Liam wouldn’t appreciate his help; would either ignore him or cut him off before he got three words in.

So he keeps his mouth shut, using his board as some sort of airbed when he gets tired. Zayn joins him for a short while, just laying quietly by his side and enjoying the gentle rocking of the sea before he paddles back to the shore.

When Louis comes back a while later, Zayn and Harry have caught the attention of some girls, both looking highly uncomfortable with the unwanted female attention. Neither Niall nor Louis jump in to help them, letting both stumble through awkward conversation and trying to wriggle their way out of blatant attempts to flirt with them.

At least they manage to get some tips for dinner and drinks from those girls (Australians who come here every other year for a girls-only-holiday as Louis learns) and once they’ve all showered and gotten dressed in some shorts and t-shirts, they bring the boards back to the car and head out to check the recommendations.

They let Harry choose the dinner location, and Louis should have known better because Harry manages to pick the one place with a ton of healthy dishes, all served with a huge portion of vegetables. It’s certainly not bad but after hours of sport he kind of craves a greasy burger with extra cheese and a huge side of chips.

Drinks are Zayn’s choice and he takes them through three different bars, drinks getting cheaper and higher in alcohol content as the music gets louder and the bars become less fancy.

Since Louis volunteered to be the designated driver tonight – Niall already drove them here – he gets to watch his mates grow progressively drunker as the night goes on. He doesn’t mind, it’s always cute when Niall’s accent becomes more pronounced and he becomes more and more handsy, while Babs smacks his fingers away with a laugh and fond roll of her eyes.

Liam doesn’t say much all night, clutching his drinks like a lifeline. He complained a bit about Zayn’s choice of location in the beginning but there was no venom behind it, to Louis it sounded almost like he did it out of habit, unable to just for once compliment Zayn on his decision or tell the rest that he actually enjoyed his night.

Harry is something else though, having been in a more or less subtle jealous strop all day, he gets more obvious the drunker he becomes. It’s as mesmerizing as it’s dangerous for them; in the beginning he managed to conceal his glances and covered up each snort with a cough when Zayn leaned too close for his liking, but once they hit the third bar some time after midnight, he’s given up all pretenses.

Glaring blatantly at Zayn’s hand on Louis’ waist or nudging between them if Zayn stands too close for his taste, Louis is equal parts concerned that someone might catch on as he is turned on by this unexpected streak of jealous possessiveness.

Harry keeps nagging him to come dancing with him, which is possible the worst idea. The equation Harry + Louis + alcoholic beverages multiplied with a hefty dose of sexual tension and pent up anger is a recipe for immediate disaster.

Instead, he goes dancing with Babs and Niall, safely sandwiched between those two until he allows Zayn to drag him aside for _one_ dance to Beyoncé’s Single Ladies.

Making sure they aren’t too close, that it all remains and looks like two friends jumping and belting out one for their favorite songs, he still should have known better, should have seen it coming, with the way Harry had been keyed up all day: The very second he gets back to the bar, the younger boy crowds into his space, way, way too close to still come off as platonic and whispers, “You. Me. Outside. Right now.”

A surge of arousal zips up Louis spine and he can’t even form a reply, Harry having already turned and walking towards a back exit, shooting him a come-hither look over his shoulder.

Louis is a puppet on a string, feet already walking while his brain still tries to convince him that this might be a bad idea.

He skirts around Liam, hoping – praying – that he doesn’t suddenly start to wonder where Harry went after he didn’t pay much attention to him all evening, hoping that Zayn doesn’t decide to use that exact exit for a smoke break or that Niall and Babs don’t decide to step out to make out.

The very second he peeks out into the dimly lit alley, he’s yanked in by his collar, Harry nearly ripping his shirt while he manhandles Louis, pushing him against the next wall.

His breath leaves him in a wheeze, and he has hardly time to register what’s happening before Harry licks his lips and tells him, “I’m going to blow you.”

He kisses Louis quick, hard and dirty, stealing the words right out of his mouth and Louis can’t even think of an answer anymore, let alone form words.

“Want you to fuck my mouth. Wreck my voice and come down my throat.” _Who even is Harry_? How can he say those things with a little crooked smile on his spit-slick lips?

Sinking down to his knees, Harry pops the buttons and unzips Louis’ pants with steadier fingers than the amount of drinks he consumed should allow for. And even though it’s Harry who’s on his knees, technically being the one in the more vulnerable position, Louis quickly realizes that he holds no control whatsoever.

Harry frees his cock – the warm, humid air making him shiver – and looks up at Louis, licking his lips like he can’t wait to get his mouth around him, like he’s been starved of that pleasure for far too long.

“Think you can do this, Louis? Think you can deliver what I asked for?” And jeeze, can Harry just stop talking if he doesn’t want Louis to come way, way too early?

“Fuck.” It’s not an answer but the best his muddled brain can come up with. Soft, sweet Harry shouldn’t be capable of talking like that, shouldn’t be so scorching hot when he’s rendering Louis speech- and powerless.

Still looking at him, Harry gives his dick a soft kitten lick and Louis hits his head against the wall hard enough for stars to dance before his eyes.

His world stops spinning in time for him to look down again, to see Harry’s plumb lips stretch impossibly wide while he takes Louis down, slurping noisily while going further and further. He’s stopped breathing, muscles in his stomach taut until Harry moans around his cock and all air leaves him in a rushed exhale.

Carefully, Louis brings his hands up, tangling them in Harry’s hair and Harry leans into the touch while he grabs the back of Louis’ thighs and gently starts rocking Louis’ hips forward until he hits the back of Harry’s throat causing the younger boy to swallow around him.

Louis is so, so helpless, unable to move, to think, to do more than suck in some greedy breaths once in a while. He’s rooted in place, heat coiling along his spine, rushing through his veins. It’s by far not the first blowjob he’s gotten but never has someone taking him down with so much want and _gusto_.

He doesn’t even realize he’s filthily praising Harry until the younger boy groans loudly at something he said and thrusts Louis’ hips forwards hard. He feels himself hitting the back of Harry’s throat, sees how those green eyes tear up but Harry doesn’t pull back, instead, he pushes forward, blunt nails digging into the back of Louis thighs to keep him in place.

Anyone could walk out that door, it’ll only take a quick glance to the right to spot them. Louis couldn’t care less, doesn’t think he could move even if Liam was to walk out that very second.

He tightens his grip in Harry’s hair, mumbling a warning punctuated by the stuttering thrust of his hips and comes with a strangled scream of Harry’s name.

It’s all white noise for a while, until Harry gets up and pulls Louis’ briefs up with him, kissing him hard and thorough, still his taste on his tongue.

Forehead pressed together, pupils blown out, curls sticking to his temples Harry is a vision.

“If you’re ever tempted to take it one step further with Zayn,” he growls. “… remember that he might be able to fuck you good. But baby, I swear I can fuck you better.”

 

*

 

Louis stands speechless and breathless in an alley, brain turned to mush and that’s how Zayn finds him some time later.

He walks out slowly, looking Louis up and down before he leans against the wall opposite him and lights a cigarette.

Then, he takes a step closer handing Louis the cigarette and bends down to pull his jeans up, gently buttoning and zipping him back up.

“You okay?”

Louis nods and shakes his head a second later.

“I’m pretty sure it’s not possible to suck someone’s brains out.”

“Might need to re-evaluate that theory. It’s certainly not for a lack of trying,” although Louis wasn’t the one to give head, his voice is scratchy.

“You and I… we’re going to sit down tomorrow and have a talk,” Zayn says.

“About you and Liam?” Blood is slowly returning to Louis brain.

“Yes. And about you and Harry.”

“What about me and Harry?”

“Don’t play stupid with me. I'm better at it,” Zayn chides. “For one, we’ll talk about why you’re standing in some alley with your jeans around your ankles and Harry – _Liam’s boyfriend_ – just sucked you off. And about how long that’s been going on and what you’re going to do. And about which color theme you want for your wedding.”

“I’m leaning towards green and blue with white roses,” Louis mutters and Zayn laughs.

“Very classic, I like it.” He wraps an arm around Louis’ shoulder and gently pries him off of the wall. “Now, the rest is ready to go back, you think you can keep your wits together long enough to not drive us off a cliff?”

 

*

 

They don’t have their talk the next day.

Louis is still floating on some post-orgasmic high, smile permanently etched on his face. Not even Liam manages to bring him down, no matter how hard he scowls during breakfast and snaps at him.

It doesn’t help to improve Mr. Payne’s mood when Harry comes back to the table, carrying a bowl with rice pudding and a random assortment of fruit and Niall asks him how he’s been, if he enjoyed last night.

The question is innocent enough, though the soft tint of pink to Harry’s cheeks should be a dead giveaway that Harry’s night been anything but innocent. Naturally, his gaze locks with Louis’, blushing deepening before he replies, “Last night was great.”

Niall blinks, Zayn halts his movement – fork suspended midair - and Liam frowns.

“Do you have a sore throat? Is the A/C blasting too much?” he asks and Louis snorts his tea up through his nose, turning purple while he wheezes and tries to breathe and laugh at the same time.

Harry’s voice is _shot to hell_.

It’s beyond scratchy, and Louis almost winces in sympathy when he presses the consonants out.

Someone kicks him hard under the table. “Hey Lou, why don’t you go and see if you can get Harry some of the stuff you always drink when you have a ‘sore throat’?” The quotation marks swing clearly in Zayn’s voice, while his looks says ‘it’s your damn fault, now help the poor boy!’.

“Sure,” Louis is still chuckling when he gets up and roams the restaurant in search of hot milk and honey. It’s not the cure to cancer but it always helped Louis, no matter whether there was a medical or… well, _social_ reason for his sore throats.

He’s just mixing it all together when a hand lands on his shoulder and he doesn’t need to turn around, can already tell by the sweet scent, that it’s Harry.

“Stop looking so damn smug,” he rasps and Louis grin widens.

“You _asked_ for it. Begged almost!”

“Yeah well…” Harry shrugs and sidles up next to Louis, quickly looking over his shoulder to make sure they are out of sight. “Was it good?”

“Harry.” Louis stops stirring the drink and turns to look at him. “You don’t need to ask that. You know it was good. The best, okay?”

Harry preens, and ducks his head to hide the blush. “Just making sure I didn’t take it too far.”

“You didn’t,” Louis gently lifts his chin and after a glance over his shoulder, places a soft kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry I fucked up your voice.”

“I like it,” Harry says with a shrug. “Wish I could tell everyone the real reason though.”

“You _like_ it?”

Harry nods sheepishly and shifts his weight from heel to toe. “Like what it means, what it stands for…”

For a couple of seconds Louis just stares at him, wondering once again who this guy is, how someone like Harry can exist.

Given their exposed position he can’t do much more than dig his hand into Harry’s hip hard, hoping to convey everything he feels with a simple touch.

Harry leans into it, angling his head and Louis quickly kisses him again before he lets go with a sad smile and presses the hot milk into Harry’s hand.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. My fault anyways, only fair to take care of you after…”

Harry grins and takes a careful sip, shuffling his feet and trailing half a step behind Louis when they walk back to the rest.

Zayn doesn’t even need convincing, suggests for Louis to stay around Harry for another day on his own, obviously sensing that Louis would hate to abandon him and Harry wants Louis around just a tad more than usual.

They hang out around the pool for a change, making sure that a hot, soothing drink is always within Harry’s reach, who literally glows under all the attention. But a glowing Harry also means that Louis is treading on thin ice, that he has to watch every touch, every word more than usual because Harry lights up like a freaking beacon at the smallest contact or whenever Louis talks to him.

Not for the first time, Louis wonders how Liam can be so indifferent to this wonderful boy. Harry is so responsive, so receptive, so happy about any form of attention and Louis could spend hours just talking to him, just trying to make him smile, to startle that full body laugh out of him.

Yes, he talks slowly, sometimes stumbles over his words but just because he puts so much thought into what he wants to say and Louis, who is the most impatient shit to ever walk this planet, sits quietly and waits for Harry to finish. Never pressuring him, never interrupting him. He cocks his head towards Harry, making sure to focus all of his attention on him, shooting Niall a warning glare when he makes a move as if to interrupt Harry.

His shin will have a lovely array of bruises from where Zayn had to kick him numerous times throughout the day to stop him from leaning in too far, to stop him from that one treacherous touch which would give it all away.

He tries to tone it down, but it just becomes harder and harder with each and every second he spends with Harry, and if the other boy’s smiles and glances are anything to go by, it’s just the same for Harry.

It’s the sweetest form of torture, to have Harry right in front of him, to see him smile and laugh but not being allowed to get closer, Louis very own personal hell.

He could burn in it all day.


	7. Baby, if you wanted me than you should've just said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday and thank you for reading!

Zayn suggests it the next day during breakfast, asking Niall whether he needs to car today or if they’d mind if him and Louis were to take a little trip to some temples, squeeze in a bit of a cultural program he knows neither Niall nor Liam are keen on. It’s the polite way of telling Louis his time is up, he has to come clean.

Harry looks a little startled, obviously not expecting to spend a day without Louis and while he knew the talk with Zayn was inevitable, he too doesn’t particularly like to spend a day sans Harry either but he sees the necessity.

It’s as much a breather for Harry and Louis as it is meant to ensure that Louis and Zayn can talk freely, without fear of being overheard and interrupted.

So Louis grabs his board and Zayn their backpacks, getting the car keys from reception and off they go. Zayn navigates them with the help of a hand drawn map, courtesy of Nengah and his phone, taking Louis across the island to a little secluded spot.

They have to follow a path through the jungle, climbing down some cliffs to reach the beach and while it’s not the biggest surf spot he’s ever seen, it’s still gorgeous.

Clear blue water, a spectrum of green hanging over the cliffs and only a handful of people to share this space with.

It’d be a sweet spot to take Harry to, away from prying eyes. Louis could surf, Harry could take some pictures of stones and flowers and they could roll around in the sand, exchanging kisses as the sun burns down on them.

“Stop daydreaming,” Zayn kicks him.

“Who says I'm daydreaming?”

“You’re about to draw little hearts into the sand, mate. It’s a bit concerning, quite frankly.”

“And here I thought you’d be happy for me,” Louis sighs theatrically. “Finding true love, happily ever after, swept off of my feet and so on.”

It’s meant as a joke but Zayn leans back on his elbows and fixes Louis with an intent gaze. “Is it?”

“Is it what?”

“True love? The one and only?”

“Are we quoting Disney movies?”

“Are we going to have a serious talk anytime soon or are you going to continue to be an evasive shit?”

At that, Louis grows silent. He promised Zayn, didn’t he? He promised to talk to him, to listen to his story and share his. And if he can’t trust Zayn not to judge, he can trust no one.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on with Liam first?”

Zayn sighs, “If it makes it easier for you, fine.” He sits back up and rummages through his bag for his lighter and cigarettes and only when he’s blown the first ring of smoke into the crystal blue sky, does he begin to talk.

“To be honest, I still don’t know what’s going on. It’s a bit hard to make sense of it all. I think I have it figured out, think I finally made sense of things again just for something to happen, for him to say something and it all goes haywire again, you know?” Louis watches the bones in Zayn’s hand shift as he rolls the cigarette between his fingers. “I guess you already figured that I was using you to get a reaction out of Liam?”

“Your tongue shoved down my throat and the punch I received in return were kind of a subtle hint, yes.”

Zayn grins, “Didn’t expect it to work _that_ well. I just…  I just wanted to see whether it was true what he was saying: That he was over it, happy with Harry and that he didn’t give a shit about me anymore.”

“I could have told you that none of this is true,” Louis mutters and Zayn nods.

“I know. But it’s something different to hear it from _him_ , you know? To finally get _that person_ to admit that he’s been wrong.”

And Louis understands all too well. He always assumed that Harry wanted him back, wanted him just as bad, was eventually willing to risk just as much but hearing him say it… yes, it’s different.

“So you got the confirmation?” he asks and Zayn does a nod coupled with a shrug.

“The night of that party Babs invited us to,” he looks at Louis until he nods his confirmation.

“When Liam shoved between us and told me I’m a dick for hooking up with you and then dragged you away? I remember.”

“Knew that head of yours was good for something more than growing hair.” Zayn wraps his arm around his angled knees, resting his chin on them. “He dragged me away, kept yelling about what a dick you were for trying to get in my pants and it took a while – I was a little gob smacked since this was the most he’s talked to me since we’ve broken up – but eventually I put my heels into the ground and told him he should save his breath. I told him that he chose this; he was the one who went out and fucked someone else. Who cheated on his fiancé and I reminded him that this – everything that happened after – is just what he chose, _what he wanted_.

He is the one who broke everything we ever built, who ruined everything that was between us and if I chose to fuck you senseless, if I chose to have a threesome with you and Niall or if I chose to sleep with every available bloke between 18 and 35 in all of London then there was nothing he could do about it.”

This is a rather depressing conversation to have on a beautiful beach.

“You’re still hurt,” Louis mumbles and Zayn’s head snaps around.

“Of course I’m still hurt, Louis!” He growls before he bites his lip and pulls himself back. “We’ve been together for almost a decade, he was the first boy I ever kissed, first boy I ever slept with and I foolishly believed he’d be the last. So yes, I am still hurt and I don’t quite know if it’ll ever go away completely.”

Zayn buries his foot in the sand. “He’s never said sorry, you know. Not once, not for cheating nor for basically kicking me out of my home. Never asked how I’ve been when I stayed at your place all alone, never wondered whether I needed anything. It’s like I just stopped existing, he’d barely pay attention to me when we went out, hardly spoke to me, looked my way. Until that day you came back and… whatever it was… I just suddenly appeared back on his radar.

I almost believed him when he said he was over it, the way he treated me didn’t leave much room for anything else but to think he really didn’t give a flying fuck about me anymore, but then… you came back and something about how we acted or how you… took care of me… it rubbed him the wrong way.

I know you think the way he’s treating me now is horrible, how he’d snap at me – at us – or tries to put me down but in all honesty – that’s the most of a reaction I had gotten out of him for months. At least I _exist again_. So I thought I could put it to the test, see if everything he so vehemently claimed was true, after all, I had nothing to lose.”

“I’m hoping there’s some positive outcome here, because from what I’ve heard, there’s nothing that would stop me from going back to the hotel and clock Liam one,” Louis grumbles.

“Well, as I said I basically called him out on it that night, saying he had no right to act all jealous and possessive when he didn’t care anymore, when he was over it. Told him he had to choose what it was going to be… either he still cared or he didn’t.”

In Louis’ humble opinion, that talk had been long overdue. If anyone had treated Louis like Liam treated Zayn, he would have been up in their face in an instant, demanding answers or to be left alone for good. Heck, he would have been up in Liam’s face and told him to leave Zayn alone for good if he wasn’t sure that Zayn would strangle him in his sleep should he get involved.

“So what was his answer?”

“He kissed me.” Even though Louis expected something like this (after all he had found Liam’s shirt in Zayn’s room) it still comes as a bit of a shock. He should probably be happy for Zayn, since it seems they’re finally sorting out their differences and are making amends, but all he can think about is that this kiss might be the one thing to set Harry free.

“Okay,” he clears his throat, trying not to look too excited. “And?”

“Don’t try to act all innocent, you saw his shirt in my room,” Zayn rolls his eyes.

“So you fell back in bed and in love?” It sounds way more hopeful than Louis wanted it to.

So Zayn’s “neither” feels a bit like a cold shower.

“What? Why?”

“We walked back to my room and… do I have to go into details?” his friend groans and Louis nods.

“Afraid so, because I don’t think I understand half of what’s going on.”

“Welcome to the fucking club,” Zayn says before he explains, “We kissed and made out, he got down on his knees and-“

“Okay, getting the picture!” Louis holds up his hands.

“Well, I’m glad I don’t need to draw you a diagram. Anyway, after… umh… you know, Liam didn’t even look me in the eyes, just mumbled something along the lines that it should have never happened and ran out of the room quicker than I could stop him.”

That’s certainly not how Louis imagined the story to end.

Zayn falls back and stares at the sky. “So nothing is solved, everything is more complicated and I’ve never been further away from getting any answers. Liam avoids me, just looks at me with… I don’t know what. I can’t read it. I have no clue what he thinks, what he wants. If he wants me to make the first move, if he regrets it, if he told Harry…” Zayn trails off and turns his head to look at Louis. “So any kind of advice, something enlightening you can add?”

“You tried to talk to him?”

“No.” It comes out in a rather ‘duh’ tone, as if that question itself is a little stupid.

“Why not?” Louis sinks down onto his back next to Zayn.

“For one, because he basically ran out after we had sex. Kind of stole my thunder, you know? And it’s not like he made a move to talk to me either… he just sits there and stares off into the distance, shooting me the occasional glance as if I’ve suddenly turned into a bloody mind reader!” Zayn kicks up some sand, showering Louis calf with it. “On the other hand, how am I supposed to go about it? I can’t bloody well stand up in front of Niall and the rest and say, ‘Hi Li, think we should talk about that night you kissed and blew me and then ran out?’”

“Yeah, no. Don’t do that.” Louis rolls onto his side and stares at Zayn’s profile. “So to sum it up; he’s jealous, he doesn’t want you to fall into bed and in love with anyone else. He kissed you but when things turned serious he ran. And he hasn’t made a move to clear up any of it?”

“Pretty much.”

“Well this sucks.”

“Tell me something new.” Now Zayn rolls over and looks at Louis too. “You heard all about my sad life. Now tell me yours.”

“Oh God.” He falls back into the sand, and huffs out a breath when Zayn settles on his stomach, sun a bright halo around his dark hair.

It’d all be easier if he and Zayn could fall in love for real, Louis thinks, looking up at his best friend. They’d make a pretty hot couple, they have the same interests, laugh about the same stupid movies. Shame that there isn’t any sort of spark between them.

“What do you want to hear?”

“The truth?” Zayn suggest and Louis wonders what that actually is.

“The truth is that I met Harry first. The very night before I was set to leave for Australia. The truth is that I fell in love with Harry that night and I haven’t stopped falling for him ever since.”

“Wow.” Zayn’s hands are splayed across his lower stomach, rising and falling with the shallow breathes Louis takes.

“Yes.”

“I guess Liam doesn’t know?” Zayn seems only a little surprised and it basically confirms what Louis suspected all along; his friend figured out that him and Harry were more than ‘friends’, although Louis is not sure how much Zayn knows and how much is a wild guess on his part.

“Well, I have certainly not told him and I doubt Harry has.”

“But Harry… he’s feeling the same? You know what, scratch that question, that boy is more obvious than a billboard advert, he lights up so much whenever he looks at you, he could power the bloody country.”

It shouldn’t make Louis smile as big as it does.

“So how long has this been going on for?”

“I’m not sure it ever stopped, mate,” it comes out more nonchalant than Louis feels. “We tried, you know? In the beginning, when I acted all weird and closed off – we tried to stay clear of each other. I tried to blend out that Liam had basically robbed me off the boy I couldn’t stop thinking about for a whole damn year and Harry tried to do the right thing by staying faithful to Liam and keeping his distance.”

“Well, that didn’t work out, did it?”

“No.”

“And you don’t even mind.” It’s not a question. “Technically, you lied to us, went behind our backs, snuck around with Harry. Cheated with Harry.”

“If you’re trying to get me to say I regret it, you’re trying in vain. I’d do it all over again.”

Zayn looks at him for endless seconds. “You really would.”

“It’s not fair, Zayn.” Louis sits back up, blue eyes boring into Zayn’s brown. “It’s just not fair. It’s not how it’s supposed to be. I…” he takes a deep breath. “ _I_ met him first, he’s supposed to be with me! Just because of some twist of fate...”

“Have you tried? To walk away?”

Louis laughs humorless, “Countless times. I tried to be his friend, I pushed him away, broke off all contact, told him there wasn’t a chance for us.”

“Don’t let this get to your head, but I know you. I know what you’re like when you fancy someone, when you’ve got your eyes on someone. They usually don’t stand a chance and… well, you don’t just fancy Harry, do you? You _want_ him. Are in love with him.”

Louis nods silently.

“So why is he still with Liam?” Zayn sounds honestly confused, as if Louis could just walk in there, could just steal Harry away from Liam with a smile and wave of his hand. As if it’d be that easy.

Maybe it is. Maybe Harry and him are just making it more complicated, messing it up further with their consideration for anyone else but them.

“Long story.”

“I got time,” Zayn climbs off of him and settles in front of Louis.

“Basically he’s with Liam because he’s trying to do the right thing.”

“The right thing?”

Louis sighs. “We both made mistakes. We were both surprised and shocked when we met again. What are the chances, Zayn? Him bumping into Liam and me being one of Liam’s friends? It’s easier to win the lottery. So… we should have said something right away but I was hurt and pissed off because I thought he’d forgotten all about me and jumped into bed with the first bloke he met and he thought I didn’t spare him a passing thought, held it against him that he was the one Liam cheated on you with, pissed off that he was with Liam.

We could have probably saved us all some trouble by just sitting down to talk about it but well…”

“You didn’t,” Zayn guesses.

“We didn’t,” Louis agrees. “Instead we went in circles, toeing the line until one of us crossed it only to pull back and declare we wouldn’t do it again. Rinse and repeat. It’s… tiring after a while. Exhausting. I hated lying to you. I hate going behind Niall’s back. It’s… that’s not who I am, you know? Going for someone who’s taken…”

“But you also can’t let him go.” Zayn sighs. “So how long are you planning on doing this for?”

“Harry said he’d break up with Liam after the holidays.”

“You believe him?”

“Do I have a choice?” Louis fires back. “It’s not that I don’t understand why he’s still with Liam… Harry is a fucking people pleaser, he hates hurting people, he’s sweet and considerate – I guess it’s part of why I’m drawn to him, I have never met someone who’s just so… bloody nice, friendly and sweet to everyone without expecting something in return – and Liam… from all I heard he went through a little rough time, latched onto Harry like he’s the very thing to keep him alive, begged him to stay with him.”

“That’s… immensely unfair,” Zayn settles on. “Liam… well, he’s not treating Harry particularly well, is he? It doesn’t seem like he cares about him all that much?”

Louis doesn’t say anything, just narrows his sky blue eyes feline like.

“He’s… he’s trying to be a friend. He thinks Liam is in dire need of one since he’s being an arse to you and I, and form the way he’s acting, I wouldn’t be all that surprised if Niall was the next one to throw in the towel. So fair enough, he’s got a little savoir complex maybe. Feels responsible because Liam broken down in his arms and begged him not to leave.”

“Aha,” Zayn scratches his head. “That’s as honorable as it it’s stupid. The very second you come clean and show up hand in hand with Harry Liam is going to forget about anything good and nice Harry ever did for him. You know that, right?”

“I do. I guess Harry knows it too to a certain extent. But could you have walked out when someone begged you to stay? Say, if we had been in a relationship and I had begged you to stay but you were in love with Liam, could you just abandon me if I hit rock-bottom?”

His friend mulls his words over, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “No,” Zayn finally settles on. “I couldn’t, but it doesn’t mean you two didn’t create one big mess.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Louis pokes Zayn. “And don’t tell me all this is new to you, you suspected something for a long time.”

“The necklace and tattoo were a bit of a giveaway, and your boy is anything but subtle, hate to tell you. Anyone with eyes and an attention span of a goldfish could have figured you two out. I’m quite surprised Niall hasn’t yet caught on… though maybe he’s still trying to figure out whether or not you get down on your knees for me,” Zayn says with a smirk. “You should really thank me for the distraction.”

“My jaw will be forever grateful,” Louis grumbles.

Zayn shifts some sand back and forth before he asks, “Will you tell Harry? About Liam and I?”

Louis considers it. “No, not yet at least. I… I think it should be Liam, you know? He should have the balls to tell Harry?”

“Like Harry has the balls to tell Liam about you?” Zayn snaps in a sudden surge of protectiveness over his old flame.  “Sorry,” he takes a deep breath. “So basically… the best solution we can come up with is to sit back and do nothing? Watch as things unfold and just pray that Harry and you manage to keep it in your pants for the remaining five days?”

“You have a better idea?”

“Battle to death between you and Liam to determine once and for all who gets to keep Harry’s heart? No? Too martial?”

“Shut up,” Louis laughs and shoves Zayn, until the other boy rolls through the sand, giggling.

“Ah Lou… what a great big mess we got ourselves into!” He yells, spread out like a starfish. And although it’s true, it’s really nothing to laugh about, Zayn still manages to smile around the words, to make it sound a lot less tragic and carefree than either of them feels.

“We can always elope. Set sails and leave the world behind…” he hums and Zayn laughs a little louder.

“You wouldn’t make it a day without loverboy and his luscious curls!”

Louis crawls over and starts tickling his best friend. “Oh Zaynie… you’re already growing out your hair, all I need is a curling iron and voilà – star of my wildest, wettest dreams!”

“Get off of me, you tosser!” Is what Louis gets in return for his troubles – and a boney knee to the stomach.

It’s a good day all in all.

 

**∞**

 

It’s not a good day.

Well, it’s not really bad either just not… particularly good. It’s… well, okay.

Zayn’s suggestion had taken him (and from the looks of it Louis as well) by surprise. Somehow he hadn’t suspect to spend a day without the older boy during the trip, which in hindsight might have been a bit stupid because Harry doesn’t hold the monopoly over all of Louis’ time and attention. Not that he wouldn’t love that.

It just comes a little sudden, especially after yesterday. Perhaps Harry had been too spoilt, had gotten too used too quickly to being Louis’ sole focus of attention, but no one who’s ever had that particular pleasure will blame him: It’s addictive.

Louis is a bit of a social butterfly, his attention is fickle. Easy to get and easy to lose. There’s no malicious intent behind it, Harry had learned, it’s just how he is: a bit scatterbrained, nosy, as quickly enraptured as he is bored.

Special, that’s what it was and that’s how Harry felt yesterday.

He’d been a bit scared that he had taken it too far in Kuta; jealousy, Louis’ general elusiveness when other people were around, the fear of being caught, and of course a not so small amount of alcohol had eventually mixed together in a particular hefty surge of possessiveness.

Harry is usually easy going, not prone to extreme emotions and rather chilled when it comes to the topic of jealousy. But something about Louis makes his blood run hot, something about this boy – man – makes him want to climb a chair, the bar, a rooftop and shout it out to the world that he’s _his_. That no one gets to touch him except Harry.

So Louis brings out some rather cavemen-ish traits of behavior in Harry. Who would have known? He’d probably be a lot more embarrassed by those sudden outbursts if it wasn’t for the way Louis would look at him every time Harry acted like an angry squirrel on warpath. He has yet to get the verbal confirmation, but something in Louis eyes tells him he likes it quite a lot whenever Harry starts banging on his chest, declaring “Louis. Mine.” (metaphorically speaking. Though depending on how much longer they’ll be stuck in this situation, Harry thinks it might eventually come to a real life demonstration).

So… Kuta. Harry can safely claim that he’s never done anything quite like this; heck, he didn’t even know he could be so domineering, demanding and dirty. He didn’t stay to chat to Louis afterwards, kind of overwhelmed by his own actions, he made sure Louis was breathing before he staggered back into the bar and downed another two drinks to calm his beating heart and shaking hands.

Louis had seemed fine when he came back a while later, perhaps a little dazed but he drove them home with a steady hand and wished Harry a good night with a little wink. And he took care of Harry yesterday, withstanding Liam’s glare and Zayn’s amused grin, undeterred sticking by his side.

All considered, Harry guesses that Louis was rather fine with everything that happened in Kuta.

*

It’s possibly a little ambitious, dinner still being a good hour away, but Harry is bored and fed up with spending time with Liam. Even though Zayn and Louis hadn’t been there, Liam hardly gave anyone the time of day, spending most of it just like the ones before: buried in his book. Only that every time Harry looked over to the other boy, his eyes were barely moving across the page, almost as if Liam wasn’t really reading or seeing the words but just using the book as an excuse to be left alone and to stay out of any conversation so he could brood in peace and quiet.

Harry granted his wish. Though the most worrisome thing was perhaps that not even Niall tried to get Liam out of his funk, attempting only twice to talk to him all day and even those two attempts seemed to be born more out of politeness than out of interest. Harry still doesn’t understand why – how – Liam can push each and every one away without noticing that people tend to come back less and less frequent, that he was losing more friends each day. He had made a careful attempt to talk to Liam about it but only gotten the proverbial bloody nose.

So Harry left him to it in the end, gave up trying to strike up a conversation when his efforts had been ignored for the umpteenth time.

Intending on taking a long stroll around the resort, somehow Harry’s steps lead him right to Louis terrace. It’s not really breaking and entering if the person is careless enough to leave the sliding doors unlocked and open, is it? Also, they’re friends and there’s nothing weird about just showing up out of the blue, is there?

“Lou?” he calls out, peeking inside. Room service must have gone through the room this morning and Harry knows that they do a thorough job, not only cleaning but also tidying up. Yet, Louis already managed to make a mess since he’s been back.

His towel hangs hazardously over an armchair and Harry takes it outside to hang it up to dry properly and before it can stain the fabric, being still damp and sandy. One of Louis’ shirts is flung across the room, pants dropped the very spot he took them off probably, backpack turned upside down and contents spilled out across the mattress like he was looking for something and couldn’t get there fast enough.

However, while traces of the older boy are found everywhere, the actual person is still missing.

“Louis? Are you in?”

It’s only when Harry listens carefully that he finally notices the sound of running water. So that solves the mystery and should also be his cue to leave. He can’t very well sit on Louis bed after coming in without being invited, sitting there only to shout ‘hello, surprise’ like a Jack-in-the-box, when the other one is finally done with his shower, can he?

Instead of reaching for the door to leave, Harry slowly pushes the door to the bathroom open.

It’s not so different from the one in his and Liam’s room; dark hardwood floor, sand colored marble tiles and very, very spacious. Harry’s room in his dorm is smaller than this bathroom.

Double washbasin to his left, huge mirror now steamed up from the walk-in shower to his far right. Fogged up glass obscuring his view, he can only make out Louis’ silhouette under the hot spray but not his face.

About to finally make his presence known, Harry opens his mouth to call out some kind of greeting and excuse the very second Louis exhales shakily.

Ringlets of water are running down the glass, mist from the shower making it hard to see all the detail but now that Harry knows what he is looking for (at least thinks he knows), he can make out Louis leaning against the wall, stance slightly broadened, hand between his legs, working himself slowly.

Harry should leave. Now.

It’s rude to barge into someone’s room without invite, even ruder to wander into the person’s bathroom without given permission but staying to spy while the other one is clearly having some ‘private time’…

Louis flicks his wrist, capturing all of Harry’s attention. Although he can’t see clearly it doesn’t take much to imagine the other boy’s dainty, slim fingers wrapped around his cock, running up and down the length slowly, teasingly.

Another breathy moan sounds through the room, erasing any thought of leaving but knocking Harry backwards, making him grab the marble counter for support. He shuffles a little closer, mouth gone dry and his own dick slowly filling up but he’s not daring to make a sound, afraid to startle Louis.

The older boy angles his head back and in a cruel twist of fate the fog clears enough for Harry to see the exposed column of his throat, skin smooth and deeply tanned, drops of water taking the way Harry very much wants to follow with his lips. The bruise he left a couple of days ago is already beginning to fade and he’s got the sudden urge to renew it, to make more purple flowers bloom along Louis’ neck, across his fragile collarbones. He wants to lap the water off of his chest, trace the black ink with his lips. There’s enough to keep his mouth occupied for a while, Louis’ tattoos like a map scattered across his toned body and even though Harry’s had his hand and mouth on him already, he’s yet to have the luxury of time and privacy to explore Louis’s body with the patience and devotion it deserves.

Louis hisses a long, low “yes” through his lips, and Harry wants to know what – who – he his thinking of.

Shoulders tensing, Louis grabs his cock harder, now working himself with fast, firm strokes, deep moans bubbling up in his chest. There’s a name mixed into it, but Louis sinks his sharp little canines in his bottom lip before he can spell it out completely.

Still, it’s enough for Harry to fumble with the buttons, shoving a hand down his pants because he is very sure that Louis doesn’t know another person whose name is starting with “Har-“.

A staccato of low moans and high pitched groans signals Louis is getting closer and Harry vows here and there to find a way to punch those sounds out of the other boy; longer, louder and more intense.

An aborted scream startles him out of his trance and he has hardly enough time to brush the damp curls off of his face before Louis steps out of the shower, grabbing the white towel and carelessly flinging it around his hips. He brushes his wet fringe out of his eyes… and freezes.

Harry is going to petition for Louis to permanently spend his days near a source of water and sun. There is just something ethereal about the way his hair sweeps across his forehead in wet strands, eyes somehow clearer, brighter in contrast to his wet hair and tanned skin.

A drop of water drips down, running along his cheek and following the line of his jaw before it falls onto his naked chest – Harry can’t tear his eyes away, isn’t sure if he’s really still breathing.

“Haz,” Louis’ voice is a little higher than usual, breathing still a bit shallower. “How long…?” He looks at Harry, taking in the damp curls, flushed cheeks and hand still palming the obvious bulge. “Sneaking in to spy on me while I'm in the shower? How much did you see and hear?”

“Louis,” Harry’s voice is mostly back to normal though he sounds like a teenager in the middle of voice-break that very second. There’s a pleading quality to it as well and while Harry is not sure what exactly he is asking for, Louis’ eyes darken at the sound and he takes a step closer.

“Saw everything, didn’t you? Heard it all, too.”

Harry nods, stuttering a “sorry” while Louis comes closer until they’re pressed flush together.

“Missed me?” Harry nods. “Worried I’d run off with Zayn?”

 _No_ , Harry shakes his head. Somehow that thought hadn’t even crossed his mind all day, he realizes.

“Good,” Louis wraps a curl around his finger, voice dropping low. “You can trust me, you know?” he mutters, lips ghosting along Harry’s neck, close but not touching, breath caressing the flushed skin and it’s driving Harry absolutely mad.

“Bit keyed-up, are we?” Suddenly Louis hand cups the one still shoved down his pants. “Want some help with this, sweetheart?”

Harry is not sure how to answer, he didn’t come here with sex in mind. It’s not just about that with Louis, he just – he just wanted to see the other boy, spend some time with him, just _be_ with him for a while.

He makes a little helpless sound, hoping that Louis will make the decision for him and luckily he does.

“Yeah, think it’s only fair to return the favor.”

Harry wants to ask what he means but then Louis sinks down, peeling his jeans slowly down his thighs and nuzzles against Harry’s still clothed cock.

“I love your smell,” Louis mumbles into the fabric, fingers dancing along the waistband of Harry’s briefs, making the muscles in his stomach jump and go taut. He bats Harry’s hand away and while sucking a wet patch directly over the head of Harry’s cock, surely being able to taste the precome which had dripped into the fabric, Louis fingers splay across the fern tattoos on his hips, going lower, lower until he takes the briefs down, having them both exhale when Harry’s cock springs free.

“Always knew I was destined for greater things,” Louis mutters and Harry can’t help the giggle which escapes him.

“Are you just going to admire it,” he brushes some wet strands of hair out of Louis’s eyes, “or are you actually planning on doing something with that lush mouth of yours?” he teases.

Louis makes a scandalized noise and bites him. It’s gentle and not meant to hurt, still, Harry jumps slightly.

“I was planning on naming it and becoming his best friend. Now shut up, Curly.” Louis winks up at him and then licks a broad stripe along the underside of Harry’s cock.

Which… okay. Yes. Works. Perfectly.

“Oh God.” Louis bites his tongue, clearly tempted to make the obvious joke but refrains from doing so. Softly tracing his tongue along the head of Harry’s dick, he gives it a couple of kitten licks.

It’s such a contrast to the usual vituperative boy, to all the sharp angles and edges he’s made of: the unexpected tenderness, almost reverence, with which he treats Harry.

Spanning his hands across Harry’s hips, Louis pushes him against the counter and Harry gladly takes the chance to hold onto something, knees already a little weak and wobbly.

It only gets worse when Louis begins to swallow him down. Going slowly, for every inch he covers he comes back up to place a kiss to the head or tongue along the slit, before he sinks down yet another inch – comes back up, teases Harry beyond sanity, goes down again.

It’s all so deliberately gentle, ensured to make Harry feel each and every glide of his tongue, feel every inch which gets encircled in the wet heat of Louis’ mouth. Slow, soft, tender and so, so good that it drives Harry absolutely mad. He can’t do much more than hold on for dear life, whimpering brokenly and stutter his hips in tiny circles.

After sweet, torturous ages Louis has finally swallowed him down completely and only then does he suck Harry hard, making him feel every muscle which constricts with the effort and Harry is pretty sure that the sound he makes is inhuman.

Louis gives Harry long enough to get the bare minimum of oxygen back into his lungs before he does it again and again, going harder and impossibly deeper each time.

Velvety black is beginning to cloud Harry’s vision and he tugs helplessly on Louis hair, muttering a warning and just when can’t hold back any longer, Louis let’s go and draws back, tongue running along the underside while Harry tries to keep his eyes open long enough to see how Louis leans back with a grin, Harry’s come landing on his lips, cheek and hair.

Harry is pretty advanced in yoga, but he has a hard time finding his inner balance – or some sort of balance – let alone get his breathing to return to normal.

He’s sitting on the floor in Louis’ bathroom, and once he opens his eyes, he sees the other boy sit in front of him, knees slightly angled, head cocked to the side.

“Hi,” he whispers right when some come drips down his hair.

“Oops,” Harry chuckles and wipes some of the mess off Louis face. He’s not going to lie, Louis covered like this looks pretty damn hot.

“I think I need to shower again,” Louis rasps and oh… voice gone. “Check the fridge for some cold water, please?”

“Mmh… just a minute… can’t feel my legs yet,” Harry mutters and Louis laughs hoarsely.

He stands up and saunters over to the shower, dropping the towel the very second Harry dares to look and… gosh, that bum. Subconsciously Harry licks his lips, thinking the stark contrast between Louis tanned back and milky white backside makes it only more desirable, making Harry curious how different his lovebites would look on Louis milky thighs instead of his collarbones.

Yet, he does as asked, stumbling back into the room and holding out a bottle of icecold water once Louis comes out.

The older boy nods gratefully, gulping down half of it before he sits down on the bed, drawing Harry between his thighs. “Hi.”

“You said that already.” But he smiles down at Louis, angling his head so he can bump his nose.

“Mmh, thought you might hear it this time, you looked a little out of it.”

“However that happened,” Harry grins.

“Punishment for sneaking up on me.”

“If that’s the punishment, expect me to lurk around your bathroom every day from now on.” He lets Louis pull him down further, allows the other boy to gently nip at his lip. “Missed you today,” Harry confesses in a small voice, hoping it’s not too forward, too much too soon.

But Louis replies easily, “Missed you too, sweetcheeks.” And Harry sighs, closing the distance for a sweet, long kiss.

“What did you do all day?” Harry sits down on the bed, watching as Louis gets up and starts to get dressed.

“Not much, to be honest. Went to look at some temples in the afternoon – don’t ask me where or what they stand for, Zayn took pictures. And we spend some time on a different beach in the morning, nice little surf spot…” a look Harry can’t quite decipher crosses Louis face. “Secluded, not many people… would have loved to take you. No one to overhear, no one to watch.”

And _oh_ , okay. Now Harry understands that look – it’s longing. His heart gives a painful tug and his stomach does a little flip because… Louis missed him. Louis thought of him. Louis wants to bring him to secluded beaches so they can _just be_ with each other…

“Sounds perfect,” he says wistfully and Louis cowers in front of him.

“Happy face, little frog. That wasn’t supposed to make you sad.”

“No, I know. Just wish things were different, you know?”

“I do,” Louis sighs. “What about you, what did you do all day?”

“Not much either. Beach with Niall and Babs. Liam was there as well but I think he stopped talking to us for good so there’s that.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him, I’m sorry he’s being such a dick.” Harry combs through Louis damp hair. “It’s okay. I guess in the beginning I let it get to me but now… I tried to be there for him, like, I really did everything he asked for and I tried to be at least a friend but… he doesn’t really listen to anything I say and it doesn’t seem to make a difference whether I am there or not so…”

“Do you mind? I mean, do you wish it were different?”

“I wish he would realize that it’s not helping but only making matters worse. But I don’t wish it were different between us, no.” Harry pushes Louis chin up. “Did you talk to Zayn?”

“I did, yes,” Louis sits back on his haunches. “It’s… really complicated and messed up.”

“Anything we can do?”

Louis smiles suddenly and Harry realizes that it’s the first time he referred to them as a ‘we’, like they are a unit, a proper couple.

“If you can’t force Liam to sit down and be finally honest with himself and Zayn than no, I don’t think there is anything we can do. Either it’ll blow over or it’ll blow up.” Louis shrugs.

“What’s your money on?”

“Blow up. Kind of like the fireworks on the 4th July. Or New Year’s Eve.”

“Pretty colors,” Harry mutters and Louis laughs, leaning in for a kiss Harry grants very willingly.

They could have easily stayed here, chatting and kissing for hours on end hadn’t it been for the loud knock and Zayn’s voice saying, “I know you’re in, open up.”

“Can you…?” Louis nods towards the door and while Harry goes to open it, he slides on a black shirt.

“Hi Haz, Lou.” Harry shoots Louis a curious glance over his shoulder, confused as to why Zayn isn’t surprised by his presence in Louis room, even less shocked by Louis partial state of undress.

“He knows,” is all Louis says and wait – _what?_ Knows what? That the sky is blue? Water is wet? Harry kind of gagged on Louis’ dick the other day?  

“Keep breathing, love. It’s not like you’re being subtle or anything with those necklaces or tattoos, let alone hickeys and lovesick glances all the freaking time…”

“You… he… what?” Harry mutters and Zayn laughs. How can Louis be so calm about this?

“Don’t look so shocked. I won’t tell. I’m all team Larry.”

“Who’s Larry?” He asks distracted before his brain catches up and – _oh shit_ , they’ve basically been caught, haven’t they? Even though Zayn is Louis best friend, he’s also Liam’s ex and what if he doesn’t approve, what if he doesn’t like the idea of LouisandHarry? What if he tells Liam? Or Niall? What if…? “But… Liam! Niall!” Apparently the ability to communicate in sentences has left him.

“Won’t tell, don’t worry. Secret’s safe with me.” Zayn symbolically zips his lips and grins at Louis and… Louis knew all along, didn’t he? Had possibly talked it all through with Zayn today. Harry wonders how long Zayn knew, how long Louis knew that Zayn knows and why no one deemed it necessary to tell him.  

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Now he turns to Louis, who’s just watched the exchange with a grin on his face.

“Oh sorry, pray tell me,” he clears his throat, trying to smooth out the rasp. “When should I have told you? Before or after you snuck up on me in the shower?”

Harry blushes a deep pink (okay, so Louis didn’t know for that long and it’s not like Harry gave him a proper chance to talk…) and Zayn cackles. “Mate, your voice… is your ‘ _A/C turned up too high_?’”

“Shut up, will ya?” Louis rasps and reaches out for Harry, who’s still confused but glowing in a beautiful shade of pink. “He’s only teasing.”

“Which is nothing less than you deserve with a voice like that.” Zayn winks at Harry. “Well done, kiddo.”

“I… umh. Thank you – I guess?” So maybe Zayn won’t tell. Judging by the easy smile on his lips he might even approve and support them, keep their secret safe until they can clean up all this mess.

“Stop stroking his ego,” Louis says. “Was there a point as to why you came here or were you just bored?”

“Oh, good point! We’re late for dinner.”

“What? Bullshit, we’re… _oh_. We’re late for dinner,” Louis admits once he’s checked his phone. “Whoopsy.”

“Well, shall we or is there anything you still need to do? Anything… or anyone… you need to finish off? I don’t know.”

“Shut up and walk, Malik.” Louis pushes him and once Zayn’s back turned towards them he places a quick kiss to Harry’s cheek who’s still a little preoccupied with ‘Zayn knows’ and ‘it’s all okay’- thoughts to really register what’s going on.

Once they make it to the restaurant they see Niall, Babs and Liam sitting there in idle silence, all three looking up at them with varying degrees of a frown.

“What took you so long?”

“Sorry,” Louis rasps. “Were in the shower, forgot the time.”

Liam’s eyes widen and for a second Harry thinks ‘shit, caught’ but then he sees that Liam is staring between Louis and Zayn and… _oh_. Both still have wet hair, Louis voice is wrecked and he just admitted to forgetting the time while being in the shower… Quite amazing how quick Liam is to draw the (half) right conclusions but was so blissfully ignorant when it came to Harry’s ‘sore throat’ two days ago.

“You… you know what, fuck you!” Liam snaps and pushes his chair back, pointing an accusatory finger at Louis. “ _Fuck you, Tomlinson_!”

Louis just stands there and blinks at the sudden outburst.

“And you…” Liam whirls around to Zayn. “Did you just shower together to save water? Slipped and your dick ended up buried in Louis’ mouth? How convenient!”

“Umh…” Zayn’s stare is as wide-eyed as Louis’, while Harry shrinks back a little and it’s really not the time or place, but his heart skips a beat when Louis steps forward, half shielding him from Liam.

“Maybe we should all calm down and talk—“

“Oh shut it, Niall!” Liam growls and shoves his chair back, stalking towards Louis and Zayn. To Harry’s great relief he doesn’t push them or worse – punches Louis again – but just glares at them before he mutters a quiet “fuck you” once again and leaves.

“Happy fucking 4th of July,” Louis mutters quietly enough for only Harry to hear, who snorts a rather unsexy laugh and then suddenly Louis is giggling and Harry can’t help it but to join a second later.

Niall looks at them as if they’ve lost it while Zayn just narrows his eyes and shakes his head before he whacks them over theirs. “Keep it together, children.”

 

*

 

“Make it go away,” Louis whines and Zayn sighs.

“It’s the sun, Lou. I can’t just make it go away.” They’ve been over this. Three times already. “How about you try to not out-drink Niall the next time? Over ten years and you still haven't learned anything?”

Niall makes a pleased little sound from his lounger, wriggling his toes and looking all chipper and not the least affected by their late night yesterday.

“I agree with Lou, though.” Barbara groans and reaches out blindly, handing an Advil over to Louis. “They really should warn you after the third drink, remind you of the effects and shit.”

“Poor darling,” Niall coos and reaches over, gently caressing Babs’ arm.

“Hey – I’m dying too? Can someone coo over me?” Louis demands and Zayn cocks an eyebrow, looking around as if he expects a nurse to jump out behind a hibiscus bush.

Which… good point actually. Where is Louis personal nurse, the one who does like to hide behind flowers and bushes while taking pictures of rocks and small insects? It’s already past noon. This is unacceptable.

Louis is five seconds away from immediate, painful death and the only one holding his hand will be Zayn? That’s not how people like him should go, there should be tears and promises of endless love and perhaps he is still drunk.

“Yeah, where is Harry?” Niall turns around, looking over the backrest of his sunbed like he too, expects Harry to pop up from behind the next palm tree.

It’s not such an absurd thought after all. Harry didn’t drink as much as Louis and Niall last night, didn’t stay out quite as late as them.

They finished their dinner in peace after Liam had stormed out, none of them particularly keen on going after him and in the end they just decide to leave it. The accusations had been too ridiculous for Louis to even consider setting them straight and Zayn must have felt the same way because he had just rolled his eyes and trotted off to get some food. Harry had looked after Liam for a couple of seconds until even Babs had told him to just leave it.

For a while, the atmosphere had been a bit awkward, Louis felt Niall watching Zayn and him intently but eventually they settled back into their easy banter. Conversations had been loud, animated and full of laughter, all five of them getting on superbly and it crossed Louis mind how tense and stilted they had been during the past days, how artificial everything had been.

He realized that not only he (and Harry) had held back, watched their words and skirted around topics they thought held too much dynamite but that Niall and Babs did as well. It makes him once again wonder about Liam and their friendship. Whether a break-up could really be the reason for all this or if there were reasons and causes running deeper than that, stuff Louis hadn’t picked up on, had overlooked.

He’d like to talk to Niall, liked to ask him whether _they_ were still okay or whether there was something lingering there too, something that was only waiting for a chance to crawl to the surface and tear them apart as well.

Louis doesn’t though, not that night. That night he is content to just have his friends back, to bask in their laughter and smiles.

Zayn suggested relocating once the restaurant started clearing out, leading them over to one of the five resort bars and getting the first round of drinks.

Harry had put up little to none resistance, especially once Louis had hung back a bit, making sure Niall and Babs had been deep in conversation before he had quickly kissed Harry hard in plain sight, feeling a bit dare-devilish. But it had been too tempting, too good to watch Harry laugh openly and chat freely with Niall and Zayn, see his cheeks heat up and his eyes crinkle from laughter. This is how it should be, Louis thought, how it should have been from the start. This is how it could have been had fate and them gotten it right in the beginning.

Harry had scooted his chair closer to Louis’, had tangled their hands under the table and rubbed along his thigh out of sight of Niall and Babs and under the amused glances of Zayn.

Louis could have almost forgotten that Harry was not yet his to hold and kiss, hadn’t it been for the subtle reminder of Zayn’s kicks or the way Niall would sometimes stutter over his words should Harry lean too close to Louis or Louis stare at Harry for too long.

Eventually, Harry had called it a night, saying he needed to check on Liam which was probably partially true but not the only reason he chose to leave.

The later it got, the more drinks they had and the lower the inhibitions had gotten. Louis is still glad Niall and Babs had been drunk too, could probably not remember each and every heated gaze or innuendo laden comment Louis had dropped. It wouldn’t have taken much and Louis would have kissed Harry in front of everyone, too entranced by his shiny, pink lips and his bright green eyes. It possibly wouldn’t have taken much for Harry to kiss Louis back either, so he should really be grateful that Harry pulled the emergency break and left before it had gotten too wild.

Which, yes he’s very grateful for and yadda, yadda, but Harry could show up now.

He knows that Harry is an early riser, quite fancies some yoga before breakfast and Louis and Niall barely managed to roll out of bed for lunch, so Harry should have been up and running for at least a couple of hours by now.

“Anyone seen the grumpy one?” With great effort he manages to sit up and look around.

“Liam? Not since yesterday.”

“Huh.” Peculiar.

“Want to go and check their room?” Zayn finally suggests, putting Louis out of his misery.

Harry doesn’t have to report back to Louis 24/7, doesn’t have to inform him about his whereabouts, but it’s just strange for neither Harry nor Liam to not show up. Liam didn’t drink – as far as Louis knows – and Harry shouldn’t be too hung over either.

“Yes. Let’s do that,” he tries to come of nonchalant. “Is that okay Niall?”

Niall just waves a hand, signaling that he doesn’t really care what Louis does as long as he doesn’t have to move for it.

Zayn throws him his shirt and waits for Louis to struggle into it before they make their way over to the main building, bumping shoulders on the way. He has to rely on Zayn to lead the way, realizing he’s never been to Harry’s room but then again he doesn’t have a good reason to go there, does he?

Seeing Zayn navigate his way through the different corridors and elevators makes him wonder how often his best mate stood in front of the door or how often he thought about going up there to finally make Liam talk.

They round the last corner, plush carpet dampening their steps. Louis is too busy watching his flip flops disappear in the dark brown rug, not realizing Zayn stopped until he’s yanked to a stop by a hand on his arm.

“What-?”

Zayn covers his mouth with his hand, bowing his head and Louis thinks he’s gone crazy until he hears the loud voices echoing through the hall.

He nods, indicating that he got it and looks over to what he assumes is Harry’s and Liam’s room. The door is ajar, like someone wanted to leave but didn’t, forgetting to close it.

His best friend looks back the way they came from, clearly asking whether they shouldn’t leave and not stay to eavesdrop. Louis just gives him a look and Zayn rolls his eyes, shuffling forward towards the door.

 

**∞**

 

He had a good plan.

Get up early for some yoga, grab some breakfast and spend some hours on the beach, reading and people watching or strolling around the grounds looking for new things to take a picture of.

It was a good, solid plan.

He didn’t expect the rest to get up before noon, when he had left they were well on their way to plastered and Harry doubts Niall nor Louis are the kind of person to roll out of bed in the early morning to counter their hangover with sports and healthy food.

So yes, perfect plan to dawdle away some hours, hadn’t it been for the one variable he didn’t take into consideration. Liam.

Feeling a little bad for him last night, Harry decided to leave him to it, to cool off on his own. He’d learned the hard way that Liam didn’t appreciate his coddling or being told off and Harry is pretty sure he would have eventually reprimanded him for having a go at Louis and Zayn like that, out of the blue. And also for snapping at Niall like that… so perhaps best that he didn’t go after him immediately.

He’s got enough metaphorically bloody noses from his efforts already.

And the evening was good fun, great even and it made him wish for things to be different once again. It’d have been so easy, so natural, to close the remaining inches between Lou and him, to sidle up next to him and wrap his arm around his shoulders, to draw the other boy in for a sweet kiss every once and then. He would have loved to walk Louis back to his room, to listen a little longer to his drunken rumblings and bask in the slightly unfocused but heated gazes he kept shooting him. To tug him into bed and make sure he’d drink enough water, to be there the next morning to present him with some tea and an Advil once he woke up.

Instead, Harry decided to do the responsible thing and leave before he gave in and snogged Louis in front of Niall and Babs, blowing their carefully constructed cover in the blink of an eye.

He went back and saw that Liam was already in bed, back turned towards him and all the lights turned out. So he had stumbled into the bathroom, using the glow of his phone screen to illuminate the way, brushing his teeth quickly before he climbed into bed.

Liam hadn’t been asleep. Harry could tell immediately, everything about Liam screaming ‘tense and angry’. Reaching out a tentative hand, Harry let it sink down on the sheets before he touched Liam. He didn’t really know what to say to him anyway, had run out of reasons a long time ago. There was nothing he hadn’t yet told the other boy, nothing he hadn’t tried, and it all had been in vain.

Liam’s whole posture, whole demur, screamed ‘leave me alone’ so Harry did just that. He turned around, facing the other side and had closed his eyes, trying to conjure some images of Louis to lull him to sleep.

 

Harry had woken just after 8am, had gotten up quietly and gathered his clothes, making his way outside to his usual spot. He went through his yoga exercises, had grabbed some fruits on his way through the restaurant and spent another hour on the beach just cooling off and watching people.

Once he felt his shirt starting to get tacky, he got up, quickly checking their usual spots to see whether Niall or Zayn might have made it out of bed (they didn’t) before he headed back to his room for a shower.

Up until after his shower, everything had gone according to plan. He had just slipped on his pink shorts and laid out all his stuff on the bed so he wouldn’t forget anything, packing his satchel, making sure to grab something for headaches and some electrolytes for Louis.

If Zayn was feeling up to it maybe he and Harry could go and take some pictures? About to reach over to grab his digital reflex camera, Harry jumps slightly when the door flies open.

“There you are.”

“Here I am,” he confirms.

“I was looking for you.” Liam crosses his arms, frowning.

It gives Harry pause, because he had gotten used to the fact that Liam wouldn’t pay him much attention, would sometimes be gone already when he woke up or came back from his yoga, meeting him at the beach or during breakfast. Never had the other boy sought him out actively during their holiday and Harry had gotten used to that arrangement. It’s not like him and Liam were on a proper couple-holiday, were a proper couple to begin with. It’s not like they had much to talk about, not like Harry had felt like Liam was particularly interested in the stuff Harry talked about and after a while he had just given up.

So he’s a tad surprise. And slightly worried by the glare Liam keeps shooting him.

“Where were you?”

“Where-? Out. Doing yoga. Grabbing some fruits. Like always.” Harry doesn’t really know how to answer, what Liam is looking for, expecting to hear.

“Out. Alone?”

“I… of course? I got up at 8am.”

“So?” So _obviously_ no one else had been awake at that time, especially not after last night, which Liam would know if he didn’t act like a dick all the time. Harry bites his lips and takes a calming breath.

“So the rest is still asleep. It got a bit late last night,” he tries to keep the judgment out of his voice.

“I figured. You reeked of booze when you got back last night.”

Neutral, Harry reminds himself. Liam isn’t really angry with him, he’s upset about Zayn and Louis and what he believes happened. “I didn’t drink much.”

“Huh, really? The way you stumbled around last night tells a different story.”

“Well, it was quite dark…” he says, translating in ‘you could have left some light on’.

“I was trying to sleep.”

“I gathered. You weren’t though. Asleep I mean.”

Liam nods, still not making a move towards Harry. “I wasn’t. Couldn’t. But nice of you to notice. Not that you cared but…”

“What?”

Liam shrugs, condescending smile playing on his lips. He had never been that kind of mean to Harry, like he was better than him, looked right through him. Liam had always reserved that kind of snarl for Louis, and as of late for Zayn. Seems Harry joined that illustrious circle without realizing it.

“I said it’s not like you cared. Or care. You seemed rather cozy with those two wankers yesterday. Fitted right in, didn’t you?”

Harry shakes his head. “You know what, I don’t need to listen to that shit.” He grabs his stuff, shoving it all in his bag without any order, making a move to push past Liam. He’s just opened the door when Liam yanks him back.

“Running off to your little gang of friends again, H.? You wouldn’t even know them if it wasn’t for me, they wouldn’t even like you, wouldn’t even have looked twice at you, hadn’t I introduced you.”

“What’s your problem, Liam?” Harry turns around, lowering his bag to the floor.

“My problem?” Liam laughs. “My problem is that my boyfriend, who’s supposed to be supportive and nice, supposed to be a little bit grateful that I paid for his goddamn holiday-“ Harry bites his lips hard. He never asked for Liam to pay for this, never. It’s so unfair to bring it up, to use it against him. “So my problem is that my boyfriend is acting like a bitch. Being a little easily impressible shit.”

“I'm afraid you need to be a little more specific, darling,” Harry snarls because _wow_. Liam had done a lot of questionable things, had called people a couple of things and names but never had he attacked Harry personally.

“You keep acting like you’re actually friends with _them_ ,” Liam spits. “Like you don’t know what they did, how they acted. Like this is all some joke really, like we’re all here for a friendly get-together.”

Up until this second Harry was convinced that was exactly what they were here for. At least in Niall’s, Louis’ and Zayn’s opinion.

“You act like you’re on _their side_.” Harry didn’t know there were sides to choose either. He didn’t know they were basically at war. Had somehow missed the moment, that one thing, which turned this from a bad break-up to an all-encompassing fight, where just looking at the ‘enemy’ was frowned upon and punishable by death.

“Are you serious? Do you actually listen to yourself, Liam?” Harry doesn’t have to fake the shock. “This isn’t some elaborate plan to make your life miserable. This isn’t war. This is a holiday with your three best mates and you are being an absolute dick, making this trip hell for everyone involved!”

“Oh, I am making this difficult? What about Louis? What about Zayn?” Liam hollers and Harry glares back at him.

“Yes, what about them? They haven’t done anything, Li. They neither attacked you nor did they badmouth you. They tried really hard to be friendly.”

Liam outright laughs at him, and Harry isn’t a violent person but right now he thinks he could punch Liam and feel good about it. “They didn’t do anything? They tried? Fuck, Harry. You are so naïve. The only thing Louis tries is to piss me off even more. Why do you think he keeps hanging around Zayn like that? Flirting with him and making sure I’m always right there to see it?”

One of these days Harry will have to congratulate Liam on his selective perception. Since it’s not Louis making sure Liam is there to watch him flirt with Zayn but _Zayn_ initiating it if anything. But apparently Liam decided that Louis is the evil mastermind behind everything, following some devious plan to make his life hell. In Liam's opinion, Louis probably also ruined that project and paid Liam’s professors to drop his grades. Louis is that powerful and has nothing better to do.

“Louis was just waiting for us to break up, had probably been gagging for it. And now that I’m finally out of the picture, now that he’s finally gotten Zayn in his bed, he does anything he can to rub it in my face.”

Harry wonders if Liam is going through a psychotic episode or something like that.

“Why do you think he even talks to you?!” Liam points a finger at Harry and it’s possibly a bad idea to answer or get into a discussion with Liam right now but he does anyway.

“Because he likes me?!”

Again, Liam laughs. So hard, that he has to bend over.

“He likes you. Sure. Harry, sweetheart, let me tell you something about Louis. He doesn’t like you. Wouldn’t even look at you if it wasn’t for me. He’s only nice to you because he wants to get back at me.” Liam makes a move as if to clasp his hand around Harry’s shoulder, making Harry move out of the way quickly. “Louis is a dick. Always has been and always will be. He’s a fickle asshole, much too focused on himself to give anyone else as much as the time of the day. He’s so self-absorbed, so in love with himself. _Louis_ only does what’s best for _Louis_. His sole goal in life is to make himself happy, no matter who he hurts in the process.”

“He’s been your best friend for years,” Harry says. “How can you say that? How can you talk about someone you spent over half of your life with like that?”

“Because I _know_ him. Opposed to you, I know what Louis is like. And if it hadn’t been for Zayn or Niall, we wouldn’t be friends, believe me. Good riddance, that’s what it is. I don’t need someone like Louis Tomlinson in my life. You don’t either. You are a nice guy, Harry and Louis is just not. He’ll play with you for a couple of days, maybe even weeks if he doesn’t find anything better to catch his interest but don’t get your hopes up. Louis doesn’t linger around, once this trip is over you’ll never hear of him again, believe me.”

He’s tempted. So tempted to tell Liam about him and Louis. To tell him that Louis lingered for over a year and with thousands of miles between them. That Liam is a delusional ass, who never knew Louis at all if he can say these things about him. He’s opened his mouth to do exactly that when the door is pushed open.

“Is that right, Liam?” Louis stands there, blue eyes unnaturally bright and Harry has never seen him so… angry, upset, tense. His whole body seems to be vibrating with it, fists curled tight and shoulders squared. “We were never friends?”

Liam is speechless for a couple of seconds, probably shocked that Louis showed up, stuck around and got to listen to each and every horrible thing Liam said about him.

“How could I ever be friends with someone like you, Louis?” Liam says and Harry is pretty sure it’s 90% hurt and confusion talking, the loss of Zayn and seeing him with someone else getting to Liam in the worst possible way but try explaining that to Louis right now.

Harry wonders, not for the first time, how they got here. How – _if_ – they will make it out of it and what their losses will be. It seems that Louis and Liam’s friendship is a certain casualty in this whole mess.

“I don’t know who you are,” Zayn shows up, standing next to Louis. They don’t touch but he’s standing close enough to show whose back he has. Liam pales visibly, obviously not having expected that.

Harry wonders if it’s good that it all finally came to blows, if that’s the thunderstorm they need to clear the air. If they finally get to say all those things they kept bottled up and if it means they can all finally move on.

“I don’t know who you are, Liam,” Zayn repeats. “And I wonder whether I fooled myself all these years, falling in love with an image instead with the person you are because…” He looks over at Louis. “Because I could never love a person who talks like that, who treats one of their best friends like that.”

“Zayn…”

Zayn reaches out blindly, wrapping his hand around Louis’. Harry feels like they totally forgot his presence, and maybe they did. He’s too new to understand all the dynamics between those three, knows too little about their history to understand completely what’s going on right now.

“I’m glad I got to hear this,” Zayn continues. “I was going mad with questions and what-if’s. Kept wondering whether I shouldn’t start fighting, shouldn’t try harder after the night we kissed.”

Liam draws in a shaky breath and Harry’s eyes snap to him. _They did what_?!

“Harry, I…”

“He can explain,” Zayn cuts in. “Liam has an explanation for everything, Harry. Don’t worry. It didn’t mean anything.” His voice is growing quieter. “Not to me at least. Not after I heard that. God, Liam. Who even are you? Do you know?” He shakes his head, tugging on Louis’ hand.

Louis startles, gaze so far fixed on Liam and it’s a bit of an information overload for Harry. _Zayn kissed Liam_. Liam kissed him back. But Zayn knows about Louis and him. Why didn’t he tell him? Does _Louis_ know that Zayn kissed Liam? Considering he doesn’t look the least surprised he probably did. Why didn’t he tell Harry? Shouldn’t he know about that – doesn’t he _have a right_ to know that? Why didn’t Liam tell him?

Zayn doesn’t say anything, just tugs Louis along, softly closing the door behind them.

Harry chews his lips, staring at the carpet. His head is a mess. He can’t even finish one thought before another cuts in.

“Harry…?”

“Don’t,” he holds up his hand. “Just… don’t talk to me right now.” He reaches for his bag. “I… just need to be alone for a while.”

 

*

“… sure you’re alright?”

“Well, I am not the one Liam just declared his archenemy…” Zayn mutters.

Harry doesn’t remember deciding to walk down and around the hotel, but he once again ended up on Louis’ terrace and he seriously needs to have a word with him about sliding doors and locks.

“But you looked a bit pale up there, mate.” Louis sounds a little breathy.

“I looked pale? You didn’t even look at me, Lou. You were rooted in place. I was worried you’d either faint or try to punch Liam.” Compared to Louis, Zayn sounds worked up, proper upset and Harry doesn’t need the visual confirmation to know that the other boy is pacing the floor. “I mean, are _you_ okay?”

“Fine.”

“Louis,” Zayn sighs. “Stupid question, of course you’re not fine. That was a real dickish move…”

“At least I know what he thinks of me now,” Louis mumbles and Harry finally decides to make his presence known. He knocks softly against the doorframe, shoving the curtain out of the way and poking his head inside.

“Hey, sorry I don’t mean to… like… if you want to be alone… I just heard you talking and…” Zayn shakes his head and waves him inside.

“It’s alright, H.” He looks over to Louis, who’s just sitting on the bed, staring at his feet. Harry expected Zayn’s and Louis’ places to be reversed, thought Louis would be the ball of angry energy pacing the floor while Zayn would withdraw, but somehow Louis is the one who’s hunched up, appearing smaller than he really is.

“Sorry about that… about just barging in like that…” Zayn says and Harry glances over at him. “I didn’t… we didn’t mean to interfere like that or get involved in your argument. It was just… pretty… umh…”

“Shit? Dickish? Crappy?” Harry suggests and Zayn nods.

“Yes, all of those and a bit more than that.” He scratches his neck. “Did… umh, did Liam give you a hard time, too?”

At that, Louis finally glances up like he so far didn’t even consider Liam being an ass to Harry.

“We… we had an argument, yes. I don’t think he really meant what he said to me but… yeah, he’s been a bit dickish.”

“I’m going to fucking kill him!” Louis growls and before Harry or Zayn can react he’s pushed himself off of the bed. Zayn just manages to catch him before he can actually yank the door open and storm back upstairs.

“Let’s not jump the gun, okay?” Louis’ best friend pushes him gently back towards the bed. “You won’t gain anything by storming into Liam’s room to do what exactly? Punch him? You might actually get one in, I give you that, but in the end he’s a tad stronger than you, sorry to break the news.”

“So we’re going just let it slide? Again? If he’s being an arse to me, okay, but he’s been a dick towards you and now he’s acting like a wanker towards Harry as well! How long are we just going to stand by and watch him get away with it?” Louis suddenly explodes. “I get that he had a bit of a hard time with uni and his job or internship or whatever. I even grant him that he’s shaken up by your break up but that’s no excuse for acting the way he does! He’s taken it too far and you know it, Zayn!”

“Well what do you want me to do?” Zayn snaps back and Louis eyes flash in an icy blue.

“Stop making excuses for him! Stop being so fucking considerate! Stop being nice and for God’s sake stop trying to make it okay for him! He’s obviously not interested in it!”

“Lou…” Harry tries, voice low and soothing.

“What?” Louis glares at him before he takes a deep breath. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Harry can understand that Louis is worked up. “You have every right to be angry. What Liam said… that was so out of line.” Louis gives Zayn a ‘there you have it, at least he gets it’ look. The dark haired boy just snorts.

“But…” Harry begins carefully. “I honestly think he didn’t mean it.”

“Oh God.” Louis falls back onto his bed. “Did you two join the Peace Corps?”

“No,” he inches a little closer to the bed. “But I think you’ve just been the unlucky one to be on the receiving end on all of Liam’s frustration, anger and hurt.”

“You know what? I couldn’t care less. Maybe it’s time for Liam to be on the receiving end of my anger!?”

“Lou…” Zayn rolls his eyes. “And what would you gain from that?”

“Don’t know. Satisfaction? I'm quite sick and tired of Liam’s attitude and trying to skirt around him. He’s a big boy and if he wants to be a wanker than he’ll be damn well treated like a wanker.”

“So what?” Zayn sinks down in an armchair and Harry finally sits down on the edge of the kingsize bed. “You’ll just have a go at him every time you two cross paths? That’s going to be an even greater holiday than it is already!”

“Don’t make it sound like this is my fucking fault, Zayn! I didn’t do anything!”

Zayn points an accusing finger at Harry.

“What? What’s Harry got to do with it?” Louis sits back up. “Liam doesn’t even know about this so don’t try and make this about him and me!”

“Okay, okay,” Zayn holds up both hands. “I just don’t want you to…”

“Want me to what?” Louis asks, tone surreptitiously. 

“I don’t want you to make it worse,” Zayn admits quietly.

“Pray tell me; how could I make this any worse than it already is?”

“I know you, Louis. You could. And it’s not worth it, okay?”

“Not worth it? So he gets to treat my best friend like shit, gets to act all high and mighty? He’s been acting all prattish even towards Niall, has been a right dick towards you and I and now he starts taking his moods out on my – on Harry?” Louis shakes his head. “We’ve been so… good, Zayn. So nice and understanding and I have had it up to here!” He flicks his fringe. “If you’re okay with being treated like shit, fine. I am not. And I will no longer stand for this.” Louis narrows his eyes. “You were just as gutted as I am. How can you still defend him even now?”

“I—“ Zayn begins but Louis interrupts him.

“Do you get off on being treated like shit? Because that’s all he’s been doing for the past weeks – months even – Zayn! He’s never been nice to you, has always treated you like… dirt. And you still stick up for him? You still defend him? What the fuck?”

“You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about!” Zayn explodes and Harry shrinks back. From smoke to smother, he’s really got a talent for getting caught in fights today.

“How about you explain it to me?” Louis gets up too, almost bumping nose with Zayn. “Because I really don’t understand how you can still… like that fucking tosser! How you can stand here, making up excuses for him! You heard what he said!” Louis snaps, voice raised and chest heaving.

“You know what, I don’t need to tell you shit! I don’t need to explain myself to you!” Zayn brushes past him and Louis growls.

“Oh, so you’re just going to leave? Going to run away?” Zayn opens the door. “You know I’m right! You just don’t have the fucking balls to admit it!” He hollers after Zayn, still glaring at the door even once the other boy has thrown it close.

Maybe Harry should leave. This clearly runs deeper, he’s only be around for a little over a year, he doesn’t really know them all that well yet. And he certainly doesn’t want to get caught in the crossfire between Louis-Liam-Zayn. He’s pretty sure who ever gets involved in that one can only come out as loser.

Louis still stands in the middle of his room, fists balled and knuckles turned white and he’s breathing like he just ran a mile. Harry’s first instinct after – even during the fight with Liam – had been to turn to Louis for support and cover, and when Liam attacked Louis, the same instinct kicked in, telling Harry to go and care for and cuddle Louis. Only that he’s not so sure Louis wants to be cuddled right now.

Perhaps he just wants to be left alone.

About to get up and slink out of the room, Louis’ shoulders slump and he turns around with a defeated huff. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s… okay? I mean, I obviously don’t know everything and this clearly runs deeper so… I could understand if you’d tell me to stay out of it? To keep my mouth shut and leave you alone?”

“No, Harry, gosh no. I don’t want you to leave.” Louis comes back over and sinks down in front of him, taking his hands. His thumb runs across Harry’s knuckles, tracing the little cross inked on his hand. “I like that one,” Louis mumbles and Harry smiles.

“Are you okay?” He questions quietly and Louis shakes his head.

“No. That’s all… a bit much? Like, I knew I wasn’t Liam’s favorite person but I didn’t think… I thought we…” Louis shakes his head. “Whatever. I was obviously wrong.” He shrugs like it didn’t mean all that much to him either and Harry can see right through him.

“He didn’t mean it. He just… he needs someone to put all the blame on and… I guess in Liam’s eyes you have everything he doesn’t right now, so… in a very twisted kind of logic… he blames you. It’s easier than to sit down and admit it’s 90% his fault, you know?” Harry looks down at Louis lowered head, a bit fascinated by how the sun managed to bleach his already light brown hair even further, turning it into a warm caramel color. “And he was jealous because I hung out with you. Because I liked hanging out with you,” Harry shrugs. “I think Liam’s afraid to be left alone, even though he’s the one pushing everyone away. And… since I stayed out with you last night instead of running after him, he thought I’d abandon him too.”

“He can’t ask that of you, Haz,” Louis mutters. “He can’t ask you to stay and just take everything he throws at you. He’s doesn’t even pay you attention, he doesn’t even talk to you and…” He bites his lip and suddenly gets up. “I hate that, you know?”

“What?”

“How he treats you? You deserve better!” he huffs out a breath, back turned towards Harry.

Quietly, Harry gets up, walking over to the other boy and hugging him, chest pressed to his back. Louis tries to scurry away but his attempt is rather lame and Harry has no trouble holding on. “Hey,” he whispers softly, chin resting on Louis shoulder. “I got something – _someone_ – better, you know?” He noses along Louis neck, brushing his hair aside to catch Louis scent. He’s not wearing any cologne, smelling just like sun and boy. Harry presses a lingering kissing behind his ear.

“You are going to leave him, aren’t you?” Louis voice is almost inaudible.

“I am. I promise.” Harry presses himself closer to Louis, never wanting to make him doubt it.

“And… do you think he means it?” Louis doesn’t need to elaborate, Harry gets what he’s referring to and for a second he hates Liam. Hates that he managed to make Louis feel small, that he hurt him, lashed out just to make himself feel better.

“No. He doesn’t mean it. He’s just… it’s easier to blame everyone else, you know?”

“Mmh,” Louis hums, leaning back against Harry.

“And it’s not worth to get upset over,” Harry tells him. “He’ll apologize eventually.”

“Do you need to get back?”

“No. I don’t… don’t really fancy seeing him right now,” Harry admits. “Rather stay with you, if that’s okay?”

“Won’t see me complain.” Louis turns around in his hold and Harry will never admit it out loud, but he’s hopelessly endeared by the fact that Louis has to get up on his toes to wrap his arms comfortably around his neck.

Harry smiles and lowers his head, lips running across Louis cheek in a soft caress before he kisses him gently.

He didn’t really intend for it to go anywhere but after a while Louis shuffles impossibly closer, rubbing against Harry just the right way and _oh_ , Louis is actually hard.

“We don’t have to…” Louis is quick to mutter once he realizes Harry noticed. “I don’t want you to think it’s just about… sex.”

“Mmh, I know. That’s it not just about sex,” Harry mouths along his jaw. “But I’d really like to take care of you, if you let me?”

“Might make an exception,” Louis mutters distracted, not protesting when Harry walks them backwards towards the bed, being the first to go tumbling down so Louis lands on top of him and he can sprawl his hands across Louis bum. He really likes that bum. Fits right into his hands and since he’s got a good grip on him, he can help Louis grind slowly against him.

Harry waits for Louis breath to become a little irregular, hips stuttering against his before her turns them over gently, landing on top of Louis.

“Mmh?” he hums at Harry, question in his eyes but not all that bothered by the change of position once Harry cups him through his shorts.

“Can I see you?” He asks, realizing that for once they are alone. Alone, behind closed doors and with time at their hands. Despite not minding the slightly rougher and faster sex they’ve had so far, Harry has still wanted to spread Louis out, to take his time and to get a good look at this beautiful boy. Neither on the beach, nor in the alley or in Louis bathroom did he get a chance, too overwhelmed or too hectic, afraid to be stopped or caught at any second. Now though…

Harry pushes Louis shirt up slowly, making sure to keep palming him while he works with Louis to get him out of this annoying piece of clothing.

Louis raises his head questioningly, and Harry traces his index finger from his collarbones across his sternum down to the waistband of his shorts, flicking the button open and slowly taking them down.

“Just want to… see you,” he mutters, flinging the shirt and shorts off the bed. “Can I?” Harry tugs at the waistband of Louis’ briefs, waiting for the curd nod to get rid of those as well.

Then he sits back and just… admires. Louis is really, really beautiful. All sharp edges and crystal blue eyes, he’s also soft and gentle around Harry, like he’s toning it down a bit to accommodate Harry’s natural shyness and sweetness. But Louis naked is just… gorgeous. He’s small, petite even but with a lean and slender frame.

Golden skin taut across muscles, his tan accentuates every angle, every dip, every edge even more. The hollow of his collarbones, the dip of his waist or the dimples at the bottom of his spine, Harry sits there and with a breathless fascination runs his hands all across Louis body. The other boy just lets him, watching him, while Harry traces the words of his chest piece, before he flits over to his arm to run his hand over the tattoos there.

Then his eyes snap down to Louis hips and he can see him angle his head, getting up on his elbows so he can continue to watch Harry.

Perfectly fitted to his muscle and bone structure is the tattoo he saw Zayn draw all those weeks ago. It’s delicate, perfectly shaded and for anyone else Harry would have thought those black lines to be too small, too fragile but for Louis they work. They work so damn well that he can’t take his eyes off them.

Shading and seemingly mindless swirls come together to form an immaculate silverfern leaf, reaching down to almost the base of Louis cock before it drapes itself across his hipbone, black and gray ink a little smoky along the edges.

Harry is only mildly offended that he wasn’t asked to come along to give the tattoo artist death stares because there’s no way Louis was able to keep his pants on during this. Except this minor, maddening detail, the whole design is perfect.

“Like it?” Louis voice is a little scratchy.

Harry just nods dumbly. “I… it’s… yes,” he settles on, hoping that his gobsmacked expression gives away just how much he likes it. “I… I don’t even know where…” he raises his hands, spanning them across Louis hips but does not touch, hovering inches above the skin. “You are so, so gorgeous, Lou,” his voice cracks a little, thumping along with the rapid beat of his heart. “Want to touch you.”

Instead of answering, Louis just raises his hips, finally brushing them against Harry’s hands and that’s all the encouragement he needs. He drapes himself across Louis, making sure not to squash him, before he kisses him filthy.

Spreading his legs, Harry slides easily between Louis thighs, hand running along his side before manages to cup his bum. Holding him still with one hand, his other slides along Louis thigh before Harry twists his hand upwards and Louis shudders once Harry brushes across his rim.

“Can I?” He whispers against Louis lips, who just nods.

He sits back up and is about to give his fingers a quick lick, when Louis closes his eyes and mutters “jeeze” before his hands flies carelessly out towards the bedside table. For a second, Harry doesn’t get the intent, then Louis points to the drawer and oh… yes, lube might make things easier.

He chuckles a bit embarrassed and a lot turned on, reaching out and rummaging around until his hand closes around the bottle.

“Think you can come just from this?” Harry wriggles his index while coating it and Louis groans.

“Think I could come from almost everything right now,” he mutters, reaching out to give his neglected cock a tug but Harry swats his hand away.

“No touching.”

“Excuse you?!”

“No touching,” Harry smirks. “Want to test my theory,” he wriggles his fingers and Louis drops back into the pillow with a groan.

“Bossy much?”

“Just shut up and relax,” Harry says with a smile, about to finally get to work when Louis holds him back once more.

“Why aren’t you naked?!” He questions as if he only thought about this now, making Harry’s hard cock twitch in sympathy. “Those pink shorts are lovely and everything and I really enjoy the way they’re becoming more and more see-through with the way you’re dripping babe, but… take them off?”

Harry looks down and sees that he is indeed tenting the thin material obscenely, a wet patch already formed where the head is brushing against the fabric.

Now that Louis brought it to his attention, Harry can feel the teasing drag of cloth over skin and combined with the view he has… it’s getting a little harder to keep breathing and focus and not to wrap his hand around himself to finish this all way too quickly.

“Listen,” he leans forward. “If I get naked this is all going to be over in a second. Because I’ll either come all across your stomach and mess up the pretty ink like I’m dying to do since I first spotted it or I won’t be able to hold back and fuck you with little to none prep, meaning it’ll also be over in about 0.5 seconds. Do you still want me to get undressed?”

“Stamina of a freaking teenager,” Louis mutters but his eyes have gone dark and he’s fidgeting a little more beneath Harry. “If you can’t control yourself, stay dressed for God’s sake.”

Harry leans in to kiss Louis again, accidentally dribbling a bit of lube across his abs.

“Haz…” Louis whines, spreading his legs further but chasing his mouth all the same and Harry wonders how far this is going to go. He went in with no other plan than to finally get his hands on Louis body and to explore it in peace and quiet but now that the other boy is flushed and worked up beneath him, legs angled and on display, Harry begins to realize there might be only one way how this – they – will finish it.

Did Louis think to bring condoms? Harry certainly didn’t, didn’t dare to dream about getting that close to Lou before the trip and he certainly didn’t plan on ever letting Liam that close again.

He looks down, eyes flicking between Louis hip tattoo and his admittedly really pretty dick. It’s thick and almost purple, smearing across Louis’ taut stomach and Harry’s mouth waters. But this isn’t what he came here for, if he gets his mouth around Louis, it’ll all be over in an instant.

So he bypasses it, tracing his finger slowly over Louis balls. He whines and arches his back, and Harry is not sure if he’s scrambling towards the touch or away from it.

He takes a deep breath and notices that Louis seemed to have stopped breathing altogether, gently nudging the first ring of tight muscle.

“Breathe, babe,” he murmurs and Louis shudders through a breath, Harry dipping his finger slowly inside.

Louis is tight and wet and hot and Harry nearly comes on the spot when he imagines how he’d feel around his cock.

He keeps pushing forward, eyes trained on Louis face. The older boy has his eyes scrunched shut and is breathing hard through his nose and Harry suddenly worries that he’s hurting him, that Louis might not all be that used to bottoming…

“Why… why’d you stop?”

“I just… is this okay? I mean are you okay with this or should we…”

“Fine. Perfect,” Louis presses through his teeth. “Feels good, babe. It’s just… it’s been a while, you know? But been thinking about those damn slender fingers of yours forever, wondered how they’d feel so can you please…” he wriggles a little, taking Harry deeper and that breaks the spell.

Now that Harry is sure Louis wants it, he doesn’t quite treat him like he’s made of glass anymore. He angles his finger, searching, until he finds Louis prostate. Quickly coating a second one, he makes sure to hit the spot again, this time causing Louis to arch of the bed with a muttered “Fuck” and Harry thinks he can do much better than that. Louis definitely needs to be louder.

Turns out he can be. A lot louder.

It might take a while and three fingers, but eventually he’s got Louis kicking at thin air, one hand tangled in his hair and the other wrapped so tight into the sheets that his knuckles have turned white. His bronze chest is glistening with a thin sheet of sweat, eyes screwed shut and breathing erratic. He’s a sight to behold.

Alternating between high and breezy moans and low, deep groans, Louis looks wrecked and Harry basks in it. He himself is painfully hard, starved of a touch or kiss but it’s too good to stop now, he’s pushed Louis so far already and he’ll be damned if he stops now.

He vowed to see Louis chest painted in his own come and it seems Harry might only be seconds and a couple of well aimed strokes away from it.

Only that suddenly…

“Lou? Louis?!”

Louis freezes beneath him, eyes wide in an apparent state of shock. It takes a couple of seconds for Harry to comprehend why and what hearing that voice means, the implications and consequences because in and on itself Niall is the least threatening person he can think of.

Just not when Louis is flushed from head to toe, panting and writhing, naked on his bed and with three of Harry’s fingers buried deep inside of him.

“Fuck,” Harry whispers wholeheartedly because why does Niall have to show up now?! He looks down while Louis just stares up, mouth moving but no words coming out. Harry looks over to the sliding doors, which of fucking course aren’t locked and invitingly open. Why didn’t they think of this before?

“Fuck!” He says louder, quickly letting go of Louis and dropping of the bed gracelessly, fumbling for Louis shirt . “Put that one, will ya?” he tells him, watching as Louis reaches out slowly, way too slow if they hope to make it in time before Niall bursts in. Harry can hear him call out again, closer, much too close, and he imagines he can already see his silhouette approaching.

“Hurry up!” Harry trips over Louis discarded pair of briefs, stumbling towards the door and blocking the entry the very second Niall reaches out to push the curtain aside.

“Hi!” He kind of yells at him, flicking the hair out of his face and smearing a broad stripe of lube across his face because _why not_? Just his luck, maybe Niall won’t notice or think it’s moisturizer. “Fancy seeing you here,” He cocks his hip out, spreading himself out like a demented starfish so Niall can’t peek inside the room.

“Harry,” the other boy sounds mildly surprised to see him here. “I… okay. Didn’t think I’d bump into you here of all places but… well, is Louis in?”

“Of course,” Harry chuckles. “Why would I be here if Louis wasn’t there?” Perhaps it’d be better to stick to one-word answers. “Umh, but funny of you to ask because I was actually with Liam when… umh…”

“Oh. Oh yes, I… heard about that. Zayn came down to the beach to tell us him and Louis didn’t get lost on the way to your room but… kind of burst into an argument which turned nasty? He said Liam had been a right dick to you and… also… well, he told me about the stuff he said about Lou?” Niall scratches his head, luckily not dwelling on the fact that Harry is flushed from head to toes, chattering like a nutter and that his curls are sticking up in an artful swirl, held by nothing but the finest Durex lube. Niall is Harry’s new favorite person. “Actually came here to see how he was doing.”

“Who? Liam?” Harry asks confused, trying to listen to what Niall is saying but simultaneously straining his ears to figure out in which state of undress Louis currently is in.

“No, dork,” Niall ruffles his curls and all Harry can think is _lube, lube, lube_. Niall, by extension, just touched Louis butt. _Ugh_. “Came here for Lou,” he tries to peek over Harry’s shoulder and Harry will really need to step aside sooner rather than later because there is no reason for him to act as weird as he does. “What’s he doing in there that has you guarding the door like a dog?”

“He… umh.. I…” Harry stutters eloquently.

“Niall,” suddenly he’s shoved aside, Louis voice a little higher and more strained than usual but he just hopes Niall won’t notice. Just like he hopefully won’t notice the tint to Louis cheeks or glassiness to his eyes or his slightly labored breathing. His hair and face are slightly wet, like he dunked his head into cold water to fight the blush and when Harry looks back into the room he sees the door to the ensuite wide open, so that’s probably what Louis actually did. “Sorry, was in the bathroom, didn’t hear you calling out.”

“Aha,” Niall doesn’t say more, just waits and eventually Louis pinches Harry’s side, making him move over so Niall can enter.

“Umh, thank you, Harry but I’m fine now. Really no need to stop over but appreciate the gesture, _mate_ ,” Louis tells the carpet and Harry knows a dismissal when he hears one.

“Right, well… anytime, okay?” He still tries but Louis doesn’t meet his eyes, just haunches his shoulders and nods curtly.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to keep you from your _boyfriend_ for too long, you know?” He mutters, still looking everywhere but Harry and okay, maybe it’s partially Harry’s fault. He could have locked the door but then again, so could have Louis. And it’s not like he came here with the sole intention the get Louis naked and defenseless before calling Niall over so he could walk in on them.

Louis doesn’t need to act all chilly all of sudden, he was just as eager for it as Harry, no need for that ice-cold shoulder in front of others now.

When Louis still doesn’t make a move to acknowledge his presence, Harry huffs a “bye” and leaves.

He doesn’t really know where to go, doesn’t fancy company and especially not Zayn who will need one good look to figure out that Harry isn’t a happy chap at the moment. But he left his satchel with all his stuff at Louis’ how he suddenly realizes, so there goes the option of busing himself with his book and iPod.

Wandering aimlessly for a while, he eventually settles for the pool bar. There are enough people around to provide some entertainment but it’s far enough from the beach for Zayn or Babs to not wander up to here.

He’s just stretched his legs and gotten a fruity non-alcoholic cocktail when his gaze drops to a young couple, kissing. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, nothing he hasn’t seen before except that the bloke has some resemblance to Zayn and…

“… _after the night we kissed_.” That’s what Zayn said to Liam, wasn’t it? With everything going on, all the words and accusations being flung forwards and backwards between those three, Harry almost didn’t notice, almost overheard those words and definitely didn’t pay them much mind but seeing that bloke kiss his girlfriend makes him suddenly think back to them.

And to why no one has – once again – told him about it?

Given Liam’s shocked, caught and guilty expression the kiss had happened recently and Louis hadn’t seem fazed by the news either which means he knew about it. And hasn’t told Harry. Just like Liam.

And he gets that this is all some weird power-love-loss triangle between Louis, Liam and Zayn but Harry’s not just a bystander is he? He’s fucking involved in this whole mess too, is buried up to his chin in it. He has a damn right to know what’s going on. Doesn’t even expect Liam to come clean about it immediately but at least Zayn… or even Louis! It’s that one thing, the perfect reason. The gift on a silver tray, everything Harry needs to break up with Liam. It’s the one good cause to set him free.

And Louis didn’t tell him. The one who keeps nagging and asking, questioning and doubting, didn’t tell him about this… minor detail.

Great. Just perfect.

Harry drums his fingers on the table top and doesn’t feel like a childish idiot at all.

Fair enough, Harry doesn’t really have any high ground to stand on since he is the one who’s sneaking around with another boy but… _still_. If Liam wants Zayn and if Harry wants Louis than why the heck are they still skirting around this?

Why doesn’t anyone have the guts to come clean and actually take what they want?! (Harry does include himself in this).

However, in his humble opinion they should have told him. It’s not like he’d flown off the handle, like he’d punch Zayn for it.

He tries to squash the ice cubes with his straw which is a futile attempt but gives him something to take this angry confusion out on. Why did everything turn to shits when he woke up?

Perhaps they’ve all just reached their limit with this tiptoeing around each other, all the tension and things left unsaid. Perhaps it was inevitable that it all came to blows.

“There you are.” He doesn’t need to look up to know who it is.

“Here I am,” he confirms and Louis rounds the table and sinks into the seat opposite him. He doesn’t look particularly happy after his talk with Niall, and Harry, who already let his guard slip, pulls it back up.

“Been looking for you for quite a while,” Louis tells him conversationally yet Harry sees right through this nonchalant act. Louis looks put off.

“Well, I would have told you where I intended to go had you been speaking to me,” Harry tells him.

The older boy just cocks an eyebrow, as if to say _drop the attitude right now_! So naturally Harry keeps it up. If everyone has it out for him today, he’s not going to be their punching ball without a fight. Especially since Louis and him were fine a mere hour ago.

“In case you didn’t notice, Niall came within a whisker of catching us in the act. Bit hard to stay and chat about your favorite spots or planned afternoon activities.” Louis mood swings today are rather spectacular. Though Harry is pretty sure he’s just unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of Louis hurt and angry confusion, possibly brought to the surface by the scare of nearly being caught.

“I was there, so I did notice,” Harry tells the tabletop, chasing the ice cubs around in his glass.

“You think this is funny?”

Harry sighs, “No, but I didn’t ask Niall to show up when he did, okay?”

“Could have locked the door,” Louis suggests loftily.

“You could have done that, too.” He tries to keep it neutral, to not fan Louis anger. He seems to be looking for a fight, desperate to turn any talk in some kind of argument. Harry wonders what Niall might have said to him to put him into such a foul mood within minutes.

“Bit hard to walk with something up your arse, _mate_ ,” Louis replies and Harry frowns at the ‘endearment’.

“Might be mistaken but I’m pretty sure you didn’t have ‘something stuck up there’ the whole time,” He can’t help but say. It’s not like he threw Louis on the bed and forced him, for crying out loud.

“Excuse me?”

Harry takes a deep breath, trying to go about this logically. “Look, I get you’re… keyed up. Angry. Hurt. Mad. Whatever. But it’s not my fault. Not what Liam said, nor being nearly caught by Niall, okay? I didn’t plan this nor did I want this to happen. I just… after what Liam said to you I just wanted to see if you’re okay and –“

“And what? Now you make it sound like I begged you to get me naked and finger me to make me feel better!” Louis is a master at twisting words, or putting things in your mouth you never meant to say, Harry realizes. In the mood he’s in, Harry doubts he’ll be able to go about this logically or win this argument. Still, he tries, “Why are you angry with me, Lou?”

“Because what you did was fucking reckless!” Louis explodes. “Stupid!”

“Well, it wasn’t just me, was it?” Harry snaps back and Louis eyes light up like he’s finally got the reaction he wanted all the time.

“I didn’t ask you to run after me, okay? I’m not some damsel in distress! I don’t need you to hold my hand! Especially because you usually chose to stick with your _boyfriend_ when things escalate, because isn’t poor Liam the one everyone tiptoes around these days?” He snarls the word ‘boyfriend’ at Harry.

It’s quite unfair to bring it up again and Louis should know – probably does know – that Harry only stuck with Liam because… well, because he’s a bit stupid and has a Mother Theresa complex, wanting to be everybody’s darling but he’s told – and shown – Louis so often that he’s his first choice, hasn’t he? And all he gets for making it even more obvious is a public bollocking?!

“If you didn’t want me to take care of you or check on you, you could have told me to leave. It’s not like I didn’t ask or offered to leave you and Zayn alone.”

“Sure, and had I told you to leave you’d have been in an even more pouty strop than you are now,” Louis shakes his head like he’s talking to a particularly obtuse toddler.

“Rather being told the truth than overstaying my welcome. Don’t need to be where I am not wanted,” Harry tells him airily.

“You know what, forget it. I don’t know why I even bothered coming to talk to you. You obviously don’t get what I mean,” Louis says, jaw tense and whole posture speaking of annoyance. “Might be a good idea to use that head of yours next time instead of thinking with your dick, mate.”

“Might be best if you calmed down, realized it’s not me you’re mad at and we’ll talk when you came to your senses,” Harry snaps back. He hates it when Louis calls him ‘mate’.

“Hate to break the news but this isn’t exactly standard protocol for me, Harry. I am not used to being a lying, cheating bastard, deceiving my mates and going behind their backs, so apologies if I’m not all that cool about this whole thing.”

“You think I enjoy this? You think this is a walk in the park for me? That I don’t mind?” Harry gasps. This is so unfair. It’s not like Harry demanded this of Louis. It was a joined decision, and Harry is not forcing him to do it, is he?

“You certainly don’t seem to be so fazed by the fact that Niall nearly caught us!” Louis bites and Harry glares at him.

“I just tried to save us while you were being useless, all shocked and frozen in place!”

“Useless?!” Okay, stupid choice of words.

“You didn’t even move, Louis! Niall could have walked in right then and there and you wouldn’t even have twitched!”

“Well sorry, but I’m not used to being nearly caught by one of my mates while fucking around with my ex-best friend’s boyfriend every day. Takes a while to get used to the idea!”

“Don’t act all high and mighty and like you’re the only one suffering in this! You know I wish for it to be different just like you do!”

“Funny, ‘cause the way I see it, it’s totally up to you to change that. But then again, you don’t really have anything to lose, do you? It’s all quite a comfortable arrangement for you!”

“God, we’ve been over that so many times,” Harry pulls at his curls, frustrated. “I told you I was going to break up with him once we got back.”

“All you ever fucking do is talk, Harry. Words are so cheap!”

“If it’s such a great inconvenience, such a big burden for you then maybe we should just leave it, Lou!” Harry yells back and _oops_ , he didn’t really mean to say this.

“If you think so.” Louis crosses his arms.

“Apparently you do,” is all Harry says.

“Well fine. Fuck this.”

“Cool, good talk,” Harry replies and Louis kicks his chair back hard, storming off.

So that went… not at all like Harry expected.

“Oh buggering fuck,” he mutters, cradling his head in his hands and running them through his hair. Louis always knew how to push his buttons and even though he could see right through the other boy, knew Louis was just looking for a valve for his anger, something or someone to take it out on, was trying to wind Harry up, he played right into his hands.

“Fuck this,” he murmurs. “To hell with all this!”

He shoves his chair back too, jogging along the path Louis took.


	8. But we'll be strangers if we see this through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry for the slight delay. I'm still on holiday and the Internet connection isn't ideal so I hope this will upload without a hitch.
> 
> Enjoy :)

God, why is everything going to shits around him?

First he came back from Australia to find Liam and Zayn broken up, had to figure out how to deal with Zayn, how to tiptoe along that line Zayn liked to cross ever so often when Liam was watching. Then Liam and Harry, getting over the initial shock of seeing the boy he’s in love with belonging to another, crossing even more lines and boundaries because he couldn’t just walk away from him. And now Liam again, delivering the final blow to a friendship which had already been on the rocks.

Louis shouldn’t be so surprised, he knew that he wasn’t Liam’s favourite person, hadn’t been for a long while probably. Still, it came as a bit of a shock and low blow to hear Liam talking about him like that. Louis thought Liam knew him better than that, would never assume such things.

For crying out loud, they had been friends since primary school, had stuck together through thick and thin, wind and rain, heartache and break-up. Remembering all the things, all his secrets he told Liam makes Louis cringe now. He basically laid every weapon Liam would need to destroy him at his feet but then again how was he supposed to know that Liam would actually pick them up and use them? They. Are. Friends. _Were_ friends, it seems.

Louis balls his fists and anger makes him walk faster.

And just when things had calmed down a little, when Harry had stop by to check on him and take care of him, being an absolute sweetheart, Niall had to stop by.

Louis appreciates the gesture but he doesn’t appreciate the timing. Nor does he appreciate the lecture Niall gave him afterwards.

Not that the other boy suspected anything (Louis wonders how he managed to overlook the bunched up sheets, the bottle of lube half hidden by a pillow and the state Louis was in), so Louis’ dirty secret hadn’t been discovered but it only proved to show how thin the ice they were treading on was.

Yet instead of petting his bruised ego and trust, Niall had lectured him about putting a stop to this whole mess – like it’s within Louis power to put a stop to anything going on at the moment.

If he could, he’d be the first to untangle the web of lies surrounding him and Harry. A clean, quick break-up with Liam, a week or two rest before they started dating and no one would hopefully bat more than an eyelash.

He’d force Liam to sit down and come clean to Zayn, to admit that he’s butthurt over the fact that Zayn seems to be moving on, that he hates to see Zayn with anyone else but him. That he’s been the biggest, twattiest dickhead to ever roam this planet and that he should have never taken Zayn for granted. He’d make Liam apologize and beg on his knees for Zayn’s forgiveness and he wouldn’t stop until those two reached some sort of understanding which allowed for them both to move on – together or apart.

He’d get his friends back, would get back to a time when they could talk freely, when Louis trusted them with his darkest and deepest secrets and fears because he knew they did too and they would never use them against him.

So yes, if anything would have been in his goddamn power he’d have done it by now. He just doesn’t get why Niall can’t see that he has no control left.

Everything’s slipping from his grasp and Louis doesn’t understand why everyone’s turning to him for fuck’s sake. He’s not their savoir, his guess on how to solve this mess is as good as Niall’s or Zayn’s. And it’s not helping that people just don’t understand it.

Louis’ skin is becoming a little thin, he feels like he is moments away from a breakdown with all the shit they keep piling on his shoulders – whether it’s deliberate or not.

He cuts across the lawn towards his terrace, throwing the sliding doors into the lock before he kicks one of his discarded shoes across the room, yelling “Fuck!”

Snapping at Harry had been the last thing he wanted but Louis has never been good with asking for help and his first and most natural instinct is still to lash out when he’s been hurt. Unfortunate that Harry had to be the recipient of it, even more unfortunate that Louis just doesn’t know when to stop pushing.

Not even sure what he wanted Harry to say, which way he was trying to push him, he just kept digging deeper and deeper and he shouldn’t be so surprised that eventually Harry just snapped back.

Fisting his hair, Louis feels caught between crying and the need to break something into a thousand tiny pieces when someone knocks forcefully enough to make the door shake in its hinges.

_Just what he needs_. He draws some sort of perverted satisfaction from the anger which flares up again, hoping, whishing, praying that it’s some other guest who wants to complain about all the noise and ruckus Louis has been making today. It’d be perfect, Louis is in the best mood to take someone’s head off.

He yanks the door open just when the person pounds against it once more.

Instead of coming face to face with an angry guest, Louis comes face to face with an angry Harry.

“Wha the fuck do y-?” He doesn’t get to finish the sentence.

Harry shoves him back into the room with enough force to make him fall against the wall, kicking the door shut with his foot and a loud bang.

Louis has barely recovered from being slammed into a wall before Harry’s upon him, towering over him.

“You’re being a little shit, Louis, and I’ve had it up to here, okay?”

Louis pushes against Harry’s shoulders, digging his nails in when he doesn’t give an inch but he might as well try to move a fricking mountain.

“No one’s asking you to stay. If it’s such a big inconvenience for you – leave!” He hisses and Harry’s green eyes darken and narrow at the same time.

“Not going to make this easy, Lou. If you want me to go, tell me. Tell me _you_ want me to leave,” Harry says, voice low and tense. He looks like he’s about to snap, like Louis just needs to push or pull a little more to make him come undone. He’s just not sure which way Harry will swing, if it’s attack or flight. He’s not sure if he wants to find out, after all it’s not his fault and Louis knows that… if he could just stop being such a goddamn dick for five seconds…

“ _Tell me to fucking leave you alone_!” Harry shouts, hand hitting the wall next to Louis head and Louis can’t form words. He opens his mouths but no sound comes out and when Harry runs his fingers through his hair, tilting his head up and angling it backwards, Louis goes willingly.

Though he does fight once Harry kisses him hard enough to bruise his lips. Pushing against his chest, he’s unsure whether he’s pushing him off or pulling him in, digs his nails into the muscle of Harry’s shoulders before he runs them along his toned arms, leaving red welts in his wake.

Harry just shoves Louis harder against the wall, hand in his hair becoming more forceful as it pulls at the strands. His other hand is gripping Louis hips and he knows he’ll have a bruise in the shape of Harry’s hand there tomorrow.

When Harry draws back to catch a breath, Louis follows him, biting at his lower lip and making Harry wince in pain but he doesn’t tell him to stop, just yanks them around, lips still attached.

Clawing at each other, Harry loses his shirt just as Louis shorts hit the floor. There’s a bite mark on Harry’s collarbones, already red and possibly purple in a couple of hours just as there’re scratch marks across Louis back from when Harry took his shirt off.

His lower back collides heavily with a chest of drawers and he yelps in pain but Harry doesn’t let up on him, stays right in his space, lips attached to Louis neck. He his teeth have long broken the skin and Louis wonders if he can taste blood. There’s a stinging sensation, pulsing in time with his rabbiting heart and while it hurts it feels great. It feels _real_.

He holds onto Harry harder, making him groan low in pain and arousal, but Harry is _here_. He’s a solid weight between Louis’ fingers, _right here_ , not slipping through his grasp.

Louis has no control left, but right now, he doesn’t mind all that much.

Harry shuffles closer and Louis is still struggling against his hold even though he’d hate for Harry to let him go now. He’s putting up a fight he doesn’t want to win, just needs Harry to put him into place. If he can’t stop being a little shit, perhaps he needs someone to make him stop.

Harry knocks him against the furniture again but this time their cocks slide together and Louis moans at the realization that Harry is naked too.

He doesn’t have time to dwell on it, however, because suddenly he’s pushed up, head slamming into the wall behind him and making a picture frame topple to the floor. Harry pushes between his legs, hand knocking something off the drawers but not even the sound of breaking glass makes them stop.

“Stop fighting me,” Harry hisses when Louis angles his head to the side so he can’t kiss him, instead biting down on his already bruised neck.

“Never,” Louis growls back and Harry grabs his hips, yanking him forward and nearly making him slide of the furniture. It’s only then that Louis realizes Harry is strong enough to hold him like that, half perched on top of a chest of drawers, arse in the air and upper body pressed against the wall.

“Tell me to stop.”

Louis is lost for a second as to what Harry’s referring to until he feels something nudge his entrance.

“Are you fucking nuts?”

“I fingered you for half an hour, don’t tell me you aren’t still lose,” Harry murmurs, letting go of his hip with one hand to grab his dick and line himself up better, while Louis tries to wriggle out of his hold, pushing against his shoulders until…

“Fuck,” he moans. Harry is right, he’s still kind of loose and wet from earlier but Harry is fucking big.

“Tell me to stop,” Harry rushes the words out in a shaky exhale against his neck and Louis just shakes his head, too overcome with the sensation of feeling Harry like that for the first time. It hurts, because even though he’s been fingered open, Harry didn’t apply any more lube, but it’s a good hurt, something grounding which Louis can focus on.

“Tell me to stop,” Harry whispers again, finally bottoming out and Louis inhales shakily. He looks at his hand, at his fingers and slowly eases his grip of Harry’s shoulders, seeing the red half-moons his nails left.

“Never going to tell you that,” he murmurs a little belatedly and Harry traces his lips along his jaw, blindly searching for his lips.

The kiss is filthy, more teeth than tongue but Louis wouldn’t want it any other way. Just when they’re coming up for air, Harry draws back and snaps his hips, shoving Louis against the wall.

There’ll be more bruises and scratches he’ll have no explanation for but it’s not that he cares right now.

“Fuck, not going to last,” Harry huffs, grabbing Louis legs to draw his hips forward just as he pushes up. Louis would like to answer but the angle is fucking amazing and he’s got a hard time focusing already.

“Neither,” he manages between a breathy whimper and deep moan when Harry’s hips meet his pelvis, making his whole body jump and the furniture rattle against the wall.

Harry broadens his stance, grips Louis harder and starts pounding into him in fast, hard strokes. Louis head bangs against the wall and he lolls forward, too much of an effort to try and keep fighting Harry. His hands paw weakly against a sweat-slick chest and his head is resting against Harry’s shoulder. He feels the younger boy’s hot puffs of breath fan across his shoulder and feebly nibbles at his neck.

“Harry…”

“I got you. You feel… fuck, you’re so tight, Lou. Feel so perfect. I can’t even… are you?”

Louis has been close since this afternoon, he’s been high strung ever since Harry got his hands on him. He’s been tethering along the edge ever since Harry entered him, started fucking him in earnest.

“Just need…” he doesn’t actually know what he needs to push him over the edge. _Everything. Nothing_.

“I got you,” Harry tells him once again, leaning him back against the wall before he really takes Louis hips and butt of the drawer, holding up half his body weight and something about this tiny change of angle makes it go from amazing to fucking mind blowing in 0.7 seconds.

“Fuck,” is all Louis manages to shout before he comes to the hard thrust of Harry’s hips, feeling his toes coil with pleasure. There’s a velvety black blurring the edges of his vision, a lot of white noise and statics and Louis brain possibly stops working for a while.

It kicks back into gear when he feels Harry tense, before he comes too. Inside of Louis.

He’s spent and possibly got his brains fucked out but the feeling of Harry pulsing hot inside of him makes his dick twitch weakly.

Once Harry has shuddered through the last wave of his orgasm, he slides out and Louis winces.

Making sure he’s got both of his feet safely on the ground, Harry steps back.

“I…” He looks fucked out, hair a mess, sticking to his temples and forehead, eyes glassy but bright. His bronzed skin is covered in a thin sheet of sweat and he seems to be swaying on his feet a bit but maybe that’s just Louis.

Louis doesn’t know what Harry wants to say, but there’s a question lingering in his eyes.

“You are the first boy to ever fuck with me without a condom,” Louis states and Harry pales.

“ _Shit_. Oh God, I should have… we didn’t…” he looks down at his dick and back at Louis. “I’ve never fucked anyone bareback,” he admits. “Shit, I am…”

“If you say sorry, I will kill you,” Louis informs him, wincing a tiny bit when he walks towards the bed. “I’m good, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I…” it takes a second to register to what Louis is referring. “Oh. I’m as well. I think. Didn’t sleep with anyone except… well, and that was ages ago, used a rubber, too… so…”

“Cool.” He should probably be freaking out a bit more. But that was possibly the best (angry) sex he’s had all his life and it was with the boy he’s in love with. So yes, Louis _should be_ freaking out a bit more about the lack of talk and condom but he can’t bring himself to it. They’re no strangers, he’s aiming for a relationship with this guy and while he’s never done it… he shifts, feeling his thighs getting sticky with Harry’s come… it felt really great.

“Are you okay?” Louis asks belated, seeing as Harry is still standing naked in front of that battered piece of furniture.

“I… yes?” It comes out like a question. “Are you?”

“I’m fine, H.”

“Really?” Harry’s eyes roam over his body, lingering on the bruises and bite marks beginning to show.

“You don’t look much better, babycakes. No idea how we’re going to explain that to the rest…”

“But?” Harry probes.

“But I don’t care,” Louis gets up, feeling pleasantly spent and hurting in all the right places. “I am going to take a shower and then call room service.”

“Oh, okay…” Harry looks over to his shirt.

“Harry,” Louis tone softens and he hobbles towards the younger boy. “It’s okay. We are okay,” he sighs. “I’m sorry for being a shit and taking everything out on you. I’d every much like for you to join me in the shower and then have dinner with me on the terrace.”

Harry’s whole face lights up like Christmas morning. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” Louis nods. “And if you think you can risk it…” he looks back towards the bed, biting his lip. “Stay the night?”

“Stay the…” Harry follows his gaze. “I’d love to,” he finally says and Louis exhales slowly.

“Good. Ace.” He grabs Harry’s hand. “Now come on. I can feel come drying on my thighs and as lovely it felt to be all… full of you…” he blinks down embarrassed but can feel Harry squeeze his hand harder.

“I’m glad it was you, you know?”

“Mmh?”

“Being… allowing me to…” he reaches around Louis, hands gently resting atop of his bum.

“Me too,” Louis admits, too tired for being a cheeky bugger. “Still, shower. Now.”

“Your wish is my command,” Harry quips and Louis flicks his ear.

 

*

 

Sunlight is flickering through the curtains, room illuminated in a soft, yellow light.

Louis wakes up slowly, tethering along the edge of sleep and consciousness for what feels like hours. His limbs are heavy, whole body warm and a little bit sore but in a pleasant way.

The low hum of the A/C and the sound of waves breaking on the shore a soft background noise, he’s cozily wrapped in a cocoon of blankets, held in place by an arm slung around him, legs tangled and hooked around his own. 

There’s a weight resting on his chest, a mess of curly hair tickling his chin and soft, warm puffs of breath accompanied by little snores ghosting over his skin.

It’s probably quite late already, the color of light making Louis think they slept well past midday. He briefly wonders if anyone is looking for them, if the rest is questioning where they are and realizes he doesn’t really care what the rest is up to.

Right here and now, he’s safe. Harry and he are safe. A fragile peace, a short breath they’re allowed to take, but it’s all they got and Louis will glory in it until the last second.

He combs through Harry’s curls, getting a soft “nnghag” in response.

“You’re awake?” he whispers, afraid raising his voice will break the tranquility of the moment.

“No. Fast asleep,” Harry mutters, before he slowly lifts his head, looking into Louis’ eyes for a couple of seconds. “Hi,” he finally says, voice a bit hoarse and scratchy from sleep.

“Hey,” Louis replies and Harry shuffles forward, pressing his lips to Louis. “Slept alright?”

Harry nods, “perfect, actually. You make for a really comfy pillow.” His hands ghost along Louis sides. “What time is it?”

“Don’t know. Don’t really want to find out,” Louis admits but reaches across the bed, grabbing his phone from the nightstand. “Past 2pm.”

“Mmh, must have tired you out last night,” Harry smirks and Louis wraps a wayward curl around his finger, pulling at it softly. Harry’s eyes flutter shut, green a notch darker once he looks at Louis again. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”

“Who says I can’t finish it?” Louis digs his hands in the chocolate-colored mess of hair and pulls Harry closer until he can nip at his lips. “But might be a good idea to brush our teeth before.”

“I don’t want to leave this bed,” Harry wails, flopping on his back. He takes all the duvets with him, leaving Louis naked beside him.

The cool breeze makes goose bumps rise on his skin, and he can feel Harry still next to him, his eyes suddenly trained on Louis body.

“Is teeth brushing a prerequisite or could I convince you to start and finish without it?”

“Prerequisite,” Louis decides, swinging his legs out of bed and possibly swaying his hips a little more than usual on his way to the bathroom. He grabs a towel from the rack, covering himself up a little.

Eventually Harry shuffles in too, reaching for Louis toothbrush the second he puts it down.

“Oi, Styles!”

“What? In case you didn’t notice; I brushed my teeth last night too. Guess what I used for it.” He shoves the toothbrush in his mouth, giving Louis a wide grin and looking a bit like a rabid frog with the foam covering his lips.

Louis has never shared his toothbrush with anyone, but he guesses since they already shared other body fluids, he can cope with Harry using it.

About to ask Harry what his plans for the rest of the day are, Louis startled out of his staring by a loud knock on the door.

Harry’s eyes widen comically and he looks down on himself, dressed in nothing but light and love. Louis places a calming hand on his shoulder and throws him a towel on his way out of the bathroom.

“Yeah?”

“It’s me. I brought gifts,” Zayn voice comes through the thick door.

“What kind of gifts?”

“Croissants. Bananas. Some other things I was told were fruits.”

“That’s a bit of a poor haul,” Louis tells Zayn when he opens the door for him, letting his mate enter.

“Good morning to you too. No need to thank me for bringing back food, it was a pleasure. Not that you slept through breakfast and lunch…” Zayn’s voice trails off before he smirks, “… but I guess you mauled something else.”

“What…?” Louis follows Zayn’s gaze, seeing Harry leaning against the doorframe, towel hazardously slung around his slender hips. There’s a hickey on the side of his neck, obscured by his curls and a mark on his peck, beneath one of the swallows. Red marks run along his arms, more prominent on his right one since they’re partially covered by the tattoos on his left arm but the red half-moons Louis nails left are still visible.

He jumps when Zayn suddenly touches his chest, looking down to see his friend trace the edge of a purple bruise on his peck, from the corner of his eyes he can see some more spread across his collarbones. There’re bruises adorning his hips, the prints of Harry’s hands on his skin in blue and purple. It looks worse, rougher than it really was or maybe Louis just didn’t feel the pain, only the pleasure and now it’s a pleasant buzz under his skin, a reminder of last night.

“You might need to wear a shirt to the beach for the next couple of days,” is all Zayn tells Harry. “And you either need to come up with an ironclad werewolf story or tell Niall the name of whoever worked you over last night.”

“So it wasn’t you?” Louis quips, grabbing one of the croissants and wolfing it down.

“Nah, because I was with Harry last night,” Zayn looks over at the boy in question. “At least that’s what I told Niall and Liam when they asked whether I had seen you. Said you spent the night with me and that you were still asleep. I am currently checking on you.”

“Oh. Thank you… you know, for umh… covering?” Harry ruffles his hair.

“It’s cool. But you’ll need to make an appearance eventually. Given that it’s already afternoon, I guess you can get away with keeping your shirt on…”

Harry nods, crouching down to ruffle through his satchel before he struggles into a wrinkled, white shirt. “Either turn around or risk seeing the goods,” Harry grins at Zayn, who immediately turns, facing the door.

Louis stays right where he is, cocking his eyebrow in an inviting manner.

Harry giggles and he’s glad Zayn’s appearance didn’t completely break the spell.

He drops the towel unabashedly, taking his time with bending down to grab his swim shorts, giving Louis a generous view of his backside and broad back.

“I am still here, you know,” Zayn mutters. “Just in case you were thinking about round 2 or 3 or 4. Okay?”

“Why so frigid, Zayn?” Louis slaps his bum but now that Harry is dressed, he picks up some discarded surf shorts as well, putting them on.

“So how bad is it?” He eventually asks, Harry having grabbed some of the fruits Zayn brought. He’s settled back on the bed, legs tugged under and watching them with bright green eyes. Harry looks younger after having just woken up, Louis thinks, softer and more innocent. He kind of wants to keep him inside these four walls and protect him from the world, keep him close to his heart like the most valuable treasure he’s ever possessed.

“It’s… weird,” Zayn admits after a while. He walks over to the sliding door, unlocking them so he can light a cigarette. “Niall doesn’t really talk, he’s… brooding?” Zayn shrugs. Neither has ever seen Niall in a bad mood so this is uncharted territory. “He’s been nice enough, polite but… very un-Niall like. And Liam is… not talking all together. He’s breathing and staring off into the distance and that’s about it.”

“Sounds like you had a great morning,” Louis mutters.

“I had better,” Zayn flicks some ashes off. “Listen… about yesterday…?”

Louis shakes his head and Zayn nods. They will need to talk about it, Louis will need to apologize for having a go at Zayn like that but he’d rather do it without Harry. Not because he doesn’t want Harry to listen or anything but because he doesn’t need to bring back unpleasant memories sooner than necessary.

Zayn just nods and shoots Louis a tentative, small smile. Whatever happens, at least he’ll be able to rely on his best friend.

They finish their ‘breakfast’ in companiable silence, stalling for time when there’s really nothing more to do.

With a sigh, Harry shoulders his satchel and Zayn points towards the beach before he slips out of the room quietly.

“Alright?”

“No,” Harry shakes his head and shuffles over to Louis, crowding into his space. “I don’t want to leave this room. I know it’s silly but…”

“It’s not silly,” Louis tells him, hands already buried in Harry’s hair. It’s quickly becoming his favorite thing to play with, not least because of the sweet noises Harry makes. “I don’t want to leave either.”

“Everything is alright in here. And when we step outside…” He looks up at Louis, sad tilt to his lips.

“I know.” Louis doesn’t promise it’ll be alright because he doesn’t know. Instead, he wraps his arms around Harry’s neck and pulls him down for a long kiss. It leaves his lips tingling, a fading reminder of Harry.

“What are you going to tell them?” Harry asks once they’ve left the room, walking slowly across the grass and catching up with Zayn who’s been waiting for them on the path.

“Tell them?” Harry runs his finger along Louis shoulder, up to the nap of his neck.

“Oh.” He reaches up, trapping Harry’s hand between his skin and fingers for a second. The younger boy presses down, a dull ache flaring up under Louis skin, making the mark pulse with his heartbeat. “That… I got drunk and fucked someone.”

Harry nods, lips in a tight line.

“I know it sucks,” Zayn mutters beside Harry, clasping a hand around his shoulder. “But it’s the best option. Except you want to come clean right now,” he shrugs. “Who knows, this whole trip is already beyond fucked up, it might not even cause that much uproar.”

“I don’t…” Harry suddenly looks alert. “I didn’t really plan on telling Niall everything. Did you? Do you think he’d understand?”

Honestly, Louis hadn’t even really thought about Niall’s reaction should he ever find out about the whole story.

“Yeah, maybe… don’t tell Niall,” Zayn allows. “Not sure… he’s very black and white sometimes. Might be best to aim for a clean break up with Liam once you’re back and then… lay low for a while? I mean, it wouldn’t kill you two to wait for a couple of weeks before you started dating officially, right?”

Louis loves Zayn. It’s scary how alike they are sometimes, almost as if Zayn could really read his mind.

“That was my plan,” he admits and Harry bumps his hip.

“Nice of you to tell me,” but there’s a smile on his lips, like he’s just glad that Louis actually had a plan and thought about how a future for them could possibly be achieved.

“It’s still a bit green, there are a couple of bumps and things I haven’t got a solution for yet,” Louis warns but Harry just nods, finger catching Louis pinky. It’s as much ‘holding hands’ as he dares out in the open and Harry has to drop it once they’ve reached the beach.

But it’s nice and it leaves Louis tingly in the best possible way.

He can spot Niall, Babs and Liam from miles away; the awkward tension seems to be radiating off them in waves. There are a couple of empty loungers between them like either Niall or Liam tried to distance himself from the whole situation.

“Morning,” Louis mutters when they’re within hearing distance. Liam sits up and ignores him completely, eyes immediately fixed on Harry.

Niall looks up slower, his gaze unreadable for a couple of seconds before he scrutinizes Louis from head to toe. “What happened to you?”

Louis shrugs and throws his towel onto one of the sunbeds. “Not much.”

“Doesn’t look like it,” Babs points out, eyes lingering on the bruises on his collarbones. He casts a quick glance back at Harry, glad to see the shirt covering all his marks, curls long enough to reach across the one on his neck.

“Not much to say, really. Got drunk, took someone back,” he tries to sound disinterested, hoping they’ll drop it.

“Yeah? Who?”

“Some guy from water sports…” Louis mutters, thinking it’s his safest bet.

“Really? I’ve never seen you talk to one of them… which one was it?”

“God Niall,” Louis growls. “I was drunk, he was fit. I don’t remember his name. It was just a fuck, okay? Didn’t mean anything.” Behind him, Harry drops his water bottle in the sand and Louis wants to get up and cuddle him, tell him that of course it meant something – everything – to him but he can’t bloody well tell Niall the truth, can he?

Niall opens his mouth to ask more, but Babs kicks his shin, rolling her eyes and clearly telling him to stop prying. Louis loves her a tiny bit.

“I’ll find out who you fucked eventually,” Niall mutters and all he can think is ‘ _not if I can prevent it_ ’.

 “Hey Harry?” Louis cranes his neck even though he’s not the one being addressed. Liam stood up and has walked over to Harry, who’s trying to appear really busy with folding and refolding his towel.

“Mmh?”

“Can I… can we talk? Please?” Liam’s lowered his voice.

“I don’t really have anything to say to you,” Harry tells him without looking up.

“That’s… alright I guess. But I have a something to tell you. So… please? Can we?”

“Fine.” Harry bites his lips and looks quickly over to Louis before he focuses on Liam. “Talk.”

“Umh… could we… do it in private?” Liam gestures towards the path leading back to the hotel and Louis is seconds away from interfering. He wants to tell Liam that he has no right to ask Harry to talk, that whatever he has to say he might as well say in front of them. Lastly, he doesn’t want to leave Harry alone with Liam, doesn’t want to give Liam another chance to be mean to Harry.

“Alright,” Harry stands up after hesitating for a while. “It’s alright,” he says again, looking at his feet but addressing Louis. Following Liam, Harry casts a quick glance over his shoulder, locking eyes with Louis for a second before he turns back around.

Louis stares after him, not sure why he’s feeling like he needs to get up and run after Harry. Maybe it has to do with last night, Zayn always told him sleeping with someone would make people emotionally attached. Louis is already emotionally attached to Harry, seeing him leave with another man hours after he had him naked and all to himself wakes that possessive monster inside of him.

He’s so caught up in it, that it takes Zayn two kicks to his shin to bring him back to the here and now.

“Huh?”

“I said…” Niall rolls his eyes. “My beautiful girlfriend and I are planning a romantic dinner tonight.”

“Great,” Louis mutters. What’s that gotta do with him?

“Meaning you fuckers will be alone. Try not to kill each other, okay?” Babs spells it out for them and right, Louis hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“Might skip dinner tonight,” he mutters and Zayn grins. “Or we could go for a romantic candlelight dinner, too? What do you say, princess?”

“Princess? Listen Aladdin, if you manage to bring a flying carpet or tiger, I might consider it,” he tells Zayn, making the other boy crack a smile.

 

∞

 

Harry starts picking up random things once they get to their room, Liam a quiet presence behind him. Harry wishes he’d start talking because he for sure doesn’t know what to say, how to even open a conversation.

It’s not that everything is different but then again everything is somehow.

He feels like time moved on without him, like his mind is still stuck in Louis’ room, lying in bed with him. He has a hard time catching up, concentrating and living in the here and now instead of wishing himself back into bed with Louis.

He could do with a couple of hours to himself, give his brain some time to come to terms with everything’s that happened. Processing the words Liam flung at him, the fight Louis and Zayn had, the fight Louis and him had. Sleeping with Louis. Digesting the fact that Louis is the first boy he’s slept with without using a condom. It seems like such minor detail, a couple of centimeters of rubber but the implications for Harry are huge.

Two serious relationships, some flings and one random one night stand is what he can show within twenty two years. He’d been in love before, at least he thinks he has, but never had he considered sleeping with anyone without condom. This is something huge for him.

Relationship material. Serious, infinite stuff. A beginning but no end.

Harry picks up a shirt and starts folding it, wondering whether the end of Louis and him wasn’t more clearly defined than their beginning ever was.

He always knew that Louis was special, had fallen in love with him so quick and deep, but it’s only now that Harry realizes he doesn’t ever want it to end. He wants that chance with Louis so desperately, so bad that his whole body aches for it.

Liam clears his throat and Harry looks around startled. He forgot about the other man being here too.

“So… where have you been? You didn’t come back last night?”

“With Zayn,” Harry answers curtly, sitting down on the bed. Liam doesn’t try to sit next to him, instead dragging an armchair closer to the bed.

“Right,” he rubs the back of his neck. “Look, umh… what I said yesterday… about you not caring and… well, I am… sorry?” he raises his voice, making it sound like a question.

If Liam doesn’t know whether he should be sorry for how he acted and for what he said then there’s not much hope left, Harry thinks.

“I guess this whole thing with Zayn and Louis is just getting to me and I took it out on you and for that I am sorry,” Liam looks at his hands. “Being around them isn’t easy and… it sometimes catches me off guard, you know? I don’t quite know how to handle…”

“Liam,” Harry interrupts. “You kissed Zayn. Maybe instead of talking about how hard it is to be around them, you should tell me why you kissed your ex-boyfriend, don’t you think?”

“I am so sorry!”

Again, Harry shakes his head. He doesn’t want to hear Liam’s apologies, doesn’t need to. In Harry’s opinion, Liam doesn’t need to be sorry for doing it, he should be sorry for running out on Zayn, for leaving him hanging. After everything Liam did to him, Zayn doesn’t deserve that on top of everything.

“Don’t think I should be the one you’re apologizing to,” he says and Liam frowns in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

Harry sighs, “Liam, obviously you are not over Zayn.” He holds up his hand when Liam tries to protest. “You are not. It’s so obvious. In the way you talk about him – talk _to_ him. The way you look at him, the way you look at him and Louis. People don’t get that angry over their ex possibly being with someone else if they are over them, they don’t treat their ex like you do. They don’t kiss their ex like you did. And… it’s okay if you’re not. You were together for over a decade, you were engaged,” Harry leans forward slightly. “It’s okay not to be okay about it, Liam. But it is not okay to take it out on anyone else. You are trying to distract yourself with everything – anyone – within reach so you don’t have to think about Zayn and it’s not fair to the rest of us.”

“I never meant to do this, H. Please believe me, I really meant what I said to you. You’ve been… so incredible through all this, you were always there for me and… it means so much.”

Harry shifts on the bed, feeling guilty. He was there but then again his head was somewhere else half the time, his heart absent the very second he bumped into Louis.

Liam never had his all, but then again Harry never had Liam’s all. What an odd couple they made.

“Talk to Zayn,” he hears himself say.

“What?”

“Talk to Zayn. Sit down and talk it through with him. That’s what I’m asking of you.”

“You…”

“How do you think this will go on, Liam? That we’ll just fly back and forget about it?” Harry snorts a humorless laugh. “Fat chance, sorry. This has been going round in circles for too long. If anything, you need closure. And Zayn does too. You’ve got each other trapped, you got everyone around you trapped. We’re all somehow involved in this… whatever game you are playing. It needs to stop.”

Liam doesn’t say anything, lips pressed into a tight line.

“You owe this to Zayn. If nothing else, you owe this to him. You cheated on him, Liam.”

“Don’t you think I know all this?” Liam snaps at him but Harry doesn’t flinch.

“If you know all this than I don’t understand why you don’t do anything about it!”

“You just expect me to go up to him and talk to him? Just like that?” Liam shakes his head. “Shouldn’t you, as my boyfriend, tell me to stay as far away from my ex as possible?”

Harry cocks his head and considers that. That would probably the natural reaction, Harry assumes. “If you want to slip away, you’d find the chance to, no matter how hard I hold on.”

“Harry…” Liam inches a little closer. “That kiss… it didn’t…”

Again, he shakes his head. He’s so tired of all this drama. “It always means something. And that’s okay, Liam. I am not mad. I just… I’m tired of it, of going round and round in circles. Something has to give, you know?”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Liam whispers.

“I’m still here, aren’t I?” Harry mutters.

“For how long?”

This question, Harry does not answer. Liam just looks at him for the longest time until he nods. “Talk to Zayn, you said?”

“Yes.”

“Right.” Liam stands and wipes his hands on his shorts. “Would you be okay if… if I tried to do it tonight?”

Harry spreads his hands, “Fine by me. The sooner the better.”

“Okay,” Liam looks around as if he’s waiting for a clue. “I… will take a shower and then walk down to his room, see if he wants to grab a bite to eat. Are you really sure you’re okay with it?”

“Yes,” Harry nods with emphasis. “It’s about time you sorted it out.”

 

*

Harry waits for half an hour after Liam has left before he leaves the room as well, walking down the corridor slowly. He rounds the corner and nearly walks into another person.

“Sorry, I – Harry?”

“Lou?”

Louis looks freshly showered, softer than usual in a white tank top and black skinnies, cuffs rolled up to show his dainty ankles.

“What are you doing here?”

Louis scratches his neck, looking a bit nervous. “Umh, came looking for you. Babs and Niall are out for a romantic dinner and… Zayn is ‘having a talk’ with Liam?!”

“Oh, Zayn agreed?” Harry is quite happy and relieved about that.

“You knew about that?” Louis asks incredulous.

“I kinda… told him to do it? Earlier? When he wanted to talk to me? I said he should first talk to Zayn, clear the air and sort out whatever still stood between them. Said I was tired of going in circles and… I don’t know why he suddenly listened to me, but… umh, I’m glad he did.”

“Wow. Me too, just for the record. It’s… Zayn deserves some closure.”

Harry nods and bounces back and forth on his heels, hands buried in his back pockets. “Soooo, that leaves us two, I guess?”

A grin starts to tug on the corners of Louis’ mouth. “Whatever shall we do?”

“No idea,” Harry shakes his head and Louis laughs, quickly stepping closer and then he’s kissing him.

Harry’s hands find his way around his waist easily, pulling him closer while he slowly licks into Louis mouth. It’s by far not the longest he had to go without Louis, had been starved of any kind of touch or even a kiss but somehow time apart weighs heavier since this morning.

“Missed this,” he whispers against the other boy’s lips, reluctant to give even an inch. His fingers find their way under Louis shirt, and Harry shudders when he feels the warm skin of Louis back, he ambles closer and inhales deeply, smelling only Louis and the faint scent of his shower gel.

“Hey, hey…” Louis pushes gently against his chest. “As much as I’m on board with the program… I got some dinner back in my room and… it’d be a bit of a shame to let it go to waste?” He takes a small step back, looking slightly nervous. “I know we did that yesterday as well but I thought it’d give us more privacy? Like, I know where Liam and Zayn went, checked that they wouldn’t walk past my terrace and told Zayn to text me should they decide to take a stroll and Babs and Niall are on the other side of the resort so they shouldn’t pass by either and it’s not like I wouldn’t love to take you out properly… I mean we can if you want…”

“Louis!” Harry laughs and shuts him up with a kiss. “It’s okay. Perfect even. I’d love to have dinner with you, and your room is perfect. Got quite good memories of it,” he adds with a wink and Louis relaxes visibly.

“Yeah? So should we go and have dinner?”

“I say we should old chap… away to it now?” He ducks Louis fist, trying to give him a gentle punch.

“Who are you calling old, Harold?”

Instead of answering, Harry grabs Louis hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles before he drags him along the corridor. “I wouldn’t ever dare to call you ‘old’, my beautiful, young, lover boy!”

Louis rolls his eyes but falls in step besides Harry. “Lover boy?”

 

Harry expected dinner to look like last night; two trays of food with some fries and burgers they wolfed down perched on the rattan chairs before they stumbled back inside and fell into bed with kisses and cuddles.

He didn’t expect to be led out to Louis terrace to see a proper table set up, complete with white tablecloth, flowers and a chandelier.

Harry stops dead in his tracks, making Louis bump into him.

“Harry?”

Wide-eyed he turns around and stares at the older boy. Louis peeks over his shoulder. “Too much?” he asks in a small voice.

“I… are you trying to woo me?”

Louis shrugs. “Umh… a bit? I guess.”

Harry turns back around, staring at the set up.

He’s got a beautiful view from Louis’ terrace, able to look all the way to the beach where the sun is about to sink into the sea, a fiery ball of gold, orange and red, the dark blue of the ocean a stark contrast to the white sand of the beach.

The scent of flowers lingers in the air, while some members of staff are starting to light the torches along the small paths cutting across the lawns.

Harry walks up to the table, seeing that Louis went all the way; a three course menu complete with a bottle of champagne resting in a cooler.

There’s a bright yellow hibiscus flower resting on Harry’s plate, which he picks up and sticks into his hair before he turns around to Louis. The other boy is standing by the door, watching Harry intently, trying to gauge his reaction.

“Babe, you don’t need to woo me, okay?” Harry holds out his hand and Louis steps up to him slowly.

“Well you literally knocked me off my feet the first time we met so…” Louis shrugs, grimacing a bit at how cheesy he sounds and Harry giggles.

Fuck, who even is this boy? He looks at Louis, sees the crystal blue of his eyes, the sharp cut of his cheekbones, all those edges and angles he’s got to him. Yet, here with Harry he is the softest, most gentle person.

Harry doesn’t know how he should ever fall out of love with Louis, doesn’t think it’s possible to stop falling deeper in love with him every day.

No one ever did something like that for Harry, and he wonders how Louis, who he didn’t get to spend all that much time alone with, didn’t yet get that many chances to tell him about what he likes and doesn’t like, how this impossible boy can get everything so fucking right on the first try.

“Okay?”

“Perfect,” Harry breathes and Louis pulls his chair out, fastening the flower in his hair properly once he’s sat down.

“Alright… for starters we have melon with Parma ham.”  He places the first plate in front of Harry, pointing to the other’s lined up. “Main course is an asparagus-prawn-saffron-risotto, which I have been assured is delicious, so let’s see. Dessert will be a mix of white and dark chocolate mousse with a selection of tropical fruit.”

“You know, I would have been fine with a greasy burger and sharing my last fry with you,” Harry reaches across the table, giving Louis’ hand a quick squeeze. “Thank you for all this, it’s… perfect. The nicest thing anyone ever did for me.”

Louis lowers his gaze and Harry can see the slight blush creeping up his cheeks before he reaches over and uncaps the bottle of champagne.

He fills both their glasses, “To us, okay? We almost survived this trip.”

“To us,” Harry echoes, clinking his glass with Louis.

To no one surprise the food is delicious. Harry wonders how Louis manages to restrain himself, he’s seconds away from diving into his risotto face first while Louis seems to pay more attention to him eating than to his food.

“What are you looking at?”

“I’m trying to figure out why you have to lick your food before you actually put in your mouth. I’d understand if you do it for the first bite as kind of getting a taste but you do it for every single one.”

“I do?” Harry had never realized it. “Is it putting you off?”

“Seeing you lick things?” Louis grins. “Well, it’s kind of putting me off my food because it makes me think about other things your tongue could lick or your mouth should rather wrap around.”

Harry inhales the next fork of rice, having to cough so hard that his eyes water and Louis actually gets up to pat his back. “Don’t say things like that…!” Harry wheezes and Louis cocks his head.

“Why not?”

“At least not when I’m eating…” Harry manages between coughs. “Or give me some kind of warning.”

“Not my fault you eat like a little porn star.” Louis offers him his water glass, still rubbing circles in his back. “Okay?”

“Fine,” Harry assures him, making sure to eat the next fork full more carefully and trying to keep his tongue in his mouths. Now that he has to think about it, it’s hard not to do it.

Louis watches him struggle for a couple of minutes before he shakes his head. “Go on, slobber all over the fork. I will survive.”

“See it as some sort of training,” Harry twists the fork in his mouth, making a show of licking along it when he pulls it out, “as preparation for the real deal.” Louis flicks some petals at him but smiles, so Harry counts his lame attempt at seduction a partial success.

“Hey Lou?”

“Mmh,” the older boy hums in reply, head turned towards the ocean.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Liam and Zayn kissing?”

For a second, Louis tenses then his shoulders slump.

“You knew, didn’t you? Zayn told you?” Harry suspects and Louis nods.

“I suspected something,” he admits. “It was the night of Bab’s party? The one where you got all jealous and possessive?”

“Don’t have a clue what you’re referring to,” Harry declares loftily.

“You short-term memory is truly shocking, Styles.” Louis reaches for the bottle, topping up both of their glasses. “Anyways, don’t know if you saw but Zayn and I were… kind of dancing?”

“You mean dry humping in public?” Harry taps his lips. “Yeah, now that you mention it…”

Louis rolls his eyes, murmuring “jealous, little monster” under his breath.

“It wasn’t dry humping.”

“Zayn gave you a hickey!”

“Yeah well…” Louis rubs his neck, right over the spot where Harry’s hickey sits. “That kind of happened without my permission. I don’t let just anyone leave marks on my skin, you know?”

Harry’s gaze flits over the low cut of Louis shirt, over the marks littering his collarbones and back to the obvious one on the side of his neck. “Oh.”

“Mmh. Oh.” Twirling the stem of his glass between his fingers, Louis doesn’t look at Harry. “I guess you saw Liam walk up to us and shoving me off of Zayn, dragging him away? They had an argument that night, Zayn told Liam to either leave him alone or stop pretending he doesn’t care if Zayn got his dick wet with someone else.”

“Hey ho, Zayn,” Harry mutters. “How did that go for him?”

“Quite good, I’d say. Up till the point where Liam ran out on his after they made out and… umh… Liam kinda… blew Zayn?” Louis gives Harry a contrite grin. “Sorry?”

Harry supposes he should feel a little more… betrayed? Hurt? Yet all he feels is relief that he isn’t the only one sneaking around. His standards might have gotten a little twisted.

But if Liam is not much better than him, maybe he doesn’t need to feel guilty anymore. It’s not like he’d stop this thing with Louis anyways but maybe he can enjoy it a little more, stop looking over his shoulder every two seconds. Maybe that little nagging voice in the back of his mind will finally shut up, now that he knows Liam is also flirting with someone else, trying to get kind of back with his ex maybe even?

“It’s… okay. I’m not mad at Zayn, you know? It was kind of obvious that something was going to happen between those two,” Harry shrugs. “I’d only wish you told me. Why didn’t you?” He furrows his brows.

“It… wasn’t my place to tell, if that makes sense?”

“No. Explain. Because to me this is one of the best reasons to break up with Liam.”

“Umh, hello?!” Louis points towards his chest. “Hate to burst that bubble, love, but we really have no moral high ground here. It was only a blowjob – one blowjob. Think we’re leading that scoreboard by a long way, don’t you think?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Harry grumbles. “I just… well, it’d be a reason he’d understand? He could relate to?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “You are still going easy on him, aren’t you? Even after he treated you crappily and cheated on you…”

“Lou… let’s not go there again, please? I know you don’t necessarily agree with my… ways or how I deal with things but that’s something I have to do, okay?”

“Damn right I don’t agree with it,” Louis takes a deep breath, seeming to fight down the anger. He takes a long swig from his glass. “Anyways. I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t my story to share and I felt like Zayn should get the chance to talk to Liam about it before anyone else knew.”

“Would you have told me? If you hadn’t barged into that argument and Zayn hadn’t spilled it accidentally, would you have told me?”

“After the holidays, yes. During? No.”

“Huh…” Harry picks up a shrimp and chews on it. He guesses he can kind of live with that answer. “For future reference… could you tell me shit, please? I hate finding it out from other people and also to be the last to be told stuff. I am as involved in this as you are, okay? I might not know that much about your friendship but… this thing…” he points between them, “… concerns me too, okay? And we’re supposed to be on the same side, so… just… tell me stuff, okay?”

“Alright. I will,” Louis agrees eventually and Harry nods.

“Good.”

“Good. Done with the serious talk now?”

“I guess, except there are more things you need to own up to?”

“Can’t think of any now, but I might be too distracted by the melting chocolate mousse.”

It’s a bit of a blatant distraction, to stop them from going onto the touchy topics which hold the potential to ruin the evening but Harry follows Louis lead willingly.

He pushes his plate away and winks at him. “Bring it on, would be a shame to let some good chocolate mousse go to waste!”

 

*

 

Half an hour later Harry is dead sure that it would have been the biggest sin - a crime really, only punishable by death - to let the mousse go to waste.

“What… oh. Ooh oh… fuck…” He paws weakly at Louis shoulders, back arching in pain and pleasure.

It took Louis all of two minutes to decide he’d like to spoon feed Harry and another minute to forgo the spoon completely, instead smearing chocolate across Harry’s lips for him to lick off.

It all went downhill rather quickly from there – literally.

Now Harry’s spread out on Louis bed, pant and shirtless. Louis has drawn an abstract pattern across his chest, using the dark and white chocolate mousse while he keeps feeding Harry with small pieces of fruit in between drawing and licking across his chest.

It’s an odd mix of endearing and arousing, seeing Louis sit atop his thighs, tongue peeking out between his stained lips, deep in concentration while he uses Harry’s naked body as canvas. His fingers circle Harry’s nipples, tweaking them almost in passing, making him gasp before Louis moves on, fingers light as feathers as they dance across his skin, leaving bright smears in their wake. He’s drawing around Harry’s tattoos, adding or following the lines already painted on his skin, his touch a fluttering tease.

It’s soft enough to make Harry shiver, barely there and it ignites his skin, makes him arch into every touch, craving more. Louis keeps him on the edge, keeps playing with him while forgoes any sort of kiss or caress, totally focused on his art.

Harry is starved for it, hungry for a kiss, for Louis lips to suck marks into his skin.

“Lou…” he babbles and Louis halts his movements, looking down at him before he suck his finger into his mouth, tongue darting out to lick the last bit of chocolate off.

Harry’s eyes roll back and he whines, high and needy.

“Yes, babe?”

Instead of answering, Harry bucks his hips up, nearly unsettling Louis.

“Rude,” the other boy reaches down without looking, pinching Harry’s dick which – _fuck_ , hurts but felt so good because it was a proper touch, something real and hard, something he can still feel.

“Please,” Harry shifts, more careful this time.

“Please what?”

Again, he wriggles his hips and Louis eyes follow the movement. He slides between Harry’s legs, the other boy making room for him eagerly, and then he sucks hard at the wet patch on Harry’s briefs.

“Love how wet you get,” Louis tells his dick, fingers dancing along his thighs and Harry is about to groan in frustration but luckily Louis has mercy and hooks his fingers in the waistband of his briefs, taking them down slowly and making Harry’s hard cock slap against his stomach with an obscene noise.

There’s a small pool of precome already, making the hairs of his happy trail stick together and Louis seems to be fascinate by it.

“Like these,” he tells Harry as he lowers himself further down, hands ghosting across the laurel leafs inked across his hip bones. Harry wants to reply that he likes Louis hip tattoo a lot as well but the words get stuck in his throat when Louis licks along the soft hairs leading down his stomach, nosing his cock aside so he can trace the scarce fluff all the way down to the base of Harry’s dick.

Harry’s whole body vibrates with the need to touch and be touched. Louis waits until he’s focused back on him, blue eyes bright but dark at the same time, sparkling with lust and mischief. Harry wants to take a picture so he can always and forever remember Louis looking at him like that. Like he’s the best fucking thing on this planet and he can’t believe he gets to have him. Harry knows the looks he gives Louis are quite similar.

So Louis waits until Harry can focus again before he flexes his biceps, reaches out and drags his hands right through the carefully done swirls and drawings on Harry’s chest, mixing dark and white chocolate, messing Harry up even more. He wipes one of his hands carelessly on the white sheets, bringing the other up to Harry’s face before he smears a broad strip across his lips.

Harry is a little gobsmacked by this bluntness, by how turned on he gets from seeing Louis mess him and everything within reach up. He crawls along Harry’s body feline like, making sure their chests brush and the mess gets spread out even more, before he digs both hands into his curls, angling his head up – and then he licks across Harry’s mouth, dipping his tongue into the chocolate before he pries his lips open with his own, pushing some of the sticky, sweet mess into Harry’s mouth.

Their kiss is dirtily sweet, their faces a mess, their bodies covered in sticky chocolate and Harry loves every second of it. He bucks his hips up just when Louis grinds down, making them both moan into each other’s mouths.

“How’d you wanna do this?” Louis whispers into the soft curls behind his ear, while his lips ghost along the skin there.

It takes a second until Harry’s brain to mouth connection works and he can form actual words instead of noises. He spreads his legs further, making Louis slide down all the way, cocks perfectly aligned. “Like this?”

“Did you go looking for a condom?”

“Didn’t bring any,” Harry confesses and Louis suddenly sits up, eyes narrowed and impossibly blue.

“You…?”

“I told you I wasn’t going to get intimate with Liam again. Not that he’s been really interested in it but I wouldn’t…” he reaches out, finger tracing across the mess on Louis own chest, “… I wouldn’t sleep with him. Not when I’m with you.”

“That’s kind of a twisted logic since he’s actually your boyfriend.”

“Technically I think that’s the term but… literally? Not so much, I guess. Not in the usual sense of the word. But… mind stop talking about Liam?” Harry grins and his finger hooks into the waistband of Louis briefs, the only item of clothing left on his body. “How about you take these off?”

“Huh. And what would I do once I’ve taken those off?”

Harry reaches across the bed, grabbing the lube which Louis didn’t even bother putting away after last night, thinking he possibly gave the poor lady from housekeeping a right shock.

“You sure?” Louis asks, reaching for the bottle.

“Yes,” he nods and Louis gets off the bed, shucking his briefs before he climbs back between Harry’s legs, flicking the cap open.

He watches Harry carefully as he pushes inside, seeming to catalogue every reaction, every tiny little hitch in his breath, every crease of his brows until he finds the angle and spot which make him stutter out a breath, back arching off the sheets.

“Right. There.”

“Guessed so,” Louis smirks, adding a second finger while his other hand creeps along Harry’s thigh and he’s torn between watching Louis and watching the progress of his fingers, hoping they’ll make it around his cock within the next year.

“Louis…” he hisses and the other boy chuckles quietly, twisting his fingers to brush over Harry’s prostate the very second his other hand wraps around his cock.

He forms a soundless “oh”, words stuck somewhere in his throat. After being starved of any tangible touch this comes a bit sudden, threatening to overwhelm him.

“Any further complains?”

“Nngh,” is Harry’s eloquent reply. He wriggles his hips, tries to get more of Louis fingers while at the same time he’s bucking up in his hand, which is still wrapped tightly around his cock but Louis _doesn’t move it_.

“Patience little grass hopper,” Louis leans in, sadly letting go of his dick and Harry pouts. “I’m trying to make you feel good,” Louis mutters against his lips, licking some chocolate from the corner of his mouth before he kisses Harry, fingers still working him open but magically skirting around his sweet spot.

“And I am trying to get fucked here,” Harry pants and Louis flicks his finger inside him almost casually, making a loud groan escape Harry.

Still, he doesn’t pick up the pace, sticking to a plan which eludes Harry.

He can clearly see that Louis is worked up too, fighting hard to stay on top of his game. His blue eyes are dark, pupils dilated and he keeps chewing on his bottom lip like he physically has to bite something but knows he’ll lose it the second he gets his mouth on Harry. His chest is rising and falling quickly and he can hear an aborted moan every so often if Louis can’t clamp his mouth shut quick enough.

The muscles of his shoulders and arms are tensed up, as if he’s restraining himself from going too fast or too hard on Harry, like he wants to wreck him and fuck him fifty ways to Sunday but he’s trying so hard to make this good, to be gentle and sweet with him instead.

Harry is equal parts endeared and in love as he’s hoping and praying that Louis will just finally lose it. At least his fingers are working him a little rougher, hitting his spot more often now rather than ghosting over it and driving Harry even further up the wall.

“I’m good. I swear. Please, if you keep going any longer…” he flexes his curled toes, trying to angle his legs to get Louis closer.

Louis doesn’t give an indication of having actually heard what Harry said, hands working him over steadily until he just stops. “Hands and knees, babe,” his voice is hoarse, quivering slightly and Harry would preen if he didn’t feel so unsteady on his feet.

He rolls over, groaning when his oversensitive dick brushes across the fabric and slowly struggles to all fours. When there’s neither movement nor sound, he turns his head, seeing Louis just stare at his naked form, hand wrapped around his dick and lube in his other. “Louuuu,” he whines and that seems to snap Louis out of his sex trance.

He flicks the bottle open and quickly coats his dick and Harry has to avert his eyes because seeing Louis dainty hands wrapped around himself does things to him.

When a warm hands lands on his back, Harry startles a bit. “You sure?” Louis whispers and Harry can feel him draped across his back, body inches away but not touching yet. It sends a shiver down his spine.

“Yeah. Want you,” he breathes softly and feels Louis press a gentle kiss to the back his neck, hands stroking his sides until they come to rest on his hips.

Louis is incredibly gentle when he pushes inside and Harry wonders how a boy, who’s usually the epitome of impatience and ‘want-everything-to-happen-at-once’, takes all this self-restrain from. There’s still a burning urgency underneath Harry’s skin, a ‘need-you-right-now’ feeling but he supposes if Louis can take his time and cater to his every need, he can let himself be cared for.

So he holds on to the sheets with a white-knuckled death grip, just breathing and feeling Louis slowly bottom out. He’s slept with a couple of guys before but none of them had ever treated him with this… reverie or utter gentleness, like he’s the most valuable thing to them.

He feels full, laid bare and split open in the best possible way. That is, until Louis moves, slowly but deliberately, going for the kill right away and Harry’s arms give out.

“Shit,” he curses, biting the pillow to not outright moan the house down.

It’s so good, slow but Harry feels every tiny shift in angle, every slow drag and pointed thrust and it’s … so much, too much.

He’d lift his head if he had the strength but he can already feel his thighs quivering, trying to at least hold his hips and ass up, can feel himself leaking, and is distantly aware that most of the high pitched, breathy moans are coming from him but he couldn’t stop if his life depended on it.

“Lou,” he groans into the pillow, louder when he realizes there’s no way the other boy heard him. “Lou, can’t… so good… need to… come.  Please?” He tries to get his hand to cooperate so he can stroke himself but Louis gives his arse a quick slap.

“No touching, babe. Want to…” he grabs onto his hips harder. “Want to see you come untouched. Can you do that?”

“Don’t know…” Harry wheezes out, feeling Louis grapple for some leverage before… “Oh fuck!” Harry yelps, legs giving out and Louis slots his front to his back, literally fucking him into the mattress with hard, precise snaps of his hips.  

Harry is very distantly impressed that he has enough strength left for it, while Harry himself is a blubbering pool of pleasure, totally at Louis mercy.

But the drag of the soft sheets on his neglected dick feel amazing and it he tries to at least meet Louis thrusts half heartedly.

“Harry, I’m…” he feels Louis slow, trying to move away and he quickly locks his ankles, trapping him.

“No… don’t. Want you inside,” he mutters, hoping that Louis was able to make out the words.

Either he did or he just couldn’t move fast enough because that snap of his hips is becoming sloppy, uncoordinated but he doesn’t let up on the pressure or pace and then Harry feels him come.

It’s such a foreign, unexpected feeling that he’s a bit startled for a second but it feels… _so.fucking.good._

Good enough to suddenly trigger his own orgasm and Louis groans almost pained when Harry tightens around him like a vice.

 

∞

 

His muscles are cramped and his arms are shaking from the exertion of holding himself up.

“Haz, babe, you alright?” he mutters into the sweaty curls in the nap of his neck, getting no reply.

Slowly, Louis entangles himself from the other boy, falling into the sheets next to him and content with breathing in and out for a couple of seconds.

“Babycakes, are you alive?” he turns his head and sees glassy green eyes staring back at him.

“Mmmmh,” is the only noise Harry makes.

“Did your brain turn to mush?” Louis questions even though his own body feels like it might have turned to goo as well.

“Mush,” Harry echoes, a lazy grin spreading across his stained lips. Louis rolls his eyes in fondness. “I’m good… so good,” Harry tells him with a slight delay. “Really good.” He lifts himself slightly and Louis can see a colorful mess of chocolate mousse, sweat and come sticking to his front. “Made a mess.”

“That you did,” Louis agrees.

“Oh well,” Harry flops back onto his bed, right into the middle of the little puddle. “You’re the one getting a bollocking from housekeeping,” he mutters sleepily and Louis pokes him.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, Styles.”

“Why not?”

“Because you are a sticky-sweet mess and if we don’t wash this off we’ll get eaten by ants and bugs before the sun comes up,” Louis is not keen on moving either but the whole mess is slowly drying on his skin and it’s not the most pleasant feeling in the world.

“Don’t want to shower,” Harry tells him, tone quite similar to a seven year old, pouting child.

“We’re not gonna shower.”

“We’re not?”

“No,” Louis heaves himself off of the bed, doddering over to his wardrobe. He flings some item of clothing at Harry, who takes his sweet time to lift it up far enough so he can identify it.

“Trunks?”

“Night swim,” Louis grins and that seems to poke Harry’s spirits awake long enough to make him sit up and actually struggle into the surfer shorts.

Harry is thinner than Louis but taller, so they hang of his narrow hips but end above his knees. It looks a bit funny and Louis suppresses a chuckle.

“Fancy.”

“Oh shut up,” Harry looks out of the window. “It’s dark, no one’s gonna see me anyways.”

“Let’s hope so,” Louis says with a pointed look to his dirty chest and Harry grins.

“Well, I just _really_ enjoyed dessert.”

 

They shove and nudge each other on their short trip down to the beach, giggling about nothing at all, just high on each other and this perfect night.

Harry shies away from the deep blue water because he’s never been to the ocean at night, never quite realized how… pitch black and opaque it looked. His mind comes up with a million scary things lurking beneath the surface, just waiting for him to step on them and his steps falter until Louis takes his hand and slowly walks into the waves with him, sticking close by.

 He leads them into waist deep water and Harry shivers even though it’s not cold, but there’s just something about this moment.

Louis sidles up behind him, hands resting lightly on his waistline, while they’re rocked gently by the waves. Only noise the sound of surge and glittering of cicadas, the sea is a dark, deep blue mirror, reflecting the light of stars and the moon, high up in the night sky.

It’s ethereal, time suspended that moment when Harry leans back against Louis chest.

They stay like that for what feels like hours, until Louis breaks the serenity by slowly starting to clean Harry, hands warm and wet on his sticky skin. He washes his chest methodically, dipping down below his waistline but there’s nothing sexual in his touch this time, he’s just taking care of Harry.

“Alright?” he mumbles into his curls and Harry nods, waiting for Louis to take his hand and lead him deeper into the water, until they’re submerged. Only then does he pull Harry close, wiping the chocolate off of his face, lips following in the wake of his fingertips.

It’s the most intimate moment they’ve had so far – Harry’s had with _anyone_ , he thinks – feeling Louis kiss him with love and adoration and the faint taste of saltwater mixed with chocolate on his lips.

 

*

“Want me to help you change the sheets?” Harry asks Louis once they made it back to this terrace, both drying off outside while grinning at each other.

“And sleep on the bare mattress?” he shudders visibly. “Nah, think I’ll either sleep on the side that’s still clean or…”

“I could nick my duvet and we could bunk on the floor?” Harry suggests and Louis would love that. Any second he gets to have him, he’ll take, especially when he can’t quite imagine how to fall asleep without Harry besides him ever again.

“What about-“

“Harry?” They both turn around at the voice and Harry slumps his shoulders.

“Liam. Hi,” the ‘where the fuck did you come from’ swings silently in the air.

“Umh…” Liam walks across the lawn but doesn’t quite stand on Louis’ terrace. “Just finished dinner with Zayn.”

Louis cranes his neck and sees Zayn linger in the shadows. He’s not sure but there seems to be some tension to his shoulders, something in the way he holds himself that makes Louis wary but he’d need to see Zayn properly to be sure.

“What are you doing here?” Liam narrows his eyes and Louis is glad they blew out the candles and cleared the table a bit. It still looks like a romantic dinner but not as obvious as before.

“Just met Louis while wandering around, we got talking and decided to have a night swim,” Harry replies, shrugging as if it’s no big deal.

There’s some faint chuckling, which quickly turns into a cough when Louis glances Zayn’s way.

“Right, lovely,” Liam deadpans. “Let’s grab your stuff and go, okay? I’m knackered.” He makes a move towards Louis room, and Louis quickly slides into his path, well remembering the state his room is in.

“Don’t think I invited _you_ inside.” He glares at Liam.

“It’s alright, I’ll… grab it tomorrow?” Harry’s eyes beg Louis to drop it.

“You sure?” Liam asks and Harry nods, grabbing his arm.

“Yes. I am sure.” He pushes Liam away from Louis, mouthing a “sorry and good night” to him, while Liam nods towards Zayn.

This isn’t really how Louis planned this night to end but he can’t do much more than stare while Harry walks half a step behind Liam, barefooted and clad in Louis’ trunks, shooting him apologetic smile after smile over his shoulder until they round a corner and Louis can no longer see them.

That was a bit of a sudden end.

He’s still rooted in place when Zayn finally walks over to him, patting him on the shoulder before he pokes his head inside Louis room. “Jesus, what the fuck did you do in there?”

“Mmh?” Louis peeks over Zayn’s shoulder and yeah, it looks a little wild.

White sheets stained and messed up, there the distinct smell of chocolate mixed with sweat and sex in the air.

“Kinky,” Zayn nudges him.

“Dessert,” Louis shrugs as if it’s no big deal. “By the way, I’m bunking with you tonight.”

“Don’t fancy rolling around in a pool of come?” Zayn grins and Louis punches his shoulder.

“Fuck off.”

“Oi, behave. You want my bed and I only take gentleman to it.”

“On a second thought, I might just sleep outside,” Louis mutters.

“Whatever it is, decide now because I’m leaving,” Zayn tells him and Louis sighs exasperated but grabs his still clean duvet and pillow, as well as some briefs and his toothbrush, following Zayn across the lawn.

He decides to give Zayn some time to gather his thoughts, going for a quick shower, before he comes back and asks him how his night with Liam was.

“It was just dinner.”

“Sure. It was dinner with Liam, though.”

The dark haired boy shrugs again as if it’s a daily occurrence.

“Zayn, please. I’ve had a long day and an even longer night. Spill, okay?”

“Not my fault you can’t keep it in your pants around Harry…” He mutters but finally grabs his cigarettes, cocking his head towards the terrace.

Louis is tired, muscles achy and quite a bit peeved about having to let Harry go so he’d really like to curl up in bed and sleep but he follows his mate dutifully outside.

“So…” he taps the lighter on the table until Zayn snatches it away.

“He… was nice. Polite.”

“Who knew he still had it in him?”

Zayn narrows his eyes at him. “Are you going to comment on every single sentence?”

“Sorry. Please continue,” Louis mimes sowing his lips shut.

“He… apologized. For how he treated me. And for how things went between us. Asked me how I’d been… that kind of stuff.”

“Can I comment on that sentence?” Louis asks after it doesn’t seem likely for Zayn to continue.

“Yes.”

“ _What the fuck_?” he barks and Zayn rolls his eyes as if he knew Louis would react like this. “He apologized now? After it’s been what… six months? Too fucking little, too fucking late, I’d say!”

“Louis…”

“No… don’t ‘Louis’ me! I can’t believe this! How dare he?! He treats you – all of us – like shit for months and then he thinks it’s done with one lame “I’m sorry, you know?”!” He mimes Liam perfectly. “Please tell me you told him where to stick his shitty apology?”

“I…” Zayn ruffles his hair. “Told him that it was nice of him to acknowledge it but that it didn’t solve anything.”

“Good…” Louis growls.

“And he said he knows and that it wasn’t mean to solve anything just that he realized his behavior hadn’t been alright and he wanted to say sorry for that.”

“What do you mean? He didn’t want to solve this thing between you two?”

“No,” Zayn whispers. “He doesn’t. He admitted that he is torn up about the break-up because I was the only thing he really knew for years. And he said he still had feelings for me but that… kissing me was a mistake. And that… he doesn’t want to get back together because he thinks we’d end up just the same in a couple of months.” He doesn’t look at Louis when he says it. “He said he thinks we should both try and move on, that we might have been too young, wanted too much too soon and that… we both need to grow and discover new things without holding the other one back.”

Louis will hate his monotone, emotionless voice forever and a day. Though what’s worse is having Zayn suddenly look at him with sadness and an apology in his brown eyes. “He said he wants to make it work with Harry, start over again with him.”

“He…” Louis blinks.

“I’m sorry, Lou.”

Slowly, he shakes his head. “But… that doesn’t make sense. He’s still hung up on you and he doesn’t even treat Harry like he wants him around… I mean… he kissed you and he doesn’t… he’s not interested in anything Harry does so why…”

“Lou, hey.” Zayn reaches over, grabbing his hand. “He said _he_ wants to. That doesn’t mean Harry will even consider it, okay? The way I see it, the guy’s got his mind made up and he’s set on you. Don’t think Liam’s standing a chance there, to be honest.”

Louis feels a bit like he’d been dunked under water. He’s hearing what Zayn’s saying but he still has a hard time understanding it. “It…” He shakes his head again. “But he loves you.”

Zayn tries to shrug nonchalantly but it’s kind of ruined by the shudder which runs through him. “He doesn’t, Lou. Not anymore.”

“Zayn.” He quickly slides off his chair, crouching in front of Zayn’s and tentatively bringing his arm around his slender frame. It takes a couple of seconds but eventually Zayn falls forward, burying his face on Louis neck.

“He doesn’t love me anymore,” he whispers, sounding choked up.

“He’s…” Louis has to swallow hard. “He is the biggest idiot ever and you deserve so much better, Zayn.”

“I was fine with what I had, though,” Zayn admits and Louis holds onto him tighter. “I just… I mean it was over…” he whispers into Louis hair, “… but now it feels like it’s… _really_ over. It feels _real_.”

Louis grinds his teeth and holds onto Zayn tighter.

He’s been there for every single one of them, through every heartbreak Louis and Niall suffered, holding them, supporting them, being there for them. Zayn is an ace friend, the best. No questions asked, no doubt.

And he doesn’t deserve this, he deserves the fucking world and Louis will hate Liam until the end of time for taking this away from him. He should have thought about that before he asked him out, before he asked him to move in, before he proposed. Before we went and so carelessly tossed aside the most precious thing he ever had.

“We’ll get through this, okay?”

“We?” Zayn huffs out a wet laugh.

“Yes. _We_. Bro’s before hoe’s.”

“Lou…” Zayn gently untangles himself from Louis. “If things go right for once, you’ll have a sweet boyfriend in a couple of weeks. Focus on that, okay? I’ll be fine.”

“Perhaps. Perhaps I’ll have a sweet boyfriend in a couple of weeks, perhaps I won’t. But I have a _best friend_ since diaper days and I’m not leaving that friend for any boy in the world. So you’re stuck with me. Sorry not sorry.”

Zayn doesn’t want to, but Louis can see the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, the relief in his eyes.

“So, we’ll get through this.”

“You think?”

“Yes.” It might not be easy, Louis thinks that Zayn might have still harbored some hope that things would work out but he believes it’s definitely better now that he knows where they stand instead of this skirting around each other.

“Thank you. And for the record: I really, really believe Harry will leave him. He doesn’t love Liam and… I think he understood that there’s only so much you can do but that eventually the other person needs to own up and start figuring stuff out themselves rather than relying on someone else to do it. He can’t rely on Harry forever, he just needs to figure out what he actually wants otherwise it’ll never get better.”

“What-“ Louis bites his lips. This isn’t about him and Harry now, this is about Zayn.

“Say it,” Zayn nudges him. “Come on, say it.”

“What if he realizes that what he actually wants is Harry?”

“Lou…” Zayn gently tilts his chin up until he has to look at Zayn. “Liam can figure out how ever much he wants… you stole that boy away right from the start. All of him. I don’t think there’s anything left for Liam to hold onto, to be honest.”

Louis hopes Zayn is right. He hopes and wished that he won’t have to wait even longer for Harry to be finally free because… he doesn’t think he can. Not when everything he’s wanted is finally within reach. He’ll be damned if he lets Liam ruin this once again.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“I think I quite like for you to sleep over… so good choice to ruin your sheets this night. Glad I didn’t have to ask… and… I think… once we’re back and if you’re not with Harry yet…”

“Sleeping arrangements don’t have to change, okay? Not for a while.”

“That’d be good. Don’t think I quite fancy sleeping alone yet.”

“You don’t have to,” Louis tells Zayn, gently nudging him until he gets up. “Once we’re back we’ll call someone and have the nameplate changed. Make your name a permanent fixture. Malik-Tomlinson. Sounds good.”

 

This night, he drapes himself around Zayn like a blanket, holding him tight so he knows he’s not alone, that no everyone’s left. Louis isn’t sure if it helps but at least Zayn falls asleep at some point, hands clawed into his arms as if he’s subconsciously afraid Louis will get up and leave.

And it’s only when Zayn’s fast asleep that Louis lets himself be worried about what Liam’s choice means, whether or not it’ll actually work out for Harry and how on earth he should approach this topic.

Whether a twist of fate will mean that they have to walk away from each other once again.


	9. When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the slight delay. 
> 
> I wrote it, re-worte it, re-re-wrote it and well... that's it.
> 
> Also, this is unbeta'd so I'm really sorry for any mistakes, I'll re-read it in a bit and will try to fix anything that's incorrect but I just really wanted to get this chapter out :)

If Louis is honest, this is probably the worst holiday they’ve ever been on.

They’re here with their best mates, at a beautiful resort, delicious food 24/7, and an amazing beach all within walking distance and yet they managed to muck this whole thing up quite spectacularly.

Kudos to them, really.

 

When they make it to the beach the next day, Zayn’s quieter and more subdued than he ever was during their trip, Niall barely mutters a “good morning” in their direction before he focuses back on his book. Liam doesn’t look up at all, and the only curious gaze they’re met with is Harry’s.

Louis just shrugs. He doesn’t know what to say.

Everything is good when he’s alone with Harry but then they have to face the rest and he blinks and suddenly everything is worse than it was before even though he thought that was hardly possible.

“Okay?” Harry whispers, leaning in but making sure Liam isn’t looking their way.

Louis considers lying but in the end he just shakes his head. “No. Not really.”

“Oh.” Harry worries his bottom lip between his teeth, discreetly pointing towards the water. “Want to go for a dive and… talk?”

“I…” Louis looks over to Zayn, who’s just staring blankly ahead. “Later, okay?”

“Sure,” Harry nods, casting a curious glance in Zayn’s direction before he leans back and digs out his battered paperback.

And this is how they spend their morning: Liam and Niall burrowed in their books, not glancing up once or making an attempt to talk to them, Babs half asleep on her lounger, turning every so often so she tans evenly but she doesn’t really acknowledge their presence either. Harry will shoot Louis the odd smile or glance but he doesn’t dare to talk to Louis, sensing the weird tension lingering in the air.

Zayn hasn’t moved an inch, just keeps staring at the sea as if holds the answers to all of his questions and Louis keeps watching Zayn, wondering whether he should say something or do something. Anything really, to break this weird spell they’re all under.

Maybe he should start screaming, hoping that the rest will join so they can finally get everything they want to say but don’t dare to out of the way. So that they can finally move on.

He’s so sick and tired of being stuck in this place.

 

It’s after a quiet lunch that Zayn tells him he’s heading back to his room.

“I’ll come with you.”

“No… no offense Lou but… just want to be on my own for a while. Is that okay?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Just… I need to be away from people for a while. Stop by and get me for dinner?”

“Sure,” he promises, hugging Zayn tight and watching him go.

Louis slumps back onto his lounger, wordlessly taking the iPod Harry sneaks him and trying to distract himself with the weird shit Harry is listening to.

He so enraptured that he doesn’t notice Liam has left until toes poke his calf and he looks up, startled.

“Hi,” Harry mutters with a grin while Louis takes the headphones off.

“Hey yourself. Where’s the grumpy smurf?”

“Gone for a surf.” Harry points towards the ocean and Louis narrows his eyes, thinking he might be able to recognize Liam’s figure out there.

“Well… good for him,” he twirls the cords around his finger. “I need to ask you something and I want you to answer truthfully, okay?”

“Umh, sure?” Harry sits up a little straighter.

“Have you really bought and downloaded the soundtrack to every fricking Disney movie?”

For a couple of seconds, Harry just blinks. Then he lowers his head bashfully, saying “I might have. So what?”

“Aww,” Louis coos, reaching out to ruffle his hair and totally forgetting they’re not alone.

“Mind being a bit quieter, I’m trying to read,” Niall grumbles and Louis can’t help it. He tosses a quick, “you can read?” over his shoulder, ducking whatever Niall throws his way. He grabs Harry’s hand, yanking him up.

“Come on, Curly, we’re leaving the party poopers to mop on their own,” he tells no one in particular while he drags Harry along, forgoing their stuff or even shoes.

Now that Zayn is gone, he doesn’t have any reason to sit around in this toxic atmosphere any longer, especially not when Liam is gone and he’s got a prime opportunity to sneak away with Harry.

 

“Lou…” Harry huffs out a giggle while Louis just keeps dragging him along, “where are we going?”

“Away.” He rounds another bend, tugs a little harder on Harry’s wrist to signal him to keep up, and finally sees that his memory didn’t deceive him and it was really just the longer way to the pool he took. Grabbing two fresh beach towels from the racks surrounding the pool, Louis makes a beeline for some free sunbeds.

“What about our stuff?”

“We’ll go back in a bit, Niall’s not going to leave it unattended, trust me,” Louis hesitates for a second. “I just… it felt really weird being there, you know? Everyone is acting so fucking tense around each other, even Niall. I didn’t know what to say – if I was even allowed to say anything or if that’d just provoke another argument and well… that’s kinda shit, yeah? But… umh, we can go back. Sorry, that was a bit of a knee-jerk reaction…” he’s reaching for the towels once more, when long fingers wrap around his biceps.

“It’s fine.” Harry shoots him a small smile. “It really is, Lou.” He grabs the hem of his flimsy shirt, yanking it over his head and now his smile is close to full voltage. “Not to mention that I can finally take off that bloody shirt without having to worry about twenty questions being flung my way…”

There’re still faint bruises adorning Harry’s slender hips, interwoven with the laurel leafs inked into his skin as well as some lovebites lining his collarbones.

Louis fingers itch to reach out, to apply a bit of pressure, wondering whether Harry can still feel the ghost of his lips, whether they still throb in sync with his heartbeat.

As if being able to read his mind, Harry shoots a quick look over his shoulder, checking their surroundings before he moves into Louis’ space. “You can touch. It’s okay.”

It isn’t, not really, the place much too public, much too exposed. It’s broad daylight, so many people around and the pool so close to the beach where Liam and the rest are. Yet, Louis is unable to resist Harry. Not when he’s craving him like mad even though he’s spent most of his day – most of his _days_ really – next to him. But that’s the thing; having Harry next to him isn’t enough, he needs to be right next to him, close to his heartbeat, needs to be able to touch and hold him without second guessing his every move.

Just like Louis assumed this place is paradise but having Harry without truly having him for good is hell.

“What are you thinking about?” Harry nudges Louis chin up.

“You. Me. Us. This whole mess…” he shrugs. “Did Liam talk to you about what happened with Zayn last night?”

“Not really. He was… quiet. Went to bed almost as soon as we got to the room. Why? What happened?”

He chews his lips, wondering if it’s really his place to tell Harry but then again he promised not to leave him out of the loop after the last time they came to blows about it.

“He’s… kind of set on staying with you.”

Harry just blinks at him like he suddenly doesn’t understand English anymore. “What?”

“Liam apologized for how he handled the whole break-up but said he thinks it’s best for both of them to move on – separately. And he wants to do that with you… move on that is. He told Zayn he wants to try and make it work, be a better boyfriend to you and all that…” he trails off, hating how shaky his voice has gotten near the end, that’s he’s still afraid of Harry’s reaction, still scared the other boy will choose Liam over him.

“He wants to work it out with me. Stay together.” When Louis finally finds the courage to look at Harry, he’s turned his head, staring off into the distance, bottom lip nestled between his teeth.

Louis nods even though Harry can’t see it and the longer Harry keeps quiet the further his heart sinks. Time and time again Harry’s told him that he wants to be with him but Louis can’t help but think that words are cheap and at the end of the day, he still goes to bed with Liam next to him.

Though he’s ripped out of his thoughts when something akin to growl bubbles up in Harry’s chest, the other boy turning his head and steely gaze focused on Louis all of a sudden. “Good for him. I’m not interested.”

“H., it’s okay if you are… I mean…” he stutters over his words, a tiny voice inside his head yelling ‘ _are you nuts to encourage him, moron_?’ but he can’t help it. He needs to be sure that it’s _Harry’s_ decision, something he does out of free will and not because Louis kept pushing and begging.

“I am not and I don’t want to. I want you! When is this going to go through that thick skull of yours?!” Harry taps his finger against Louis forehead and before he can complain about it, his chin is angled up and Harry’s kissing him.

Soft but demanding, his lips move against his and they’re in public, in plain sight and broad daylight and it may not be the best or most passionate kiss they’ve had but Louis feels weak in the knees nonetheless because that’s Harry laying claim in front of everyone, not giving a damn who might see them.

“Can we go into the pool and make out like loved up teenagers?” Harry mutters against his lips, fingers spanning the small of Louis back to keep him close.

“PDA?”

“Lots and lots of PDA,” Harry agrees with a nod, stray curl falling into his eyes and tickling Louis nose.

“Yeah… I… okay…” Louis watches as Harry grins and quickly skips over to the pool before he just falls in face first, splashing some kids and mums sitting by the edge of the pool. When he surfaces again, half his hair is plastered to his face like an eye patch but he grins brightly in Louis direction, ignoring the scolding looks of the slightly drenched mums nearby. Louis is in love with a dork.

With a lot more elegance, Louis leaps into the pool, diving straight into the middle before he comes back up for a breather.

“Show-off,” Harry mouths while paddling towards him.

“Not everyone can look like a soaked poodle, babe.” Louis brushes the wet tendrils off of his face, not complaining when Harry wraps his long legs around him to stay afloat.

“Hey, who are you calling a poodle?”

Instead of answering, Louis grabs a wet but still springy curl and lets it bounce in front of Harry’s eyes, leaning in to kiss the pout off his boy’s lips but hesitating again.

“It’s okay, Lou… they’re still at the beach…” the ‘and even if’ is unspoken but it still swings silently in the air.

Harry closes the last inches of space between them, tasting faintly of chlorine but it vanishes once Louis kisses him properly. Practically purring, Harry digs his fingers into Louis shoulders, nudging him until he walks them back and into a wall, bracketing Harry in between his arms.

Usually taller than him, Harry still somehow manages to snuggle into Louis embrace, appearing smaller than he is and giving Louis total control of the kiss. It’s only after a while that Louis notices Harry has pressed his hips closer to his, grinding oh so subtly against him.

“Harold, we’re in a pool full of children…” he chides quietly and Harry stretches his back, peeking over Louis shoulder.

“Those mums are still not giving us the full force of their glare, think we’re doing something wrong,” he tells Louis with a dirty smirk. “Come on, put some muscle into it!”

That startles a laugh out of Louis which quickly turns into a gasp once Harry rocks his crotch hard against Louis.

“You sure? Because I am not the one having to walk out of this pool in see-through yellow swim shorts and with a raging boner…”

“Thanks to your thorough efforts it’s a semi at best…”

In answer and retaliation Louis pulls Harry’s bottom lip between his teeth, biting harder at it than usual while he simultaneously digs his hands into his thighs, squeezing tighter around his waist.

Only letting go of Harry’s lip when its swollen and red, Louis sees Harry’s eye are glazed over slightly, pupils a bit wider. He sneaks a hand between them and without much preamble or finesse just cups Harry’s dick through his shorts.

“I’d say you’re well on your way to fully hard…” Louis fiddles with the drawstrings a bit until he can fit his hand inside and Harry lets out a moan he’s only half able to swallow with his mouth. “Keep it down, Styles. Don’t fancy getting arrested for public indecency…”

“Keep it down…” Harry giggles and Louis grabs him harder, turning the giggle into a groan.

“Behave.”

“Will you bend me over if I don’t?”

Louis considers that for a moment. “Filthy. No… I just won’t let you come… for a while…”

The green in his eyes dilates even further and before Louis knows what’s happening, Harry is pushing against his shoulders. “What?”

“Go… let’s… room.”

“What about our stuff and the rest?”

“Liam is out there re-enacting Point Break, Niall’s reading Bab’s 50 Shades of Blue… Black…”

“Grey,” Louis throws in because he is nothing but helpful.

“Whatever. Do you feel the need to be there to listen through his graphic book review once he’s done?”

“No…”

“Good, neither do I. Bab’s is tanning and,” Harry angles his head and looks up, “the sun is up for another two hours so I doubt she’ll move any time soon. No one is going to miss us!”

“We can’t just ditch the rest to run off and fuck, Haz.”

The pout loses some of its innocence since Harry can’t help but grind more insistently against Louis. “Give me three good reasons,” he demands before he latches onto Louis neck.

“It’s… rude to leave your friends to go after…” Louis tilts his head, giving Harry better access which in turn means coherent thought gets a little harder since there’s delicious friction coupled with the sweet sensation of Harry renewing the mark he left on his neck. “… to go after someone… to go shag during the day… to…”

“Keep talking.” Harry nibbles his way down to his collarbones, hands ghosting over his chest before he rubs over his nipples, skin cold from the pool but blood running hot.

“What if… Niall looks… for us?”

“Why would he? And we’ll just lock the door this time so no surprise visitors.”

That reminds Louis of something. “Shit, my keycard is back at the beach.”

“Did you leave the sliding doors open?” Harry stops his ministrations and flutters his lashes at him, causing Louis to just nod dumbly.

“Let’s go.” This time, the tone doesn’t leave any room for discussion and Louis sets Harry down dutifully, plastering himself to his back while they wade through the pool.

Though he does take pity on him once they’ve reached the ladder, quickly climbing out to grab Harry’s shirt and their towels, holding the latter out for Harry in order to prevent everyone from catching a glimpse of his obvious erection straining against the material of his yellow trunks.

Harry links their hands without a second thought and Louis feels his heart skip a beat.

They make their way back to his room quickly, skipping across the grass with laughter, Louis tripping Harry up so he tumbles more than he walks through his slightly ajar terrace doors.

This time, Louis makes sure to lock them, shivering slightly in the cool breeze of the A/C before he gently pushes Harry towards the bathroom.

“What…?”

“We got time, babe.” Louis gently closes his teeth around Harry’s shoulder. “And you smell and taste a little like chlorine.”

“Oh.” He shuffles past Harry, who just stands in the middle of the bathroom, water dripping from his tiny shorts.

Grabbing two large, fluffy towels and placing them aside, Louis makes sure the water is lukewarm before he turns back towards Harry, gently undoing the drawstring of his shorts and inching them down his long legs.

His erection has flagged a bit but when hit with the cold air it gives an interested twitch, making Louis smile.

“Hop in,” he softly tells Harry and while the other boy steps into the shower hesitantly, Louis quickly chucks his trunks before he crowds in behind Harry.

Louis takes a minute just to breathe, front plaster to Harry’s back while watching the way the water weighs down his curls, long, dark brown tendrils clinging to the back of his neck and shoulders. He noses slowly along his spine, fingers coming up to trace along Harry’s sides until he reaches his shoulders.

He bends and quickly grabs some shampoo, making Harry gasp in surprise when he starts massaging it into his curls, but he quickly tilts his head back, chasing Louis touch.

“What are you doing?” Harry murmurs without turning around.

“Taking care of you,” Louis answers in a low hum before he angles the shower head to rinse Harry’s hair.

He grabs the shower gel, smile crossing his lips because once he’ll be done, Harry will be covered in Louis’ scent head to toe.

It’s a bit difficult to reach around the taller boy to wash his chest but Louis makes it work, not letting Harry edge him on even when he grows a little impatient, wriggling his hips and tilting his perky bum back to grind against Louis hips.

“There’s no rush, babe. We’ve got time,” Louis clamps his sharp teeth around Harry’s earlobe at the same time his soapy fingers slip between Harry’s cheeks and he stutters out his breath.

“Lou…”

“Mmh, got some plans for you. Better be a good, clean boy for them.”

“Plans?” Harry makes a move as if to turn around and Louis gently but firmly pushes him towards the warm spray.

“Rinse.” He tells him and while Harry for once does as he’s told without firing off questions, Louis quickly gives himself a thorough wash.

Once done, Louis walks Harry slowly out of the shower, grabbing one of the huge, fluffy white towels and begins to dry him off gently.

“What about you?” Harry murmurs; voice low as if he’s afraid to break the tranquility that’s settled over them.

“I’m good,” Louis replies, busy crouching down to sweep some stray drops of water off Harry’s long legs, admiring the way his muscles flex subtly when he drags the towel higher. His tan skin seems to go on for miles before Louis reaches Harry’s upper thighs, the crease of his perky bum, which is still milky white. He’s tempted to press his lips to the skin, looking all virgin like fresh snow. Yet, he resists temptation, tracing the towel along Harry’s inner thighs, watching him spread his legs a bit so Louis can run the towel gently between his cheeks.

Harry exhales slowly. “Louis.”

“Ssh, I’m not rushing this, Haz. Just let me take care of you, please.”

Louis stands up, admiring Harry’s slender waistline while he runs the towel across his broad back before he stands on his tip toes and rubs it through Harry’s wet hair, combing out the tangled strands with his fingers. It makes Harry tilt his head back once more and when Louis catches his reflection in the mirror, he sees that the younger boy has closed his eyes, shoulders slightly slumped, leaning towards Louis’ touch like a moth to the flame.

Louis just hopes that he’ll continue being a source of warmth and light for Harry, instead of being the one thing to attract but burn him at the same time.

Shaking himself out of these thoughts, he places the softest kiss to Harry’s shoulder, hearing a faint groan bubble up in Harry’s chest.

“These are my favorite minutes of the day,” he tells Louis as if it’s a secret.

“The afternoon?”

“No,” Harry eventually turns around, resting his arms on Louis shoulders and making him once more aware of their difference in height. Usually Louis hated to be smaller than his partners, hated that it automatically seemed to push him into the more vulnerable position.

With Harry though, he suddenly realizes that he likes it. Likes that he has to get on his toes to reach those plumb lips, likes that Harry has to bend down slightly to kiss him, that he can easily rest his head on the crook of Harry’s neck. That Harry’s hands can easily engulf his smaller ones, or - as Louis thinks with a dirty grin - that his bum fits seamlessly into his boy’s big hands.

“No, not the afternoon. Or morning or evening,” Harry’s deep voice brings him back to the here and now. “I mean those minutes I get to have you all to myself. When I don’t need to watch the way I look at you, when I don’t have sit on my hands because I want to reach out and touch you.” As if to emphasize his point, he reaches out and twists a wet strand of Louis’ hair around his finger.

“I know.” And boy, does Louis know what he means. Still, hearing Harry finally say it out loud makes warm spread through Louis chest, causing his toes to tingle and his fingers to itch. “Soon, though, yeah?”

Harry nods fiercely – soon they won’t have to watch every word, every move, every touch.

“How about you go ahead and get comfortable while I quickly dry myself off?”

“I could help?” Harry offers with a heated gleam in his eyes, fingers skimming ever so slightly across Louis wet skin.

“I’ve got plans…” Louis finds that his voice sounds suddenly a lot more strained. “… and if you stay here any longer I’m afraid they will never get set into motion.”

“Mmh…” he touches the tattoo on Louis hip, carefully tracing the black lines and Louis has to close his eyes for a second, will himself to keep his cool.

“They’re good plans,” he whispers and Harry’s finger stops.

“Yeah?”

“Yes, pretty sure you’ll like them…”

He watches as Harry seems to consider this, chewing on his bottom lip until it’s bright pink and wet and Louis thinks that if he stays one second longer, he won’t be responsible for his actions.

“Okay.” He saunters out of the bathroom with a swing in his step and totally unabashed about his nudity.

And besides the obvious, heavy sexual tension in the air, Louis thinks he will never grow tired of this. Of just watching Harry.

Sure, he’s not perfect. Harry, just like every other human being has his flaws and faults.

With every other boy before Harry, these tiny, apparent and not-so-apparent flukes would eventually drive Louis up the wall until he couldn’t stand them anymore. Until they bothered him so much that he simply couldn’t overlook them any longer, that at some point they were all he could see.

Now, he thinks, he could stay here forever and catalogue each and every one of them and still fall more and more in love with Harry. Not despite of his flaws but because of them. Because it’s what makes Harry unique, all his perfect little imperfections.

Louis towels himself of thoroughly but quickly, then enters the bedroom.

Harry has opened the curtains, leaving only the thin almost transparent white-ish ones to shield them from prying eyes. Sunlight has drenched the room in a honey gold glow, somehow making all the edges softer, all the shadows less dark. Tan skin a stark contrast to the crisp white sheets, Louis eyes are naturally drawn to him. He’s a sight to behold, propped up on the pillows, hand wrapped around himself, lazily stroking.His usually dark green eyes are glowing bright and light and Louis wonders when there’ll come a time when he won’t have to stop to catch his breath around this boy.

He doesn’t make a move, just waits patiently while Louis walks to the bed and kneels on the mattress, taking in the sight before him once more, before he slowly lowers himself on top of Harry.

It’s only then, when naked skin brushes naked skin, that Harry gasps, letting go of himself in order to reach out for Louis.

Their noses bump and a giggle escapes Harry’s lips which Louis steals right out of his mouth with a kiss.

It’s a slow, unhurried build which somehow reminds Louis of the first ever kissed they shared atop of that skyscraper, when Harry kissed him like he had all the time in the world, like there wasn’t a deadline. A kiss just for the sake of being close, a beginning but with no means to an end. A kiss which could lead to anything and anywhere but doesn’t have to.

Louis finds that those kisses are quickly becoming his favorite.

They kiss for what feels like hours, until Louis lips are swollen and his mouth feels raw. Harry has long spread his legs, accommodating Louis on top of him, while Louis has run his hands through Harry’s hair so often that he’s spread the brown curls in a soft halo around his head.

Only when Harry does rut up against him, is Louis made aware of their still hard cocks.

“Getting impatient?”

“Just curious,” Harry tugs some stray hair behind Louis ear. “Someone mentioned some super-secret plans and…” he cocks an eyebrow at Louis.

“Mmh, whoever that was…” Harry's fingers find Louis rips, pressing softly into the spot that makes him squeak. “Okay, okay… you could have just kindly asked instead of attacking me, you brute!”

“Well, don’t promise grand things if you can’t deliver.”

Now it’s Louis turn to asses Harry with raised eyebrows. “You asked for it.”

“Asked for what?”

“Get up.”

“What? No… why? I’m comfy!”

Louis leans back on his haunches, crooking his index finger until Harry huffs and scrambles up, shooting him an expecting look.

Louis twirls his finger. “Turn around.”

Harry looks back and forth between Louis and the headboard but eventually does as he’s told. “That’s the grand plan?” he asks over his shoulder once he’s gotten comfortable on his hands and knees. Wriggling his bum a little, Louis is tempted to give him a quick slap just to wipe that smug I-got-you-all-figured-out grin of off his face.

“Just wait and see.”

“I am waiting. Been waiting for quite a while, so far nothing terribly exciting has happened…” Harry drawls. “And don’t get me wrong, I quite enjoy this position but I still don’t get the big surprise or suspense and – Oh holy fucking shit!”

While Harry kept rambling, Louis had slowly started to trace his hands along his lower back, all the way down to his bum. Making sure his boy was occupied with nattering and teasing him, Louis gently spread his cheeks before he dove in to lick a broad stripe across Harry’s hole.

Now he wipes the corner of his mouth for show. “Any complaints?”

Harry just shoots him a slightly unfocused glare over his shoulder, which Louis takes as confirmation that his grand plan isn’t so bad after all.

Settling into a more comfortable position, he noses along the soft skin of Harry’s bum before he bites him, making Harry yelp and a bright red mark bloom on his virgin skin. Louis smoothes it over with his tongue, blowing across the damp skin before he continues peppering kiss all across Harry’s lower back, slowly going down further.

Still he avoids where Harry wants him the most if his wriggling and shuffling on the sheets are any indication. If he thinks he’s being subtle about it Louis will have to sit him down at some point and tell him he’s being so far from it, he might as well be on Mars.

“All good?” he murmurs into his skin and Harry huffs something between a moan and a whine.

“Lou… please…”

“Please what?”

“Please can you…” he hiccups a groan when Louis nibbles on the soft skin just inches from where he knows Harry really wants his tongue. “… please, please stop teasing.”

“But I like teasing you…,” He makes it sound like he’s actually contemplating going at it a little longer, when in truth – and if Harry would just take one look over his shoulder – he’s far from able to drag this out much longer.

The noises Harry makes are illegal, just like the way he’s started to arch his back and work his little bum back on Louis tongue.

Eventually Louis places a soft, almost innocent kiss right on the soft skin but Harry jumps as if he’d been set on fire.

Trying to suppress a laugh, Louis properly attaches his mouth to Harry’s skin but the vibrations from him chuckling seem to transfer and Harry’s moans become a little breathier.

“Right. There. Yeah,” he garbles and Louis uses both hands to spread him open wider, taking a second to bask in the knowledge that Harry trusts him enough to totally surrender himself.

His head has sunken between his bend elbows, bum still propped up in the air but Louis can see his thighs shaking slightly and he bets that if he were to extend a hand and reach below Harry, he’d find his cock rock hard, red and leaking. So instead of making Harry wait any longer, he sets to work properly, placing small, open mouth kisses across the soft skin of Harry’s hole, before he alternates between sucking on the skin and biting him, smoothing over the sting with his tongue.

Louis is very focused on the task but he’s still aware of Harry’s groans and whines becoming more and more high pitched and louder, he’s switching between begging and cursing though his words are becoming more and more incoherent.

Harry is working himself back beautifully, almost riding Louis face and for a brief second Louis considers letting Harry do it but then he notices Harry’s back go rigid, the muscles in his thighs tensing and Louis quickly stops and clamps a hand around the base of Harry’s dick.

Harry actually screams in frustrations, writhing on the bed and Louis can feels his cock twitch, thinks it must be the worst kind of pleasure to almost come just to be held back 0.1 seconds before the drop.

Once he’s sure Harry isn’t going to put a premature end to this, he lets go and sits back.

Still breathing heavily, Harry takes a couple of seconds before he turns around carefully, flushed from head to toe, cock almost purple and precome smeared all across his tummy.

He doesn’t say anything, just glares at Louis until the older boy swallows nervously.

Then he pounces on Louis.

He nearly topples of off the bed, but Harry has him in a tight hold, yanking him around, manhandling him into the position he wants – needs – him to be in.

The world flips upside down for a second until Louis finds himself shoved into the sheets, pillows all around his head.

“What…?”

“New plan…” Harry growls, climbing on top of him, one hand already reaching behind him and it takes Louis’ brain a while to catch on that Harry found the lube, has slicked his fingers up and is working himself open with quick, precise movements.

“I…” is all Louis manages to say before Harry deems himself prepped enough and runs a wet, slick hand along Louis cock, now making him scramble for something to hold onto. He kind of forgot about his own state of almost painful arousal while he had his face buried in Harry’s bum, hence this almost casual touch comes as a bit of a shock.

“What…?”

“Pay back,” is all he gets as answer before Harry grabs his dick firmly and – sinks down in one fluid motion.

Louis is pretty sure his heart just stopped.

He’s brought back to the here and now when Harry digs his nails into his pecs, squeezing even more air out of his lungs when he pushes himself up on Louis’ chest.

There’s an even deeper flush working his way up Harry’s throat and cheeks and if Louis could move, if he could do anything except struggling to get the bare minimum of oxygen into his lungs, he’d sit up and kiss Harry until they would both pass out from the lack of air.

As it is, he’s quite helpless, unable to do much more than to just lie there, take it and feel it. And fuck, does it feel exquisite.

Harry’s slender thighs strain with the effort it takes to work himself up and down Louis’ length but he doesn’t seem to mind if the moans that escape his lips are anything to go by.

Louis would love to compliment him, would love to praise him because Harry is just beautiful like this but his muddled brain can’t seem to remember how to form words, all he can come up with is “fuck, yeah like that!”

“Yeah?” Harry drops his head, sweat glistening on his skin, eyes bright and pupils blown. “You feel…” he cuts himself off with a deep groan and finally Louis springs to action, planting his feet firmly on the mattress before he grabs Harry’s hips.

He slams up as Harry works himself down, punching an almost inhuman sound out of the younger boy. For a second, Louis is worried that he’s going at it too hard too quickly, but then Harry looks at him with so much raw hunger that Louis thinks it wasn’t nearly hard enough yet.

“Want to feel you tomorrow…” Harry pants. “Want to feel you on the plane ride back…”

“Yeah?”

He nods his head, damp curls sticking to his temples. “Want to feel you everywhere…”

That, Louis can do. Regardless of his own pleasure, he concentrates on what Harry demanded, tries his very best to cater to his boy’s every need and wish.

His sole focus comes down to Harry, to the here and now, to this feeling...

 

It’s probably why Louis neither hears the knock, nor notices the door opening until Niall screams a “what the fuck?!” at them.

Still, even then it takes them a minute to bring the sight of Niall in Louis room in line with “shit – we got caught”.

Harry goes rigid on top of him, Louis fingers still digging in the soft skin on his hips.

For minutes the only sound is their labored breathing.

Then Niall repeats more quietly, more venomously “What the fuck is going on here?”

Louis sits up slowly, trying not to unsettle Harry who has yet to move, yet to make a sound. He calmly reaches for the duvet shoved to the end of the bed, covering Harry’s back and lap with it.

“Mind giving us a minute?” his own voice sounds foreign to Louis, his heart still hammering, mind still stuck on the vivid image of Harry riding him. Hell, he even thinks he’s still half hard.

“A minute?” Niall barks a laugh and crosses his arms. “Fat chance.”

“Niall,” he glares at his friend – _former friend quite possibly_ – over Harry’s shoulder. “You can yell at me all you want and to your heart’s delight, but at least let Harry get dressed, alright?”

At that, Niall wavers. His eyes snap to Harry’s hunched shoulders and Louis can’t decipher the look in them.

“Five minutes,” he finally permits before he turns and slams the door.

Louis allows them a little while to get their breathing under control, and he thinks he should probably panic more, feel dread sink into his stomach like lead but all there is, is an eerie calm.

Perhaps he knew all along that things wouldn’t go smoothly for them. That all the best laid plans wouldn’t work out in their favor. That they won’t get their fairytale ending, no matter the sacrifices and how hard they tried. They had been tethering along that edge for too long, taking more and more risks. It’s only natural that eventually, someone would catch them.

Still, Louis never expected it to be _Niall_ and he doesn’t quite know, doesn’t have a fucking clue how he is supposed to salvage this. How he can spin this in a way that’ll allow him and Harry to somehow continue. For all the things that could go wrong, this is the one scenario he never made any plans for, the one thing he never dared to imagine.

With Liam, he could have somehow justified it, could have blamed it on Liam kissing Zayn, on neglecting Harry. But with Niall… Louis never even hinted at liking Harry, even if Niall perhaps caught on to something, he never told Niall half the stuff that’s been going on. And Niall isn’t one to let that slide. Louis had so many chances, Niall had asked him time and time again and he just kept lying to his face.

This is a price, Louis never expected he had to pay. And he wonders when the price will eventually be too high – not only for him, but also for Harry.

“Lou?” Harry eyes are still so bright, but now he sees that they are wide with fear and confusion.

“It’s okay.” Louis combs his sweaty curls back, placing a soft, lingering kiss to his forehead. “It’s okay.”

Harry damn well knows that nothing is okay, but he nods nevertheless, slowly entangling himself from Louis.

“I can stay… I mean, I should. It’s as much your fault as it is mine… Niall shouldn’t… you shouldn’t… we’re… we’re in this together.”

“That’s very honorable but I doubt Niall sees it that way,” Louis gets up and offers Harry his discarded trunks. “I appreciate the offer, I really do but… I think I need to talk to Niall alone.”

Harry has yet to make a move to actually put his swim shorts back on, instead, he’s frozen in place, gazing at Louis intently.

“Please don’t, Lou. Don’t take the fall for this.”

“I won’t,” Louis lies and Harry must see right through it. Given how the corners of his mouth drop and the light in his eyes vanishes, Louis thinks he knew all along that it’d eventually end like this.

He quickly steps into his own shorts before he leans against the wall, watching Harry get dressed. Trying to command the way his hair tumbles over his shoulders, the way his long fingers work, the way his back flexes to memory because God… Louis bites his lip and blinks up at the ceiling.

There’ll be time for tears later.

“Can I…” Harry starts but the door flies open before he can finish that sentence.

“That’s five minutes,” Niall announces. “Brought your shit back in case you were wondering...” He shoves the satchel into Harry’s arms and that explains how he got the room key, Louis registers with distant interest. “Best take a shower, your _boyfriend_ is already up in your room,” Niall snarls at Harry and Louis balls his fists.

Even though the dismissal is quite clear, especially with the way Niall is still holding the door open, Harry looks over to Louis until he nods ever so slightly.

Harry’s shoulders slump and he shuffles his feet, giving Louis one last, sad look before he’s out of the door and Niall kicks it shut.

Time feels suspended between them, and Louis knows he should come up with an explanation and possible excuse but he’s just so tired.

Tired of lying, tired of trying to hide his feelings, tired of not being able with the one he loves.

“Have at it,” he eventually says and spreads his arms.

He expected a lot but not Niall punching his shoulder hard enough to bruise.

“You goddamn lying, cheating, backstabbing bastard!”

And… right, it was probably the last bit of false hope he had that he thought Niall would actually stop and ask what was really going on instead of jumping to the most obvious conclusion.

“I can’t fucking believe it. All this time… all this goddamn time, Liam was right…” he paces the floor while Louis just stands there, absentmindedly rubbing his shoulder.

What’s he supposed to say anyway? Sure, he could give Niall one million excuses, one million reasons as to why and how they ended up the way they did, though something tells him that Niall isn’t really interested in his reasoning. Nothing he could come up with now will make this look any better. Nothing he could tell Niall now will make him stop and listen… and if he doesn’t listen, Louis can never hope that he’ll understand.

“Liam kept telling time and time again that you were being an ass, following your own agenda, you know?” Louis snorts because of course Liam would say something like that.

“And I… gosh I defended you, Louis.” Niall looks appalled. “I _defended_ you and told him he was stupid and deluded for even thinking along those lines. That he – that _we_ – knew you better, that you would never do something like that. Not even when you started this thing with Zayn, whatever that was, right in front of our eyes, would I believe Liam when he told me you did it just to spite him, to rub it in his face, to mock him.

Boy, do you have any idea how fucking stupid I feel now?” Niall laughs but there’s no humor left and when Louis takes a closer look, listens more carefully, he suddenly realizes that he’s never seen Niall so… angry. Furious really. There’s no trace of sympathy left, no benefit of a doubt. Right then and there, Louis realizes that Niall, too, will blame him for everything that went wrong, whether or not it was really his fault. Louis is the one who cheated, the one who went behind his friends back in Niall’s eyes and nothing he says or does will be able to justify it or provided a sufficient excuse.

“I mean, I knew you could be a bastard. You always knew what to aim for, where it’d hurt the most, which way to best twist the knife, didn’t you? I just never thought you’d turn on your best friend. Never. And like, maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised, not with the dodgy way you kept acting, not with all the shit you and Zayn pulled, but kudos to you, Tomlinson. You out did yourself here.

I get why you and Liam are at odds, I really do. It’s not like I patted him on his back for what he did to Zayn or for how he acted, you know?!”

_No_ , Louis thinks, you didn’t. _But you also never held a grudge against Liam, easily glossed over all the fucked up shit he pulled, never stuck up for Zayn_. Always the happy-go-lucky guy, God beware Niall Horan gets stuck in a serious discussion or has to take sides in an argument.

_Liam surely never got the talk I’m getting right now_. Never before was Louis aware that he was angry with Niall as well, that for all his great, impassioned pleas to their decade-long friendship it surely wouldn’t have hurt if Niall had found some stern words for Liam’s behavior, too. Maybe Liam’s crimes rank lower than what Louis did, maybe it’s only his actions which justify this kind of response. Maybe fate really has it out for him.

Whatever the reasons, it’s unlikely that Louis will come out of this unscarred. He always knew there’d be losses, has already written off Liam’s friendship but losing Niall as well… that’s something he wasn’t prepared for. And certainly not in this way…

“And Liam has been acting shitty, towards you, towards Zayn, heck – even towards Harry. But… wasn’t it enough that you paraded Zayn in front of his nose?

Wasn’t me asking – _begging_ – you to take a step back, to not get involved, a good enough reason? Or did you laugh about that as well? Did our friendship mean as much to you as your friendship with Liam? Was it just that easy to lie to me and play me for a fool as well? It’s not like I never asked you what was going on, Louis. You had so many chances to explain yourself, to tell me what was really happening but no, you decided I was not… not worthy… that you couldn’t trust me that… fuck I don’t even know… that we weren’t good enough friends for you to tell me things?”

It’s a low blow and Niall must know it, because Louis has never given him cause to doubt his loyalty or their closeness.

“You obviously don’t give a fuck about any of us. About our feelings or what you are ruining. You only care for yourself, about your own fucked up revenge. Jeeze, how twisted and selfish are you, Louis? First Zayn…” Niall snorts a laugh. “I mean, does Zayn know about your little thing with Harry here? Or did you conveniently forget to mention it to him as well?”

Niall actually pauses like he expects Louis to answer. Like Louis could answer any of those allegations thrown at him. Like he’d actually be interest in anything Louis had to say.

“Forget it, why did I even ask?! I bet Zayn knows nothing, and why should he? It’s only about you and what you want, has been all this time, hasn’t it? Why should you suddenly care about other people, you self-centered dickhead! Who cares what you leave in your wake, who you hurt, what you destroy as long as you get what you want. Doesn’t matter that Liam’s been your best friend for decades, doesn’t matter that you’ve been one of my closest mates for years – we obviously mean shit to you if you can so easily go behind our backs, lie to our faces like it’s nothing.

But… with Harry? Seriously, Louis, how could you? He’s… a nice guy. Harry is sweet, friendly, a bit naïve and bloody innocent!

What did you tell him? What fucked up shit did you promise him to rope him into this sick plan of yours?

Didn’t you hurt Liam enough as it is? Wasn’t fooling around with Zayn enough? Did you have to take the one thing that made him smile and steal it right from under his nose? Did you have to use Harry like that? Just to one up Liam? Just to show that no one can resist you? That you always have the last laugh!?

Did you at least once stop to consider Harry’s feelings? Probably not because why should you consider something you won’t gain anything from, right?

So what was the plan here? Fuck him and dump him before you rubbed it in? Tell Liam all the glory details? Send him a video maybe?

How do you think Harry will feel when he realizes he never meant anything to you, was just the means to an end?!”

If Louis didn’t think Niall would punch his lights out, he’d laugh. God, he really created a great, big mess if even Niall seriously consideres that Zayn and him were ever more than best mates. Like honestly, how could anyone not notice the way he looks at Harry? Louis sometimes thought his fond would be visible from space, yet Niall still managed not to catch on.

“God Louis, you are… I don’t have any words for this. I took you on this holiday to try and fix things yet you just saunter in here, setting it all on fire with a smile and flick of your wrist.

You don’t deserve any of this. Liam, Zayn… us being friends for that long…” Niall shakes his head. “We’re through, okay? Whatever you do, go and fucking do it on your own. I don’t give a shit. You went and singlehandedly ruined everything, Tomlinson, this is all on you. Can’t believe I wasted all these years… that I actually tried to stick up for you… tried to understand you… God, you don’t deserve this. Any of it. Neither Liam’s friendship nor mine. And you surely don’t deserve Harry, so do me one last favor and stay the fuck away from him!

I really hope that whatever you gained was worth everything you lost over it. Hope you choke on your sweet, fucked up revenge.

Happy life, Louis. Don’t fucking talk to me ever again.”

Niall salutes him, before he turns on his heel and walks out, not even bothering to close the door.

He just came and casually tore everything apart and Louis feels like it should at least validate a proper door-slamming.

 

*

 

Louis skips dinner. He isn’t really sure if the rest went, can also imagine Zayn skipping it and well… Niall and Babs at the same table as Harry and Liam… yeah, thanks but no thanks.

It’s not like he’s hungry anyway.

He should probably feel a lot more panicked, should fanatically try to come up with excuses and explanations, should be trying to talk to Niall, to fix this.

Yet, all he feels since Niall’s walked in on them is kind of numb. Like everything’s wrapped in cotton, sounds muted and sunlight less bright.

Niall’s words are playing on a loop and while he knows some of it was just out of line and blatantly untrue, other words hit home.

Harry and he always were the fuse to set this whole thing ablaze and Louis just held the match. Since he couldn’t stop playing with fire, he shouldn’t be so surprised that the spark eventually caught and he managed to burn everything down to the ground.

A better person would have walked away. A better, less selfish person would have walked away and spared their best friends all this lying, cheating and deceiving.

His friends don’t deserve this, not even Liam deserves this.

And especially not Harry.

 

Louis digs his toes in the sand and buries his head in his hands. Harry deserves the fucking world on a silver tray and not all this drama Louis dragged him into.

Being with the person you love should come easy, it shouldn’t be such a goddamn fight every day. There shouldn’t be so many sacrifices either of them has to make.

“This isn’t how I planned for this to end,” Louis whispers.

“I know.” He doesn’t know when Harry showed up, nor how long the other boy has been silently sitting next to him, close but not touching.

“Did Niall speak to you?”

“No. I didn’t go to dinner. Done my packing, though.”

And yeah, Louis will have to do this as well seeing as tomorrow is their last day. For all Louis cares, the plane could also leave now. There’s nothing here he wants to stay for.

Eventually he lifts his head and looks to his right, seeing Harry stare off into the distance, eyes fixed on the sun drowning in the ocean.

Hair gathered in a bun, the fine line of his jaw seems more defined than usual, the elegant curve of his neck on display due to the low scooping white shirt he’s wearing. There’s still a faint lovebite on his skin, and Louis wonders whether Liam’s seen it, whether he realized what it meant. Whether he now too knows what’s been going on behind his back.

Plumb lips set in a tight line, Harry’s eyes seem darker, duller than Louis has ever seen them.

Everything within Louis screams to reach out, to gather Harry in his arms and hold him until the sun set and the moon came up, to brave the condescending looks, the open hostility and nasty comments together. To not give a fuck about what other people think about them or what they whisper about them behind their backs.

Louis has already scooped so low, has already hit rock bottom, he thinks it wouldn’t even matter that much. If it was only him, that is.

But then he looks over to his right, looks at this sweet boy and…

Harry has turned around, green eyes fixed on Louis.

He could drown in them each day anew, like the sun in the ocean, Louis muses.

“Lou…” Harry reaches out but something in Louis’ eyes makes him abort the movement halfway through, hand sinking into the sand. “You don’t have to do this, okay? It’s not your fault. We both wanted this. I wanted this! I still want it!”

“I know, Harry. And…”

“You know I lov-“ he quickly reaches out and places his hand on Harry’s lips, effectively shutting him up.

“Don’t.” It comes out harsher than intended. “Please don’t say it. If you… if I hear you say it will only be harder and it already breaks my heart but… I can’t hear you say it and go through with it.”

A shaky exhale brushes over Louis fingers and when he looks at Harry again, he sees tears brimming in his eyes. Slowly, he traces his hand from his lips along his cheek to brush away the first tear running over the soft skin.

“Why do you keep punishing yourself, Lou? We’re all at fault here, we all fucked up.”

“It’s… not about whose fault it is in the end… it’s…” he draws in a deep breath. “It’s about everything that we went and destroyed. If we just continued… Niall wouldn’t let it rest, Liam wouldn’t let it rest and… you think you’ll be able to take the remarks and comments but you’re really not prepared, believe me.

And they wouldn’t even be wrong, would they? There’d always be that grain of truth in all their accusations…”

“But we knew this before, didn’t we? We knew it’d probably not go smoothly.”

“But did you think it’d end as disastrous as it did? That you’d be reminded of it every fucking day?”

Harry eventually shakes his head.

“I want to be with you more than anything, Haz. But every comment… every time we’d see Niall or Liam… every…” Louis swallows hard.

“I’d always remind you of what you lost. Of how much you hurt Niall. Of how you went behind Liam’s back. Of how you cheated on your friends and of how it all came crashing down,” Harry finally realizes.

“It’s not fair, I know. I should have thought about this before, but I still – I always hoped we’d be able to find a better solution. To somehow sort this out with nobody getting hurt that bad.

I wish I could promise you I’d never look at you and be reminded of the bad things, of everything Niall said to me, of how I treated them but I can’t and…” Louis draws in a shuddering breath. “I can’t promise you this. Right now, all I hear is Niall yelling at me and fuck, Haz, I wish I could just blend it out, to not give a fuck but the look in his eyes… I have never seen Niall look so… furiously hurt and it’s my fault. This is on me, okay?

And God, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. And I want to give you the world and treat you like royalty and just be sickeningly happy with you but I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I can just get over everything that happened, if…”

“… If one day you can look at me and not see the hurt look in Niall’s eyes. Or be reminded of the cheating and lying.”

“I am afraid that at some point this will be all I see when I look at you. And that’s not fair. You deserve so much better than this. Someone who’s not… tainted and fucking twisted, who doesn’t have that kind of baggage.

I just can’t be with you but only be reminded of what I lost and not of what I gained.”

Harry looks at him for a long time, before he finally nods.

“I think… I get it. I hate it but I understand what you mean.”

He gets up slowly and like a puppet on strings, Louis follows his movements.

Harry leans in, fingers linking with Louis', and places the softest kiss to Louis lips. It's not more than a breeze, but it already is enough to make him taste the tears and heartbreak.

“You'll remember me, right?” Harry’s still got his fingers interwoven with his when he takes the first small step back.

“Always. And I’ll miss you forever.”

“We could have been good.” Another step back, a smile mixed with tears and it gets harder to hold on.

“We could have been fucking great together.”

“The happy-ever-after?” Harry’s fingertips are still resting on Louis’, his skin still warm from the ghost of Harry’s touch.

“The One.”

Harry draws in a shuddering breath and then he takes the final step back, letting go of Louis, turning around and walking away swiftly without a glance back.

Louis feels like he can’t breathe. Like he’ll never breathe again.

All the books and movies, even his mum used to tell him that love would conquer all. Right here and now he thinks that’s bullshit.

He’d like to talk to one of the heroes or heroines of those great novels now, would like to ask them how on earth they’d solve this mess. How to blend out all the hurt and pain they've caused, how – and if – they could have been happy with The One if everything around them had turned to dust.

Love is good, great even.

But sometimes love just isn’t enough.

 

*

 

So now it’s all said and done who’s he to blame?

Liam?

Zayn?

Niall?

Harry and himself?

For most, Liam would probably be the obvious choice.

After all, he was the one who cheated on Zayn, who went and got a new boyfriend even though he was still hung up on Zayn. Liam, who, even though he was in a new relationship never managed to let go of Zayn completely, making it impossible for either to move on.

Liam, who had never been ‘all in’ with Harry, who had never let Harry close or given him a proper chance as boyfriend. Harry had been a mere distraction for him, something to keep him occupied and help him ignore the most pressing problem – Zayn and their break-up.

Had Liam taken the time to sit down and think everything he had said and done through, the grand blow-up could have possibly been avoided as well as those months being miserable and snappy with each other.

But Louis might be a tiny bit biased when it comes to allocating the blame after having been on the receiving end of Liam’s anger for the better part of half a year.

Still, looking back on it all, he still can’t quite bring those two versions of Liam in line. The pre-break-up version and the post-break-up version of his former best mate.

Yes, Liam sometimes acted stupid and inconsiderately, he sometimes had the emotional capability of a rock but never had he deliberately hurt any of them, much less with such nastiness.

And while Liam could be stubborn too, he’d never been one to set a well-intended advice to naught. Louis and him had butted heads a couple of times over the years, it came naturally because of their differences in character and temper, but while Louis would usually be the one to sulk and refuse to talk to anyone about it, Liam would eventually always listen to either Niall or Zayn trying to mediate peace between their two friends.

Liam wasn’t one to hold a grudge for long, he wasn’t one for deliberately hurting people and he wasn’t one for running away and ignoring his problems until they piled high enough to bury him alive.

In the end, Louis still doesn’t know why Liam acted the way he did, what his reasons were for breaking it off the way he did.

There must be something more to this story, something he wasn’t told or something the others don’t even know about which set all of this off. Even after all that happened, Louis still kind of refuses to believe that this person is supposed to be Liam – or the new version of Liam.

And if he’s totally and brutally honest with himself, it’s not only Liam who could have handled things differently.

Harry and he could have been honest. They could have come clean at the beginning, could have saved themselves and everyone around them a lot of trouble.

Louis could have sat Liam down and talked to him, instead of being pissed off and hurt on behalf of Zayn. He could have put a stop to Zayn’s weird games instead of playing along half-heartedly, thereby upsetting not only Liam but also Niall and Harry.

He could have spoken to Niall instead of hoping that no one would catch them. He could have at least been honest to a certain extent and told Niall that he had feelings for Harry. Maybe then, this final, disastrous argument could have been avoided. If Niall had at least known about some parts of the story, had at least been aware that Louis feelings for Harry were genuine, perhaps he’d have understood.

Perhaps he would have even rooted for them, might even have helped explaining everything to Liam.

Also, Louis should have at least considered the possibility that he’d lose everything over this. It was probably stupid to believe he could wriggle free of this net of lies he spun and come out as the shining winner. He made the bed and now he has to lie in it, he just never believed it’d be so fricking hard and lonely.

He could have told Harry that there wasn’t a future for them. He could have walked away. He should have.

Well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, innit?

_Shoulda, woulda, coulda_ – it’s all a guessing game, a ‘what if’ bingo.

What if Harry and he had told the truth?

What if he had sat down with Liam to talk to him?

What if Niall had never caught them?

An endless repeat of _What if? What if? What if?_

In the end, all of them are at fault.

Maybe not equally but all of them did and said things that weren’t okay, they all behaved in hurtful and mean ways.

Having someone to put the blame on doesn’t make it better this time. It doesn’t make it easier. Because – who’s he to blame really? All of them? None of them?

All it does, is emphasis how pointless, how meaningless all of their fights have been.

Because in the end, no one won.

No one is happy.

They’re all equally miserable and alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry...
> 
> The good news is, there's still one more chapter to go and I decided to add an epilogue just because.


	10. (Hearing you whisper through the phone) Wait for me to come home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If they can just drop a single like that, I guess I can also upload this a bit earlier than planned. 
> 
> Happy weekend! Enjoy it :)

_~ 1 month later_

Louis declined Zayn’s offer to come out with him tonight.

After they had gotten back from that disastrous trip about a month ago he’d been constantly on the move, had tried to take his mind off of things and ignore that fact that he’d lost two of his best friends, had lost the boy he was in love with and that it was no one’s fault but his own.

He’d come home late and gotten up early, keeping busy so that he couldn’t replay Niall’s words or the look on Harry’s face, had done everything in his power to just stop feeling for a while.

Eventually, it caught up with him, just like everything you run from tends to do in the end.

It snuck up on him one afternoon while he’d been in the library (Louis had even joined a study group just to fill the blanks in his hectic schedule), unsuspecting flicking through his textbook on Marketing & Digital Communication when he’d come across the name “Harry”. It hadn’t even referred to ‘his’ Harry, had just been a source, a quote, but seeing the name in black and white had somehow gotten to him so much, that he had slammed his book close and taken off without a goodbye.

He’d gone straight to Zayn’s lair, had climbed all the steps to his tiny studio in the Art Department, locked the door and cried on his shoulder for the first time in forever. His best friend hadn’t said anything, just held him until Louis was all cried out and managed to suck in some ragged breaths through his clocked nose and tight throat, before he called it quits for the day and walked him home.

And that was the end of Louis fooling himself into the belief that he could just forget everything and move on.

So he’d spent another day on the sofa, curled up and sad, until Zayn kicked his butt once again and told him he couldn’t avoid life forever, but also that Louis wasn’t alone in this. That Zayn was still here, meaning to stay by his side.

Niall had effectively ended their friendship but since Zayn chose to stick with Louis it also meant that Zayn and Niall weren’t on speaking terms. Not to mention Zayn and Liam. So all they had left was really each other. Louis guessed it could have been worse. If he had lost Zayn, too…

Louis didn’t know whether Niall was still talking to Harry, though he couldn’t really imagine it.

Of course, he’d seen the other boys across campus or when they’d gone out but they knew each other and their schedules well enough by now to being able to stick to opposite ends of campus or avoid the other’s favorite bars and clubs.

Should they by chance ever bump into each other, Niall would look straight ahead, treating them as if they were made out of thin air while Harry’s gaze would linger for a while, until he’d sigh and turn away, glancing back over his shoulder as if he’d still hope for Louis to call out, to take it all back.

Louis never did.

 

So Zayn had asked if he fancied going out with him but Louis hadn’t been in the mood and after a bit of hassling and trying to persuade him, Zayn had given up and gone out on his own.

Now Louis was curled up on the sofa, bottle of wine and pack of cookies on the table in front of him, dressed in some worn sweats and a thin t-shirt which might have belonged to Zayn at some point.

Faced with the difficult decision to watch Sex and the City reruns or the fourth Die Hard movie, Louis is about to toss a coin and himself out of the window. Perhaps he should have taken a look at the TV program before he told Zayn to go on without him.

A knock on the door startles him, making him wonder whether Zayn actually came back for him. Opening the door with more force than necessary and an exaggerated eye roll, the “babe, missed me already?” gets stuck in his throat once he sees who it is.

“You?”

“Hi,” Liam waves sheepishly. “Umh, sorry to… show up like that. Is… are you… is Zayn around?”

“No,” Louis crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe. “He’s out.”

“Oh, good, okay…” Liam scratches his neck, looking like a poster boy for ‘uncomfortable, nervous and embarrassed’. If it were anyone else, Louis would have invited them inside by now, trying to put them out of their misery. Since it’s Liam he doesn’t say anything, just continues to stare. “Look, can we… can I have a word?”

“I’m listening,” Louis tells him curtly.

“Like… inside? Maybe? I just… I really need to talk to you and… it might take a while. Please, Louis.”

He chews his lips, considering Liam’s request. He hasn’t seen Liam in over a month now, doesn’t have a clue what he’s up to, what – if – anything happened between him and Harry, whether they’re broken up or still together.

“What do you want?” he asks, not moving yet and Liam sighs. He reaches down and now Louis sees that he’s got a rucksack and suitcase with him.

“Here,” Liam digs through his rucksack, handing him an envelope and Louis peeks inside, curiosity getting the better of him.

Pictures. Photos to be precise.

“What…?” he frowns, taking them out and flicking through them, realizing most of them are from their time in Bali and all without exception are of him. Coming out of the water, going in, surfboard under his arm, stretched out on the sun lounger, laughing with Zayn or Niall. There are others, showing him in bed or at the beach again, but those are quieter somehow, portraying him just staring off into the distance.

“Going to explain why my boyfriend took 1001 photos of you during the trip?” Liam asks and Louis didn’t need the verbal confirmation, knew from the fourth picture on that this was Harry’s work. He hadn’t just noticed how many photos the younger boy had taken, unaware that he had been Harry’s main focus.

It’s… bittersweet, a reminder of how important he’d been to Harry. And a reminder of how happy Louis had been around him.

“It’s because I fucked your boyfriend behind your back,” he states, lowering the envelope and squaring his shoulders. “That’s what you think happened, what you wanted to hear, innit? Otherwise you wouldn’t show up here like that, giving me those and asking stupid questions you already think you know the answer to.”

Liam sighs, “Can I please come in?”

“Look, if you’re going to hit me might as well do it here. Don’t fancy getting blood on the carpet.”

“Oh for crying out loud,” eventually Liam just pushes Louis aside, making him stumble while Liam barges into his flat, “stop being so dramatic.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Louis rubs his jaw, same spot where Liam punched him all those months ago. “So since you invited yourself in so kindly, mind telling me what the fuck you want?”

“To apologize.”

Louis expected a lot but definitely not this.

“What?”

“I came to talk to you and to… apologize.” Liam looks around and takes off his jacket, leaving his stuff in the hall while he makes his way to the living room, a dumbfounded Louis hot on his heels.

“You came to apologize,” Louis echoes while Liam takes a seat. “Want a glass of wine with your apology? Must feel like barfing up barbed wire.”

“Yes,” Liam seems surprised by the offer, “please.”

So Louis goes to fetch him a glass, pouring him the drink before he sinks back onto the couch, safe distance between them.

“Explain,” he demands.

“It’s… fuck. I had this goddamn speech prepared for days and now…” Liam rubs along his thighs. “Where do you want me to start?”

“Beginning?” Louis shrugs. He doesn’t have a clue what Liam came here for, what he wants from him.

“Beginning… okay… right. Umh… beginning would be… my break-up with Zayn, I guess.”

“Yeah… want to tell me what happened there?”

“Honestly?” Liam laughs but there’s no humor behind it. “I have no fucking clue.”

“That’s not good enough, Liam. You’ve been with him for years, you moved in together, you proposed to him. You built a life together. And then you just… get bored? Decide Zayn’s not the one you want all of sudden? Too demanding? Too high maintenance? That you fancy getting your dick sucked from someone else?” Louis shrugs and there’s the familiar anger bubbling up, that hot knot in his stomach which never quite dissolved. “That 10 years mean nothing? That it’s okay to just throw it out of the window, to ruin everything? You broke his fucking heart, Liam. You broke his heart and you kicked him out and he was…” Louis balls his fists. “You broke his heart,” he repeats.

Liam just nods. “I know. I know and… there won’t come a day I will not regret this. I am so, so, so sorry, Louis. And I know you’re angry, furious really and that you hate me for it but mate, you could never hate me as much as I hate myself, okay?”

“You –what?” Now he’s really at a loss. “You said you were over it. So often. And… in Bali… I know you kissed and… you still said you didn’t want him back…” he stutters. “He gave you so many second chances, Liam. What the fucking fuck?!”

“Temporary insanity?” Liam suggests. “Just… wanting too much all at once, regardless of the consequences. I… thought Zayn was a given, as mean and nasty as that sounds. I thought he’d always be there and I guess… I started to take him for granted?” Liam swallows hard. “If you’re together with someone for so long they kind of become… fixed? I don’t know how to explain it properly but I just thought that no matter what I’d do, what I’d decide Zayn would be there. He’d be there and he’d be cool with it because I was cool with it? Do I make sense?”

Louis thinks back to when Zayn first wore the engagement ring, how foreign it looked on him, how new and sparkly and how with time the novelty wore off until it became a common place and no one really paid attention to it anymore. Louis guesses he kind of understands what Liam means, so he nods.

“And then things started happening so fast, all of sudden it took off like crazy, I met all those people, got so many offers, so many possibilities and chances... it was all too good to be true and I should have taken a moment just to breathe and think, to make up my mind and figure out what _I_ wanted instead of _being told_ what I _should_ want from people I didn’t even know…” Liam says. “But… it took me by surprise and it happened so quickly and I guess I just allowed it to happen as well, thinking it’d all work out in the end because it had _always_ worked out somehow in the end.

Only that Zayn suddenly put his heels into the ground. It felt like he tried to thwart me at that time – now I know he was just trying to look out for me, for us. Trying to take a step back and look at whole thing with some objectivity rather than letting myself be carried away by it. Now I realized it, but back then…” he shakes his head. “I didn’t see it. And it pissed me off, you know? I finally got to the top, and I worked so hard for it, for myself but also for him, to give him everything he could possibly want…”

“He only wanted you,” Louis mumbles and Liam nods sadly.

“Too late now innit? I had everything within reach; top job with one of the best companies worldwide, beautiful, kind and intelligent fiancé, a lovely flat and two amazing best friends.

Maybe I got knocked over the head and don’t remember it because there is no logical and sufficient explanation for what I did. I guess I just felt like I was drowning? Like all the things I was so happy about before, my life, my friends, my fiancé – were suddenly trying to drag me down. I felt like I’ve worked so hard, sacrificed so much for him, for us, to make everything perfect and when I could finally see the finish line, Zayn turns around and tells me it’s not what he wanted. I know I should have taken a minute to think it through, to properly talk to him but back then I was… angry. I was really pissed off. He didn’t seem to appreciate all the effort, wasn’t happy about anything I had achieved and it... I don’t know how to explain it better than by saying I felt like he tried to drown me.

That once I was able to reach for the stars, he was the chain dragging me back to earth.

So I… struggled free. In the most hurtful, selfish and dickish way possible. I know. And I will be forever sorry for how I handled it, for what I did. I wish I could go back in time and undo it, Louis, but I can’t. I can’t and it’s…” Liam bites his lips and looks away for a second. “… it’s killing me. Which you might argue is no less than I deserve so… what goes around comes back around, right?”

Louis would love to say he feels better now. Would love to say that Liam’s pain gave him some sort of satisfaction, some sort of closure, instead, it makes him sad too.

“No, I guess I don’t think you deserve it. Comes as a surprise to you and me both,” he adds. “So if you knew all this why drag it on? Why shoot Zayn down time and time again when he gave you another chance?”

“Because it took me a while to come to my senses,” Liam admits. “It was so much easier to blame everyone else than to look at myself and to acknowledge to myself that I was the one who fucked up. That it was all my fault and that _I_ was the only one who could change things. That I actually _needed to change_ things if I wanted them to be different, that I couldn’t just sit around and wait for someone else to do it.”

“And did you? Come back to your senses?” Louis asks.

“Yeah, I guess. Took a while and coming to terms with some unpleasant truths about myself, but yes,” Liam nods.

“Then why are you here with… me? Shouldn’t you tell that to Zayn?”

“It’s not only Zayn I hurt, is it now? I’ve been… a bitch? A dick? You name it, Louis. Whatever name you want to call me, I’m sure I acted like one to you,” Liam admits and Louis swallows at that admission. He didn’t think he’d ever hear Liam admit it. And it means… a lot.

“I blamed you for my shortcomings, simply because you were unfortunate enough to be there for Zayn and I was… jealous. Angry and jealous because even though I had hurt him, you got to be there for him and isn’t that the most twisted and fucked up thing you ever heard? I broke up with him, I cheated on him and then I got mad at his best friend when he tried to be there for him. That makes me officially the worst person I have ever known.”

“Well to be fair Zayn and I were a bit… ambiguous in our… friendship,” Louis admits.

“You never slept with him?” Liam’s question comes quick, like it escaped his lips before he managed to clamp his mouth shut.

“No. Never. I… he’s like my brother, Li,” Louis realizes too late that he used his old nickname. “I guess he told you the same, didn’t he? That it didn’t mean anything, we were never interested in each other that way… it was more to get a rise out of you.”

Liam nods, “yes, he mentioned it in Bali. I just… needed to hear it again, you know? And from you. Sorry.”

Louis nods because he does understand.

“I am sorry, Louis. I was… a dick and I purposefully tried to hurt you in the worst possible ways. The things I said about you… I _know_ better, okay? I know you’re not selfish and I know you care about people and… I wish I could have been a better person and treated you like the friend, who had always been there for me rather than my worst enemy but I didn’t and for that – I am truly sorry.”

“Thank you,” Louis mutters. “It… I didn’t expect you to ever say something or to even talk to me again so… thank you.”

“Maybe we could… some day… start over again? If you can ever forgive me, that is. I’d like to try, I’d like to be friends again, Lou?”

“Yeah,” he rubs his neck, suddenly feeling guilty and as shitty as Liam must have felt. “Before you say things like that… there’s something I need to tell you…”

“About Harry?” Liam guesses and Louis pales but nods.

“So you really had an affair with my boyfriend.”

“Yes,” Louis admits. “But… not to spite you or to get back at you for Zayn or anything. It just kinda happened.”

“I guess it was mutual?”

“Yes, it was mutual. We discussed it,” Louis says with a faint smile. “And it wasn’t just an affair. I really… I loved him first, you know?”

“Tell me,” Liam probes and Louis guesses he owes him that much. After all Liam confessed and told him what went on with him, Louis can at least be civil and grown-up enough and do the same for him.

So he tells Liam about Harry, how they met – the first time – and what it meant for Louis. How he couldn’t stop thinking about the green eyed boy with the curly hair and perfect smile. The shock of seeing him with Liam, the struggle to stay away from him, to do the right thing and eventually the admission that all his attempts were futile because… he fell in love. He loved Harry. Had loved him first and for all this time, before Liam or Niall or Zayn ever knew he existed. Simple as that.

“… and then Niall caught us. And he was… livid. Never seen him so angry. Said we ruined everything, that I singlehandedly ruined years long friendships for a pretty face and perky ass,” Louis recalls. It doesn’t hurt any less now than it did back then. “Harry was going to tell you, you know? He was close a couple of times before but he definitely wanted to tell you once we were back from Bali. Only that Niall caught us and it all came crashing down.”

“You ended it.” Liam doesn’t sound surprised.

“I did. I couldn’t… we couldn’t… it…” Louis takes a shuddering breath. “He’s amazing, okay? Harry is… too much. He’s sweet and kind, smart and witty. He’s… the whole package. The one, who - if you play your cards right - you get to take home and introduce to your mum as ‘The One’.

But Niall was kind of right, wasn’t he? I risked it all for Harry and ruined it all because I couldn’t stay away. So… had we continued I guess I would have eventually blamed him for it, and he doesn’t deserve this. I wanted to be with him but in the end… the price was too high? Circumstances too wrong? I don’t know how to explain it, sorry.”

“You were afraid that you’d look at Harry and only see what you lost instead of what you gained,” Liam mutters and Louis looks up, surprised.

“Yes.”

“Louis?”

“Mmh?”

“You are a fucking idiot,” Liam tells him and Louis bristles.

“What?”

“How could you let him slip away?!” Liam shakes his head. “This is the first time I have seen you head over heels in love, willing to risk it all and then you just let it go like that? That’s not like you, mate, sorry.”

“What did you expect me to do?”

“To fight, Lou.”

“He was with you!”

“He was never really with me and you know that! Just like I was never really with Harry. We always held back, whatever this thing between us was, it was a piss-poor excuse for a relationship!”

“Well, Mr. I-want-to-do-the-right-thing decided to stick around a little longer to help you through it all,” Louis grumbles and Liam has the guts to laugh.

“I know. He told me.”

“He – what? When?”

“Lou, Harry and I broke up about two days after we got back from Bali. He said he couldn’t do it anymore, told me about what happened – everything that happened, I may add – and left.”

“He left?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Liam asks and Louis shakes his head.

“No, we… umh, haven’t talked since we came back from Bali.”

“Lou,” Liam says softly and Louis looks up, shrugs and blinks away tears.

“Yeah well, wasn’t meant to be, I guess.”

Liam just looks at him for a couple of seconds until he stands up and pulls Louis up, too. “Get dressed.”

“What? Why?”

“Because you’re going out.”

“I – no. I don’t want to go out.” Louis tries to shake Liam’s hands off but he’s got a good grip on him.

“Yes. You are going out. You will put on some pants, grab your keys and drive over to 17Black.”

“And pray tell me, what would I do there?”

“It’s open mic night and Harry plays there.”

“Good for him.”

“Don’t make me drag you there, I will, just so you know.”

“Liam, with all due respect but why are you encouraging me to go after your boyfriend?”

“Ex-boyfriend. And I am in fact _forcing_ you to go after him because I have a thousand things I need to fix and you and Harry just happen to be a top priority,” Liam tells him. “Listen Lou, I want you to be happy and I want Harry to be happy and it might be a wild guess but… I think you’d be happiest with each other.”

“You think?”

“You just told me you love him, Lou. So I think it’s a safe bet.”

Louis chews his lips, standing there just looking at Liam. “I am not putting pants on for this.”

“Fine, go in there free-balling for all I care. It’s nothing Harry hasn’t seen up close before anyway.”

On a second thought, Louis decides to quickly slide on a pair of pants. “Hey Liam, what’s with the suitcase by the way?”

“I’m flying to New York,” Liam yells back and Louis, already on his way back to the living room, trips while pulling on his pants and nearly lands face first.

“You what?”

“I am flying to New York tonight,” Liam says as if it’s no big deal.

“For… how long?”

“3 months.”

“3 months. Why?” Louis mutters as if the answer Liam gave him makes perfect sense. Like people fly to New York out of the blue almost every day.

“I guess I just need some space… change of scenery.”

“Does Zayn know?” Louis asks naturally because even though it’s been months, he still can’t quite grasp the concept of Liam without Zayn.

“I wrote him a letter. Explaining everything,” Liam walks over to his bag, getting the envelope. “Could you make sure he gets it?” Louis grabs it, still staring at Liam.

“I just… I need to figure out what I want to do, Lou. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise. I need to be sure this time.”

“You’re coming back?”

“Probably.”

“Probably,” Louis echoes. “Does the rest know?”

“No, only you.” Liam stubs his foot against floor. “Somehow… I felt I really need to at least try and fix this thing between us. The rest… will either work out with time or it won’t but you and I… that’s something I really needed to at least try before I left. You’re… too important to be left hanging like that for even another day, I guess. That apology was long overdue, Lou.”

And that… means the world to Louis.

“Okay,” he manages to squeeze out. He hasn’t talked to Liam for months, they’ve been fighting for even longer but the prospect of Liam leaving and possibly not coming back, chokes him up. “Just… do come back at some point, yeah?”

“Really?” Liam swallows and his eyes are becoming a little glassy. “Even after all the shit I pulled?”

“Even after all the shit you pulled, yes. You’re still… _you_. And… you are one of my best friends.” Liam steps forward quickly and nearly crushes Louis with his hug but he doesn’t really mind, clinging to Liam just as tight.

“I am _so_ sorry.”

“Me, too,” Louis mutters. “And… call from time to time. Or text me. For all I care write me letters with 101 spelling mistakes, yeah?”

“Oh shut up!” Liam chuckles but he sounds teary and when they eventually pull back, they see that they’ve both cried a little.

“When’s your flight?”

Liam checks his watch. “In two hours.”

“Alright, I’m dropping you off.”

“Lou, no – what about Harry?”

“I’ll get him. If not today than tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“Yes.”

 

∞

 

(Zayn POV)

He’s been drifting around a bit, stopping by in some of his usual bars to grab a drink with people he knows from his courses or his exhibitions but eventually, he ended up at 17Black.

Why this place has such a damn magnetic pull, Zayn doesn’t know. Perhaps because it has always been _their_ bar, back in the days before everything crumbled.

Sipping his drink, he’s leaning against the bar, chatting to Lou whenever she’s got a couple of minutes to spare.

Different people come and go, take the stage and sing and it’s really not a big surprise when he hears a familiar voice. Zayn suspected Harry still came here too, that he hadn’t quit playing and singing just because of them, especially since he knew that Louis wouldn’t set a foot into this bar on open-mic nights weren’t it for a special invitation.

He turns and watches Harry play and sing, hidden from his view.

It’s not until Harry is almost done that Zayn notices someone standing close by and when he looks over, Niall returns his gaze.

“Zayn.”

“Niall.”

They both turn to look over at the stage when the song fades out and Harry fumbles with the microphone. “So, this is the last song today. I… wrote it myself and… it’s about stuff that happened. Obviously.” He chuckles a bit embarrassed, but strums the chords. “It’s called ‘Spaces’.”

Zayn cocks his head, wondering what he came up with now but he quickly realizes that this song is actually brilliant. And fucking sad.

**“…who’s gonna be the first to say goodbye?**

**Who’s gonna be the first one to compromise?**

**Who’s gonna be the first to set it all on fire?**

**Who’s gonna be the last one to drive away? Forgetting every single promise we ever made?**

**Spaces between us, keep getting deeper, it’s harder to reach you, even though I’ve tried.**

**Spaces between us, hold all our secrets, leaving us speechless,**

**And I don’t know why…”**

 

“Oh Louis, you fucking idiot,” Zayn mutters. He’s about to take his phone out to tell his best friend to move his sorry ass over here, when Niall interrupts him.

“You’re still speaking to him?”

“Who?” Zayn looks up, guarded. It took a lot of probing and poking but eventually Louis told him what Niall said to him and… Zayn is not yet sure whether he can completely forgive Niall for that.

“Harry.” Niall motions towards the stage where the younger boy is packing up his stuff.

“No.”

That seems to surprise Niall. “Not? Huh, I thought he would be living with you by now…”

“What makes you think that?” Zayn turns around, attention now solely on Niall.

“Perhaps because your best mate was quite… _into_ him.”

“Niall, why don’t you just say what you want to and what you came here for, yeah? I don’t have time for these childish games.”

“Maybe you should lecture Louis on childish games, since he’s the one who fucked Liam’s boyfriend behind his back and out of spite and just to get back at him.”

Zayn just stares at Niall for a couple of seconds, wondering whether he can dare and answer without exploding.

“Is this what you think happened?” Zayn runs his hand through his black hair. “Seriously? You think Louis would risk everything just for a quick shag?”

“I don’t see them dating or anything,” Niall grumbles and at that, but especially because of Niall’s taunting tone, Zayn snaps.

“And who’s fucking fault is this?!” He growls, walking closer to Niall. “Hadn’t you acted like a fucking wanker and actually given him the time to explain, you’d know that… Louis loves Harry. Has been in love with him for over 18 months now!”

“I – what? Bullshit!”

“Grr,” Zayn balls his fist. “Harry told you about that boy, didn’t he? When you first met him, when he first dated Liam, he told you about a bloke he met and who buggered off to Australia.”

“Yes?” Niall sounds confused.

“2+2 is 4, Niall. God, use that fucking brain!”

“Stop talking in fucking riddles then, Malik!”

“Boy, Australia, year abroad. Sounds familiar?” Zayn waits until Niall’s eyes widen in realization. “Yes, _Louis_. He met Louis and they fell in love and it’s crazy and sounds like a fucking fairytale and I wouldn’t have believed it hadn’t I seen it with my own eyes when he came back. He’s so gone for this boy, Niall, so don’t dare to tell me it was just a quick shag because it wasn’t… to Louis it was fucking everything, okay!?” he almost yells.

“All this time…” Niall stutters. “And Harry couldn’t forget him either… so all this time they were… and Liam… and…” he stops, mouth slack. “Oh buggering fuck! Oh shit! Oh God, I have been an absolute dick to him!”

“Yes, you have been,” Zayn agrees, no sympathy for Niall. “Should have let him explain. Should have known that Louis wouldn’t do that. Gosh, you have known the bloke for almost all your life, Niall. What the fuck? What the actual fuck?! _How could you_!?”

“But he… and Harry and why aren’t they together?”

Zayn snorts, “Because of what happened. Because he didn’t want to look at Harry and see the friends he lost. Said it wasn’t fair on Haz, that he deserved someone without all the baggage and shit.”

“That’s stupid.”

“You go tell him,” Zayn makes an inviting gesture. “See if he listens.”

“He has to! I mean…-“

“Hey guys!” They both turn, seeing Harry standing there all pigeon-toed and hands in his pockets. “Umh… saw you standing there and thought I could say hi. Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. I will…” he points over his shoulder. “… leave you to it. Sorry!”

Harry actually makes a move to go and manages to take two steps before Niall yanks him around and hugs him, “Oh Harry, I am so sorry!” He cradles his head and squeezes him tight and Harry glances confused and bewildered at Zayn.

“Umh, thanks? I guess. And it’s okay. What are you sorry for exactly by the way?”

“You and Louis!” Niall pushes him away at arm’s length. “I didn’t mean to… I fucked it all up! I am sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut or at least let you two explain and not jump to conclusions! Fuck, I am such a bad friend and all this time you were probably sad and Louis is sad too and…”

“Niall,” Harry interrupts gently. “It’s… fine.”

“No, it’s not,” Zayn growls. “It’s stupid and unnecessary!”

The younger boy shrugs like he came to the same conclusion weeks ago, “Doesn’t change anything, does it? Louis made up his mind and… it’s his choice.”

“It’s kinda your choice, too, mate. If you want him… maybe go tell him?” Niall suggests quietly. “I mean, it’s not really too late, is it?”

“It’s been too late from the start,” Harry says defeated and Zayn hates that look. Louis had worn the same one for weeks now.

“Listen-“ Niall begins and stumbles forward when someone slams into his back.

“Sorry! Zayn have you – Niall?”

Zayn turns to see Louis, looking a little windswept and a lot ruffled, like he just ran here. Out of breath and in from the cold. Zayn is pretty sure that his shoes don’t match, that the shirt he’s wearing is one of his worn, old Marvel t-shirts, something Louis wouldn’t be caught dead in in public under normal circumstances. “Oh hey, decided to stop being a recluse and come out after all?!”

“I… no… I well, yes. I just… have you seen – Harry!” He stutters once his eyes land on the other boy.

“Umh, hi Lou.”

“Hey,” Louis replies softly and Zayn looks back and forth between the two. Fucking finally. Hallelujah. Then he grabs Niall.

“We’re going to have a drink over there.” He points to the other end of the bar.

“Why?” Niall asks confused.

“Because Niall. Move.”

 

∞

 

“Hey,” he says, eyes never once leaving Harry’s face. “I… umh am glad I caught you.”

“Yeah? You came here looking for me?” Louis understands why Harry sounds so surprised, after all they hadn’t spoken to each other in almost a month.

“Yes. I need to speak to you.”

“Okay,” Harry slowly bobs on his toes, chewing his lip.

“You broke up with Liam,” Louis blurts.

Harry just nods, “I… yeah. After Bali. Couldn’t do it any longer, you know? Told him my reasons and explained everything to him. Sorry, I had to tell him the truth, he kind of saw all the pictures I took of you and… well, that was a bit of a give-away.”

“I never realized you took so many,” Louis admits.

Harry looks at him, utterly confused. “Yes, well. How do you know about them anyways?”

“Liam came by today… and showed me the photos.”

“Liam… oh. Oh. Are you okay?” Harry looks at him like he’s checking for injuries and Louis nods.

“I am fine. Really. We… talked. He apologized, can you believe that?! And we’re good. At least getting there, I think.”

“That’s… great,” Harry nods enthusiastically. “Really, Lou. I am happy for you.”

“Yeah…” He ruffles his hair. “’m happy too but… is it too late?”

“Is it too late for what? For you and Liam? No! I mean, baby steps but you made a start and-“

“No, Harry. For us. You and I. Is it too late? Did I manage to ruin this thing as well?”

Harry blinks at him, fish mouthing.

“You… and…I? As in…” he points back and forth between their chests.

Louis nods. “There’s so much I should have done differently, beginning with the things I should have said and ending with never walking away from you like I did. The list is almost endless.

There is so much I could have done to avoid this disaster, so many chance I just let slide. So many things that I now regret saying or doing in retrospect.

But never, and I mean _never_ , have I regretted you.

I didn’t believe in fairytales and happy endings, or falling in love at first sight until I met you. In one night, you managed to turn my world upside down and I don’t think I ever told you this, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Not even after everything that happened can I come to regret a single second spent with you. And I am so unbelievable sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t worth the fight or tears. In the end, I just didn’t know how to handle it, it all became so much and… I should have stood my ground, I should have fought harder, I shouldn’t have let them in my head. I did it all wrong, and I am sorry for hurting you.

I… it was stupid to think that the friends I lost would outweigh the love I gained because… well, yes it hurts and it sucks that Niall and I still don’t talk and that Liam and I had to have this big fallout but… it doesn’t compare and I should have never measured our love against those friendships.

And I am sorry it took me so long, but maybe I needed this time to let it all sink in, to be able to look at everything that's happened with some distance and objectivity.

To realize that this feeling… it wouldn’t just fade, it’s still gnawing at me and… fuck, I am so sorry for keeping you waiting and to think that Liam above all people had to point it out but… I love you. I’m stupidly, head over heels, I-want-to-take-you-back-home-and-introduce-you-as-my-future-husband in love with you.

There are so many things I should have done differently, but…” Louis smiles, remembering something Liam said earlier. “… I can’t turn back time and I can’t change what happened. I can only try and be a better person, learn from my mistakes...”

He chuckles nervously, “and I made quite a few but Haz… being with you was never one of them.

So… can you please tell me if it’s too late?”

Harry breathes in and out a couple of times, making sure he didn’t just faint or that this is all a dream. Then he carefully shuffles closer, seeing that Louis still looks at him with fear and hope and he doesn’t flinch away when Harry cups his cheek.

“Never too late for you and I,” he tells him and Louis inhales like he hadn’t breathed in forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big, massive thank you to everyone who stuck with this story until the end, who took the time to leave kudos and comments. 
> 
> I know I don't reply often, which is due to the fact that I'm a bit afraid to give something away if I engage too much in a discussion about Liam's shitty behaviour or Louis' underlying motives for example, because obviously I know how things work out but I really don't want to spoil the story for readers by explaining or justifying too much.
> 
> Please just know that I love reading what you think about those stories, that I find it super interesting to see all your points of view and how different people react to a certain scene and that I am really grateful for every comment, click and kudo I have received.


	11. Next to your heartbeat where I should be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, just 3k of fluff :)

Louis had taken his sweet time with Harry, had spent the better part of the day working his boyfriend up, subtle touches and dirty kisses, pulling away before Harry managed to hold onto him.

When he’d finally taken him to bed, Harry had been so keyed up that Louis was a little worried that one touch was all it’d take to end this rather quickly, but Harry seemed determined to hold on, to not let Louis win.

Louis loves when Harry gets like this, when he’s trying to push him away and pull him closer at the same time.

All in all, Louis just really loves his boyfriend.

 

Thrusting torturously slow inside of Harry, making sure to hit his spot hard each time, he’s got his hand wrapped around Harry’s cock in a tight hold to prevent him from coming.

“Please,” Harry mumbles, sounding more incoherent than the last time. Louis is keeping count. So far he’s begged him nine times, and Louis thinks he can get him to ten if _he_ doesn’t come before that.

Trying to reposition himself with the help of only one arm (he’s not letting go of Harry’s dick – their hands on PDA something Zayn already complained about numerous times since Harry and Louis finally got their act together about a month ago), Louis makes sure not to crush the writhing mess underneath him.

About to suck another mark into Harry’s pale skin to get him to cooperate for at least a couple of seconds, they’re interrupted by the door flying open.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Zayn groans, lifting his eyes to the ceiling. “Again?!”

“Hey Zayn,” Louis pants, reaching behind him to at least try and cover them up with the duvet.

Harry just blinks at Zayn, slack-jawed and wide-eyed, head hanging half off of the bed, legs spread impossibly wide to accommodate Louis (Louis is never going to make fun of Harry’s yoga routine ever again). He’s so dazed, he doesn’t even paw at Louis to stop, just keeps stuttering his narrow hips against Louis.

“How can I help? Kinda busy here.” A good friend would probably stop but he didn’t spend eight hours of working Harry up to leave him – them – hanging now.

“Which shirt?” Zayn holds up two almost identical black shirts and Louis forgot today’s the day.

Zayn’s first date after Liam.

“The right one.”

“Your right or my right?”

“Umh…” Louis tries to focus, but it’s becoming harder by the second. Harry huffs out something which resembles a mad kitten noise, taking a deep breath and bucking his hips hard against Louis’.

“Ooooh… fuck,” Louis groans. “Your right. Your right, Zayn. Now get out. Good luck!” he shouts and Zayn dutifully turns on his heel and slams the door shut.

Harry purrs out a “please” and Louis has mercy.

Quickly flipping them around, Harry ends up on top, blinking a little confused until Louis manages to find enough leverage to fuck up into him. Mouth forming a soundless “O”, Harry’s head lolls back and Louis loves how pliant he sometimes becomes during sex.

“Love this,” he pants, working his hips and having Harry practically bounce on his dick. “Love seeing you like this.” Harry makes some sort of sound, seemingly too busy with trying to get the minimum of oxygen in his lungs than to answer Louis. Louis doesn’t mind, he’s very okay with Harry losing the ability of coherent speech.

Feeling the heat coil around the base of his spine, Louis lets go of Harry’s cock, grabbing his hips instead. It doesn’t take more than a handful of thrust to have Harry cry out loud enough for their neighbors to hear (again), coming all over his and Louis stomach.

 

They’re curled up together on the sofa when Zayn comes home, Harry cuddled to his side while he combs through his hair, still slightly damp from the shower they took.

“You’re dressed, great.” Zayn plops down next to Louis.

“It’s hours before your curfew, love. Why are you home already?” Louis asks.

“Thought I hadn’t yet seen you fuck in every possible position, just wanted to check whether I could finally tick that list off today.”

“Aw, all you had to do was ask. Which one are you still missing?”

“Fuck off,” Zayn tells him with a roll of his eyes and Louis wraps his arm around his shoulders, pulling him to his other side. “Hey Harry,” Zayn mumbles.

Harry, in lieu of an answer, extends a hand and pets Zayn’s hair sleepily, making Louis think that Harry is probably the only person on the planet to get away with it.

“Did he ruin you for good now?”

“Mmmh,” purrs Harry and Zayn chuckles. He turns in Louis hold, sliding down a bit. Turning his head, he manages to look up at Louis. “Hey Lou, if you want me to get out of your hair… evacuate this place for good, you tell me, okay?”

“I like having you around, Zaynie,” Harry mutters. “Don’t leave.”

Technically, Harry still lives in the halls. Practically, most of his stuff somehow found its way into Louis and Zayn’s flat.

Louis doesn’t mind, they have enough space. Zayn remodeled the guest room to his liking, and while he has his own en suite, he still prefers to steam up Louis’ bathroom whenever Louis is in actual need of being able to see something in his mirror. In retaliation, Louis will go and nick his shower gel and shampoo at least once a week.

It works for them. Especially since Harry has made it his task to go grocery shopping for them weekly, replacing the shower gel and shampoo before Zayn even notices that they’re gone.

“How was the date?”

“Disastrous,” Zayn admits.

“Mmh, don’t say I didn’t because I told you so,” Louis smirks. “Warned you about those crazy, artsy types.”

“Surely I am not _that_ crazy?”

“Have you seen yourself dressed in next to nothing, covered in paint and working on whatever piece you spread out all across the dining table?!”

“You never use that damn dining table anyways,” mutters Zayn.

After the first two times Zayn used spray paint and stunk up the whole flat, him and Louis came to the agreement that he’d either do that on the balcony or in his studio. Anything else, Zayn is allowed to drag home and use within their four walls.

“We should have a dinner party, invite Barbara and Niall,” Harry mumbles at the mention of their neglected dining table, and Louis pets his head. It didn't take long for Niall to find his way to Louis' flat and to properly apologize after Zayn took Niall aside in 17Black and made him listen to the whole story. They're still a bit cautious around each other but they're working on it and while Louis thinks it will probably never be the same as before, it might be become even better because they've finally learned how to communicate with each other.

“Yes, love.” Harry makes a content, little noise and snuggles closer to Louis. “So you’re not going to see him again?” Louis picks up his conversation with Zayn again.

“No, definitely not.” Zayn shakes his head and sighs. “Oh well, it was only a first try, right? Surely they can’t all be that bad?”

“I would hope so. Kind of tragic if we couldn’t find a decent bloke in all of London.”

“Hey!” Harry protests.

“A decent bloke for Zayn, obviously. I already have the very best bloke in all of London,” Louis tells him and Zayn makes a gagging noise.

“I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

“Payback’s a bitch, Malik. I suffered through years of you and Liam being all cute.” It’s out before he can stop himself but Zayn doesn’t flinch anymore.

At some point during the last two months he seemed to have gotten over the pain. Louis knows he’s still missing Liam, can tell whenever Zayn withdraws, lost in some memory but he isn’t heartbroken anymore and Louis is glad. Zayn is slowly but steadily moving on, doing what Liam suggested. He’s checking out his options, doing all those things he couldn’t do before because of Liam. He’s learning, testing, growing.

Louis thinks he’ll be alright. They all will be.

“Did you… hear from him?” Zayn asks and Louis nods.

“He texted me earlier today, said it was all going well. He’s thinking about staying another month.”

Zayn nods, doesn’t say anything for a while. Then, “that’s cool. I’m glad he has found something which makes him happy. Do you… do you know if…?”

“No. He isn’t.” Liam makes sure to contact Louis every two weeks or so, just telling him about what he’s been up to, how things are working out for him. He never pressures Louis to answer, never bugs him for information.

Louis still answers every single message, every call. And just like Liam, he makes sure to let him know that Zayn isn’t with anyone. Not yet. Probably not anytime soon.

 

*

“Honey, I’m ho…” Louis stops in his tracks. “What’s going on?”

Harry and Zayn are sitting on the sofa, side by side and ramrod straight. They look like the poster picture of innocence.

“What have you done?”

“Nothing,” both answer in unison.

Louis drops his rucksack and tests the air. Nothing smells funny. Then he looks around. The place looks just like he left it this morning.

“I’m going to ask again, and I expect an answer: What have you done?”

Harry looks at Zayn and Zayn sighs.

“Look, just hear us out.”

“Oh God,” Louis groans. “What did you break? Who did you seduce? Is someone hurt?”

“No, you moron. Just listen for a second, okay?”

“Fine,” Louis crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe. Zayn shoots Harry an encouraging smile.

“Okay… well… umh, first of all: I will take care of him. You don’t need to do anything! We looked it all up and it’s no problem, okay? I’ll do all the work, I will pay all of the bills and if I’m not around, Zayn promised to do it so you technically don’t have _anything_ to do with it!”

Louis blinks. “Him? Did we officially adopt Niall?”

“Yeah, no. That would definitely be too expensive in terms of food and drink,” Zayn shakes his head. “Just, promise not to freak, okay?”

“I will promise no such thing. And you better tell me what you did,” Louis cocks his head.

“We… umh… we… just came across it in the streets and…” Harry starts.

“They were really cute, Lou. You’d have been in love too.”

“And they couldn’t keep all of them and we really didn’t want them to end up in the shelter so…” Harry rambles on.

“What. Did. You. Do?” he asks again.

“We got a kitten,” Zayn says while Harry holds up something that looks like a ball of dust. Or grey fur. Louis thinks he'd prefer the dust.

“No.” Louis shakes his head. “No! No! NO!”

“Lou!” Zayn interrupts the very second Harry’s bottom lip starts to tremble. “He’s really cute. We got all the papers, and you wouldn’t have anything to do with it!”

“It lives in my apartment, of course I have something to do with it!”

“But… Zayn and I will take care of him!” Harry exclaims. “Just look Lou!” He lifts the kitten, which hangs like a wet sack of potatoes in his big paws. “He’s so tiny and cute. Please, please can we keep him?”

As if on command, the tiny thing gives a heartbreaking meow. Zayn and Harry melt into puddles. Louis isn’t impressed.

“We don’t have space for a cat.”

“Bullshit, this flat is huge, we have enough space,” Zayn rolls his eyes. “And we already got everything. His bowls, scratcher, basket and toilet.”

At that, Louis bristles. “Toilet?”

“Well… what goes in must come out?” his best mate explains slowly.

“I will not have something poop in my flat, which is not able to flush! No fucking way!”

“Please, Lou, please! We can’t drop him off at the shelter. Just look at him!” Harry thrusts the kitten in his direction.

From a distance, Louis can admit that it looks okay. Tiny. Light grey and white, with big blue eyes.

“How are you going to take care of it? You still live in the halls!” Not that Louis didn’t subtly offer Harry to move in…

“Zayn will take care of him if I’m not around. But I’m basically here every day so…? Pleeeeease!”

Louis doesn’t want a pet. He doesn’t want a cat.

Cats chew on things, pee and poop on things. They scratch the curtains, carpets and furniture.

Louis doesn’t want a cat.

Harry wants a cat.

They’re responsible adults. Adults in an equal relationship.

So they compromise:

Louis doesn’t want a cat. Harry wants a cat. Naturally, they keep the cat.

It’s a compromise.

Apparently.

*

 

“So… pompom? Quenotte? Mon petit prince? Jolimôme? Fripouille? Raclette?”

“Pretty sure that last thing refers to melted cheese, Haz,” Louis mutters, looking at his boyfriend who’s crouched in front of the cat. “What are you babbling on about anyways?”

“Names, for the cat,” Harry tells him proudly.

“The cat is French?”

“No?”

“Then why give it a name we can’t even pronounce?”

“Because we can’t keep calling the cat ‘it’, Lou. It hurts his feelings!”

Louis looks over to the little grey thing which is happily chewing on a cushion. It’s one of Harry’s so Louis doesn’t tell him off but he’ll skin it alive if it ever comes near his VANS.

Walking over, he crouches down in front of the sofa, too. The cat stops shredding the cushion long enough to sneeze in his face.

“Burger,” Louis decides.

“What?”

“Let’s call it ‘Burger’. Might as well let him know what he’ll end up as if he doesn’t behave!”

“Louis!” Harry yells and he can’t help but laugh at his boyfriends shocked expression.

 

*

 

It’s a perfect, lazy Sunday in October, when Louis is woken by a text. Liam’s finally decided to come home, letting him know his plane is going land next week.

Harry must already be up, the space next to him still warm-ish so he can’t have gotten far.

Louis yawns and stretches, walking into the bathroom.

About to undo the drawstrings of his PJ bottoms, the door creaks open and soft paws pad across the tiles.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Louis mutters, while The Cat just looks at him. Harry has been trying every single weird name he could think of on the poor animal, but Louis has to give it to the cat, so far he’s clever enough to not react to a single one, meaning he won’t be named something ridiculously unpronounceable.

The Cat walks closer, eyeing Louis while he lowers his pants. “Mate, if you think of comparing sizes – you’ll lose, okay?” He turns back towards the toilet, from the corner of his eye seeing the cat move towards its toilet, which Harry decided to set up in their bathroom.

“No. You are not taking a piss while I take a piss!”

The Cat paws at the litter, before it crouches down. Louis watches it warily.

Then it scrunches up his nose and he has to admit it’s quite cute like that.

 

Not two minutes later he almost trips and falls in his haste to get out of the bathroom, stumbling into the kitchen where Harry is preparing breakfast.

“Good morning – are you okay, Lou?!”

“It tried to kill me!” Louis shouts and Harry looks even more confused.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“No, I got attacked in our very own bathroom. Poisonous gas attack! What the fuck do you feed that thing?!”

“To…” Harry looks over his shoulder, seeing The Cat walk into the kitchen, all innocent and cute. “Aww, did you do a wee-wee while daddy was there?!”

“Don’t. Just _don’t_. You didn’t say this,” Louis squeezes his eyes shut and Harry giggles.

“Well, you’re the one who ran from a tiny kitty!” Harry wraps his arms around Louis and kisses him gently.

“That tiny kitty can stink like a fucking huge kitty, let me tell you.” He’s about to pull Harry close for a proper good morning snog, when something head-butts his calf. Looking down, The Cat meows at him.

“What are you looking at, poop face?”

*

 

When they come home one day, and Harry croons some French nonsense to attract the cat, getting no reaction or reply as usual, Louis bellows, “Oi, Poopfa, show your ugly mug!”

Harry is still glaring at him, when "Poopfa" shoots around a corner, excitedly meowing at them.

Louis isn’t smug about it _at all_.

Much to Harry’s displeasure and Louis delight, the name sticks.

*

 

Harry’s been out with Gemma, getting the last of their Christmas presents and Louis wasn’t allowed to come.

Niall has already left, spending the holidays with Barbara’s family and Zayn… Zayn is out on a date with Liam.

Even though he gave Louis a stern look and an hour long talk about how this “isn’t a date, we’re just going out as mates. Catching up and stuff, you know? It’s nice to have him back and we’ve both moved on, right?”

Louis nods and doesn’t point out that neither Zayn nor Liam got past a first date in all of the months they ‘moved on from each other’. He’ll just wait and watch and at the end of the day, he’ll just say he knew it all along.

 

Perhaps some good things are meant to fall apart so they can eventually fall back together and form something great.

 *

 

He’d been cleaning the flat a bit while Harry was out, a bit stressed out by the fact that Harry had invited his mum and step dad over for boxing day to finally formally and officially introduce Louis as his boyfriend.

Technically, he knows there’s nothing to be nervous about, he’d taken Harry home during fall break and his mum and sisters took to him like a house on fire. If anything, it was hard to pry Harry out of their claws when they had to leave to get back to uni. And Louis had spoken to Anne before, had her on the phone every other week, and he’d met Gemma quite often during the last months, too.

He’s pretty confident Harry’s family likes him but still…

Washing his hands, he looks around to make sure the bathroom is clean, accidentally knocking one of Harry’s numerous rings off of the counter.

“Bugger…” Louis crouches down, trying to find the tiny silver object.

He keeps searching unsuccessfully for quite a while, until Poofa shuffles closer.

“Mate, I really have no time to play now,” Louis tells the cat but he doesn’t move, keeps slowly following Louis across the floor.

“What?” he finally barks annoyed and Poofa blinks at him. Holding Harry’s ring in his mouth. Louis holds out his hand and Poofa drops it eventually.

Just to make sure, Louis flicks the ring away again. Poofa scrambles after it, picking it up carefully and dutifully brings it back to Louis.

He looks at the ring, looks at the cat and back at the ring. That could come in rather handy at some point in the not so distant future.

“Poop face, I think you and I might actually become friends,” Louis tells the cat while absentmindedly tickling its chin. “Come help me burn down the kitchen and pretend we tried to make dinner!”

 

*

Louis doesn’t get to burn the kitchen down because Harry calls him ten minutes into it.

“I can very well make dinner for my boyfriend,” Louis huffs.

“Babe, you have many talents. But cooking is just not one of them,” Harry tells him with a laugh in his voice. “I appreciate the offer, though.”

“Whatever…” Louis grumbles.

“Aw, don’t pout, babe. I’m almost home, thought about picking up some pizza?”

Immediately, he drops the pan back into the cupboard. “I love you!”

Harry laughs, loud and bright. “I love you, too. Really, Lou…” his voice becomes more serious, a bit urgent. “I really, really love you, okay?”

“I know, Haz. And I really love you.”

“Good. Okay. So… I’ll get the food and then I see you very soon, yeah? Just wait for me to come home, okay?”

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M. in case you were wondering why I asked about French cat names all this time ago... ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Massive thanks to my sweet beta Birdie, who once again had the patience and took the time to go through this story, offering advice and help.


End file.
